5 Yo Son with High Functioning Asd Refuses to Give up Diapers

If he's in a special class they should have aides that will help him with toileting. If they don't get him to it in time they should be allowed to change him. There are several kids in the special class that are in wheelchairs and they each have an aid that is mostly there for helping them to the toilet and changing them.

You absolutely need the detailed advice of an autism specialist -- not those of us who haven't been through this exact scenario. If you just go cold turkey -- as I would do for a child who didn't have your son's issues -- you could end up with a really bad problem on your hands. Please ask a professional who has knowledge and experience to handle this and ask NOW because the summer will fly past and the start of school will hit sooner than you realize.

Also, have you already had discussions with his K school about whatever special help, independent education plan (IEP) or other accommodations he is going to need? If it's public school, your child is entitled to whatever he needs to make it through school, and that includes special toileting arrangements (though I would hope that with professional help, the toileting will get worked out sooner and not later). Please do not wait until the fall, or just before school begins, to go to the school in person and announce that you are there to get the ball rolling on letting them know about your son and finding out what programs and plans they will provide for him. If you wait until fall to do it, his transition will be tougher. Get things lined up now. Ask the autism specialist for specific lists of ideas for how to help your son adjust, but also get the school involved right now.

I think I would contact an autism expert (therapist or doctor) and ask this question. Those of us on here with neurotypical kids would tell you to just go cold turkey on the diapers - simply cut him off. But his brain works differently so that would be absolutely the wrong thing to do. Please talk to an expert about how to address this!

ADD: Has he been assessed by the school? My son is 6, in kinder, has High Functioning Autism, and has been assessed, has an IEP, and his teacher and the admin are all on board with support. If you have not yet done this, you MUST. To spring a HFA kiddo on a teacher with no warning, prep, support, especially since he is having issues with toileting, will end BADLY. If you don't have an assessment, you're also missing out on the support that your school district may be able to offer - and it's usually free.

You need professional help to assist him with this problem - AS kids often have sensory issues that don't "make sense" to us "neuro-typical" people. Just going cold turkey may cause a LOT more problems instead of solving.

ORIGINAL: Contact Autism Speaks in your area and ask for help/resources. autismspeaks.org. Your regular pediatrician isn't going to really have any idea on how to do this. You can't force this - it's his body. But you can get help. I know there are some potty training resources on the Autism website.

Is the school able to provide any services for him? Has he been assessed through them? That might be another area to check into. Good luck!

Hi MM, you don't say what kind of school/program he will be entering into.

At the special needs school where I worked we had many 5 yos with different toileting issues. Whether they wore a diaper, pull up, underwear, and how their toileting was handled was part of each individual child's behavior plan/goals. We worked with the parents closely.

At a regular school kindergarteners are generally expected to be fully ttrained and wearing regular undergarments.

I would say you ought to discuss this issue thoroughly with administration of the school before you decide what to do. So I guess start there. Start contacting schools if he is not already in an IEP program.

:)

You really will need to address this in a PPT for his IEP. Children with ASD, even high functioning forms of ASD, are typically late toilet train. Even if they train when a typical child would train, there are nearly always frequent regressions through the years when it comes to toileting. Regressions can occur with stress, medical issues, anxiety, while learning new skills, while learning multiple new skills, or a combination of reasons.

My 10 year old has always, always hated using the school and other public restrooms. It's a sensory nightmare for her to use them. On the few occasions that she'll use one, she goes to the nurse's office and uses the private bathroom in there. She's also had kind teachers offer to let her use the one in the teacher's lounge. The majority of the time she just pees before school and as soon as she gets home. She withholds poop unless we're home, and I won't even get into the poop issues.

So. I would be encouraging, but I wouldn't make it a power struggle or a "YOU MUST! THERE'S SO LITTLE TIME!" sort of thing because it won't be as drastic as you're imagining. The fact is that like typical children he HAS TO make the choice to do particular toileting issues, and even then it might still be a problem for him. He's really not choosing to be like this.

This is partially a transition issue for him, but I would bet my left butt cheek that it's also a sensory issue. Remember that he knows kindergarten is coming... so he's beginning that transition process now. As part of his IEP I would get him into summer session this summer so that he's already getting exposed to the school he'll be attending and getting familiar with the surroundings before it's crowded and packed on the first day of the new school year. He'll get a jump start on some of the academics, which he's going to need to reinforce what he's learned in preschool and will be learning in the coming year. It will also help him with the transition process, hopefully ease some anxiety, and then let him focus and ease anxiety about transitioning out of diapers.

The biggest tip is not to give him an expiration date on the diapers/Pull Ups. See if you can find some compromises, like "on weekends let's try real underwear when we're at home during the day." Start really small and use positive reinforcement with whatever is his currency.

My daughter was 4 1/2 and still in diapers...the pre school she went to allowed diapers, but I was so embarrassed and she just would not use the potty! So, so frustrating. I tried everything I thought too...rewards, bribes, pretty panties, backing off and not mentioning the potty, etc.

Her 2 year old sister was actually potty trained as I was trying to train my older one. I know our doctor told us she would go when she was ready too, but seriously it was getting old. Finally I had had enough and took all the diapers and put them in the trunk and eventually got rid of them!!

I found her a new potty chair that played a little music when she went potty in it, got her a new playdough set to occupy her while we were at home "potty training". We had a little cake and celebration where we told her that she was a big girl now and no more diapers...and it worked! I don't know if it was by the grace of God or what, but it clicked for her and she seriously never wore diapers again. And maybe only had 2 accidents at night ever...so she was very well ready, just stubborn I guess. Don't know if this would work in your situation with him, but I wanted to mention it as I know the frustration as a mom who has had a child who was late potty training. Best of luck to you!!

But also, as others have said, contact an Autism expert, they may be very helpful.

I know others have said this, but talking to a therapist who specializes in Autism is going to be the best way to get the info.

That said, if your son is going to be in a mainstreamed kindergarten class all day, he might not be allowed to wear diapers. So if he doesn't train over the summer, you'll need to work with the school and probably have it included in an IEP somehow. I highly doubt anyone in the school - aside possibly from special ed teachers - is legally authorized to change diapers.

I appreciate Jessica's considered and experienced advice. I think that whoever's advice you take should be someone who either has an ASD child or works with them. Children off the spectrum are different and need to be worked with differently.

Have him use his urine cup in the nurse's bathroom. This is the aspect of parenting an Aspie (now 12) that I feel I handled the worst. Can you give your son a child safe laxative so that pooh is in the evening most times?

Once he sees the other kids ALL going the regular way, he might wise up. I went the screaming fights route, which was just awful. Also, you might want to tell him that only big boys get big boy treats, like staying up or playing video games. It's a bribe, but just a little different.

My son finally trained in K, and then went on to "stretch his bladder" in third grade. This was by avoiding going while at school. Once the bladder is stretched, it takes 6 months to snap back. So don't let him do that!

Definitely get an IEP set up for your child at school. I realize he is HFA but that does not mean he should go without necessary services. My 6 year old who is in kindergarten is not HFA and is still in diapers. School will accommodate your child's needs in all areas as much as possible. You must make certain to enroll your son in the appropriate classroom/program and work diligently with the school. It sounds as if this issue your son has does need to be worked on with an OT.

I am more concerned about the irritation your son has due to wearing a diaper long-term. As a parent to a child still in diapers I realize irritations and rashes can occur but please make sure you're changing him appropriately and not making him sit in the diaper longer than necessary as some sort of encouragement to get him to use the toilet. I apologize if my thought process is wrong.

I'm sure you know there is no rushing toilet training and he will go when he has the full capabilities. I wish you the best of luck this fall and hope things fall into place as they are meant to be for you and yours.

Our child's special needs are different than yours, so I can't offer suggestions on getting him out of diapers. I can, however, share our experience with a child in diapers in public elementary school...

We met with the school staff early enough in the summer before kindergarten to put together a plan for him. Although each kindergarten classroom had a bathroom in the classroom, we arranged for our angel to use only the bathroom in the nurse's office. We had his supplies (pull-ups) there for him and he's required to stop after lunch. He can also go any other time that he needs.

My biggest concern was for his emotional well-being. I have to say that I was very pleasantly surprised in this regard. Only a couple of times over the last two years (he is now at the end of first grade) has he even mentioned that another student commented on his "diapers". While my initial thought was that he simply wasn't sharing his concerns with us, I have realized that kids this age aren't aware enough of things for it to be a problem. Our little guy doesn't have any issues making or maintaining friendships and only a couple of times tried to skip out on required bathroom visits. His teachers have both been wonderfully supportive. This may not be tyical in all settings, but I wanted to share our positive experience in our small local school.

* I will also mention that our PA Medicaid plan (he qualifies for the loophole for "children with disabilities") covers his diapers because his doctor wrote a prescription (they are medically necessary in his case). I don't know if this applies in your situation, but it never hurts to check into it.

Get rid of the diapers. Non negotiable. Pre school does not allow diapers, do you think Kindergarten will. I think you need to check with school. I just cannot imagine he will be allowed to attend in diapers.