I thought potty training was over, YEAH!! I was wrong. My sonstarted Kindergarden this year and has starting wetting his pants a few times a week in school and a few times a week at home. At first I thought it was just an adjustment to school but now it is old. The teacher has complained to me and has expressed her concern that it may be medical. I went to doc and he says he shows initiative when we wants to go so there is no delay problem. I explained that to teacher and she says OK then we will try keeping him out of fun activities if he wets himself. When I ask him why is does not go he says nothing. I am wondering what I am supposed to do and what type of punishment is appropriate for wetting pants and more importantly how do I express the importance to him that it is unexceptable for big boys to potty in their pants.
Thank You
T.
maybe he is afraind to go the the bathroom by himself? My son 's class gos as a group and when they have to go in between those times- she sends them w/a buddy. Maybe it's a fear thing.
Hi T.:
This is somewhat embarrasing for me to admit, but I remember that I did the same thing until I started the first grade. I would just pee myself if I was outside with my friends. I would go the rest of the day with a half moon shaped clod of dirt on my pants where I peed. In hindsight, I'm surprised my friends didn't say anything. My reason was that I was scared my friends would leave me behind if I went inside to use the bathroom--I thought they would be gone when I came out. It could be something similar, that he doesn't want to miss out on anything. I would try empathizing with him to get him to open up about why. He probably understands that you and his teacher don't think it is acceptable for 'big boys' to go potty in their pants. He is probably having a hard time reconciling that with whatever his thoughts or feelings are that are making him avoid going to the potty.
I don't remember my parents doing anything special to help me, cruel as that may sound. I just grew out of it, or eventually figured out I could trust that my friends would stick around long enough or that I could track them down. I wouldn't recommend this approach, though--I wish my parents had been more empathetic and tried to figure out why I was wetting myself.
On another note, in case it ever happens. I did have a 'spontaneous' bowel movement during class in the first grade (not intentional and VERY embarrasing--my mom had to bring me some clean undies). It is nothing to make a big 'to do' about, unless it happens a lot, then there could be muscle control issues.
OK, good luck, now that I have shared my embarrasing moments... :)
B.
We had this problem with our daughter, who recently started kindergarten as well. She was pooping in her pants though...she has stopped and knows it is not a big girl thing to do at all. I think there is a stress of school, and if his teacher is not being at all supportive of him, then it is a problem. He also may be dealing with someone teasing him or bothering him at school - does he still seem happy? I hope it stops soon for you! I know it is frusterating...just this week we got our 3 year old son potty trained finally! Good luck!
Hi T.,
I find it weird that the teacher would complain to you (unless just for the fact she is worried about his medical health), but after she found out that he was cleared, she should have maybe taken the initiative to have him go potty before the fun activities instead of withholding him from them.....
I am a full-time step-mom of two - I took over parenting when the kids were 7 and 5. They were both getting used to a new home and would wet the bed at night (a problem their grandmother had no issues with before, but the toilet was in their room, they had a different routine, etc). I couldn't understand it, because I wouldn't let them drink 2 hours before bedtime and they went to the bathroom before sleeping and it still happened...so I started waking them up 2 hours after sleeping (right before I went to bed) and they would use the bathroom and go back to sleep; that curbed the nighttime problem...but THEN, they started the new school year and I had more issues with wetting, but this time at school.
The younger child is a girl and she was fine; however, the older child is a boy and would wet himself 3 times a month and he was in 3rd grade! I was at a loss because I thought at that age he should be over his issues; and he didn't have those issues at grandma's house. This happened a lot at recess. I thought maybe he was too wrapped up in playing that he would forget or hold it too long, so I told him to make sure to go to the bathroom before recess, after recess, etc so this wouldn't happen. All the resources told me not to punish him; but surely this was different than unintentional wetting of the bed - he was old enough to go to the bathroom! When it kept happening and I had gone through loads and loads of laundry, I finally decided to take away his privileges. I took away his video games, and his incentive to get them back was to stop peeing his pants. He finally 'remembered' to go to the bathroom and he stopped wetting his pants. I realize that it is embarrassing and a hassle for all, but I don't think not punishing is the answer. I also realized that my son was in a totally new environment and feeling awkward and maybe was too impatient or self-conscious to go to the bathroom (much like your child starting a new chapter in his life), but he overcame this issue by a little negative/positive reinforcement. After he had controlled the issue, I let him have his games back and he has never had that issue again. We are very happy and he is better able to deal with stress now - we moved again to a new state, new school, new house,etc and he has adjusted with flying colors! They are now 7 and 11 and very happy and healthy.
With a 5 year old, he is old enough to know better as well - if the doctor has cleared him of a UTI, I would by all means take away his favorite toy or games and tell him that he can have it/them back when he can be a big boy and not wet his pants. This may seem harsh (although witholding privileges is not necessarily a 'punishment,' just not a privileged EARNED), but there should be actions/consequences taught and he should be shown that his choices affect the outcome of his privileges; he will get the picture. Then not only will he start 'remembering' to pee and get his toys back, but you will be happier as well!
Considering the difficulty of changing clothes at school several times a day, and the potential for the other children teasing him, I seriously doubt your son is doing this on purpose. I'm a firm believer that you should never punish a child for a biological accident, no matter how "on purpose" it may seem. There have been numerous good ideas on why this may occur, especially the pressure to not interrupt class, the forced schedule of bathroom breaks at some schools, and the wearing of clothes that are hard to remove. Even at home, my 5 yr old son will suddenly stop playing and stampede to the bathroom to pee. So it's not much of a stretch to imagine the difficulty of him suddenly realizing he needs to go, and then can't just run off to the potty at school like he can at home. I'd definitely visit the school for a whole day, or ask for lots more details on the schedule, is he allowed to go whenever he needs to no matter how much it may interrupt class, etc. Most of all, don't make him feel worse and particularly don't allow the teacher to make him feel worse! She should have be supportive of the situation, whatever it may be. Good luck!
Please don't punish him, his friends are probably already doing that as it is. It sounds like he gets busy and forgets he has to go or he is afraid to ask (she doesn't sound like the most warm and fuzzy person). His teacher could help him out by sending him more frequently to the bathroom or if there is a particular timing to his accidents send him at those times.
Did the pediatrician actually do an x-ray to look for a bowel impaction? My son had no symptoms except the accidents and the pediatrician could not feel any mass, but the impaction was substantial and made it impossible for my son to tell when he had to go. It's fairly common when school starts because the kids try very hard to "hold it" so they won't have to interupt other activities or because they are afraid to ask permission to use the bathroom.
Good luck!
T.,
I just wanted to add that you need to make sure that some kid in his class isn't telling him that he can't use the bathroom. It is amazing the things kids will figure out to be mean to other kids or try to control them.
I've had this happen to my daughter when she was three.
Hi T.,
My 5 year old daughter wets herself from time to time at school as well. She doesn't have any medical issues either. I found that sometimes her wetting spells are just from jealousy, even though we do everything in the book to make her happy by bribes and all. It still happens. It could be just a phase as well. Know that your not the only one.
Hi,
I have taught kidergarten and want to make sure you are dressing him in clothes he can get up and down. Many schools won't allow the teacher to help the child undress for the potty. Overalls and bodysuits are no nos for young children in school. Kids this age also do play so hard that by the time they respond to the potty feeling it is too late. Also I agree the teacher should be willing to work with you on this for everyones benefit. Some teachers are loud and commanding making the children that are quiet/shy afraid to ask anything even to potty. You might also want to sit in on a class to see if this teacher is doing or saying anything that would cause him to stay silent even if he needs to go. Punishment for this really isn't warranted since I don't think he is doing it on purpose. Who wants that kind of attention and humiliation at 5?
Hi T.,
When my daughter was about the same age she started doing the same thing, it was so frustrating. One doc, a long time friend told me and my mom that she was potty trained wrong. That really hurt, after visting sereral doctors, and my child suffering through much embarrassement we found a uroglist in South Dakota where we were at the time, a who was said this was common with kids, the nerves were not fully developed and put her on a liquid medicine for about 6 months and then she was slowly taken off of it, and she had not further problems. I am sorry I do not remember the name of the medicine, but the doctor I do remember, Dr. Butts. I hope this helps. He did help our daughter. I am sure there are local doctors who have heard of this problem. My daugher did not know when she was going potty, it just happened. You may want to think of that before punishing him. I regret the punishing I did, but I did not know she was not aware of the need to go.
A lot of children go through periods of having accidents, and though it's not a medical problem, it is a physical issue. Sometimes when a child goes through a growth spurt, his or her bladder doesn't keep up with the growth right away and takes a while to catch up. Wetting pants then happens because he or she has to pee much more frequently and isn't used to it, and may actually have the "feeling" of having to pee more quickly and intensely and not be able to hold it.
Have you ever tried using social stories? You take a few pictures of your child and write a story about her going to the bathroom. It's like a story about a girl having accidents and then progressing to going to the bathroom in time, only you daughter is the character in the story! We used these for our kids during potty training, and then when our little boy had accidents. The kids identify well with the story, and they really seem to work!
I really don't think punishing for accidents is appropriate, but that's just my opinion. I'd at least try alternatives first.
Oh, and I am a kindergarten teacher. I think it's pretty ridiculous for your daughter's teacher to complain about this. :)
B.
I don't think I would punish your son for wetting his pants. Perhaps he is having so much fun that he waits too long before going to the toilet and he can't hold it. I remember when I was six years old in first grade. Sometimes I wet my pants because I couldn't hold it. I felt terribly embarrassed. I didn't need punishment. I needed a caring teacher to help me get to the bathroom soon enough. AF
T.,
I think I disagree with the teacher. Her old is she anyway's, is this her first year of kindergarten? Does she have children of her own ? Its very typical of 5 year old to wet their pants. I think all children go though the stage where they are potty trained but then for some reason they start forgetting again.... NOt really but sorta. School is very BUSY, lots of distractions, the kids do not want to miss anything. Does he get plenty of time to or opportunities to use the bathroom. My daughters kindergarten teacher would allow the kids to raise there hand like as if they had a question but if they need to use the bathroom they would move their hand back in forth as the sign language version of needing to use the bathroom. Then none of the kids would know because it wasn't blerted out and they didn't need to feel embarrassed. She told me that even though she allows them to do the sign, she still has accidents ALL the time. I bet if you don't see your son having these same issues at home then he is waiting to long to use the potty or cant make it, he is embarrassed to interrupt and ask the teacher or maybe someone else was using the bathroom at the time (again waiting too long). I would be patient, he has really only been in school for 1 month. Have you seen the criteria that they need to meet in this first year. Its very fast past from what we did then. Was he in preschool ? This all is a huge adjustment. I DONT believe he should be punished in anyway unless you know he is purposely doing it. And if she believes it could be medical.. why would she punish him. Thats not good for his self esteem.
