8 Year Old

He says that he is scared and cannot go back to sleep. This has been happening for as long as I can remember..... HELP!

My 9 year old nephew did the same thing for years. Finally, after going to a therapist for other issues, he said there was a monster in his closet. When his mother got him home, they went to his room to find this monster. It was so funny. It was her wedding dress that was hanging in its storage bag. Once they got the "moster" out of the closet, he swore he would sleep in his room. It still didn't work. Finally, he wanted a guinea pig. The only way he could have the guinea pig was sleep in his room.
That did the trick. Mr. Harryman "protected" him.
So, you are able to determine why he is scared and help him confront it, he may stay in his room. Or you could use some type of reward system.
As far as the cleaning issues, I can't offer any suggestions. I haven't gotten that far yet. My DD is only 23 months. Every room is a wreck that she has access to.

Hi Rene',

I agree with the other people who have responded, but I wanted to address when your son says, "says it is my room and if I want it to be messy then I want it to be messy."

When I was young, my parents told my siblings and I that at our house, we live by the other golden rule, "He who has the gold, rules!" They told us that it was not our room, it was their room and thier house and they let us sleep in it as long as we treated it with respect. They said that if we wanted to do everything our way, we needed to get a job, buy our own house and really have our own room.

Good luck!!

My daughter is five and is already doing some chores. She is adopted and has several behavioral issues, but doing her chores makes her feel useful and part of the family. Her daily chores include: making her bed (never perfect but good effort), putting her clothes away when I leave them on her dresser, matching socks left in the basket and letting the dog out every morning. She is also in charge of getting napkins for everyone at each meal and putting her own dishes in the dishwasher when she has finished her meal.
A great way to keep on task is through her "chore chart" where each day she gets a magnet for completing her chores and other tasks during the day like minding mommy and being nice. At the end of the week she gets to pick a prize from our "treasure box". She and my two year old son know the rules and the rewards, so it's easy for them to set goals and get the rewards. Usually after a forgetful, bad week where there is no treasure box she will remember to have a better week next time which eliminates some of that "forgetting" you mentioned from your eight year old.
Another tool we use here for cleanliness is more organizational than anything. I have a wall of cubbies with canvas "box drawers". It is super easy for the kids to throw their toys into the boxes and shove them into the cubbies after they are done playing. They love the playroom and I love the cleanliness. It is a pretty inexpensive and easy project and even creates more space in a small area. You can get everything at Lowe's.
I don't know how to help you on the bedtime thing though. I haven't had any experience with that. I did see a show once where they kept moving the pallet further and further away from the bedroom until it was in the kid's bedroom.
Hope some of that gives you ideas. N.

Hi Rene,
My suggestion for your son's room would be find some information on dustmites and bed mites. After reading this he will welcome cleaning his room. I am a mother of 2 sons ages 5 and 7. I had an issue with them cleaning their room as well and on night while watching "World Most Extreme Animal" they discussed bed mites. The next day I told my boys to clean up the room. They move at the speed of lightning. I never laughed so hard in my life. As far as him making excuses sleep in your room Dont entertain it. He will continue to use every excuse in the book to sleep in your room. As far as waking up his little sister let him know if he wakes up her then you will clean out his room take tv, computer and toys. But remember consistentcy is the key. Also do not make any empty threats. If you say it then do it!!!!!!

Rene,

Try reinforcing little behaviors that your son does do and not responding when he isn't following directions. Reinforcement often works with problems of these sorts. Start small and reinforce constantly. Then begin to expect more and reinforce less. If he knows you are watching he will begin to do things to get the reinforcement, you need to make sure that you do it a lot in the beginning and then ween off and do it intermittently. Eventually, he will do things and not even think about it.

K.

Hi Rene`,
Not sure about the sleeping thing but that you have to get him use to his bed and to stay there maybe try a special thing to take to bed. My 9 yr old girl is doing the "it's too dark" thing but does not come into my room try a nightlight my daughter liked the lava light one. It its def. bright enough and cool looking too!!!!
As far as the attitude I totally agree there the room cleaning has become a big issue as well as the over all "I didn't hear you tell me to do that" stuff. She is titled ughmmmm lazy at this point ans just doesn't care about anything.
As far as this is my room talk dito there ohh my,... I said to her,"do you pay the house payment? Do you pay the Electric? Do you add anything finacially to the house? I then stated this is you room that you are priviledged to stay in "you want to call it your room" then work around the house doing chores and earn the money and then give it back to me for renting a room then you can do what you want with it. This shocked my daughter.
If you need chore ideas a child of this age w/o disabilities is capiable of runing a vacume, loading the dishwasher, dusting, and taking out the trash.
My kids do all these things as a single mother and even married soon there expected to cary their own weight here and there to aid in the mantaince of the house. When it is time for laundry they are expected to bring me there dirty clothes or they do not get washed. They do not do all these chores on a regular basics but it's also a good way of trading off!!! They want to go somewhere or out to eat say ok, you do these things for me and we will, If they dont do them then they do not get rewarded.

I did this and it works......... For many reasons if there is a big not listening issues she finally pushed me to go a different method. taking away T.V., game boy, ect didn't faze here so I got a box and told her to meet me in her room. I put in the box some of the most "valued items to her" in the box she was getting really upset!! things she slept with, her money bank "with the money in it" a blanket,Favorit items. They went into our storage unit until she follows the rules and if the attitude gets out of hand again I go to the room and clean up again!
She was really bothered by this and seemed to actually work and is trying to do things to earn them back few good things or doing things on a list I may have come up with get's her one thing back. When I noticed it bothering her I explained to her so now you know how I feel when you disrespect me and do not do what I ask of you. I feel mad, hurt and ignored. She actually related,....
Give it a try it can't hurt,......I have noticed that spanking is when I have no other options and it makes her even more hateful,.....but this hit's them personally and not a temporary effect if they want that precious thing back there attitude and behavior earns it back. I benifits both parent and child.
Good luck,
Val

Hi, I have an 8 year old daughter that has had similar problems before. We made it very clear to her that her room is owned by us. She is a part of us and needed to treat her room the same as the rest of the house. I also started having her come around with me as "we" do chores together. She's not only learning how to do the chores the way that meets my expectations, but she's also very aware of just what goes into keeping a house clean. We take turns doing the dishes (I only have one other child, so far, and he is 1). She does them for the entire day one day and I do them for the entire day the next day. I'm VERY careful not to criticize or change anything in the dishwasher. I just tell myself she has her own style and there is nothing wrong with that. That way she doesn't feel like her job is pointless. She helps with the baby, keeps her room clean (including dusting and vacuuming it), feeds the dog, and helps me with the house chores. She's also homeschooled, so that gives me time to run around with her to do chores. You may want to do chores in the evening when your son can help with them and tell him that when he does a chore to your satisfaction he can "graduate" to doing 1 bathroom (his) all by himself and he won't have to help clean the other bathrooms. That's something that might work. As far as him not cleaning his room, my husband told my daughter than anything not cleaned up by Friday night get's picked up by him and thrown (or given) away. This is important, STICK to these rules. My husband is true to his word and it only took once for something my daughter loved to be thrown away (actually we gave it away). She has PLENTY of toys, so it's not like we are taking much away, but she was pretty shook up about it and is MUCH better about cleaning her room. She just tells me everyday that she hates it. I try to get her to go to her room early in the evening to pick up, it's hard to be consistent with that when your trying to take care of a baby & make dinner. She's starting to remember on her own though. In fact, she just came to remind me that "we" were cleaning her bathroom soon.
As for sleeping, decide on a bedtime routine together, like reading stories and/or singing songs. Then stick to the routine and do it every night. He may want a CD player to listen to songs or stories until he falls asleep. He will very soon fall into the routine (kids actually respond well to routine) and start sleeping in his room without any problems. Just make sure that you are very clear with him about what you expect from him. Always remember that YOU are the parent and you have the responsibility of raising the child to be a responsible adult. If you keep that in mind as you are trying not to bang your head on the wall, it will put things into perspective and remind you why you are changing things for your son.
I hope that helps & let us know if we can help with anything else.
Good luck!
Y.

Hey there! When my son was 8, I had him do a few chores around the house. I would have him empty all the small trash cans around the house into the kitchen can, and he took the trash out whenever it needed it. Also, when I folded clothesm I would have him com eget his and put them up. They may not stay quite as neat as when you folded them, but he will get better the more he does it. From time to time, I would give him small chores like sweeping the kitchen, etc, and I knew I would have to do them over, but it gave him a chance to learn. With his room, I have my son pick everything up off his floor once a day. The in-between time, well, I overlook it. But by making him pick it up once a day, it keeps the room in som ekind of order. I have also let my son vaccuum his room, and he seems to enjoy that!!
As far as where he sleeps, Ive had that problem also. It may be that it is simply a habit, and those can be the hardest to break. Even if he does fuss, make him go back to his room. Walk him in there and sit with him a minute or 2. He may fuss and it may be tiresome for you, but after a few days, the habit should start to break. He may be telling you he is scared because he knows thats what he needs to stay for you to let him sleep in your room! Just hang in there. It will get better! My son is almost 10 now, and he sleeps ion his room all night! Finally!!!! Good Luck!!

i have an 8 year old also...he sounds like he is in control of things at your house.first i would speak to my pediatrician . does he stay on task at school? if the teacher can confirm some similar behaviors that you have seen i would then have him evaluated for ADD.hopefully that is off base. i used some step parenting classes that were very helpful. goodluck

Glad to c that i am not alone! My 8yo son(he will b 9 in Aug)is full of attiude. He is actting like a teenager. I cant get him to do anything and if he does its full of attiude. As for the sleeping next to our bed,he did that also BUT i finally broke him! A few months ago i just had to keep getting up and putting him back in his bed. It took only a couple of nites. Same w/his 4yo brother(he would just climb into our bed). So i am glad to say that we have our bed and room back but as for the talking back and attiude,let me know if u find something to make him stop and i will do the same :)

Hi Rene',

I have an 8 year old stepson and we have some issues with him as well. As far as taking things away - have you tried the Dr. Phil approach and taken EVERYTHING away? My stepson kept getting in trouble over and over again and we would take away TV or take away sweets, or take away playing w/friends finally when it wasn't working we took away everything - took everything out or his room but his bed and clothes and he had to earn things back gradually by behaving, keeping his room clean, etc. Some chores could be emptying the small trash cans, scrubbing the toliet, emptying the dishwasher, and hanging/putting up his clothes.

I don't know what to tell you about sleeping issue.
Good luck to you!

J.
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