6 Year Old Will Not Listen

this may seem very old fashioned but it has worked with my "high-spirited" 4 year old...i don't "ask" - a parent "asking" a child to do a thing implies that they can say yes or no. i tell her very politely with a "please" to do something. if she doesn't there isn't a second "ask" - i get up immediately and get her to do it, if she is watching a program or doing something it stops - then and there...if i keep asking, she will wait until SHE feels like it or not. i think that is recipe for disaster down the line. after a few times they get the message that now means NOW!

Updated

this may seem very old fashioned but it has worked with my "high-spirited" 4 year old...i don't "ask" - a parent "asking" a child to do a thing implies that they can say yes or no. i tell her very politely with a "please" to do something. if she doesn't there isn't a second "ask" - i get up immediately and get her to do it, if she is watching a program or doing something it stops - then and there...if i keep asking, she will wait until SHE feels like it or not. i think that is recipe for disaster down the line. after a few times they get the message that now means NOW!

We had that same problem with my stepdaughter at that same age. She was in trouble at school all the time. She was in trouble at dance. She was in trouble at home. She just didn't listen and did whatever she wanted to do.

We tried all the things you mentioned. This is what worked.

We sat her down and showed her the different jobs of the family members. Daddy and stepmommy work. Stepmommy cooks dinner. Daddy cleans the kitchen. Whatever jobs we had.

Then we showed her her jobs (make bed, clear the table, etc.) and also her jobs at school. Listening, following directions, working hard.

We showed her how she can help the teacher, stepmommy, daddy, etc. by LISTENING and FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS. That is her JOB.

We made her feel really important (which she is) and we made her job of listening and following directions very important.

We also played a game. She would tell us what to do and we'd do it. When she said "stop" we were supposed to stop. At first we did whatever she said. Then we ignored her and did whatever we wanted. We went in her room. We took out her toys and threw them in the middle of the floor (that made her really mad!) We opened her drawer and took out her clothes. All the while she was yelling "Stop! Stop!"

Afterward we talked about how she felt, and let her know that's how WE feel, and her teachers feel when she doesn't listen.

This lesson has lasted us 3 years and counting. Of course we still have issues with her listening but it's improved more than any other method. We still confiscate toys if she's playing with something and not listening. She still can get grounded. But we often bring up this lesson (and she remembers!) and her behavior improves.

I really think that young kids just don't know. They are self-centered, only thinking of themselves and what they want. Bringing them into the broader picture and showing them their place and their job is one step toward becoming an adult who can get along with others.

Hope that helps!

Try a rewards jar. Our son does have ADHD and his behavioral therapist recommended this. Get a glass jar and some marbles. Each day you get a good listener report from his teacher, he earns a marble or two. Bad listener, you take one out. When the marbles reach a certain level, he gets a reward. Consider setting up small goals with the marbles, so it seems attainable. For instance, get to the first line, he gets a box of Legos or gets to go to a movie. Whatever might be motivating to him. When he reaches the top of the jar, big reward -- say, maybe a trip to a local amusement park.

Let the teacher know about the rewards jar so he/she can support your efforts and keep you informed.

Good luck!

Hmm...I am new too parenting but a site that usually has a diverse set of ideas/answers is called the skinny scoop...they have a section on discipline suggestions so you should def check it out..

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/discipline?utm_campa...

Try touching him, like on his shoulder, or being sure you have eye contact. Another thing I do is to preface something with a comment to concentrate on what I'm saying.

One other idea that I got from "How to Talk so Kids will Listen" is instead of repeating, ask them what you just said. In other words, have HIM tell you what he needs to be doing.

Well, if you work in peds, then you know you have some kind of problem, and you also know that you are not qualified, nor is it ethical, for you to do any kind of diagnositcs for your own child. Get a developmental evaluation from someone who is not so close to the situation, and be the patient's parent, instead of the clinician, because "that kid" who disrupts class, needs evaluation by someone who does not love him like a Mom does. You should know that when a child in not capable of applying what he knows to be right and wrong to himself under the application of appropriate and consistent dicipline who cannot manage typcial behavior requires a comprehensive and unbiased evaluation from a disinterested clinician. You also know that ADHD is not the only issue that causes what you are seeing. Go find out for sure.

M.

Our schools do behavior charts. Each kid gets a "color" for the day. Each class, year, teacher, school, etc uses their own colors, so it starts over new each year. For my daughter, who is starting 2nd grade, if she kept on purple (very good behavior) every day, on Friday we let her pick out a book from the library, what gave we were going to play, what to make for dinner, etc...something she picked at the start of the week and worked towards. A month got her a happy meal for lunch! Granted, I met her more often than that and never worry about her behavior, but it still worked as something that made her think. Our kids know flat our that disrespect will not stand at all, and getting in trouble is being disrespectful. Could you talk to him and use that kind of an example?? Good luck!! BTW, my son is 5 and is similar. He has recently started doing his own thing, but it's RARELY. So I'm curious to see what other suggestions come in!

I'm very eager to see what other parents write.. I am going through a REALLY hard time with my almost 4 year old son not listening to ANYTHING I say.. Timeouts used to work like a charm, now they don't even phase him..... Counting to 3 used to work like a charm, now it doesn't phase him... Taking things away, he just goes and plays with something else.... Started a sticker chart and at the end of the week if he has enough stickers he can go get a toy, he could care less (we just started the sticker chart this week and it's already down the drain)...I always tell him what a GREAT job he's doing when he's been good and hoping that my encouragement will keep him being good but that doesn't even help. I have spanked him on his bottom also.... I was hoping it was just the "phase" of his age but it seems to occur at all different ages..
I like the idea of role reversal game... I'll try that... And also I have heard that you should never "ask" a child (which I catch myself doing all the time) to do something...
Good luck! BELIEVE ME, I understand your frustration!!!!!