I know my son is still pretty young, but at what age do children understand that what they do can hurt someone else? My son has a really strong grip--he loves to grab faces and squeeze, so much that he made my husband bleed. I know he doesn't understand what he's doing, but I want to make sure that if he's with another child, he doesn't hurt them. We say 'ouch' when he does it to us because he doesn't understand no yet, but he just smiles and laughs, which in turn makes us laugh. Any suggestions?
If you stop laughing at him (hard as it is!), he'll quit getting the response he wants and he'll stop doing it.
A.,
He can learn NO at 9 months. My 19 month old daughter started getting real grabby at that age too (still is a little).
Things to try:
1) when he starts getting grabby hold his wrist and say "No grab" firmly. If he continues set him on the floor by your feet saying "No grab" again. If he likes laps he'll figure out quickly to play nice.
2) before he starts getting grabby hold his wrist, tell him "be gentle", and gently pat your cheek with his hand. This will teach him what gentle is. Praise him too while you pat your cheek with his hand for being gentle. Again, he'll figure it out pretty quickly.
Both of these worked for both my kids. My daughter still grabs my face/chin, usually at night, but she's gentle and uses only enough force to get me to turn my head and look at her.
I mean this in the nicest way, but sometimes we have to train our kids like we'd train our dogs. My son is 5 and sometimes the only way to get him to straighten up is to tell him: Sit, stay.
Best wishes,
Melissa
I think they can understand hurt pretty quickly but knowing what they do in many ways and how it hurts must take a long time. DD is 2.5 and she just uses force sometimes and doesn't realize how it feels to us or how strong she is.
I think using consistent words or sign language to say something hurts and then repeating to him when he hurts himself help to connect that what he does to you feels similar to when he falls down and gets hurt. Hope that makes sense.
My daughter used to just haul off and hit us in the face at 9-11 months of age. It was infuriating and it hurt! They do understand more than we think, but that doesn't mean that it's quick and easy to get them to stop this new "game."
First, whatever you do, try not to laugh. I'm a laugher too, so I know this is easier said than done. :-)
Second, be consistent. Every time he does it, grab his hand to stop him and let him know it's not good in a stern voice. You can say any number of things (e.g. "No!" "That hurts," "Don't hurt daddy," "Not acceptable," "Bad", "Not good!" etc.). The key is to say the same thing each time in a non-playful matter and stop the behavior right away. He's not doing it to hurt, it's fun to him. So the less reaction you give him the better. Make it not fun anymore and he'll learn what you mean. :-)
I just want to second the advice of using the word 'stop' as opposed to the word 'no'. Our friends used it with their children and we adopted it. Our daughter (willful and independent as she is) never went through that awful stage of saying 'NO!' to everything.
Good luck!
We had this problem at this age, too. We just said "no pinch" or "no bite" or "no hit" in a strong voice. We got the big doe eyes in response, but the little one was so interested in staying on our good side that now she only bites when she is really tired, and she never bites living things (usually she gets a toy or her clothing). They are supposed to grow out of it. I can't wait!
Hi A. -
I have a 3 year old son and 1 year old daughter. My son did the same thing... loved to pinch and hit. you have to say no in a firm voice and not smile and laugh when he smiles and laughs (that's the hard part because he's sooo adorable i know) if you smile when he smiles after he pinches/hits, its saying to him, hey i can get away with this. Eventually he will learn this is not acceptable. just keep it consistant. It worked for us.
Hope this helps
S.
I very much agree with what Melissa B wrote.
I'll add as a suggestion to use stop whenever possible instead of no. Stop tells the baby/toddler/child what to do. I grew up with no and frequently use the word but I've noticed stop works more effectively.
you have some good advice. my kids have learned what no is at age 6 months. when they pinch or get into things they ought not, i told them NO and flicked their hand. they soon associate NO with a flick on the hand and soon NO is all they need. teaching them "gentle" will stroking your face is good to. my son took alot longer to learn gentle... but he learned NO quick! good luck. training is great for kids as they don't know what to do! they have to learn!
Now it the time for him to learn "no". When he pinches say "no" firmly, put him down in a safe place, and wait for a minute or two--not longer.
If he can hurt you he can hurt others and that can not be tolerated. By saying no and removing you--the thing he loves most but only for a minute he will learn that something unpleasant will happen when he pinches. It will not take long for him to learn not to pinch. Don't express anger or other emotions. Do every thing in kindness and he will learn kindness.
Hey A.,
I agree with everyone else, you can tell him NO or STOP, or I used a sharp HEY, and a loud hand clap before my kids did something wrong, and then I would sign and say NO(with the evil eye), to my kids. Now all I have to do call their name and sign NO, and they know to stop what they are doing. Also if my Baby or Toddler hurt me either in play or on purpose, I would completely over react on the pain, and fake cry(works to cover the laughter). I would act like another baby or toddler would. No ow or stop. I would just burst into screams and cover my face and "cry", and move away from them.
Usually this would surprise them so much, they would feel bad and cry too or come give me a hug and sign or say sorry.
Then I'd talk to them at their level, and hug and make up.
Be firm and consistent in what ever you choose to do.
Good luck
Set him down and walk away every time you can and don't respond w/ laughter because he thinks it's funny. My son eventually stopped after a couple of weeks. RIght now it's interesting because it's a developmental phase, but it will pass. Just don't encourage it with laughter.
A.-
What worked best for me when my little girl went thru the same phase of grabbing faces was just to put her down on the floor and say "no, that hurts."
It took several repetitions (a lot!) before she got the idea that grabbing faces meant (temporary) loss of attention. Saying "ouch" seems to just egg on the behavior...
Best of Luck!
-B. M.-
