7 Yr Old Boy Issue

I'm not going to comment on the gay issue but will suggest you get the book: She's Gonna Blow! by Barnhill Good luck.

Did you ever have your son further evaluated after his other testing for Aspbergers?

It may be that he has other issues. sensory issues.

One thing you can do is take a parenting class. You know that yelling is not the way to parent and you know you want to learn a different way. There are options so that you will not need to yell, because myour words will be enough to get your child's attention.

Your husbands suggestion that you have made your son this way is so off base, I think the 2 of you need to have a conversation about what s really going on with the 2 of you.

If you can not figure out hat his problem is with you, then seek marriage counseling.

Seriously? You and your husband both have some changes to make. Your husband needs to stop his strange diagnoses, and you need to STOP YELLING. As Grandma T said, discipline and yelling are not the same.

Lighten the heck up on his homework,and if you don't want him to watch TV, silently turn it off. Let me ask you, if you were doing a job, and your boss came over and yelled at you all the time, how much would that motivate you? Would you like that job? Do you think you would perform better?

School and learning should be FUN. If you can't find better ways to inspire your son, then leave his schooling and his homework to his teacher.

I don't know why your son is touching men's shoulders, etc., but I doubt it has anything to do with your yelling, even though yelling is wrong. He's only 7, so don't worry about him touching men right now. You could try asking him why he's doing it. It probably doesn't mean he's gay, but if he is gay you won't change it, so I hope you are the accepting type.

You should start enjoying your kid and having fun with him instead of "disciplining" him so much. It WON'T improve him.

edit: Oh jeez, Theresa mentioned that your son has Aspergers? Then no wonder he is doing those behaviors. Check out Theresa's links.

W., what you describe is a common Aspie trait. I see from you past posts that your son is Asperger's?

It is not unusual for an Aspie to have unique sensory needs, like touching, sniffing, tasting.

This issue would be covered in behavioral therapy. I'm assuming your son has various therapies? Discuss this with his therapist, doc, etc.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_signs_or_symptoms_of_A...
http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2009/09/30/asperger-syndrom...

http://suite101.com/article/aspergers-syndrome-and-obsess...

Here are a few things I found that might help you and your husband better understand this tendency of his.

You will benefit from knowing other families in a similar situation. Here's something I found that might help YOU.

http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2008/05/aspergers-support...

:)

Start by giving him more love, hugs AND acceptance. He could very well be looking for approval and attention from these men since your husband sounds like a complete jerk.

Gay is NOT something you "get" and/or is not the result of bad parenting! I know many gay people, including my older sister and she was born that way. Every gay person will tell you that they knew very early on they were gay. Some chose to go in the closet about it, because life as a gay person can be unfair.

Hug your son today and start showing more affection!

Good luck and god job reaching out!

Maybe your husband is "in the closet" gay and he blames it on his own parents yelling at him??? What a ridiculous thing to say.

Your son has issues with touching. Prob. just sensory issues but you should get it checked out.

You should work on your yelling. Yelling is not strict it's yelling. Strict is clear concise rules with consistent punishment if they are not followed.

To me it sounds like sensory issues.

What Bug said.

You cannot cause your child to be gay. It is something a person is born with. So do not beat yourself up about this at all. Your husband is being a jerk and an idiot.

Does your husband show any affection to your son? If the answer is no, then he may be looking for masculine attention from others cause he's not getting it from dad.

ASK your son, not in a confrontational way, but out of curiousity, why he likes your friends bellies. Talk to him about personal boundaries and proper touching - he should know this stuff anyway. I looked at some of your other questions and it seems like your child may have sensory issues - you had him tested for the Autism spectrum. Look into other types of evaluations for him so you can make sure there aren't other issues to deal with.

Yelling is a sign of frustration or impatience. We are in the middle of packing and moving and I am more stressed than usual. I can totally tell that I am yelling more than usual - and I apologize to my son when I realize it. Check out www.loveandlogic.com and see if there are facilitators in your area. It may help to have another discipline model.

Talk to your doctor and ask about stress management. Perhaps get a referral to a counselor. If you are going to school, you can take advantage of student services and see a counselor at school - this is even available at community colleges, I believe.

Good luck!

Perhaps he is just curious about how boys look when they grow up. Does your husband give him affection? Or is he worried that will make him gay? Which, of course, is completely ridiculous. Try talking to your son, ask why he does these things. Talk to him about how his body will change and why.

To me this sounds like a family problem, not a cognitive one within your son. Do some digging and find the answer. Encourage your husband reevaluate his thought process on being gay. Don't skirt the real issue.

My is 7 and has always been a toucher... he use to run up to everyone (even in the grocrey store) and give them a hug. We have tried very hard to stop this issue in public... and finaly nipped it in the butt. But at home & school he still does it - so that is our next step. He also has some other bad behaivors that need addressed.

Believe me we are strict as well. I do find myself yelling more often then I would like to... which is why we kept asking for help from everyone we could (doctors, school, OT, PT, health department, Head Start) any one that might be able to put us on a better path. Finaly after about 3 years when he was in OT, she saw some of the things I was talking about and recommended me to a Triple P program. I go to a one on one appointment about every 2-3 weeks, talk about behaivors I see and would like to fix or need help with & they suggest ways of helping us as parent raise our children with out yelling and "fix" the issues. They also ask about behaivor changes good & bad - to help tailer what I read in the book they gave me to better fit my family and our needs. I have gone to the intake appointment w/ my son & 3 classes parent(s) only and read 4 chapters of the ten chapter book... you have an appointment, read the next chapter and then try to implement what you read for the next few weeks and then another appointment and then repeat till you make it though the book. The process takes about 5-6 months, but we have started to see imporvements in the kids behaviors and also the relationships we have with the kids... all 5 of them. I'm not 100% sure how it will all end, but we are willing to try... so you know the hardest part is actually changing after so many years of parenting the way we were.

I hope you do know that yelling can't turn your son gay! If he is - it has nothing to do with how he is raised or what anyone does or doesn't do for him. He is born the way he is... but I do agree that if you feel that he shouldn't be touching people a lot. Just try to keep reinforcing that he should keep his hands to himself. Just use the rule for anytime he touches someone, hits someone, ect... it is a rule most schools use as well, so it helps to reinforce that it is the way of life not just a rule that mommy wants.

I wish you like, try to stay calm & talk to your son not yell - eventhough I know that is hard sometimes!

I may be off base --- But I don't understand how you being strict or yelling to much A. Can make your son gay or B. would make your son touch mens shoulders, chests or fat bellies.

My very first reaction to this is why is it only when you have MALE visitors over? You say that you are the primary (sometimes ONLY) caregiver for your son. It sounds to me like your son is craving male attention, and is going to seek it out in any means he can, including physical/ inappropriate ways. He is very young, and has no idea what is appropriate or inappropriate as far as showing someone that he thinks they are nice or "strong" Explain to him that guys or boys his age should shake hands, high five, fist bump, or even hug if they are very close like family, etc, but not hold hands or touch inappropriatly like that. I really doubt that he is doing any of this for a "sexual" reason. It is just his way of showing his interest in these people. Also, I would talk to the hubby and let him know that HE needs to spend some quality time with your son!
The yelling is a sign that Mama needs some time for herself, and honestly if Dad spends time with his boy, you may get the chance to relax and it will be a win win for everyone. To answer the question though....... NO, you cannot and are NOT "turning" your child gay!! He either is or isn't. (I doubt that he is) Would it matter to the hubby if he was? He needs to spend time with him and then you can reevaluate the situation. I am willing to bet that your son will start to act much differently around the "guys" after a few days hanging out with Dad, and your son will automatically copy Dads behavior too. So whatever Dad does, son will do. Good luck!

Have you told your son NOT to touch the men who visit. and that you will send him to his room or take away his video game or something if he breaks this rule. Does he obey rules that you set? Now I'm wondering if your husband is a bit strange and is somehow contributing to your son's odd behavior? How do your son and his dad get along? do they interact a lot?

exactly what bug said.