5 Year Old Not Listening, Too Independent?

You need to put the tools away. Tell him that because he didn't obey you when you told him that he had to ask, now the hammer is gone. He will have to wait a week to ask to borrow it again. This teaches him that he will have a consequence, and it teaches him patience. Do it with everything he defies you on.

A family member long ago found their 5 year old on top of the roof. She would not come down, and 8 month pregnant mom was not able to climb up the ladder. So she went inside and waited for the 5 year old to get tired of the game. After that saga was over, the ladder was removed from the scene! And that's what you need to do as much as possible, along with giving him the lesson.

Good luck,
Dawn

My son is 5.
He likes to make and build things too.
BUT... he knows to ask permission with "dangerous" things/tools etc. and I always supervise him. Of course.
He is 5 and I am the adult.
OR.. my Husband will teach him how to use various tools and we have lots of scrap wood etc.

LOCK your tool box as the previous poster said.
Especially if there are plug in type tools or drills or nails.

And yes, how can he even carry the ladder?

For even Professionals, they HAVE TO learn safety of the tools and know what they are doing. EVEN trained people have to learn that.

Take him to a Home Depot store. Every month, they have FREE classes for kids, in which they build something with wood. In our city, it is the every first Saturday of every month. My kids LOVE these classes.

Don't "ask" your son if you can supervise him. You TELL HIM you are. You are the Parent. He has to learn that. And/or you do it together, when you both have time. "Schedule" it with him if you have to. Or he will simply go to the garage and start messing around with things and get hurt. There was a kid once, a few years ago, that got a nail in his skull. Via an automatic nail gun. For example.

Tell your son, even Carpenters have to learn tool safety. AND, the user of the tool has to learn "respect" for their tools. If not they get hurt.

My kids know that with certain things, they have to ask permission and/or have me or my Husband present in order to just go get it or use it.

What if, your son "finds" a nail somewhere? And it is rusty? And he steps on it or pokes himself with it by accident? Or pokes his eyeball or worse?
Or as he is "hammering" that nail into the wall to hang pictures, he misses the nail and hammers his hand?
Even adults, do that.
You need to supervise your 5 year old.
Don't "ask" him if he will let you help... just explain that even the best workers have teachers to teach them or assistants to help them.

I was going to answer one way, changed my mind, after thinking about it. Get a locking tool box. Lock the hammer away, nails, etc. A ladder? How is a 5 year lifting a ladder? Anyway, hang it up on the garage wall. Kids his age to mess with tools and are likely fine. You sound lucky to have such a go-getter and a curious son at that. But, consistency is key. If he wants to get out a tool without the proper supervision, give him a time-out for 6 minutes. Don't ever waiver because if you do, he will find the weak link in your chain.

Other than that, grab a video camera of him putting stuff together or doing one of his projects. Have you considered a 'toy tool chest' for him where he can pretend. Go to your hardware store, get him hardhat, apron, goggles, gloves, caution tape, etc and make him his own special kit.

He violates your rules--he can lose a special tool out of his kit for one day--first offense and on and on. You mean business and stay consistent, he will get your message.

Sounds like the ladder, tool box, etc need to be kept in a locked location, and a punishment needs to be given every time he doesn't ask permission. No accepting excuses of "But I'm careful," the rule is that five year olds don't have these privileges. You may have your hands full with another 5 and a new baby, but he needs to be kept a closer eye on. Give him tools and gadgets that are age appropriate and tell him what he is allowed to do with them, and that anything else, he must ask permission.

If he likes putting things together why not funnel it into making things he can make safely. Go to craft stores and get those kits. Some are made of wood some plastic. They usually only take smaller tools. He'll make cars houses planes etc. Get him a small tool kit from hommdepot that they make especially for kids. Set up a special area for him and let him at it. Explain you may not use grown up tools you must use your kid toys. He is getting into stuff, redirect that energy. He might have to much time on his hands. Get him outside of the house into some sport program. Take him in to your backyard or park and practice that sport with him. Great if his dad can but you can too at that age.

He sounds like a very inquisitive and independent little man.

I agree that you should try to lock all of the tools and ladders up for now. But do get him his own little tool belt with a few tools like a hammer, level, tape measure, etc. Get him some scrap wood and allow him to hammer, paint, etc. the scrap wood pieces. Also give him some screws, bolts, etc. Let him get creative.

You can also go to the thrift store and pick up an inexpensive, used CD player or other electronic. Give him that and a screwdriver and let him take it apart. My GD's teacher used to ask the parents to donate their old electronics so the kids could take them apart during recess when it was raining and they had to stay inside. The kids LOVED doing that!

Yep, as others note -- Time for you to sweep the house, yard, and garage for all tools, ladders, even individual nails, and I'd include the scissors etc. too. Put away, lock up, ensure he can't get at them. This also will be good because eventually you'd have to babyproof for the new baby anyway, right?

But then: Do lots of projects with him, find lots of hands-on things to "assign" to him, give him household responsibilities! He is not being defiant or bad, so much as he is being extremely curious and hands-on. Please feed that positively instead of quashing his energy and his tremendous curiosity. He's going to be a tough kid to keep busy and involved but you can do it, and you may end up with a wonderfully handy teenager one day.

Get small kits from the craft store so he can build stuff (no airplane glue, strong adhesives or real nails). Work alongside him as much as you can and for the rest, find things he can safely build on his own. Since building alone may be tough, would he like to paint things like a birdhouse, a small wooden planter, a wooden footstool, a little wooden trunk? I see them all, unpainted, at the craft store. Let him have a space where you will not care if he spills paint or gets it on it, and let him go at it. Get him a toy workbench with as many "tools" as possible.
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Is he into building toys? How about large Legos etc.? (Have to keep those away from baby for a very long time yet, though.)

If he's interested in the bird's nest--has he been to the zoo or a nature museum any time lately?

Have you tried having him help cook, which is a terrific way for any child to be helpful and handy? Give him things to stir and whip and let him pour things into pans etc. Again, be sure this all happens in clothes and in places where you don't have to say "Oh, don't get messy!" because that will frustrate you and dampen his enthusiasm.

Water play, sand play, arts and crafts (yes, boys can be into them, and not just into tools). You can find plenty of arts and crafts you can leave him and his twin to do nearby with less supervision.

Punishing him clearly isn't having your desired effect of "making him understand he isnt' old enough to do everything on his own yet." Try to think like he does, not like an adult. In his mind, he IS capable; help him find and do things that make him feel even more capable but are age-appropriate. Make him "the boss of the dishes" in charge of clearing the table, while his brother is "the boss of the floor" and cleans that, or whatever. Make it a game, or see who can finish first.

Telling him "I'm just trying to keep you safe" does not really mean a lot to a child this age. They don't understand what "safe" really means because they have never experienced being hurt by the things they are doing, and are not really mature enough in their thinking to look at a hammer and say, "Yes, I think that would hurt if I hit myself with it because it's heavy and hard." He's not wilfully ignoring safety; he just does not have the understanding yet to fully grasp what safety means, so your words to him don't have the impact you want them to have.

You have a great opportunity to channel his energy and curiosity into a lot of learning, but he will require a lot of watching and guidance. You don't mention if there's dad in the picture but if there is -- Dad could spend hunks of the weekend doing projects with the boy.

My son is four and getting more and more independent too. In a way I get that your son likes to build things and do things by himself, but the big picture here is defiance. I don't know how consistent you were with the discipline you mention, or how effective the method you use is, but you say you've also used talk and rewards, so it seems like you may not have been extremely firm and consistent about messing with tools he has been told not to touch. Telling him you want him safe and asking him to ask permission are not "Do not touch you father's tools or else" type comments. You have to let him know in no uncertain terms he is not to get out the tools and ladders on his own, and what will happen if he does. It has to be a seriously terrible consequence (it's his safety at stake), and you have to follow through EVERY TIME. Those rules are very clear in my house. The kids wouldn't dare go in my husband's workshop (which is not locked), get out his tools (shudder) and start hammering nails into walls (WHAT?) Not because they aren't creative, excellent at building, and independent-they just know it's not allowed. If their dad is with them, they can go in there and have a ball.

Your message needs to be more like, "I know you know how to do that, but you are not allowed to. Period." and he needs to respect your authority enough to not defy what you tell him. He doesn't need to understand he's not old enough etc-your not going to convince him of that. He'll keep wanting to prove you wrong. As far as I remember, I always felt old enough and capable enough to do ANYTHING as a kid. But that wasn't always the point, and I had to follow rules.

My son is getting old enough to be given some tools and scrap wood and stuff to dismantle and build IN THE GARAGE and YARD, but there will be limits to what is allowed. I think you need to really define what is and is not allowed, and don't leave it vague like "You need permission and it's not safe". That just sounds like, "I'm not sure you can handle it" which he feels OK thinking "yes I can" and he's not seeing you as an authority figure he can't cross.

I'm home alone with three also, I hear you about not being able to watch everyone all the time. I let my kids run pretty wild, but only because I know I can trust them to follow rules. This book is great for his age on consequences and respect "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson.

This is an obedience issue. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what he wants to do, but the fact he doesn't feel he needs your permission is a huge deal. He is not respecting you or your authority over him. He thinks he is in charge and does not have to answer to you. Change the rules. If he can't obey and ask your permission, then he needs to be in the same room with you at all times. What you tell him to do or not to he must obey, right away. Defered obedience is not obedience. It won't be easy and sometimes it means putting down an eating baby, but immediate correction truely is the only thing that makes a difference. As long as he is in your view, you know what he is doing. He will learn obedience is how he will gain more freedom, especially since he has a brother who will have that freedom he wants. Good luck

The locked tool box idea is great. Then I would teach him how to use each tool, have him practice and then have him show me he can use it safely and put it away when he is done. After that I would tell him he can use that tool when he wants to. This is pretty much what we did for scissors - when he was 3 they were only used with supervision - now he can use the scissors whenever he wants - he just needs to take care of them. I think it is great that he is so self motivated and loves to build things. I would not want to stifle that. Honestly he probably is old enough to do a lot of the things you describe as long as you have taught him the safest way to do them.

My son is almost 5 and the same way. I think it is the age. They are in preschool and on their own from us more often now. They see their friends doing stuff they may not be doing on their own yet. I have been told by a behavioral therapist that punishing doesn't work at this age, they don't get it. My son has recently been loosely diagnosed with ADHD (they can't officially until he's 5 or 6). He is very strong willed and gets angry if he can't do things he wants to do. We have found that sometimes giving him other choices, other than that preferred thing he wants to do works sometimes. So say your son is getting a ladder out to look at the birds nest. Tell him that is not a choice right now. He can wait for you to take a minute to help him with the ladder, which may be later that day or whenever or wait until Daddy comes home to help him. Or find another choice such as why don't we do a puzzle together. Something to distract him from possibly hurting himself. Trust me I know how you feel. It can be scary.