5 Year Old Won't Eat Veggies...

I think you should leave all of that up to his mom and dad. It's possible to like something in one thing and not the other, for example I love catsup but I hate tomatoes, I love raw carrots, but can't stand them cooked. Talk to his dad about how you feel, but honestly as a girl friend you really don't have any authority. J.

Hi there,
Trader Joes has wonderful sweet potatioe french fries that are really good, but don't tell him it is a veggie. Just an orange french fry. They are sweet, and if you put them in the toaster oven, they will get a little crunchy.
I know you don't believe in "hiding veggies", but if that is the only way he will get his vitamins (besides V-8) then you should do it. There are tons of recipes out there to hide veggies in. (just goggle it)
Good luck!

Hi TS,

My son who is five and half has problems with eating new foods, but his issues have to do with food aversion. Oh he's getting better now but before we realized that he had a food aversion problem we thought that he was just a picky eater. We were at the end of our rope because we were so worried about him. We had him evaluated in the feeding team program at Rady Hospital in San Diego. In a group setting with other children and therapists (the parent/parents in another room looking through a two way window observing) are introduced to new foods in a fun way. The program is not an overnight fix but this issue of eating isn't either you can go through the program several times if you like ... we did and now continue what was taught at home. The program did wonders for our kid. He eats some vegetables and fruits now. We are still working on meats but its an on-going process. What we found is that there were a lot of kids with allergies in my son's feeding class who had food aversions just like your son. So this is not unusual. Remember there are so many steps to eating that for us normal eaters we don't even think about. There are steps to eating ...its a ladder. It goes from tolerating to interaction to smell to touch to taste and finally eating. For us we bypass each of these steps extremely quickly but for a kid with eating issues they stop at each step before moving on the next one. You can't expect them to magically eat something if they have issues with food. They have to get through each step. There is no power play they are trying the best they can to eat the food. When there is stress around food by the parents to the child that is not a good situation believe me I know!
Smoothies are a great way to get fruits into him, if that is what he will tolerate fine for now. Don't punish him for not being able to eat a food you must be the social model for eating behavior. On a plate, put down foods he will eat along with a new food you are introducing. If he won't tolerate the new food on his plate then put the new food on another plate on the table. Tell him he won't have to eat it just tolerate it on the table. Give him time to tolerate the new food you are introducing until you move to the next step which is just interacting with the food. Tell him to touch it with his fork/spoon etc. Then once that is comfortable for him move to the next step have him just smell the food once he is comfortable with that then have him touch the food maybe even just kiss it goodbye. Be fun with food. It's o.k. The next step is tasting have him lick it at first only. Then after he is comfortable with licking take a tiny little bite if he's willing. Continue introducing new foods. Each of these steps for my son took weeks and for some foods months but we got over it. It takes patience without punishment. I know it seems like a lot of steps or work but what you are doing is "desensitizing" him from being afraid of the "new" food. I recommend a book called "Food Chaining" by writers Fraker, Fisbein, Cox and Walter. This book goes over these steps but tells you how to use what he already eats to connect to another new food in his food repertoire. I also recommend to have him evaluated at the Feeding Team at Rady Hospital (feeding team consists of two therapists, psychologist, dietation, g&i doctor). It is covered by most insurances and if you are self-pay it isn't that pricey. One good way to supplement along with the foods that he will eat is to give him either Kid's Essentials or Pediasure they contain vitamins, minerals and protein and come in flavors too. It seems like you want to help and I can read the stress in your words but you and your boyfriend must relax take a deep breath and help this poor kid over this problem. I know it can be exasperating but there is great help out there. Best of luck to you and to your little boy.

DanaW makes several valid points. I too think its a power struggle and that you have to pick your battles. I had a child that refused to eat mayonnaise, but loved ranch dressing. (You use mayonnaise to make ranch dressing.)

A friend's husband refused to drink any milk except Borden's brand. Her budget was really tight so she saved the Borden milk carton and filled it up with the least expensive brand of milk. After two or three years she let him see her filling the Borden's milk jug up with the milk she was buying and he had a fit. He admitted that the milk had been tasting "funny" for about the last month or so, until she told him she had been doing it for a couple of years. He finally got over the pride issue.

I was in middle management where we would have business lunches and dinners as part of business meetings. We had one man that was so picky about what he ate, that he was passed over for promotions because his pickiness was looked upon as lack of maturity and adaptability. (If he won't try new foods he must not be willing to try new ideas.)

Don't let this happen to your BF's child, especially if you end being a couple. Insist he eat a variety of foods.

Good luck to you and yours.

Whoa, wait, hold up a minute....he drinks his strawberries in a smoothie and drinks his tomatoes via V8. What's the issue??? He sounds like me! I hate eating plain strawberries, but will eat handfuls if they're in a smoothie. Maybe he doesn't like the texture. As long as he's eating fruits and veggies in some form, he's fine. There's no reason to stress out over it too much.

As far as "showing him who's in charge" by forcing foods into his mouth, I say you're off base. HE needs to be in charge of what goes in his mouth. In our house I've taught the kids that "I am the boss of me" this teaches that their body is their own to feed, clothe, keep private parts private, etc. They receive choices for eating: fruits, veggies, proteins and very limited sugars/juices, etc.

Something to keep in mind, with kids the forbidden is much more compelling than the forced. For the longest time I wouldn't let the kids touch my sushi snacks from the grocery (a sushi chef comes in every morning and makes a wonderful selection, yum!!) Until one day they asked so nicely and politely and with such interest I gave in and "let" them have a bite of my sushi. They now love it. It's worked with "my salads" which I let them have a bite of eventually and other foods. Often times I'll make something and won't let them have it. More for me! My kids will eat just about everything and I've never "made" them eat anything....they are in charge of their bodies and only they know what their bodies need, as long as healthy choices are put in front of them, they figure it out. GL.

Bottom line is, this is not your battle so it does not matter if you are right or wrong. If you are in charge of feeding this boy when he is with his Dad, you don't have to cater to his demands if you don't want to. Cook how you cook, and if his Dad wants to supplement him with other options, that is his call.

You don't have to accept bad behavior when it is directed at you either. Insist that he treat you with respect if you live in the house that he visits, and make some kind of plan with your boy friend that gives you permission to send him to his room if he is sassy or unkind to you. The rest, leave to his parent unless you become a step parent and this boy lives with you full time. Until then, you don't really have a point, and I would keep it to myself if you do.

M.

Hello, When my children were young, we had a rule. I will put everything on your plate. You don't have to eat it, but it has to be on there. I cooked everyday with a protein food (usually meat), a starch (rice, noodles or potatoes) and a vegetable. Snacks were usually fruit. I also did daycare, so there had to nutritious meals and snacks for those children as well. Anyway, our children ended up trying some of the vegetables they didn't think they would like. Guess what, they ended up liking them. Now we have grandchildren. My oldest one eats everything, the next two don't. I don't have any magical ideas, but I would just keep putting a tablespoon of each vegetable on the plate and see what happens.
Good luck with your precious little step-son.
K. K.

I can soooo appreciate where you are coming from and I have to commend you for trying to help this little guy! Good for you! :) I am a Feeding Therapist and a Speech Language Pathologist, working with children with feeding disorders and food allergies and I can say that 80% of the time it is NOT behavior but the child trying to tell you that he cannot handle that food because of: sensory issues, gut GI related issues etc. Telling a child you can eat ____ if you eat____, tells the child that "If you eat this horrible food, you can have this good food" so that is reinforcing the child to not want to eat the veggies, because it is sooo bad that you have to bribe him. Building a relationship with food is so important, it is based on trust, trust in the feeder, trust in the food and trust that the food will not disrupt his GI tract. For more education and for both of you to be on the same "team" have a date with your boyfriend and try attending a few conferences about Picky Eating. I have one coming up in costa mesa, CA, on Sunday August 15 from 11-12:30 pm at Francesca's Restaurant: 2642 Newport Blvd, 92627. $20.00 to get in which includes, lunch, dessert and the hour conference. Good luck to you both!
D. W., M.S, CCC-SLP
www.SpectrumSpeech.com

HI TS,

Run to your library, or Amazon and get a copy of "Child of Mine" or "How to Get Your Kid to Eat (But Not too Much)", both by Ellyn Satter. I actually just found she has a website:

http://www.ellynsatter.com/ellyn-satters-division-of-resp...

You need to let go of the thought that you can bribe or coerce him into trying something. Though I know you mean well, and have his health and best interests in mind, what you are doing is setting up a huge power struggle that you will never win.

Offer him good food to eat, and let go of worrying about what he does or doesn't eat. Check out the books and website. It will help you relax, and make mealtimes much more pleasant for all of you.

The more the focus is on what he does/doesn't eat the worse the eating issues will get. I would also guess that his lack of manners is his way of trying to find some way to have some power in life. Or it could be that he's just 5 :-)

Best of luck to you
C.

I completely agree with you.

Nutrition is one thing, and there are certainly plenty of ways for him to derive the nutrition by V8, vitamins, etc.

But, this sounds like a power battle, and you're in an unfortunate position of being an authority figure without being Mom. No matter how hard I tried last night, I couldn't get my daughter to eat green beans (she's 2). But, she'll eat grapes for a snack and ask for more, so I picked my battle. Our son won't eat cantaloupe. He's tried it, doesn't like it, but he'll eat edamame. Strange.

All I can suggest is to keep trying, work with his Dad (especially if you're in a serious, committed relationship and will be part of his life for a while) and do your best. After 6 years, I've finally gotten my husband to eat broccoli without gagging. I think he secretly likes it.

I would look into Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook. Where you make purees that will enhance the flavor of some of his foods, and still put the veggie on his plate. It takes awhile for kids to warm up to trying things. Our deal is you try a bite, chew it and swallow it. No spitting it out and if you don't really care for it, then we can move on. Some kids try to just swallow it without chewing so be careful. I still think you can sneak it into some foods where they can start getting a taste of it. My son didn't like the looks of most foods, but he eats really well now. Not a huge veggie fan, but he loves salad like not other! I do what I can, but it's really not a huge thing to stress over. I just don't replace the veggie they don't eat, they have to try it. I don't give another option of food. What I fix for dinner is what I fix and I am not a short order cook. Good luck!

Hi TS,

I do agree with you but I want to add something to what you are thinking. Kids that have good nutrition and their body is working the way it should usually like a variety of foods, including vegetables. Bodies crave nutrition unless something is wrong. The fact that he has allergies to wheat and dairy tell me that something in his system is amiss.

Yes, continue trying and do the discipline thing and the whole nine yards. You are the parents....but also, take a look at his diet and his bowel habits. EVERYBODY should go about one hour after each meal. If he is not, then there is stuff that has built up on his intestinal wall and it's blocking the nutritional absorption sites. When these are blocke, all they absorb is the toxic material that is left in his body and everything else goes haywire. Nutritional issues also affect behavior....

I recommended a fiber product to a friend of mine that had a similar issue with her 6 year old and within two week he was eating regular meals. He was underweight and the school had called DFACS on them and she was at the end of her rope. They, DFACS, of course is not going to look at a nutritional issue, they are only going to look at his weight, his attitude and blame the parents.

Hope this helps a little....

M.

PS You could also give him an absorbable multivitamin to help. (I can recommend one if you like.)

Jerry Seinfeld's Wife wrote a kids cook book, it helps you "hide" pureed veggies in meals. I'm not sure the name of it but the recipes looked yummy to me.

My daughter ate just about anything up until age 2. Then she became so picky! I could barely get her to eat anything except mac n cheese, chicken nuggets, spaghetti, cheese pizza, & canned peas. As she got a little older she broadened her horizons & started eating lots of fruit. This past year has been the best year yet after starting kindergarten & becoming friends with other kids that like other foods. She now will eat some salad (without tomatoes) broccoli, raw carrots & other random healthy items. She really has a sweet tooth so if I want her to try something new I let her know she doesn't get dessert unless she tries one bite. And sometimes I don't even have to bribe her to get her to try something new. You might want to try the approach that if he tries one bite then he gets a smoothie for dessert. Then you can put lots of different fruits in his smoothy & he is getting the nutrients that he needs. Keep trying the one bite of a veggie or something new, but don't force him to eat a whole serving. I think you are fighting a losing battle especially when his Dad & Mom are not on board with you. Do what you can to make sure he is getting all the vitamins he needs, (multivitamin, v-8, apples, bananas, smoothies) when he is at your home but don't force the issue. It will only cause tension for everyone.

Hey TS,
Kids not eating fruits and vegetables is more common than you may think. Kids test their boundaries (power play) and food is the one of the first areas that they feel they can control. Sounds like you are doing the right stuff. Knowing he must eat better is important. NO V8 is NOT EATING BETTER.
I agree with you, with one extension, he should “eat” them not “try” them. 2 kernels of corn are not enough to get a sense if he likes it or not. Half a floret is not enough to make a decision. HOWEVER, you say he will eat cornbread but not corn and strawberry smoothie and not a strawberry, that is good. That means he likes them just not “like that”. That’s okay, really it is. My husband is 43 this year and WILL NOT eat cooked veggies. But he will eat them raw. Am I going to fight it? Nope, he eats them, I am happy.

But as a parent, there are a few non-negotiables in my home and in the home of the families I coach. Brushing your teeth, non negotiable, wiping and washing after using the bathroom, non-negotiable, daily IsaLean breakfast shake, non-negotiable, fruits and veggies non- negotiable. But HOW they get their fruits and veggies is up to them. They can eat them raw, blend them in their shakes, or use one of our products IsaFruits or Isagenix Greens, make fruit pops…whatever they decide. But EVERYDAY they get their veggies. There are no store bought juices in my home. PLEASE DO NOT FEED HIM THOSE SO CALLED HEALTHY JUICES V8 included. One bottle of V8 is only about half serving of veggies. Your child requires 4-6 fruits and veggies everyday…that is a lot of juice, lots of empty calories, sodium and sugar directly to his little system. Real fruit has the fibre of the fruit as a delivery system to the body. When kids (and adults) drink fruit and veggie juices, there is no delivery system for the sugars, they enter the blood stream at a very quick pace. Pure fruit juices often have the same amount of sugar as soda! No really, feel free to look it up.

PS Jessica Seinfield wrote the book Deliciously Deceitful – great recipes to hide veggies in other food the zucchini cookies are my FAV!

Does that help?

B.
Family Success Coach

I could battle my kids about eating and about being 'picky'... but I don't. But instead, I have found what, at this phase-juncture, they will eat as far as fruits and veggies. We personally eat a great variety of things, from all different cultural foods, and my kids ebb and flow.
My son is SUPER picky...but he will eat artichokes and nectarines.... we never pushed it on him. Or he will eat lettuce. JUST lettuce PLAIN. My daughter will eat a lot of different things & exotic things.... she is just more adventurous and not orally sensitive, which my son is... in different aspects. So, I know this about my kids.... and as such, they do eat healthily and a variety of things... which, at each age juncture, more things gets "liked" into their diet/intake... happily. So that now, per their ages... their "encyclopedia" of foods they eat, has increased.
I don't expect them... to like/eat everything I eat. But I serve and cook whatever I do... and do not cook any differently, just for them.
Luckily my Husband is not a picky eater either... otherwise, that would be more of a problem... him being an adult. But for kids... their palate... always changes.... it is not fixed... so to me, it is not a crises... if at 'this' juncture, they do not eat a buffet of veggies/fruits.... in their repetoire. Because, kids naturally go through different likes/dislikes for foods... and their taste-buds develops...

And, I give my kids multi-vitamins too.
And they are healthy and strong and grow like weeds and developmentally and are in the 97th percentiles for growth... even my "picky" eating son. I personally, do not quibble over what or how much of a veggie or fruit they eat.... because, I know, next month... it will be different... and it changes during growth-spurts too. But my kids are curious about foods/types of foods etc., and to me, that is more important... than actually making it a 'battle' or a power struggle... I do not want my kids to get hang-ups about food... or intake... but rather, to KNOW their bodies.... and their bodily cues for when they are "full."

You can always ask your Pediatrician... for ideas.... they see picky eating kids all the time. Or rather, his Dad/Mom... should be the one's asking their Pediatrician... IF it is a problem. IF the child does not have any weight gain problems or growth problems or developmental problems... then fine.
But if he only 'drinks' foods... and not anything 'solid' that requires chewing.. then maybe his Dad can ask the Ped about that too.. Maybe the boy is sensory sensitive or orally sensitive... or, he is just going through a phase....

You can't 'make' a kid try or eat something. In elementary school, I had a Teacher that FORCED the kids to eat EVERYTHING on their plate. She made kids cry because of it and they couldn't even leave the cafeteria until they ate EVERYTHING and she inspected their plate. She was eventually fired, from her job... after many parent complaints. My parents included.

all the best,
Susan

Well, first, you're right. But since he's not your son you can't really do anything without your boyfriend's backup. If the little boy knows his dad will cave then he'll stick to his guns and you will lose.

I can tell you what we do at our house. You can try to get an agreement with your boyfriend to install the change and then you can back him up. But without it, you'll need to just back off. (Sorry about that, but you're tilting at windmills.)

At our house, we serve the meal in courses: veggies first, then other things. We make our sons eat a "no thank you" bite (small, like you suggested) of everything on their plate. If they don't eat it, they don't get anything else.

We have 5 meals: the regular three and 2 healthy "snacks" (hint: "snacks" are not cookies, lol). There are no other opportunities to eat; if a child decides to skip dinner, he is warned that there will be no more food until breakfast. And we mean it. No child will starve himself, and eventually he will eat. You just need to make sure when he caves that there is only good food around.

I am NOT saying that we have no food battles. There are LOTS of them. Constantly. But we usually win them. Mostly... [grin]

(BTW, this means getting rid of the unhealthy snacks in the house that YOU might eat, too. You have to set the example, and if the food is there they will ask for it. Especially if they see you eat it.)

On top of this, get a good gummy vitamin for him, and get this book: "Super Baby Food." Mostly it has tips for making your own baby food. But it also has some REALLY GOOD recipes for "snacks" (that hide the good food inside).

So much good luck to you.

In my family, I didn't mind being a short order cook until age 5. At age 5, my kids were expected to eat with the family at the table and eat what we ate. They were expected to try new foods...a healthy try, not a nibble. My youngest is a very picky eater but he knows that he's going to have to man up and eat stuff he doesn't like, such as baked beans or mashed potatoes. Too much drama (such as spitting spaghetti sauce out of his mouth all over a guest) is a sure-fire way of getting MORE of whatever he dislikes. On the flip side, I try not to introduce more than 2-3 new foods a week, so the kids know they'll have foods they like most of the time.

With my little one, it took him years to learn how to do this, though. You may be in a for a long challenge.

This philosophy has paid off. My sons will go out in public and cheerfully eat whatever is put in front of them. They may not like it, but they've learned to be good sports about the whole thing.

Good luck.

This must be an enormous challenge for you! My advice would be to get him involved in the process. He's obviously trying to control the situation (quite common with kids b/c there's so little in life they can control). How about going to a farmers market with him and try the fruit and veggies samples, go to the grocery and let him pick a food and decide together what you'll make or even get him cooking with you. The more control he has over the food and it's preparation, the more likely he will to eat it!-www.weelicious.com