8 Month Old Fell on Gate and I Feel Terrible

Hi A.!

Congrats on being a wonderful mommy...accidents and all. I have a girl-6 and boy-3 and one more boy due in may. We've definitely had our fair share of bumps, bruises, cuts and scraps (always seem to happen right before picture day or before a doctor's check up)! Here's a funny story old to make you laugh...

I was about 9 and my mom had me in the ER getting my arm casted for a broken wrist (the second of 3 total so far). While we were there, the nurse came in and said that my dad was calling...something about my brothers. Well, they had been wrestling at home and my younger brother (about 5 at the time) cracked his noggin on the brick wall and needed stitches. So, when I got my fresh cast, we checked out of the ER, walked to the curb outside of the Kaiser ER where my dad was waiting outside with my brother and his injured head. My mom kissed me goodbye and headed back into the ER for a second time with a second child. Needless to say the ER nurse asked my mom if she had any more children they should be expecting and my mom's response was "we have one more but he's tied up at home!" Ha! This was back in the early 80's so thank goodness my mom wasn't questioned by CPS or anything!! But it's a funny story about how things just happen with kids and it is in no way a direct reflection on our ability as parents. We love our children and we do our best to take care of them and shelter them from harm...that's the best we can do!

good luck!

Right at your boys same age, (ds was 1 day shy of 9m) I had him in the shower with me. He was too big for those tubs, and the bath ring seats wouldn't stick to the tile floor. He was a good sitter/crawler, and was having fun playing in the 3 inches of water at the bottom of the shower. I had finished bathing, so I stepped out of the shower. I dried off with the shower door open, then- I made a mistake! I figured "he is having so much fun, and I can see the shower clearly from my room, so he should be safe if I go get dressed and let him finsh playing." I THOUGHT "he will be safer if I close the door so he doesn't hurt himself trying to climb out." Well- closing the door was a BAD idea! When he saw I wasn't in there anymore, he got scared and tried to pull himself up on the SLIPPERY GLASS DOOR! He slid down the door and hit his eye on the corner of the tile lip. I was naked except for my underwear, and my baby was bleeding all over himself and flaining in the puddle of water. I PANICED! I grabbed him and I started crying too. A neighbor HAPPENED to call at that moment and I asked her to come help me. She held him while I got dressed and she even helped dress him. Off I went to the ER feeling like "Mother of the Year!"

I thought "They're going to take my baby away from me, because they will think I'm irresponsable!" I was a reck!! But you know what I was told by the ER Dr? "Hunny- I know you feel awful, and it is unfortunate that he got hurt, but rest assured: You have a BOY! This may be your first visit to the ER, but I guarantee, this is NOT your last!" That talk and 3 stiches later, I was on my way home, still feeling horrible, but a little less unqualifed!

So- welcome to Motherhood of Boys!! It is a special kind of club to be in! ;o)

I had to giggle at all the responses and some day you too will giggle as well. I have "survived" my son now for 12 1/2 years. We've been to the ER more times than I can count and plenty of times I've felt badly about it.
My son's adventures (some of them anyway, it would take years to recount them all)

10 months old- during a garage sale, I put sunscreen on him and kept him in the shade with me for about an hour. I missed two spots and he burned under his eye and a stripe across his forhead and he blistered in both areas. LARGE painful blisters.
At a year and a half running full speed down the hall, I had a recliner that was reclined and the top of it was a harder, pointier wood than I thought. He ran right into and we went to the ER. He was fine once we got there.
18 months old, choked on a chicken finger and had to have the heimlich maneuver to dislodge it.
3 years old, he was on his top bunk and had put his feet into the blinds. The drawstring was secured and unreachable but he got his big toe in between the string that holds them together and had to be cut out of it. This was after his toe turned blue...
4 years old at the Oakland Zoo, he took off running and tripped on the trail, cut open his forhead. I panicked and they suggested Stanford. I drove over and hour to Stanford where he got 4 stitches when I realized later that Oakland Children's hospital was only 5 minutes from the zoo.
5 years old, I shut the door to our mini-van and didn't realize he had put his fingers in near the back of the door (not where it latches, in the back where it slides together like a puzzle)
5 years old, he walked backwards in our friend's living room playing with their daughter and fell into the piano bench. He clearly needed stitches but it was in his hair so this time I taped it up and kept it clean until it healed.
6 years old, he climbed onto his top bunk where he kept his stuffed animals and decided to "ride" his giant stuffed elephant, He went off the top bunk head first, straight down on top of his head. He was happy and pain free by the time we hit the ER.
8 years old, he attempted a flip in a bounce house at a company picnic (after being told not to) and messed up his neck (chiropractor appointments every year since)
Etc, etc, etc.

He has climbed onto the bedroom door and swung back and forth on the doorknobs (this was just a year and a half ago) etc etc etc.

Welcome to the world of boys and good luck!! :)

I understand how you feel, my daughter was about the same age when she fell and hurt herself at daycare. She had this huge knot on her head and had tremendous discoloring on her head. I felt the same way about feeling like a bad mother and I think all mothers feel that way but the fact of the matter is that you have a little boy and I have two wild girls and they will continue to hurt themselves as long as they are kids. All you can do is what you are doing and that's safeguarding your house as best as you can and just mentally prepare yourself for it to happen again.

What you have to say to yourself is that no one elses opinion of your your child looks matters to you because people do that because they are very critical and mean and it's really none of their business how your son hurt himself and if people aren't willing to offer some constructive advice then anything else you should not pay attention to.

As long as you are a mother and you are doing what you are supposed to do, nothing else matters. Most mothers can relate to how you feel and to the fact that their kids hurt themselves. Take it with a grain of salt for the most part. Is this your first child? I think your feelings will change once you have a few more. I put a lot of attention into my first child and was very protective but once the second one got here, I let all of that go and now I let them play until they pass out with injuries and all.

Hi A.,
These things happen, but it doesn't seem that you had anything to do with it. There are plenty of accidents that happen and mom contributed to them...then we feel horrible. People will offer all kinds of comments, some will awwww at him and some will actually make stupid comments, but all you can do is ignore them.

But, on the note about trying to make you feel better...I clipped my older daughters finger while clipping her nails! Oooops! I missed. I cried with her.

All kids crash and burn. My daughter fell walking on cobblstones in Mexico and clipped the edge of a table. She got a nasty goose egg on her forehead. Eventually it went down to a little scar. I was right there holding her hand! I'm sure you were watching and the gates were there to protect him too. That makes you a good mother who cares. People have opinions but that doesn't mean they're right. A cast is only proof of an accident healing NOT CHILD ABUSE. He won't even remember once the cast is off.

I've clipped my son's lip in the 5-point harness carseat. He was sleeping and I couldn't see that I clipped it in there, of course he screamed and blood everywhere. I know what you mean. I felt horrible for a very long time. I happens.

AWEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! It IS a boy trait.... Welcome to being a mommy of a boy!!! I know how hard it is to feel that way.. Trust me, I have moments like that all the time!! Im' a deaf mommy.. So once in awhile the power goes out, and the bed that vibrates when the baby cries, malfunctions, and often I wake up in a panic realizing the baby's not alerted me yet... I will see him curled into a corner, full diaper... and swollen eyes.... Sleeping... trust me... NOTHING feels worse than that.. but rest assured... They will hurt themselves and we can't do anything about it, but the best we can. I cannot control the power in my house.. so therefore I can't control if it ever happens again (thank god it was only once, but boy do I STILL feel awful about it!!!)! Just remember.. motherhood wasn't meant to be easy... As time goes on.. you'll be able to laugh about it... I can't laugh about my situation, but I've been able to laugh about the little injuries that have occurred.... With three kids now, it's gonna happen. Like the ER doc says.. it won't be your last visit... But it'll happen! Don't fret!!! None of us are perfect.. we can't put our babies in a bubble.. much as we'd love to! Without these little incidents, they don't learn to protect and grow... So.. I'm positive your baby has figured out he's liable to get hurt sometime!!! Chin up!!!

Awwe, A., don't feel too bad, it happens to everyone! Just wait til he starts walking! I have a 9 year old boy and a 6 year old boy, and when all these ladies say "it's a boy thing!" it REALLY is.
My now 6 year old had staples in his head at a year old. He was standing on his brothers skateboard and it came out from under him, he fell back and bonked his head on the dresser. A staple or two later and he was back to getting into everything! We haven't had any casts yet, but I know we will. Stitches, banged up knees and casts are all parts of having boys!
Im not sure I understand how he fell on the gate or if the gate fell on him, but maybe you should try the gates that you screw into the walls and use a swing open door. Those wouldn't come down on him if he were to climb on them.
Try not to feel too bad, things like this happen.

Gates- a needed evil.. j/k. My kids have all gotten hurt one way or another with me right there. As for gates, we have on that is a walk thru metal gate. They are about $50 at K-mart, and it's not so easy for kids to climb, because there are no 'toe-holds'. I will look and see if I can find it on the site, and post the link, so you can see if this gate might work better for your household.
Good luck with his recovery!
http://www.kmart.com/shc/s/p_10151_10104_9990000028847311...

awe your poor baby. but kids and babies get hurt like that all the time. dont beat yourself up over it i know that its a big trauma for you and that you probably get the mean stares from people. my daughter put her teeth through her lip at 9 1/2 months she looked like someone socked her in the mouth. i dont stop my baby from playing hard. we also have tile floor all over our house (except bedrooms) so you can imagine all the bumps and bruises shes had. what kind of baby gates do you use? i use the ones that swing open like a door and my daughter cant climb them. maybe try a different baby gate that he cant climb or try to disscourage him from climbing them. good luck and remember to breathe it was an accident and your little boy will be just fine!

A., stop beating yourself up. I totally understand because of course, I do it as well. :-) There are soooooo many times that a baby will do something like that & nothing will happen. He will end up with bruises all over his little face when he starts learning to walk, etc. The little guy just hit his ankle just right. There was nothing you could do to prevent it. Unfortunately, these things truly do just happen. There have been many times that my daughter has taken a good fall or I don't know, had a chair fall over on her (right on her face) that I have thought to myself that I should've been able to prevent it. Truth is, you have to let you child explore, climb, run, jump,etc. You do as much as you can to protect them, but things will happen. I know how hard it is & I'm really bad about beating myself up as well but try to cut yourself a break. Best wishes!