9 Month Old Refusing to Nurse...

my mother-in-law had the same experience with two of her kids. I think it's okay. I would pump and give him that milk in a sippy cup. I think you're baby is just growing up. :)

I have several friends who had a baby do that about 9 or 10 months. As far as I know they just weaned to a cup to skip having to later wean from a bottle. I understans wanting to go the whole year. I hope somebody else can give you ideas on how to make that work.

Try a breast pump. This will keep your milk supply up and allow you to put your breastmilk in a bottle. You can pump and store it for later. Then when your baby is ready for a bottle you have breastmilk in a bottle. win win situation.

Yes, I did experience something similar, only my baby was only 6 months. It's really up to your baby...as much as we'd like to have the control here, we just don't (on this and many other things). Just remember that your baby doesn't think as deeply as we do, he won't miss it! In fact, he'll be happier. Furthermore, I totally believe in breastfeeding if all goes well, but I also believe that there are circumstances to consider where breastfeeding really isn't an option (Par exaple, I wasn't breasfed, and my mom says I was the least colicy, best eater, and eaier baby out of the four). Don't let yourself feel guilty about this. This of it this way; he's wanting more which means his weight will imporve. Also, if he's weaning hiself, that's great! That way you won't have to go though having to do the weaning work. I chose to stop nursing after seeing my baby's cues, and she was happier, gaining weight, and not to mention I was enjoying it a lot more (so was my hubby). This is not to worry!

I know it's sad, but it sounds like your little one is done with breast feeding. It's OK. My 2 girls both weaned themselves at about 7 months - they were too busy crawling around and being independent to be slowed down breast feeding. I did not feel like a failure at all. You do the best you can, breast feed for as long as you can, and when the baby is done, he's done. Not that many moms make it a year. I've read that the 1st 6 weeks is the most important, then 3 or 4 months. Formula is great for kids and should really help fatten him up. Force feeding a child from your breast turns a beautiful thing into, a really frustrating, non-comforing event. I would not recommend it. Have you tried pumping and giving it to him by bottle? Maybe mix it in with formula? That way he can get the best of both worlds.

Lori,

I had the same problem with my son when he was a little younger than your son. I remember trying to get him to nurse and he would turn his little face away, refuse, and cry. It was very frustrating, not to mention painful.

I nursed him in the mornings and nights, but was gone during the day, so he had to have formula or whatever I could pump from my breasts during the day. I was told that it is easier to nurse from a bottle than from mom, so I concluded that the partial bottle feeding might be what prompted his early weaning.

He is now 26, healthy and happy, and seems to have suffered no obvious ill effects from his early weaning. So, don't stress out about this.

Hi!

I think he is starting to wean himself, which would be natural. The last two nursing times to go are usually morning and evening, with evening right before bed being the last. You are not a failure!!! He is just getting busier and more mobile.

L.

My 2 yr old son at 9 months weaned himself in a day. One afternoon he bit me and drew blood---needless to say that was the end for us. Don't feel like you have failed, look at it like this--you have given him a wonderful start and have done the best of your ability. Giving him formula doesn't mean that you are a bad mom, it just means that your husband can help out more now. It is tough when you want to continue and they don't, but life will be easier if you are forcing him to do something that he doesn't want to. Give yourself a pat on the back for getting him this far and then look toward the future.
J. SAHM with 6

Dear Lori,
Hi, I'm glad to know you tried to breastfeed as that will give your son a great start in life.

I was able to breastfeed our first baby (a girl) for a year which was very comforting to me but our second one (a boy) didn't seem very interested in this matter so we only lasted 7 months. To say the least I was disappointed and probably felt a bit of a failure like you mentioned. Once I came to realize I wasn't a failure and that both kids are totally different in nature and very healthy I was thankful for the time I did have with him. Both of you will be just fine in switching to the bottle. When we switched to the bottle I continued to hold him so we could continue to share that bonding. God Bless You!

Lori,

My daughter did this when she was 10 months old and I too felt like a failure. It passed. We have been giving her a bottle for about a month and a half and she is thriving on it. My daughter only weighs 16 pounds and she will be a year next month so I understand about being in the 5th percentile in weight. I was told to look at it like my kid was so smart that they wanted to look around and not miss a thing that was going on around them. I took this to heart and it made the weaning a little easier for me. I know it is frustrating but it will work out in the end. Breastfeeding for 9 months is a good thing and alot of people don't even make it that long. Good for you for trying to make it a year and wanting the best for your child.

My daughter does the exact same thing with pulling off, getting fussy crying and won't latch back on, but it's because I am losing my milk and she is getting mad at not getting anything. And I can totally relate with the low percentile, she was 0 percentile for way too long and just barely got up to 1 percentile. I still try to breastfeed. I nurse her first then offer the bottle if she doesn't seem satisfied with the breast. I say go ahead and keep trying, but be ready with a bottle in case it's needed.

My babies did this when I wasn't producing enough milk. I was too stressed to let down or wasn't getting enough water. I drank more water, tried to express a bit before each feed so letdown had already occurred, switched breasts every time he came off the breast. Stress was the biggest obstacle. oh, he also wouldn't nurse if he was over stimulated. dim the lights. quiet room. blanket over his head so he can't get distracted.

You could try pumping and feeding him breastmilk that way. I have a friend who did that sucessfully.

That said, 9 months is a really long time. You might be ok just stopping at 9 months.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Breastfeeding for 9 months is a lot longer than the norm. Don't let breastfeeding determine your value as a mother. It's probably easier to get milk from a bottle than from your breast. He probably doesn't want to work that hard. If it is really important to you --- Advent bottles have nipples with different flows. You could use a nipple with a slow flow so your breast will seem easier. OR you could accept that he is possibly weaning himself. At his age, he is probably more interested in solid foods and being mobile. I wouldn't take it personally or let it reflect upon your parenting abilities. I wouldn't worry too much about what percentile he is on the scale. Every child is an individual. You just want to make sure he is gaining weight. If he is not gaining or if he is losing weight --- take him to the doctor to see what's going on.

First of all, don't even consider calling yourself a failure! 9 months of nursing is an amazing start to your son's life. You are already way ahead of most moms who choose only formula from the very beginning. It may be that your son is getting frustrated at a lack of amount of milk or how fast he can get it. You could try pumping and finding a faster flow bottle nipple for him. It may be better than nothing. To try to increase your milk supply, try taking the herb supplement Blessed Thistle. I got mine from the site below.

http://www.mynsp.com/weed/products/guide.aspx?stockNum=100

When my son was nursing i was hospitalized and my milk completely dried up. I kept pumping as much as i would have nursed him and took Blessed Thistle and in about 4 days my milk supply replenished itself like new. I know you have a different scenerio but the point is that this really helps if it is a problem with milk production.
And if your son really just needs more than you can give him, please don't feel guilty supplementing or even having to go exclusively to formula. He got the start he needs from you and you should be proud that you did it this long. Good luck!

M. from CO Springs, CO

Since it's getting warmer, your body needs more liquids to be able to produce enough for two. Make sure that you're drinking PLENTY of water. Your baby is probably frustrated that he's not getting enough.
If you can tell that you are still full when he stops and you're sure you're not drying up, pump out what you do have and feed that to him in the bottle. If you don't have a pump, they sell on craigslist almost daily. In fact, I have one if you want to get ahold of me.
Either way you go... YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE. You had a BABY for crying out loud! That is amazing. You are Wonder Woman! You are a mommy. Don't despair.

My oldest daughter weaned herself at 9 months as well. I talked to the doctor about it and he said that if she was ready, she was ready. He told me to do formula for 2 months then the last month start half and halfing the formula w/ milk to help her adjust to the milk. My daughter really didn't take interest in being breast fed and it was really hard on me...but then I also realized that she was growing and it was me more than her that needed the nursing at that point. I also noticed that she REALLY liked real food the most and only took a couple bottles a day...all of which the doctor said was ok as long as she was getting enough to eat.

Hope this helps!

He's telling you it is time to stop nursing. Apparently, your milk alone is not sustaining enough (based on his weight and eagerness for the bottle). Your continuing to nurse at this point is all about you and not him. It's nature taking control, let go of yours. It's OK. He's benefited from the health benefits long ago. You will be a great mom, even if you don't nurse to a full year or beyond.

It sounds like your a dealing with a nursing strike, or maybe a case of bottle preference. Did you recently switch to a higher flow bottle? Breastfed babies should stay on slow nipples until they transition to a cup, otherwise they learn to prefer the rate at which liquid comes out of a fast flow nipple. It is also easier to drink from a fast flow nipple than from the breast. Try replacing the nipples on your bottles with new slow flow ones, so that the breast is comparable to the bottle. You might also give him only water in a bottle, or juice, rather than formula or milk. That way if he wants milk, he will have to take it from you.

It is also possible that he is falling ill. Ear infections, in particular, can make the sucking related to nursing painful for some babies. So you may want to have him checked out by your pediatrician.

Nursing strikes are not unusual, and can last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Continue to offer the breast, and hopefully he will snap out of it in time. You could also attend a LLL meeting to get some support and advice as you deal with his continued refusal.

If this ends up being the start of weaning, don't feel to badly. You are following your child's lead, which is the best thing you can do as a mom.

Good luck!

My son weaned himself at 10 months. I felt exactly the same way! After a few days of not having to breastfeed, however, I realized it was the best thing for both of us. Babies have a way of knowing what is best for them- you should be happy he did it himself instead of you having to stop him! You are definitely NOT a failure!

Hello Lori,

Not many moms can nurse as long as you have. My oldest was only nursed for 6 months because of the emotional roller coaster I was on with the loss of my mom. With my youngest, I learned had to supplement with formula because she had breast milk jaundice. This nursing only lasted 4 months. I would have liked to nurse both of my girls longer also, but I did also learn when they want a bottle, it is time to wean.

Hope this helps.

Lori,

First of all, you are NOT a failure as a mother, no matter how long you breastfeed. You have done a wonderful thing for your son by giving him breastmilk, and you are going to continue to do the best you can with the situation you are in.

Second, at 9 months, it is not likely that he is ready to wean. Babies biologically need to nurse until they are at least a year old, and most so-called "self-weaning" is really some issue that did not get addressed. More likely, there is something going on. The challenge for you will be to figure out what it is and try to address it. Were you skipping a lot of feedings because of getting busy or him eating solids? Your milk supply may have gone down and need to be built back up. Have you recently changed your diet? Maybe there is a flavor in your milk that he doesn't like. Has he become very distractable lately? You might need to take him to a dark, quiet room to eat for a while. Is he teething, or sick (especially congested)? My daughter always has a hard time nursing when she can't breathe. Did he bite you and get a bad reaction? I screamed once when my daughter bit me, and she refused to nurse for the rest of the day. One way you can get some breastmilk into him is to "sleep feed." When he is drowsy or mostly asleep, you can try to latch him on. Often babies will eat when they are groggy, and it will help them get through whatever issue they are having as well as getting milk into them. Lots of skin-to-skin contact can work wonders. If you have a sling, strip him down to his diaper and carry him in the sling without your shirt on. You can also snuggle in bed with him. My youngest went on a nursing strike after vomitting up breastmilk. She refused to eat for an entire day. After just a few minutes of rocking her in the rocking chair skin-to-skin, she was happily nursing away. Don't try to force nursing, but do be available.

I would strongly recommend talking to a local La Leche League leader. These women are wonderful, and so helpful! They go through leader training, and also must have nursed their own children, so they know what they are talking about. They have a ton of resources at their disposal. You will get some wonderful advice about getting your son back to the breast.

Be warned that bottles are easier for babies to get milk from, so if you continue to supplement, you may indeed be finished nursing. You are also affecting your milk supply when he is drinking formula, because he is not draining milk from your breasts. It might be a good idea to pump as much as you can. By offering him bottles, you are basically giving him an out from dealing with whatever the problem is. He will take it, because it is easier for him, but that doesn't mean it is what is best! I know it's hard when baby won't eat, but in the long run, it will be healthier for your son if you can get him back to the breast.

Being in the 5th percentile doesn't necessarily mean that your son is suffering for nutrition in any way. He may simply be a smaller baby, but still be perfectly normal! Don't be fooled by the charts into thinking that you cannot feed your son. The best indicators of getting enough to eat are plenty of wet and dirty diapers. His urine should be clear or very light colored, and he should be pooping on a regular basis. Being light does not mean that he is underweight, especially if you and/or your husband are on the light side.

Don't give up! Breastfeeding is an incredible relationship, and if you can get him nursing again you will be giving both of you some amazing benefits. With lots of support, good information and patience you should be able to get your son nursing again. And if you do not succeed, at least you will know that you tried your best.

Best of luck,
S.

Both of my children refused to nurse when they hit 8/9 months. It was very abrupt and they would scream and refuse. With the first one I kept offering the breast about twice a day for about two weeks and then would pump and give it to her in a sippy cup since she never would even latch on. I eventually stopped offering the breast and just pumped everything for her until she was a year. It wasn't my favorite, but I felt it was that important. With my second child I decided that I was NOT going to pump and he WAS going to nurse. I don't know what the 'experts' would say about my approach, but the second day of his nursing strike I determined to hold him until he nursed. When he let me know he was hungry I sat down with him, breast exposed, and held him in eating position for 45 minutes while he alternated between screaming, crying, arching his back, calming down, and then starting all over again. All the while I tried to remain very calm and relaxed, sang to him, etc....After about that time period he realized that he wasn't going to get a bottle and he started to nurse. One time was all that it took and he kept nursing happily and eagerly until exactly 13 months. I don't know if this approach would work with your personality and/or mothering style, but the 45 minutes of tantrum was definitely better than 4 months of pumping for me.

Good luck!

That was the exact same thing that happened to my sister. Comes to find out he was weening himself because she was drying up and just wasn't producing enough milk. She was really upset too but then she just switched him to formula and they were both much happier. It's wonderful to be able to nurse your baby until you feel ready to stop but you also have to think of what your baby really needs so if he is much happier to get all that formula than just switch. My sister still nursed her baby for naps and bedtime until he was like 13 months, but it was more of just a comfort thing. She would give him his sippy cup of formula and once he was done she would offer her breast. He would only nurse for like 30 sec. but it made her feel better and he seemed to enjoy it too. Please don't feel like a failure lots of moms don't even make it to 9 months. And like i said you can still do little comfort nurses for you and him.

I just wanted to congradulate you for nursing for nine months. You gave your sone a great start and that is awesome! I don't have any amazing advice on how to get him to keep nursing. I only know that my mom who nursed six kids, said that I refused to nurse at 10 months. Who knows why. She nursed one sister until she was 18 months. So maybe for some reason he is just ready to graduate to a bottle. But please don't feel bad about this. You've done a great job!

My sisters have all been able to nurse their children until after the year mark, but not me. The longest I was able to do it, with any of my four, was 8 months. I know how you feel about wanting to go the whole year, but you are doing the right thing to focus on how the baby is doing and not what you were hoping to do. We are so lucky to have good formula available, and that is what is most important: making sure your baby is thriving. Keep it up! I feel your pain, and I wish I could tell you that you could keep nursing, but what I decided was that even though I wanted something else, the most important thing was to make sure the baby got what he or she needed. Not an easy decision, but my kiddos are 11, 9, 6, and 4 and they have turned out great. So, in the long run, what is most important is you and time with your baby, whether it is breastfeeding or bottle-feeding time, it doesn't matter.

my girls weaned themselves at 10 months and they were in the 5th percentile too. sometimes nursing is harder and if they have an ear infection it may hurt to nurse. Don't feel bad kids know what they want and they know how to get it. I'm sure it will all work out.

My 3rd child quit nursing cold turkey at 8 months, only he refused to take a bottle either. I had to spoon feed him his liquids until he learned to drink from a cup (about 2 weeks). At 10 months we learned he was allergic to milk. I don't know if this played a part. The other four all nursed just fine. So don't feel like a failure. I had plenty of milk (so I was in pain for a few weeks), but children are individuals from day one. You need to do what works best for that child. Side note: He cried a lot the first 10 months of his life. After stopping milk he became the happiest, friendliest little boy. And at 18 months I re-introduced milk slowly and he was OK.

Please, please, please, don't even tell yourself you are a failure...you've nursed him for 9 months and you are concerned about what is best for him. True, it is suggested that you nurse for the first year IF POSSIBLE. But not all kids go for that. My oldest decided on the bottle over the breast much younger than yours and I too felt like a failure for a long time. But she is now a very healthy and vibrant (and smart) 9 1/2 year old. It didn't hurt her any. So don't think of yourself as a failure AT ALL!!!

If you are able to, you should think about pumping. At least so you can gradually stop without being in "cold turkey" pain. It would only be for a couple more months, and then you wouldn't have to buy formula either.

9 months is a good amount of time, so don't feel guilty about that. Be happy that you don't have to consciously try to ween him. Maybe see if you can just give him a sippy cup and then you won't have to ween him from the bottle either.

Best wishes!

Hi, Lori.
It sounds like you want to continue nursing, but feel your baby needs extra, too. There is a wonderful gadget called a supplemental nursing system (SNS) that lets the mom put milk (breast or formula) into a bottle, tape a little tube beside the nipple, and as baby nurses he also receives the supplement. You might be able to get one of these gadgets from an IBCLC (ilca.org) or LLL Leader (llli.org). Also, babies nurse for comfort as well as food, so even if you use some bottles, you can still nurse your baby when he feels sad or is sleepy. Lastly, there are herbs and medications to boost the milk supply. Sometimes when the milk supply is low babies fuss and want a bottle. Finding a local breastfeeding helper might help you put the pieces together. GOod luck.

I have heard that is common... and I just want to say GOOD JOB for nursing until 9 months. That is wonderful! Good for you. You are definately not a failure. My baby never nursed... I pumped for 3 months and felt like a failure. I had wanted to breastfeed for a year too, so you are amazing to me that you have done it for 9 months. Congrats!

I was sad too when my daughter started weaning herself at 9 months as well. Please don't consider yourself a failure!! Each child is different and they help us along the way. He is just ready to move on, and it's okay, just help him have a variety of foods and you will keep him healthy. My daughter is slight as well and we have had not health issues with discontinuing breastfeeding. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
Good luck
N.

I wouldn't feel like a failure at all. Feel lucky that you don't have to go through the heartbreak of weening your child yourself. At ten months my daughter weened herself. With the advice of her doctor, she went straight to sippy cups (since she had hardly used a bottle up until that time--no sense taking that extra step) (There were some sippy cups that were easier for her in the beginning.) She is doing great--now almost four, healthy and happy.

First, STOP feeling like a failure. Breastfeeding should NOT be one more thing for us women feel guilty about. My oldest daughter went to 9 months nursing as well, then lost interest. You have given her 9 months of your precious milk, that is excellent. My youngest barely made it to 6 weeks breastfeeding. She hated it. She was really tiny when she was born and had a hard time maintaining her own body temperature, so we had to give her formula from the start. That became all she ever wanted. I agonized over it and my doctor gave me a stern lecture about the fact that formula's now are FINE. Breastmilk is best, as always, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. There are people out there who tried to make me feel guilty and got pretty evangelical about the fact that I "Gave Up". WHATEVER! My baby is now 14 months old and thriving. There is no difference at all between her milestones and my oldest daughter's milestones, and their health has been fine also. No difference between the breastfed baby and the bottle fed baby. Your son will be fine if you stop, but PLEASE!!!!!! stop making yourself feel guilty!

Babies will wean themselves when ready. I nursed all my kids and each nursed until they didn't want to anymore. You are not a failure. You should be happy he is well adjusted and healthy as well as happy.
C. B