6Year Old Struggling with Behavior in School

I would start becoming pro-active.

Everyday I ask my son how his day was and try to get detail and expect him to tell me if he was marked down. In kindergarten there was a behavior chart and all started on the 'good' color and some (actually boys mainly) would move down and 2 boys would often get to the bottom. The teacher didn't tell the parents daily what color the kids were on. I do know the 2 with the more extreme behavior had the parents notified and one parent had to observe a few times. The first grade teacher had no such system, yet 2nd grade does.

If the teacher saved it for P/T he/she may not feel it is extreme, but enough of a concern to mention. he is also only 6 and a boy, so sitting and being quiet should not be expected at all times.

If this was a serious problem the teacher would have contacted you sooner. He is just letting you know what your son needs to work on, that's all. MANY kids are still squiggly and disruptive at this age (I was this way until second grade!) Don't be so quick to assume ADD, just keep working with the teacher to support positive behavior and give your son some time to mature before making assumptions.

it's hard for teachers to gauge exactly the *right* time to impart this sort of news. do it too early and parents exclaim 'she hasn't even given him a chance to get used to the new atmosphere yet!'
too late and it's 'why now?'
that being said, i too would wonder why there's been NO communication about it. i wanted to hear about my kids' antics (especially my Class Clown 2nd boy) so i could reinforce the teachers' edicts sternly on my end.
IF your son displays none of these issues at home and IF this is truly the first time you've encountered this sort of feedback from the teacher i would not leap to 'testing for ADD.' my first recourse would be an earnest discussion with my kid, with my husband present, as to the seriousness with which we took this report. then i'd have a discussion with the teacher as to how she planned to handle the behavior going forward, and the ways in which we'd back her up.
khairete
S.

November is still early in the year. If his disruptive behavior was a major issue and causing him to do poorly in school, the teacher most likely would have contacted you sooner. It takes time for the teacher to get to know the kids and for them to "settle" into the routine of the class. Now that you know about his behavior, you can reinforce what the teacher has told you at home with your son. You should also check in with the teacher every week about his behavior in class, you can call/stop in/ or simply email back and forth. His disruptive behaviors, while quite common at this age, should be addressed. If you're truly concerned about ADD then I would have a discussion with ALL of his teacher's at school to get their opinion and then follow up with your doctor. But most likely, he just needs to just have some type of behavior plan put into place for him.

I would start working on intervention in terms of helping shape his classroom behaviors - spend a day or two observing and helping out in his room. And no, I don't find it shocking that the teacher just waited until conferences to communicate with you. He has his own procedures and needs to give him time to adjust and grow. Did he go to preschool? Is this his first opportunity to be in a classroom setting? And no, I don't think every impish behavior needs a test and a label. Start small.

I wouldn't rush him in for an eval or any kind of testing just yet.

Yes, ask the teacher, respectfully, why he decided to wait until conference time to address this concern with you? Is it just more recent behavior? Not serious enough to warrant a phone call or email earlier in the year? How long has it been going on and what steps have been taken to correct him?

What does the teacher feel next steps should be to correct his behavior? Really, you haven't even had a chance to have a conversation with your son about it yet. He may not think he's doing anything that bad if no consequences or action steps have been taken. He should be working on a school plan. Consequences/rewards or whatever at school, backed up and supported by parents. Maybe the teacher feels if he has a parent "talking to" or some kind of home discipline that would take care of the classroom issue. I think more needs to be done by the teacher, and you need to be in the loop about any kind of corrective measures they are taking (what's working, what's not working, improvements, etc) I do think you should talk to your son in a positive, "what can you do to improve upon this" way, see how it goes from there.

Since this is the first you have heard of this behavior, I would think that the teacher was just alerting you to what he is working on. I hope the teacher explained what HE was doing to help your son improve his behavior and attention. Perhaps he was getting information from you to understand if this was an issue at home, also.

Now that you have had this first conversation, I would suggest you schedule another meeting to make a plan with the teacher about what will be done in school to address these issues, what you might do at home, and how you folks will communicating progress and concerns.

School has the responsibility for making sure the classroom atmosphere supports learning, there is enough structure for your son, there is interesting work, there are breaks for physical release of energy, and there is feedback for appropriate and inappropriate behavior. Home is responsible for working with the school in general, providing structure at home with regular chores and adequate bedtimes, and plenty of opportunities for physical release of energy. No medical diagnosis is appropriate until all typical school supports have been provided. All my best.

Good advice below.

And since I see plenty of middle school kids standing on chairs, making disruptive noises and humming (oh yeah, and I saw high schoolers do these same things last week too), as well as being continually distracted by each other and their cell phones, I would also like to remind you that this is only first grade -- your son is just beginning to learn the social skills necessary for school.

Are you seeing your son doing these things at home or is it only happening in the classroom?
Do you think he's bored at school and seeking attention from the teacher?
How many kids are in his class?
Is he feeling lost in the crowd?
I don't know if an evaluation is needed - guess it couldn't hurt.
Seems to me his grades would be suffering more than they are if he's having trouble concentrating.
Some communication within the first few weeks of school would have been nice - but 1st grade can be quite an adjustment - so maybe she was hoping he'd adjust in 8 or so weeks - and it's not coming along as well as she'd hoped.
I think some of this is just about him being a normal 6 yr old;
It takes some boys awhile to settle down (which is why some parents start them in school on the later side).
I'd work with the teacher so far as to tell your son that you expect him to listen to the teacher at school, follow her instructions, and don't distract his friends - let him know that you and the teacher are working together (don't undermine the teachers position).
Disciplining at home for something that happens at school is tough because too much time has passed between the behavior and the consequences.
The teacher should be dealing with it when stuff happens - it's part of classroom management.

Standing on his chair and you just now hear about it? I suppose if I was doing those things and the teacher wasn't telling my parents about it, I'd keep doing it too. I also would assume it must not be too bad or I would have heard about it sooner. Are there any consequences at school?

I suggest you talk to your son about it. For some kids the humming can something they don't even realize they're doing. It may even help him focus. Let him know you'll be checking in with his teacher on a regular basis about his behaviors. Don't jump on the ADD bandwagon until you've tried working on the behaviors for a while. Ask the teacher to give you a daily report on his behaviors. He can send incomplete work home.

I would want to know what the teacher has tried so far. Maybe the room is distracting and your son just can't focus. It doesn't mean he has ADD. Has he tried moving your son's work area? Maybe he works better in an area by himself or maybe he feels more comfortable near a friend. Is he trying to get attention? Ignoring him and teaching the others to ignore him may help. Does he receive any kind of praise when he is exhibiting the right behavior?

The teacher doesn't need to be having a daily dialogue with you, but he could be writing down or completing a checklist as the day goes along that he send home at the end of each day. You need to know what's going on, and you should let the teacher know that you want to know. How can you help your son if there's no communication?

Kids often start to act out and push boundaries at some point. Especially if they're secure in their surroundings. My daughter did it half way through kindergarten, and the teacher explained that to me. My daughter's a super well-behaved 3rd grader now (after warnings and discipline when it was an issue back then). If he's been good all along and this is new, it's probably just new! Try the standard route first: Explain the importance of behaving in class and what his firm consequences will be at home when you hear he has not ben behaving, and follow through if necessary.

Should the school have told you sooner..?..I guess, but sounds like you're looking for somewhere to divert blame. All that matters is the present and the future. Work with your son and it's doubtful this is anything medical. Sounds like a boy to me. I have a 6yo son too, and I've always had to keep on top of his behavior.

Yes, the teacher should have been communicating these issues to you well before now. Was there a progress report that you missed? IMHO, it's just like a teacher to wait to this point before saying anything.

Your son is in first grade. School is still something new and he's still getting used to it. It seems to me that if he were doing things like standing on his chair, he would have been sent to the principal. It just doesn't sound right to me - I'd schedule a time to observe in the classroom.

I found out when my GD was in kinder and the teacher was telling me every day that she was misbehaving, that it wasn't always her. She would literally be crying saying she didn't understand and thought that she had been good that day when the teacher was giving her a thumbs down. When I went on the class fieldtrip with them I discovered that 99% of the time when ANY child was acting up, it my my GDs name that came out of his mouth. He would literally be standing there yelling her name while looking at another student and she was standing right next to me! After that I realized that he always had a thumbs down for her, but it wasn't always her that was the problem. For whatever reason, her name just always came out of his mouth.

I pointed that out to him and then NEVER asked his opinion again about her behavior. He no longer had any credibility with me!

There's no harm in taking him in for an evaluation.

There are several things to keep in mind for this. A pediatrician treats childhood illnesses. They aren't up to date on mental health issues and ADD/ADHD is a mental health issues. Although many pediatricians do treat ADD/ADHD they aren't really the best to do the evaluations to determine what's going on with your child.

All psychologists do not do evaluations for childhood mental health issues either. Nor do psychiatrists. A psychiatrist usually only sees their patient for a few moments every few months to refill their prescriptions. They don't do other things as a general rule.

A psychologist trained and certified to do evaluations is what you need or to take kiddo to a nearby children's hospital where they have a children's clinic specifically dedicated to doing this sort of evaluation.

We had a psychologist who specialized in diagnosing children's needs do our initial evaluation at the local health department. Then we took him a year later to Oklahoma University Health Science Center (was called Children's Hospital all my life but O U bought it out and renamed it). We took our boy there and he spent the day. We got to sit behind mirrored windows for a majority of it.

We watched the psychologist go through lots of things. From having to verbally tell what an item was for, such as what do you do with shoes, to copying a pattern with bi-colored blocks/cubes half red and half white on a diagonal. Then a physical therapist evaluated him for gate, running, walking sideways, and so much more. There were physical evals along with hearing, sight, and color blind stuff. He spent the day having fun, it's not like sitting at one spot and having to answer questions. They had swings built into the ceiling, a playground outside where they observed him climbing, swinging, and having fun for about 20 minutes a couple of time.

They had the teachers fill out evaluations, both hubby and I filled out our own , independently of each other, and anyone else that had daily contact with kiddo. With all the information they came back with a fully comprehensive evaluation where we could see where he was developmentally and for health issues like bowed legs and pigeon toes to having ADHD. He was very high in a couple of areas, normal in some, and low in others that we hadn't noticed at all. Having all this information we were able to get him special help at school through having a 504 plan. He got pulled out of class to do reading and a couple of other things. Once he got the skills he needed he was able to be up to the level he needed to be.

Getting your child evaluated is a great thing because it gives you the best basis for helping him individual help in his areas where he needs help.

I had a similar experience last year, when my son was in first grade. And the teacher's communication was terrible. We met with a Student Support Team three times during the rest of the year to discuss strategies for better communication and how to manage behavior at home and at school (we did not have him tested).

A few things that have worked well for him: a stool instead of a regular chair (it moves - http://funandfunction.com/wobble-chair.html), giving him a chance to get the wiggles out (running attendance to office), having him sit closer to teacher so she can keep an eye on him, and also giving him a chance to "shine" by leading when possible. There were several other things we have done. He has the same teacher as last year so this is ongoing.

We also implemented a system where I send an index card to school daily with notes about how he slept and ate. He gets a sticker if he ate a good breakfast. Then the teacher sends it back with a note so that I know what is going on during the day. This goes back and forth all week and if he gets 5 stickers then we can celebrate on Friday in some way. I also reinforce expectations of school behavior by reminding him in the morning and talking about his day on the way home but not in a judgy way.

I feel better since we set up a way for me to be more informed of what is happening and see if what I am doing is making a difference. This year has been much better so far. More maturity and better understanding of expectations plus keeping a close eye on good sleep and nutrition. He is also more engaged by the curriculum this year although it is still not that challenging for him.

I know just exactly how stressful this is for you. So if you need to reach out, PM me.

I would want a follow up with the teacher about what he's done to help your son in class. Trust us that your son's behavior is not something totally unusual for a child, especially one in a new school setting. If you feel that you have no direction other than "work with him at home" consider bringing in the school counselor, who should meet with your son and the teacher and try to facilitate a behavior plan. It is fine for you to follow up at home, but if the teacher isn't working with him in the classroom, you're just telling him no after the fact. You are not in the room and the teacher must be in charge of his own class. I can follow up behind my DD's teachers, but her behavior in the room at that moment is something they need to address with her.

Annette has some good points.