9 Weeks Premature and Almost ONE

My twins were 9.5 weeks early. They are 3 now and that 2 months is much less significant in adjusted age than it was at 6 mos. (example, is my child doing what they should be at 6 mos/4mos vs. is my child doing what they should at 2ys11mos/3yrs1mo?). Ian has speech delays and some acid reflux that may or may not be related to being premie but not dibilitating in any way. Congratulations on you perfect child. I truely believe going through these struggles when they are little makes every other challenge and milestone sweeter.

I had a baby a year ago who was 12 weeks premature and I know what you're going through. I also have to explain to people that he's really supposed to be nine months... I was told that when we have extreme preemie's like we do, they used the adjusted age up until year 2. Our little guys can only catch up so quickly. I think by the time they're two, it will stop being a factor. I just have to remind myself that it could have been WAY worse and that we're so lucky that we have a happy and healthy little guy. Mine doesn't say any real words yet either but he's great at sign language, that might help. It makes communicating a lot easier.

My daughter was not premature, actually she was born at 10 lbs 5 oz. Anyway, she never really crawled at all and she didn't start walking until she was 15 months old. Don't worry, all children develop differently.
And I'm on the other end of the boat, since my children are always in the 95th percentile on the growth chart everyone thinks they are older then they actually are. So they also expect more from them, why are they sitting up yet? Why aren't they talking yet? Why aren't they potty trained yet? But I really don't care, those who love my children know that they are unique and on their own growth and development track and it's right on for both of them!

please dont worry about it! all kids do things in there own time. it dosent really matter if she was a premi or not. my little girl is 14 months now and she still dosent want to walk on her own. just keep encouraging her. you dont need to explain anything to anyone either. just be proud of the things she has acomplished and look forward to the day she decided she is ready to do new things.

Hi S.. Keep up the good work! None of my children where premies, but I have cousins with premies. Don't worry, things will start to speed up from here. By the time she is two, you will not be able to tell the difference. My daughter is 2 weeks older then her cousin who was 2 months early. First of all boys are slower then girls. I was always reassurring them that everything was okay. I also had 2 boys prior and he was thier first. They are both going on 3 in July. You cannot tell the difference between the two at all! I am no expert, but if you have any questions, feel free to get a hold of me. Good luck!

my neice was born 10 weeks early. She was 1 year and 5-6 months when she started walking. a lot of full term babies start walking even later than that. i wouldn't worry. she says a few words, and instead of talking she'll grab your arm and lead you to what she wants. her parents are trying to get her to use her words, but she just screams when they keep anything from her. her dr said it'll just happen suddenly one day. she's a really smart girl. it sounds like your girl is on track. it seems to me that it's about his age when it all comes together.

God sent her to you early for a reason! Kids develop at a different rate anyway, no matter if they are full term or a premie. Don't ALLOW other "moms" to pre judge your angel before they get to know her just because she is a premie. She will develop at her own rate, and that's okay. She is going to be okay if your okay! I will pray for you.
Lora

Seriously don't worry about what other people think or say. Your daughter is perfect. My son just turned one and he's not walking. He hasn't even tried, he'll stand up and hold onto things and occasionally stand on his own, but no walking. My nieces were premature, they were about 3 months early. They are about 17 months now and the younger one is barely learning to walk. I don't think you need to explain yourself to anyone. Every child develops differently anyway. I wouldn't pay attention to them.

Hi S. -
I have beautiful 20 month old twin boys who were 8 weeks premature, so I undrstand your concerns. My boys did not walk until 15 months (most boys walk & talk late anyway),they still are not talking at nearly 21 months. It's perfectly normal given their adjusted age, they just take a little longer to come around....THEY'LL DO IT WHEN THEY'RE READY, so all those people who make you feel insecure don't have the knowledge or understanding regarding preemies!! It's too bad that parents out there try to make EVERYTHING a competition, even for infants...so don't let it get to you....your little girl will hit ALL her milestones when she's good and ready!!

Enjoy Motherhood...It's a blast!!

G.

Hi Samanthe,
I too am a mother of a premi. My son was born 2 mos. early and he weighed 4 lbs. . My son was delayed but not really when he was 10 mos. he was doing what 8 mos. babies do. I hope I just didn't confuse you.Long story short he is now 6 years old a way ahead of his class so much so they wanted to move him up a grade in the first three months of second grade. He is the most active and coordinated kid you would ever meet. So don't worry there will come a time when your baby catches up and then surpasses her peers. I have talked to many mothers of premies and they have experienced similar things. Next time those other mothers say something just smile and know that one day they will see something amazing in your child and relax thius day will come.

If you feel that she is doing well than it does not matter what anyone else thinks. A friend of mine had her daughter at 27 weeks and my daughter was born on her due date. We were due on the same day. This was very scary at first and you can see the difference between the two girls, but does it matter that one does something before the other as long as both are healthy and happy? Just try to remember that whether outsiders understand or not she will learn at her own pace regardless. My advice is to find a support group in your area of other moms with premies. If you can't find one, maybe start one online :) My friend goes to playdates with other early risers :) And it makes her feel better that they are all on a level playing field:)

Really, I wouldn't sweat the small stuff. My daughter is just turned one and although all the other babies at her daycare are fully walking on their own, she is only just taking baby steps by herself and then falling over. But I don't worry because I know that we all do things in our own time, when we feel most comfortable. Even as adults we do things in our own time, so why do we expect quick, perfect performance from our children. Just continue to be happy when she does something new and dont worry. Everything will come in time. Oh, and don't worry about what other people say. As long as your daughter is happy and healthy, who cares. Don't let her begin to think at such an early age that what other people think matters so much and that we should conform. It will set her up for a lifetime of not feeling good enough by someone else's standards that aren't necessarily her own. Good luck.

I didn't read any responses - so this may be a repeat

You are right - she's at her corrected age. If anyone says anything - tell them that she's expected to be about 9 weeks behind "the average" because she was a preemie. She'll catch up , and probably surpass most of them around age 6

sit back and enjoy her now - every milestone is great, but once their walking - it's a whole new world

S.-
Dont worry too much what other people say or what you might think they are thinking. Babies develope at differant rates.Some talk sooner some walk later. I as well am a proud mom of 3. My oldest son is 15. He also was born early @ 33 weeks. 4lbs.Spent the first 4 weeks in at the hopsital. He didnt even get his first tooth until 11 months 1 week.Walked at 13 months.He studdered at 3 yrs and needed a eye patch to wear an hour a day to strenthen his eye. He was up to speed by or befor preschool.He was great at reading in K.
She is going at her own pace. Just watch to see when she is intersted in what you are doing.Like if is watches you drink ,start giving her a cup. She will be fine. My son now is 5'10" and I am 5'2". there is no question that he is not doing well. He also is an honer student. So give her time to grow.Just remember that all childen grow at differant rates.
If you want to talk more just e-mail me at ____@____.com.

Hi There S.. I dont know where to start but here goes. I have 2 girls ages 8 & 10 yrs old. My oldest was born in my 29th week , she weighed only 4 pounds. For that pregrancy i had TYPHOID and she was born fine. She did not go into the NICU or anything. WHen she was born she came and slept right at the side of me in my bed. She did every thing at an adjusted age.Which i was worried at first but then realised that she was fine. She is very clever and very athelitic person. But just a few days ago at 10yrs old, we were fooling her and saying that if she was not 10yrs old she would still have to sit in a car seat.( she weighs only 52 pounds ) What she told us back was even funnier, She said that she would be like that even when she was 18yrs old .And straight from a car seat she would be driving ..hahaha..As for the second girl. she was born in the 33 week, but no one will say that she was a premi too. All babies will do what they want , at whatever age they want to do it , because they have not read the book.We are the fools who want them to go according to the book. Treat your child normal , as they grow,because they become their own individual. Let any one say anything , you as a mother do what you have to do with them. ANd most of all ENJOY THEM at all cost. Bcause they grow up so fast.Well i do hope that i have helped you in this feild.
Love L.

Haha oh man... I sound like a recording when we go out and people ask how old my daughter is, then raise their eyebrow when I tell them.

"But she's so LITTLE!", they exclaim with a look of skepticism on their faces, as if I'd lie to them or something. Then I have to explain about the prematurity which leads into my whole life story so I just started a blog about it, chronicling my daughters progress from preemie to prodigy! (We're not quite at the prodigy stage yet... still drooling and pooping herself right now, though they are very prestigious poops!)

http://www.lightfeather.net/blog/

Hope it perks you up. The boat you sail through life has other passengers. You are not alone.

Hello S.,

I am the proud mother of a premi...she was born at the beginning of our 31st week.... she is 17 today. Don't sweat it... she will catch up. Usually around a year, could take up to 2. My daughter wasn't walking at 1 year either, and now she's perfect. Every child progresses at their own rate anyways. Absolutely, DO NOT let other mothers get you down. Don't try to "Keep up with the Jones" it's not worth it. Trust me, when they get older, there is much harder things to worry about. Whether or not she's drinking from a cup at one year, is definately "small stuff". Just keep practicing with her, she'll get the hang of it when she is ready.

Always be there for her, allow her to have her "adjusted age", she'll get there.

Good luck,
J.

Dont worry! I had my son a month early and in somethings he was behind in, laughing, holding the rattles. Now he is 11months old and seems to be right on tract. He walks around the furniture and crawls. The only word he says is dadda, he talks alot, but every word is dadda. Every kid is different. My husbands first daugther walked at 10 1/2months, his second daughter walked at 9 months. Now my sister-in-laws daughter walked at 11 1/2 month. So be very proud of every little thing she does and let her know your proud. Forget all those other moms that look at you crazy! You are a great mom and she will catch up, in her own time and shortly she will be where others kids are. I dont think its fair that others may judge you or your daughter on what they see, no one knows that she was born early and you should not have to tell them. They should know better. So hang in there! Being a mom is great!

I totally understand what you are going through. My son, Gabryl, was born at 28 weeks and had to stay in the hospital for about 3 months. We are part of San Deigo Regional center and associated with the ARC program. We live in San Clemente but drive every other monday to Vista for Mommy and me. On the 17th we are going to sea world as a field trip. The cost is $6 if you would like to join us. N e wayz, my son is 20mnths and is still on the bottle. He doesn't drink correctly out of a sippy cup. We have to take the little thing out of the lid that makes it spill proof, and he's not talking. Have you trying sign language with her. She may not immitate you right away but if she does decide to be a slow talker than maybe she will be able to communicate that way. As for walking. I think he was around 16mnths when he took his first steps. We didn't think it would ever happen! lol I hope knowing a little about Gabryl eases your spirit. Please let me know if you would like to chat more or get our kids together sometime! :D ____@____.com

Take care!
K.

Dear S.,

I think that you already have the answer in your own mind. Just tell them that she was born two months early, and that you are so proud of her because she is doing so well and is healthy and happy. You know, it does have a lot to do with the innate strength that the baby has and the will to live, don't you? So just don't pay any attention to those 'looks', they are very rude, and actually need to stop being so critical of other people. Just walk away with your beloved in your arms and give her kisses and hugs, and a steading hand all along the way in her life. She will make you proud. Sincerely, C. N.

Hi S.,

I wouldn't worry about what other people think. My own son was 8 weeks premature. He is now smarter than most other kids, at 2 1/2. They say by the time kids are 2, they should be caught up with the "norm." Don't explain to people...at the most say...oh, she was premature. And leave it at that. As long as she's healthy and happy, that's all that matters!

I had similar challenges with my daughter (now 5 years old). She was not premature, however she survived severe meconium aspiration, 1 week in the NICU and another week in ICU. I know how it feels to have a child who is not developing at the same rate that other children are. Looking back now, I wish I would have listened to my heart as a mom rather than the well intentioned but misguided advice of friends, family and yes sometimes the doctors and therapists. My advice would be to let your daughter develop at her own speed. If the doctor has given the okay as far as her health and you have a therpist working with her then trust your instincts about your daughter. That may sound corny but it's not. You know you daughter better than anyone. A side note, I have 2 older daughters the oldest walked on her first birthday the other did not walk till she was 13 months old. One is 16 now the other 15, both are healthy and happy.

S.:
I didn't have premimature babies, but I was a premi myself. I developed slow. I wdas premature for resons that we do know and since my mom had the german measles when she was preganant I have ceberal palsy because of it. My mom had to explain to many others why I walk the way I do and now I have to.

That is a little background of me and I do understand what you are going through. I have learned over the years that I don't care what others think. We all develop differently and if outsiders can't accept that oh well. Keep in mind that your child will grow at a different rate weather he or she was born early or on time. We are all different. I know it may be hard, but really try. I am willing to help you. Feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com

Sincerely,

A.

From what I understand, you have to consider her original due date when looking at developmental milestones. If she is 12 months old, subtract 9 weeks and she should be developing at the pace of children who are 9 1/2 months old. It sounds like she is perfectly normal to me. Just remind other moms of this fact and you should be fine. You don't have anything to be ashamed of. Your daughter is perfect!

Hello S.. My cousin has 2 preemies, and after having a placenta Previa she made the decison to tie her tubes, since the doctor said the next one would be life threatining. She nearly bled out with my godson Isaac who was born at a little over 2 lbs. Luckly his beautiful sister held in til she was a little over 3 lbs. Both Isaac and Inessa are "developmentally delayed" Inessa is almost 10 months old and just started sitting up, Isaac didnt start walking til he was 15 months old. The doctor has told my cousin Tina that preemies like them wont be "on track" til they're about 2, She too gets frustrated when people comment on their unaccoplishments, Its important to remember that they're just babies, Theres no need to worry about what they arent doing yet, as long as their as healthy as can be thats all that matters, They'll eventually do everything that other kids are doing when they're ready to. My daughter took her first steps at 8 1/2 months, Now that shes running around everywhere, I think about how she was a couple months earlier and I miss it (Not that I dont love how active she is now) They grow up so fast, Just enjoy the heck out of it right now, She'll do it all when shes ready for it. At Babies R us theres these things called Walking Wings, Its kinda like a little harness with holders on the side, you put it on them and you can stand behind them and help them walk, It helps them gain better control of their balance and gives them that little sense of "I can do it!" Plus if you have an not-so-good back or are tired of being hunched over, it helps with that too, After my c-section, I was left with some back pains from my epidural.. Helped me when it was acting up.

Greeting S.!

Like you, my twin girls, were born at 32 weeks gestation. And, like you I do not understand why they came so early. Their expected birth date was at 38 weeks. This is "normal" for twins by OB said. Their birthdates should have been around Christmas time.

Anyway, they were in the NICU for two weeks only. They were born small, but with no problems whatsoever. They did have to be on oxygen and a respirator just becasuse they were to tiny.

Believe me, it broke my heart to see them in those incubators and hooked up to those machines, but today, at 16.5 months old, they are WALKING and RUNNING. S., just like Joy;s daugher's, Twin A walked a week after her 1st birthday and Twin B walked when she was 13 months. Do not worry, all babies are not on the same timetable. But, you can help her along and just pray.

When they were six-seven months old, that is when my hubby and I began showing them tummy time, sitting up, crawling and they pulled up themselves.

S., I would not be alarmed by what other Mom's say about your daughter. You said she is developing fine in other areas so do not worry.

When I would go out with my twins when they were younger, Mom's would look at my strangely because of their height and weight and I would PROUDLY say, "My twins were preemies and this is why they are so small for their ages."

Preemies are in a class all of their own. They are survivors! And very special. Have you ever thought of giving to the March of Dimes? I do sometimes because that is the org that helps keep preemies alive in the NICU.

God Bless S.,
M. in Tracy

I know it's hard...my son was born at 29 weeks, my daughter 31 weeks, both due to HELLP syndrome. It was a horrible experience and it's hard not to feel some sort of guilt about their advancement. Every child, premature or not, develops at a different rate and it's so hard not feel judged or bad about how your child develops because you're dealing with the guilt of the prematurity of your child and if you could have done something to prevent it. Whatever happens, know that you're a great mom and that your child will come into her own in time. My son was quite delayed and didn't start walking until 14 months...he was behind all of the kids his age in everything...but he eventually caught up and everything is great now (he's just smaller than all the other kids still).
I STILL feel the sting from all the off colored and rude comments, stares, from people when they would ask how old my kids were and when I told them, they were shocked about how small they were for their age, or how they didn't do what they thought they could for their age. People that don't know say the stupidest things. Just know that you and your child have done nothing wrong. Some mom's out there consider child development a sport and competition...it's a sad, sad thing.
If you are concerned, there IS help out there for California residents. Both of my children received free care through the state due to prematurity (it's not income based) with the ROCC program. You can find out more information here: http://www.rcocdd.com/ They will do an evaluation of your child for free to see if there are delays that they can help your child with (again, for free). That, if anything, might give you peace of mind and help if your daughter needs it.

my daughyer was 2 months premature. She is now 12 yrs. old. She came along just fine. Some people used to ask why is she not doing things kids her age are doing? I just simply would tell them not all kids are the same and they grow at different rates. cause really, What child does things at the same age? None of mine did. You know also, my daoughter would pick up things that were just advance for her. So, I guess it's safe to say don'y worry bout what others think or say. I'm sure your a wonderful mother. Just raise her as if she were a full term baby.

My grandaughter was born 8 wks early and she was 2 and a half pounds. She is now going to be two in June and weights only 16 pds. My daughter did go through all the fustration in watching her not gain weight or do the things other babies would do. With the support of the entire family we treat Malyna my grandaughter like a normal baby her age.
Even though there will be people who look at her and think she is younger than her age, we just say, oh she will catch up in no time.

I can understand your concern, but let me tell you babies are alot stronger and determined to do things we thing they can't.
We have found that Malyna will get up on her own when she thinks we are not looking. Be patient, you say you have help from a therapist, that is so helpful.
Good luck with your daughter, even though it might take a little longer to catch up, she will.

Hi S.,

Both my children were early. My 13 year old son was 8weeks early (placenta abruptio) and my 8 year old daughter was 11weeks early (I developed eclampsia) both of them developed differently. My son hated the floor and anything to do with it. He didn't crawl until almost 11months old (adjusted age 9months) and didn't walk until 15months (adjusted age 13months) my daughter did everything on schedule adjusted age except talk, she now has speech problems a huge lisp and occassional stutter nothing. All children develope at different rates. Just explain that to people. That was my standard answer. "Children developed differently." and as long as you and your pediatrcian aren't worried I wouldn't stress about it at all. If your concerned talk to your doctor.
as for no longer a concern for the most part its when they start school. I know with my son by the time he was in kindergarten you could not tell the difference at all (and now he's one of the bigger kids in his 7th grade class) my daughter the speech is still an issue and she receives speech therapy and she is the smallest one in her class but considering her birth weight I'm not complaining at all.)
E.

Our older son (he's now 6) was born 5 weeks early & like your daughter, for no reason. He was big, 5.8 pounds so it may have been a good thing he came 5 weeks early cuz who knows how big he could have been! But, he still had a 6 day NICU stay which were the longest 6 days of our lives! He packed on the pounds very quickly after birth. He was always 60% to 70% for height & about 85%-90% for weight so people were always surprised when I said he was a preemie. Gross motor growth was a different story. Ya know how the books give milestones those 3 month windows, well, our son hit all the big ones at the end of all those 3 month periods. Sitting on his own at 10 months. He commando crawled at about 10 months & then on all 4's on his 1st b-day. Cruising & pulling up around 14 months. First steps about 16 months & totally walking by 18 months. To this day, he's not a real physically adventurous kid. So, it's hard to say if his prematurity played a part in any of the walking, ect. The best advice we got was from his dr. the day we left the NICU...he told us to treat him like a full-term baby. So, we did. Never adjusted his age or used his prematurity as an excuse for anything he did or didn't do. I was very leary of putting it on any school forms cuz I didn't want that to a label for him. I don't think we were overly paranoid about his prematurity. He was our first kid so I think we were just freaked out by that in & of itself! I know being a new mom is hard & other moms can be kinda judgemental - it can be like jr. high all over again! There's so many damn books out there about everything under the sun & I read a lot for them thinking it would make me a better parent but when he was about 10 months, I put them all away! I had bombarded myself w/so much information. Our son was doing great & we knew him better than some book & were doing fine as parents. You don't have to explain anything to anybody that you don't want to! It sounds to me like your daughter is doing great & right on track. She's further along physically than our son was at 10 months & she was 4 weeks earlier than he was. I bet if you went on-line you could find a support group of moms w/preemies so you could find someone who could relate to your situation. She's one & doing great! Just enjoy her & this time....they grow so fast & we worry so much, it's our job, but don't let it get in the way of having fun w/her. Good luck!

One thing you have to remember is all kids are not the same. My baby was 3 months premature. she started to walk at 1yr 3 months. And as she got older she was at the same stage as all the other kids. so, I say don't worry and enjoy not having to chase her around yet. beleave me you will be doing so much of that you are going to wish she was 1 again. I can't say when she will catch up, but she will. as I said before all babys are not alike. after all we are people not gods.

S.,

Just hang in there. As preemies get older the difference between their "age" and "adjusted age" becomes smaller and smaller. The fact that you are regularly seeing a therapist to make sure she's developmentally on-track is great and you are doing it right. Even kids who weren't preemies all develop at their own pace and there really isn't anything you can do to force it.

:-)T.-

Hi S.,
I was reading about your daughter, and it sounds to me like she is doing great! I have a friend whose daughter has delays, but she wasn't premature. It just happens and sometimes we don't know why. There is nothing wrong with your daughter, and I think anyone who makes you feel this way is doing so b/c of their own insecurities. Your daughter is special, and you will be able to have empathy for others who face similar situations in life. God chose you to be the mother of your daughter, he knew you could handle it, that says something about your character. Keep up the hard work, and don't worry about the other moms.