5 Year Old Severely Afraid of Storms

K.,

You need to TALK with him to find out his fears....only then will you be able to know which road to take.

Astraphobia is the fear of storms. If you read here, you can see that children are commonly afraid of storms...

http://phobias.about.com/od/phobiaslist/a/astraphobia.htm

To be honest, mine weren't. But not every child is.

Communicate with him and find out what's going on...go to the library and get books on storms that are age appropriate so he can learn about what's happening...

Did you ask him what he is afraid will happen? Do you ever take him outside during the storm? Let him run around and jump in mud puddles? If he sees that nothing bad is happening to him even though there is a storm, do you think that might help?

Maybe you could ask the librarian if there are any children's books that address this. The Berenstain Bears have a book about going to the dentist and the doctor - not sure about storms.

If you are religious, there is a Veggie Tales episode called "Where's God When I'm S-scared?" It's actually about noises in the night and scarry monsters, but it has a really good message about God keeping us safe. There's a song that goes,

God is bigger than the Boogie Man.
He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on tv.
Oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man,
And he's watching out for you and me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jd4qnxj7D0

Good luck! My 5 year old is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, so you are not alone.

ADDED: Just read your "so what happened" and that makes a difference. You kind of buried the most important point: You have a new baby in the house. He is feeling very uncertain and insecure and what was a pretty normal fear of storms, the kind of fear kids usually outgrow or can be distracted from, is being magnified by his feelings over the new baby. How long did he see a therapist? I would try that again for sure; it sounds like maybe he didnt' go to therapy long enough, and now, any therapist should also be helping him deal with insecurity over no longer being the only child. Also, please, please do not make this fear a reason to discipline him, ever. You mentioned using discipline among many things. But please don't discipline a child for an emotion -- he cannot control his emotions but can only learn to handle them, and treating an emotion as reason for discipline sends a terrible message to him that he should hide feelings or he'll be punished for them. That is not a path you want to go down or he will be a child who doesn't tell you his real thoughts and feelings -- that's not at all good especially as he gets older. If he's truly wanting to spend every day in the basement now, he does need professional help. Please be sure too that you don't get exasperated with him and just tell him to "buck up" and "stop being a baby" or whatever -- that will make it worse, not better. I know having a new baby is stressful and your son is adding to your stress with this behavior but he's crying out for attention without realizing it. Professional help, now, and consistent reactions, not "trying everything possible" so he never knows what reaction you'll give him next. Good luck. A "black and white" child like this will need help navigating life.

Original:
Please dont' leap to medication for a child who has a very normal kind of fear. Yes, it's intense right now, but why are you jumping right to the idea of meds?

Is he in kindergarten? Talk to the school counselor. They deal with fears like this all the time. Ask for some tools--things to say and do to help him understand what he fears. I agree with others who asked: Was there a specific storm that scared him? And do you have the news on TV at times when he might be hearing and seeing coverage of devastating tornadoes?

When you say you have "tried every approach possible" what do you mean? It would help us to know what specifics you have tried. Some meetings with a school counselor, or a few sessions with a private counselor who works with kids his age, could help a lot. He doesn't have to be in counseling forever, just long enough for him to learn some coping skills.

Did this all begin this spring? The horrible weather everywhere could have begun it. Is it possible that kids at his school or preschool have been talking about storms and being scared or about relatives who were hit by tornadoes? Did school do a unit on weather (a pretty common subject in kindergarten) and somehow that got it into his head to be scared? Talk to the teachers, ask about whether kids dwell on this, meet with the counselor yourself and have him see the counselor too. If he's in preschool and there's no counselor, still talk to the staff and see if his teacher would talk with him about it -- sometimes kids need to hear things from someone who is not mom or dad.

If you live in a tornado prone area and it's all over the tv when ever one comes up - that's enough to make ME hyper over the weather
Keep him from watching the tv if they are covering storms/damage - have him watch DVDs.
I've lived through blizzards, Ice storms, nor'easters, wicked thick fog, fall out from hurricanes, seen some awesomely cool heat lightning - tornadoes would freak me the most - I have no desire to experience one of those first hand.

Have you tried getting him some books about weather?
Google 'weather books for kindergarten' and you'll find lot's of them.
Study up on weather (stay away from the scary stuff if you can) - make him an expert - a regular junior weather man.
You can make charts of daily high and low temps.
Usually having a lot of knowledge about something goes a long way to dispelling the fear.
At that age our son was an expert on fire trucks and dinosaurs and sharks.
He didn't fear them but he LOVED telling grown ups all about everything he knew.

Ok. This will sound strange but it worked for my dog who is deathly afraid of storms. I use essential oils and put lavender on his paw pads and he slept through the last storm we had. They are wonderful to have around and no, I don't sell them but they have lots of uses. I really think they would help him.

Another idea, when my kids were little we'd all pile in one bed during the storms. We ate popcorn, watched a movie and made it a "happy time". They actually got to where they were excited about the storms coming.

Congrats on your new baby...

A child psychologist might be able to help get him past his fear without having to drug him.

One approach I have tried that worked on 2 kids (my cousin at age 4, and my daughter at age 2)

I waited until I knew a good storm was coming in, and we made a big deal out of setting up a mattress and pillows in front of a big window. We made popcorn and sat and waited for the storm to come in. Then as it came in, I made a big deal of cheering on the thunderclaps, and ooohing at the lightning. They were a bit jumpy and nervous at first, but the fun atmosphere and the example that storms can be fun caught on pretty quickly... And I think seeing it happen firsthand allowed them to see that there was nothing to be scared of. My cousin never really looked forward to storms, but he was never scared of them again. (Before,he would hide and cry during storms.) my daughter actually insists on watching the storms now, which it enjoy doing so it makes great bonding for us.

I'm not sure how well this would work, given the severity of your son's fear... But it might be with a shot. Maybe start off with watching a gentle shower, then increase the severity of what you purposely watch.

There are some bad storms in the Midwest. He might have seen news coverage about them. I agree that getting him to talk is your best treatment.
I believe you have tried. I hope you've tried talking in the car because sometimes they open up better if you arent face to face.

If that doesn't help, please talk to your ped and get a child therapist or play therapist. Easy-peasy. A few sessions and they can get him to open up. No meds, no side effects.

Only if everything else doesn't work, then the med.

Anxiety is about thoughts. Your son is telling himself a fearful story about the weather. What is his fearful story? What exactly is he afraid will happen?

Ask him to tell you what he thinks will happen when there is severe weather. Listen to him. Support him by saying: "Tell me about..." Then listen. Do not provide platitudes or solutions. Just listen. Let him spill out his fearful thoughts. This is a good time to just hold him and let him pour out his fear by crying or shaking or whatever he needs to do to fully feel the feeling that is being created by the fearful thoughts. Just hold him and let him feel your support and safety while he feels the feelings. Don't shut down the feelings just because they seem powerful and overwhelming. It is extremely important to allow him to let the feeling pass completely through.

After he has felt the feelings and feels calmer, then ask him: "What will happen next?" Let him use his imagination. If he says: "I don't know," just ask him to imagine what would happen next. Then ask him again: "And then what would happen?" Ask this until he gets to the place where everything is okay.

Curiosity is the antidote to fear. Support him in being curious about what he is believing about the weather. Another exercise you can do is, ask him what/who would help him during the scary storm. Let him be as magical and mystical as he wants. You can even make a couple of suggestions. Again, be magical and mystical at first. Then try it again. Eventually slip in some more realistic ideas although ideally he will be the one to do this first. Make this a curious, playful, fun and imaginative exercise. You want to shift his energy from fear to curiosity.

With anxiety, we get stuck in the worst case scenario. We play it out in our minds over and over again. We can stop the cycle by moving forward in time. Every crisis, disaster, or tragedy comes to an end and time moves forward. With anxiety we get stuck. It is helpful to create a space to mentally move forward in time to see the solutions.

How much anxiety do you have? Are you a worrier? Do you watch a lot of news with him within hearing distance? Does he hear you talking on the phone or having conversations with other people where you are complaining or worrying? Sometimes we are not conscious to how much of our own fear we are exposing our little ones to. It might be helpful to take a little time to be curious about your own fearful and anxious thoughts and how those may be getting transmitted to your son. Also, observe the other significant people in his life and see where else he may be picking up these types of anxious thought patterns.

what about some of the kid science kits that might cover weather and why and how clouds are formed etc? I know hes 5 but it might turn the scary into interesting.

Anxiety meds are always a last resort. I would honestly be very surprised if a child psychologist who specializes in anxiety can't resolve this in just a few sessions.

Our kid is three, and not terribly afraid of anything. He did get nervous though when we blew the fuse and the lights went dead. Now, if we find ourselves in a situation when the lights might go out, i.e. a movie theater, an airplane etc. we prep him by saying the lights might go out. He sometimes answers that he might be a little bit afraid, but that's ok. Other times he answers that he won't be afraid. Most of the time, he keeps to it.

Seems you need a xstronger solution than that we have in force.

Best,
F. B.

Was there something that happened that caused him to be afraid of storms? Did your family personally experience a bad event or was there talk about a bad weather event or did he see something on TV? I would talk with him to try to find out what makes him scared of a storm and what kind of storm he is afraid of. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, you could have him talk to a child counselor about his fears. Once you understand his fears, you can try to work on them rationally. Is he afraid the house is going to blow away? Is he afraid you (or he) will be washed away in a flood? Is he afraid of thunder and lightening? My daughter was also very afraid of storms-when bad weather was coming she wanted us all to be together at home. She would become very anxious and scared and cry if we were in the car or someone was away from home during the storm.

I am terrified of storms. Your little guy has every reason to fear them. It shouldn't be taking over his life.

I suggest you practice your safety drills on sunshiny day's, we practice on Tuesdays when the siren's go off at 1pm. When we hear them, all year, we do our tornado drill.

You have to show him that you are taking the threat of storms seriously and that you have a plan. If he feels secure in that plan he'll start to get used to the idea that he's safe and you'll be taking good care of him.

Do you have a plan? Do you have a basement? Even basements can be swept away and nothing left so having a closet in the basement is good too. If you live in a house with no storm shelter or basement you do need to have a friend or safe place to go.

I go BEFORE the storm hits critical. You know as well as I do that if a storm is dropping tornadoes for the past hour and it's about to enter your area that you might want to beat the rushing traffic and get to your safe place early.

I don't like it when storms are coming and no one goes to the places that open so everyone can get under ground early and not be on the roads when it's hitting. So many people get stuck out in the storm and die.

It's a useless death too. They could have been in front of that storm when it hit if they'd just have been watching the weather on their local channel and been smart about being safe, what that really means.

I go to the local hospital and go in their basement. I go before the storm hits sometimes because it's late and the kids will be asleep if I wait until it's right on top of us. I've been caught in a storm that tore up my town because we waited too long. The wind was blowing so hard we couldn't get out of the car. We finally got some help and barely made it to the basement of the hospital. We went down the stairs right behind some storm guys from Norman.