My 5 yr old step son gets hesterical if you try to close any bathroom doors, including in his own home, even if someone is with him. When I questions him about it he told me once the door got stuck and they had to yell for a long time and someone had to get them out. He said he can't remember who got him out or where he was. It upset him to tell me that much so I did not press him for details. We spoke with his mom, but she relly has no idea what he could be talking about. We need to get him past this fear. We have shown him how the locks work on the doors, and asured him that we would not lock or shut the door while he is in the bathroom at home. But in public restrooms we would need to shut the door. We have always gone in with him, but if we try to close the door he get hesterical. I'm not sure what to do next. I want to seek counseling, but his dad thinks we just need to work with him and let him get over it in his own time.
He's only five, do you REALLY need to close the door?? The stalls are so small, that most of the time when I help my 3 year old in the public bathrooms, the door does not close. I think he will outgrow this esp when he goes at school and he sees the other kids going. He got really scared, and he just needs some time to get over this.
My son at various stages in his life (now 12 years old) has had different fears, a lot of which he's grown out of. He seems to have a vague recollection and honestly it may not even be his own memory. He may have even dreamt it or seen it on TV when he was smaller and it's made an impression on him. Especially in the first 6 years or so, my son would have dreams that were really vivid to him. He tells a story about something that supposedly happened when he was two at our old house about a monster in his room. I remember when he dreamt it. It is still, all these years later as vivid to him as if it really happened.
But he's a well adjusted boy who does well in school and aside from the new "puberty" attitude, does really well.
I think dad is right. Counseling is a bit much at this point. Just keep telling him that it's okay to shut the door and let him do it in his own time.
My daughter is 20 months old now and developed a fear of the bath a few months ago that extends to pools. Nothings happened to her in the water so there isn't a reason for her to be afraid, it's just a stage. She's slowly working out of it.
This is likely a stage and it too will pass. Just be sensitive to his fear and give him time.
He doesn't need counseling unless you feel he has had somekind of past life experience. I would let him open and close the door.
Tell him he needs to learn to close the door. You will need to have this skill when you go to kindergarden and in public restrooms. If he is just pulling this trick at home, he is trying to be in control. So you are best to let him freak out and get over it. A 5 year old should not be hysterical. He is not reason to be hysterical. I am not sure about this story of being locked in a bathroom. BUt, I would close the door and ask him to open it, over and over and over again until he can stop the hysteria.
Children have a way of minipulating situtations to gain some sense of power. You have the power, you are the adult and he is the child.
It will be fine. Hang in there.
N.
I would really investigate about what your Step-son is telling you about being locked in a bathroom. He's 5 years old...and he must know what he is talking about. Based on his reaction...I doubt he is making up this story. He seems genuinely frightened and very scared.
Who was he with? Was is at school that this happened? Did someone play a prank on him? Did someone, God forbid, lock him in the bathroom on purpose? How did he end up in the bathroom anyway and locked in? Was it in someone's home or out in public? Ask the teacher at his school....see if she remembers anything about any incidents like this. There MUST be some truth to what your son is telling you....his reaction about is fear is very real.
I would be concerned. I know, well based on news etc., sometimes people lock kids in a room, on purpose. Would anyone in his life, his Mom, siblings (if he has any) or anyone associated with his family, do this to him? I'm just looking at all possibilities....
Try keep talking with him...see if he remembers anything else, or did he have nightmares as well? Associated with this, or perhaps a nightmare scared him?
Take care and all the best,
~Susan
if something that traumatic happened, i think he would remember who got him out and where he was. sounds like he is not telling everything, but kids do stuff to get attention sometimes. They will 'act out' about things that they can't explain. i think you should try planning your activities so that he never has to go to a public bathroom for a while... and leave him alone about going at home with the door open. It won't be forever, just for a while until you can figure out what's really wrong.
sorry, this lap top is sensitive, get him some help, does he go to kendergarden? and if so does he use the bathroom? Ket me know what you decide. J.
I have a five year old and he often has some dreams that when he wakes up he thinks they really happened I hope that is what it is. I also was abused as a child and I would look into gently trying to get more information from him when ever possible. It sounds like a real fear and I would not ignore it for now let him have the door open and if in public just stand in front of the door to give a little privacy. Is he ok shutting his bedroom door? Whether real or not there is a reason he is so terrified. I hope you find it soon. Be patient and good luck.
I agree with the possible dream theory- my neice had a dream that a bird flew in her room and terriorized her all night long. (I happened to be spending the night at their house that night) and she woke up near morning screaming- we all ran in there and her windows were shut and no sign of a bird at all or marks on her body and although we tried to explain it was a dream(she was about 5)she would never sleep in that room again. Thank God they moved about a yr later-she is now 25 and insists that bird was in her room. Dreams are powerful, but the next time you get a chance, before the bathroom has to be used sit down and have a quiet conversation with him over cookies by just saying. I know you are afraid when we shut the door to the bathroom and don't worry I wont shut it on you today but tell me about it-who was there with you?(it may have been a friend/whoever it was ask them if it really happened.) Where did this happen? How long ago? stuff like that with a lot of compassion, you can even say "that does sound scary" so he thinks you understand and he will open up more. That will give you a chance to access it and find out if it really did happen-if after all the info and some detective work- you feel it was a dream or something like that, you can start to talk to him about how dreams feel so real and maybe that will help, or you will find out it did happen and you can take things from there- GOOD LUCK
My son (who is 6 years old) has been locked in the bathroom before and never had any problems with going back in (or locking the door). He was in the bathroom by himself or with someone else? My concern would be what happened in the bathroom while he was "locked" in there with someone else? And a five year old who can't remember where or when it happened? That seems suspicious too. I'm probably over-reacting (I'm a very protective mother), so you shouldn't get too worked up. But ask your stepson more about this. Find out who he was with, what they did in the bathroom. Getting upset when pressed for details and his mother doesn't know what he is talking about? Again, very suspicious. (He might even have just seen a scary movie, but it is always better to be sure where things stand.)
Having him not lock the door at home isn't a big deal and trying to arrange things so he won't have to go out of the home (like going to the potty right before leaving the house every time and not staying out for as long) might help with your stress. Other than that, just be with him in the public restroom, hold the door closed, but assure him that you are right there. Stand right outside if it is a bathroom for one so no one else goes inside while he is in there. A lot of stores now have "family restrooms" so you can go in there with him if he feels uncomfortable. Eventually, as he gets older, he will get over this and be able to lock the door and feel safe.
I think it might be a little premature to think about counselling. Is he well-adjusted in all other areas? If so, let him work this out on his own. Since he's still pretty young, it's not too big of a deal if the bathroom door is open while in a public bathroon---are you talking the stall or the actual door to the bathroom? I'm sure you can use your imagination on how to handle it for awhile. If he doesn't appear to be getting over it after a few mos., you might have to curtail your activities until he gets over this. Maybe you can use that as an incentive (after you wait a few mos. to see how this goes on its own) with him. You know---"You are getting too old to leave the bathroom door open in public, so we're not going to be able to go to the movies/Disneyland/Knotts, etc., until you are able to do this. What can we do to help you with this?" Possibly set up an incentive chart for each time he is able to close the bathroom door---possibly start in public, since that is where it's important, and he gets a small prize each time he succeeds. Or, a slip from a prize jar--each slip is labeled with something different---trip for ice-cream, bike ride with dad, your choice movie/game rental, board game w/dad and step-mom, etc. Try to make them more time/fun w/parents presents then toy presents. You'd be amazed at how much fun with you two works at this age! Good luck.
I think you should - gently - press for more details to get to the root of this fear. If it's something in his imagination, then I think your husband is right. If it's a result from an actual traumatic event, counseling might be in order, because who knows what other ramifications there will be?
As far as helping him get over it, is there any way, while you are at home, that you can show him how easy it is to open the bathroom door when it's closed? Make a game of it. Have him on the outside and you on the inside. Close the door, and then call out, "I'm coming out!" and open the door. Once he seems ready, you can say, "It's your turn!" Or role play using toys or stuffed animals. Meanwhile, try not to make too big a deal out of him wanting the door open. As other people suggested, use yourself to block the stall when he's in a public restroom until he is able to handle having the door closed. Most people will understand, and if they don't, you probably won't see them again anyway.
Good luck!
Hi M.,
It is definitely a phobia with logical beginnings. One way therapists treat phobias is to gradually expose them to it after teaching them ways to relax with breathing exercises. Then, you would start by partially closing the door while he did the breathing, and then stop. You gradually do more and more over a period of time (not one time). If he's willing, you could try, but you may need to just keep the doors open until he's old enough to want to try. Maybe playing with dolls who go into bathrooms or making a game out of it by pretending he's in a bathroom with a pretend door is all he'll do for now.
V.
Get him used to it by degrees - first have the door almost open, then a few days or a week later close it an inch or two more. Keep going by tiny degrees until the door is barely cracked. Let him leave it cracked until he finally changes his own mind and wants it closed - that coulkd be a LONG time from now! Choose words carefully when explaining that doors are closed for privacy, so he doesn't feel that you're somehow shutting him away because you don't want to see him. You might say something like, "At home, we can leave the door open, but away from home we need to protect you from bad people who might come into the bathroom. If a stranger ever wants to watch you in the bathroom, they're a bad person and you need to tell us right away!"
