5Th Grader Who Still Has to Wear Pull-ups at Night

It is probably emotional - tied to the death of her friend. Try getting her counseling - she probably never dealt with her feelings because she didn't know how and no one helped her. Children don't get "get over" things like people think. They have minds, feelings, emotions, etc. just like adults and sometimes they need help processing them just like adults.

I have a 15 year old girl who just stopped using pull ups. I tried the bell. I tried letting her sleep in her pee. I tried a medication(may want to talk to doctor). I tried removing foods and liquids. I also tried to pinpoint allergies(one is milk). nothing worked. She was not really worried about it. She was not embarrassed. So, i just let her handle it and finally, she got over it.

If you think it might be an emotional issue, you may want to look into a counselor. If she is embarrassed about it, then maybe she has an idea. Otherwise, there is hope she will grow out of it! good luck!

Hi C..
I had a son who had the same concern until he was about 10. So I know it is disconcerting and costly. What you don't want it to cost is -her- emotional stability. She will grow out of it, as you know. In the meantime, I would recommend supporting her efforts to stay dry without any humiliation (including from her brother). Her confidence may actually help. It must be very disheartening and embarrassing for her. This too shall pass. Hang in there.
K.

C., you're not alone. My 6 year old was in a car accident when she was 3(completely potty trained)and is still wetting at night. Right after the accident she was wetting and pooping in her pants all the time, slowly but surely we have gotten it down to just wetting at night. I'm still not sure whether to take her to a child psychologist for the emotional trauma. Was at least glad to hear I'm not alone out there though. Good luck with whatever route you take.

Look for a NAET pratitioner in your area, my nephew had a problem even as an adult until we found out about this treatment for allergies, his was milk. They check and can treat all three levels, Physical, emotional and chemical. It absolutely could have been triggered by her friend being killed. Go to NAET.COM and you can read all about it. It truly is amazing. C.

Have you tried waking her up at night to go to the bathroom? This may work! The emotional trauma may have had a very bad effect on her. How about counseling? It would not hurt to try!
Good luck to you!

I would suggest learning how to do Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) at http://www.emofree.com.
This has been used to cure all kinds of issues, and this is a clear case of emotional issues affecting the body.
You can contact me if you need additional assistance with the technique. It is very empowering and even Vietnam Vets have had amazing results for post traumatic stress syndrome within 15 minutes of using the technique, having had psychotherapy for more than 30 years without relief.

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Love, L.

Hi C.,

I agree. You may want to look into counseling. It sounds to me like she is experiencing regressive behavior to another time when she felt safe. Many children will regress when they experience traumatic events. We have dealt with a similar problem with our youngest child who was abandoned by his birth mom at an early age. Good news is that things have gotten much better. If you want to talk more I would love to discuss possible solutions for you. I am a counselor and I have six children of my own (birth and step). I wish you hope for the future. Let me know if I can help.

C.

I myself have not had this problem, but growing up my best friend and her siblings had this similar problem. They had the same lack of diueretic and deep sleep, when they found their mother dead in her car (my friend and her siblings) it triggered the night time wetting, I remember I was the only person outside of the family who know of this "issue" my friends faced. Their father decided to give therapy for them a shot and I was asked to come in on one of the sessions as a support. After a few months of therapy the symptoms SLOWLY diminished. This may not be what kind of answer you are looking for but thought I'd give you another option so you have more avenues to research. There is also a nasal spray with the ingredient DDAVP which has been shown to help with nighttime wetting, it is a prescription drug, and I know some parents would rather not use medication, it is another option.

Best regards,

Maria

Have you sought counseling for her grief? Maybe she hasn't really dealt with those emotions. Also, one of my best friends has a daughter who has an under-developed bladder. Her peditrician always said she was fine, but she disagreed and took her daughter to a urologist.
That may be something to consider as well. Take care. Good luck!

Listen to your doctor, I don't think that you can train your daughter to not wet the bed at night. I wet the bed as a child until I was almost 12. Emotionally it was very difficult for me, but I also had the deep sleep problem. My mom tried the "alarm" and it did not work. It was actually pretty traumatic to be awaken in the middle of the night by an alarm. I would say just keep using the pull ups until your daughter outgrows this problem. Also, try to be very supportive of her as it can become very embarrassing as she gets older.

I have a 5 year old grandson that lives with me. He also wets in the bed. I've tryed everything. I never once have used pull ups, reason, I felt that just gives him permission to wet in the bed.

WhatI do, every time I get up in the night to use the restroom, I go in his room and get him up to go, he does not drink anything after 6:00 p.m. This is working for me.

Good luck

HI C.,

I was a bed wetter for years myself. I do believe me wetting came from emotional issues and from being a deep sleeper. I also think being a deep sleeper was partly from having emotional problems. Now I have a child who is wetting and he is 7.5. The thing that makes me belive it is emotional....we took him to a chriopractor and after one adjustment...he stopped wetting for months! He believed it would work and it did. Have you asked her if wetting her bed bothers her? I think my son likes the attention too much to really want to stop now. And all kinds of excuses come up; I am scared to go to the bathroom alone, etc. Due to the trama of her friend, I would not just look into talk therapy but look into someone that specializes in EMDR. A chiropractor might be able to help. But drugs to lightening her sleep scares me. Dreaming seems to me a way we allow our mind to help deal and process what is going in the waking hours. I would love to keep in contact to share what might be working or not. If you live in Sonoma/Marin county I can give you a name of a councelor to see. Good luck.

Hi C.,

You got a lot of good information already, but I thought I'd add that my daughter (now 34) had recurring urinary tract infections and that (and deep sleeping) led to her being a bed wetter until she was 13! It was difficult and I had little information to go on, plus pressure from people to "make her responsible" for her wet clothing and bedding, making her change sheets and put wet clothing etc. into the laundry room. As she got older, that made sense, but earlier, she felt punished and ashamed for something she couldn't help. I regret that I listened to those people even for a minute. We tried the alarm, which didn't help, and eventually just got used to changing sheets. We used the "wet pads" with rubber in the center and flannel on the outsides to protect the mattress. The good news is she DID outgrow it. She's still more prone than most to bladder infections, but is healthy overall.

Also, I agree the counseling could be worth a try since she was so traumatized at such a young age.

Blessings and good luck!

I am 28y/o and work for a pediatrician, I am 18 wks along with my first child, however, I do know that any type of emotional stress on a child can trigger many things, including bed wetting... your childs pediatrician, if they havent already offered, can prescribe a medicine for her to try that will keep her from wetting her bed at night along with the normal advice of nothing to eat or drink at least 3 hrs before bedtime and make sure she goes before she gets into bed. At the office I work for, we do see this issue alot, I have even seen it to age 13! I hope this helps...stay strong and dont stop trying! You have to stay consistant or nothing will work!

I understand how frustrating that is. We have two children who still have some trouble with lack of control of both their bladders and their bowels. One is doing much better than the other. The girls are 8 yr. old twins and we're adopting them. I do agree with you when you say that trauma has a lot to do with the problem, but there IS hope. We've tried a method that our doctor recommended, without having to use the sensors. For about 2 years, we gave the girls a regulated toilet schedule that we really wanted them to follow. They would go to the toilet at regular hours to get in the habit of actually going to the toilet. At night, they would have to go to the toilet before bed, but would not be allowed to drink anything after 7:00pm, doctor's orders. Then, my husband and I would alternate nights and wake the girls up at about 1:00 or 2:00 am every night to take them to the bathroom. They eventually got out of the habit of wetting the bed. The wetting problems that remain are in the daytime when they don't go to the toilet at their regular times. I know it sounds tedious, but I'm telling you we got results. It was just hard on my husband and I to have to get up every night. It sounds to me like other women who've responded have tried the same method and have also gotten results. I just find it interesting that many twins have bladder control problems. I wonder if there's been research done on that subject. Oh, by the way, I would also try EFT as well. I've heard many positive things about it. Good luck! D.

My cousin sets an alarm clock for 2 am and gets her daughter up to go to the bathroom. It solved the bed wetting problem.

But, your daughter may need to talk to a counselor about the loss of her friend. It is very hard for a child that young to really realize what death is all about.

Good luck and God Bless, B.

I agree with the other moms about the counseling. She started back up after the tragedy and has suppressed her feelings. If that doesn't work, she is a heavy sleeper, there are prescriptions out there that they can give her to help her to lighten her sleep enough so she wakes when her bladder send the signals. See a counselor and a urologist they can work hand in hand and get her the help she needs. I know how cruel little girls can be to those that have a "pull-up" problem. My daughter went through it and out grew it when she started puberty.

My sister is a deep sleeper who wet the bed long after most kids were dry at night (she's now grown with a baby of her own). My parents resorted to setting an alarm clock and waking her up before she wet the bed and "walking" her to the bathroom -- assisting her since she was obviously still half-asleep. It took at close to a year and my mom had distorted sleep patterns, but it worked. My sister's brain finally made the connection and she would get up and go on her own -- although not remembering it many a morning!

Hi C.- looks like you have some good responses here, and maybe some not so good. My two sons were both late to stay dry through the night ( I recall being a bit late myself, and Dad's entire family was late) The main thing I want to tell you is that the two younger children of that family (now in their 40s-50s) had the unhappy experience of the bed alarm, and as adults attribute some of their nervousness/ tendency to insomnia to that experience. I would try homeopathy, pull-ups and patience. It will pass, I hope sooner rather than later. All the best- R.

Though my boy-girl twins are younger (6.5), we are overcoming the issue ourselves. My son is not allowed liquids for at least an hour and a half before he sleeps and if for whatever reason he does get some, he gets a late night bathroom call. His father, actually, takes him every late night. Maybe this routine will help.

I had a nephew w/ a similar problem. It turned out to be medical issue. He started taking medication that helped tremendously. Forgive me, I don't know the name of it, but I do remember it had to be refrigerated. But it was amazing for him, since he was at the age where kids were having slumber parties, and until then, never felt comfortable going. If this is a route you are interested in, I would definitely talk to your doctor.

Ask your doctor for the nasal spray prescription medication. My grand daughter had the same problem and eventually outgrew it but the nasal spray was a life saver! She was able to have sleepovers without the worry or embarrasement of having an accident.

My initial thought is to not make a big deal of it. If she wants to wear pull ups, let her. She will eventually outgrow them and ask to not wear them, but it could cause even more anxiety for her if she feels she is somehow doing something 'wrong' by wearing pull ups. Even worse if she feels the embarrasment of peeing her bed.

Best of luck to you and her. I think it is great that she is asking for what she needs.

N.

C., My son, who is now 18 was a bed wetter until he was in the forth grade, due to his deep sleeping. We did not want to use medication so we used the alarm that snapped to his underpants and would go off if he wet. For the first six weeks the only person it woke up was me. This system takes a lot of committed hard work. A lot of sleepless nights for you. I made him walk while holding him up to the bathroom even though he had nothing left in his blatter. Like anything you have to be persistant. It does work. I didn't notice him start to really wake up and walk to the bathroom on his own until after the first six weeks. After three months he never wet the bed again. If you want to help his self asteem you really need to try the alarm again. Two weeks was not long enough. Even the lituture tells you that. It is a long hard sacrafice but it is worth it. I only wished my doctor had told me about it earlier. If you don't get this resolved soon the child will have emotional issues with low self esteem. Unless you are dwelling all the time of this childs loss I don't think the bed wetting has anything to do with the loss. I thought my child had been abused or something until I realized what a heavy sleeper he was. Go back to the alarm tonight and good luck!! You can and have to help you child.

My daughter still wets the bed on occasion as well. She is 6, a bit younger than yours, and has not had the emotional issues that your daughter is dealing with. What we do to help with the bed wetting is covers to keep the mattress clean and minimal stuff to wash, but the what seems to help the most is we do insist she goes to the bathroom right before she gets in bed and then I get her up right before I go to bed. This has helped a lot recently and she manages to make it the rest of the night. I used to get up with her at least twice a night, but then I wasn't getting my sleep either. My daughter does not want to go back to pull-ups (big savings for us), so she is trying. I had a wetting problem when I was growing up as well. I would have accidents during the day through first grade. I took medicine for it for at least 4 years. Trust me, it was disgusting. I do not plan on giving anything like it to my daughter. I do believe that the advice about the counseling will help since your daughter went through such a tragedy. But for now, trying to get her up during the night might be a help.

I have a son who finally stopped wetting at night in 5th grade. We tried the alarm too and getting him up--nothing worked. What finally worked was a drug called Desmopressin. Our prediatrician perscribed it. He stayed dry fairly regularly on the drug. After about 5-6 months, he said he think he didnt need it anymore so he stopped taking it and has been dry ever since.

I am not sure if this will make you feel better...but any words may help. I am a mother of a 20 month old and we just started potty training. When I was a little girl I did not stop night wetting until I was 18 years old. I had a traumatic event happen when I was five that doctors thought may have triggered this. My mom tried everything, pads, bells, etc... not drinking water before bed helps alot. I am sure you have tried this. But please keep up hope your little one will learn soon enough. Hope maybe hearing this helps?

Lanie

Hi C.,
We experienced that same thing with our now 14year-old son. Interestingly enough, he potty trained very early but had a problem with wetting the bed at night. We also tried everything; no fluids after a certain in the evening, no salty foods in the evening and making sure he used the potty just prior to going to bed and nothing seemed to work. We also tried the bell, which was made everyone crazy. We too were told that because he was a deep sleeper that he would have to learn to wake himself up and the bell would help with that. There were times when he could go months without an accident and other times he woke up wet every morning for weeks on end. We found that if he were stressed, it was more likely that there would be a wet morning. What ultimately happened,is he began to out grow the problem. This may very well be the case with your daughter, as she gets older, the problem will take care of itself.

I would ask your pediatrician about seeing a pediatric urologist. I think the bladder isn't growing as fast as the rest of your kiddo. I can tell you that i have a sig bladder disease that showed up during childhood and wasn't really examined until my teens, I think everyone thought it was behaivoral....with some early intervention who knows if it would have gotten so bad. Just my 2 cents. Good luck.

M.

HI C.,

I am very sorry about your daughter's friend. That is a very traumatic event to happen to her so early in life. I thought there was a medication to help with the antidiuretic hormone, but perhaps you do not want her to be on medication which I completely understand.

Well, my dd is only 3 but she was waking constantly with nightmares and night terrors and it was taking over my life-literally, because neither of were getting any sleep. Thus, we would both be very cranky and unpleasant during the day. It was a vicious cycle.

Here is what helped me TREMENDOUSLY after seeking tons of advice. She now rarely ever wakes up unless I 'break' the rules.

1) absolutley NO liquids after 5 pm. (she goes to bed by 8 pm) I make sure she drinks tons of liquids all day so that she doesn't get thirsty at night. I constantly remind her to drink, drink and then warn her at about 430 that she won't be able to drink anymore soon.

2) I also make sure she doesn't eat dinner to late (for nightmares/tummy aches) Not sure if this would help your daughter but anything is worth a try isn't it? Some foods can also cause urination.

I would definately try waking her up BEFORE you think she has to urinate. You can set an alarm for yourself to wake her or set her up with an alarm in her own room (hopefully she hears it and wakes) this was something I tried with my daughter. Make her use the restroom even she doesn't feel like she has to go.

This is all I can think of for now. But the no liquids has to work eventually because she won't have mush in her bladder throughout the night if she completely empties by the time she falls asleep.

Good luck. My poor brother used to wet his bed all the time and would tell me that he was dreaming that he had waken up, walked to the bathroom and was using the toilet. Next thing he knew he was actually waking up and was in bed all wet.

I know how frustrating the bed wetting can be but from what I have researched it is very common. Our son wet the bed until he was almost in the 6th grade. He is a very hard sleeper. We finally got rid of the pull-ups. With the pull-ups he couldn't feel he was wet every night. We found his routine of when he was wetting the bed at night (which was usually about 12-1 am) and woke him up before to use the bathroom. I then would wake him again at 7 before I went to work. Within a month the bed wetting was reduced dramatically and by 3-4 months he completely stopped. Your child doesn't want to wet the bed anymore than you do. Be supportive and good luck.

Homeopathy. I have used it for myself and my children and have found it miraculously works at the various levels of emotion, mental and physical. It has solved a deep grief issue of my daughter's which manifested itself on the physical level as with your daughter.

If you'd like a few names of practitioners let me know.

Hi C.,
What a traumatic experience for your daughter! I am so sorry she lost her friend in such a horrific accident. I have been suggesting to parents of bedwetters the following website. www.nobedwetting.com It has worked wonders for my 10 year old son! Good luck!
L.

My daughter is in 6th grade and has the same bed wetting issue. We tried the bell sytsem but my daughter slept right through it, or it would go off even if she wasn't wet. I have read that they should not wear pull ups unless it is for a sleep over or something like that. We have started putting waterproof pads on the bed, that way if she is wet we only have to change that and not the whole bed. She also tries not to eat or drink past 7pm and sometimes that works. Waking her up at midnight or 1am to use the bathroom helps too. She is a very deep sleeper and it is hard to get her up. I would like some advice as well. I wanted to avoid medications but we may have to at some point.

L.

Hi C.,
As a mom and a Medical Professional I agree with your Doctor. I have been searching bed wetting for over 6 year's . I would say just keep encouraging the children.
Do not allow the child to see the frustration in your face or how you react. I have designed three new innovative bed wetting timepieces that will help to assist our millions of children and adults who suffers from incontinence. Please do not feel as though you are a lone. Sometimes children react in many different ways allow the children to feel comfortable teach them to assist you when cleaning up the area or washing him/her up.
You can view the devices on www.myspace.com/ItHappen they will be out soon.Cheer Up C....I am coming to the rescue!!!
L.

If I understood you correctly the bed-wetting was triggered by trauma (emotional). So, mabye the problem is not physical, instead it may be unresolved emotional issues. Mabye some counseling would help her to deal with unresolved feelings or issues due to the tragic loss.