5 Month Old Wont Let Me Put Her Down....

I found with my boys that if they could see me it was better, so I took to putting them in their high chair or play chair in the room I was working in. But in the end, if everything else is okay (she is not hungry, in need of a change, ect) then you may just have to let her cry a little.

Have you tried the vibrating bouncy seats? My dd LOVED that and it gave me a break.

Maybe the siblings could entertain her while she's in the seat?

As a mother of four and my first were twins, you have got to be able to put the baby down....period. OMG, I would have had massive problems in my household if I wasn't able to learn very early on that sometimes I cannot hold the babies 24/7. I cannot tell you how many days and nights I had where both of my daughters were going ballistic at once with crying and I needed to use the bathroom, take a shower, brush my teeth, or make a meal for myself or them! I had to get past the whining and crying and realize that if they are clean, dry, nice and warm, fed, and in a safe place, I have to do things that need to be done and also tend to myself and others. Hard as it may be, by this age your baby needs to learn to self-soothe and constantly toting her around like a koala bear riding on it's mother's back is not the way to make this happen. Her comfort and amusement are attached to you and now that is being viewed by her as the normal state of events. To her, not being held is not as comfortable for her so she makes a big deal of it and starts crying. Instead of letting her work it out, you pick her back up and reinforce the fact that if she starts crying when put down, you will come and pick her up! This is a vicious cycle and reinforcing some negative behavior as well.
By the time I had my third and fourth daughters, I had mastered the art of the "tune out". I hear the whining and crying but if it is not for a legitimate reason, I'm going to tune it out because I need to balance my time and attention between all my children and their current needs. You have multiple kids too so you know what I mean by having to strike a balance between all them. If your older ones are seriously telling you that all you do is cart around the baby, then I would take that as a formal complaint. They are telling you that they feel left out or overlooked. I know how this feels as I am the oldest of four and believe it or not, I remember that feeling with my two youngest siblings at times. See if you can start training baby to self-soothe and also train yourself to tune out what is nonsense crying from what is "I'm hungry, I'm tired, or I need a diaper change." You will get a baby that can start to amuse themselves better and not be so reliant on you holding her. I know it's hard but put her down and let it ride. She is not going to suffer emotional or physical damage. You are a mom to many so balance is key to keeping all the kids happy and feeling the love. Please give it a college try!

"I DO hold the baby all the time, and I held YOU all the time too when you were a baby." (Even if it's not true, you can say that. They won't remember. Some kids need to be held all the time when they are babies -- my oldest was like that.)

Pretty soon your baby won't want you to hold her all the time, and you and the other kids will get a break.

You have to get over your broken heart and put her down anyway. Put her in a bouncy and take her from room to room with you. I used to wash dishes and sing to mine, talk to them, kiss them, and wash more dishes. I put mine in the carseat so I could take a shower. I know that some people use carriers and slings, but my back couldn't take it. At 5 months, she's pretty big now, so I doubt that's the answer for you.

Make sure that when she's not crying that you go to her and give her love and attention. That way she doesn't associate that mom only comes when she cries. You want to establish that mom comes when she doesn't.

Also get the kids to entertain her. Do you have a mobile that she can bat at with her hands while she lays on a blanket? The kids can be on the floor with her. Sometimes a baby just needs a hand on her instead of having to be held.

Use a sling. It was the only thing that worked for a couple of my kids, I learned to do everything with it on. Also, two of my kids really liked being in a swing at that age, and used occasionally, it's a great way to let them "watch the world".
Also, 7 and 8 is old enough for them to learn to sit with the baby while you do something else in the same room. Encourage them to find ways to make the baby happy, if you make it a positive experience it's a great way for them to bond. When my youngest was born I had 3 boys, 7,4,and 2. Each was given a task according to their abilities.
The 7yo could hold her for me, or sit next to her while she was in her swing or sleeping in the bassinet, when I need to put her down to pee or shower or whatever. The 4yo could ALWAYS make her laugh when she started fussing, so he could buy me a couple of extra minutes to finish what I was doing. The 2yo was my "fetcher", smart as a whip and could find anything I needed, say, if I was changing her diaper, he could find me a new pack of wipes or get me a blanket.

Good luck! I know how overwhelming it all feels, so be easy on yourself, too. Make time for YOU, too, so you don't burn out.

Oh my, fibromyalgia and you had FOUR kids?
God bless you!
I'm not sure how much "attention" the older ones really need, I mean, I never used a sling but with a babe "on the tit" so to speak we pretty much functioned as a package deal for the first several months. My kids got used to it. I still read to them a lot, talked to them, snuggled, etc. How is a baby getting in the way of that? Where's daddy? He should be spending time with them too, especially quality, physical, outside time.
And aren't the older two in school all day?

It was inconvenient for me to hold mine all the time, too, but I made a commitment to meet his needs. His needs happened to include feeling comfortable and secure while seeing the world at the same level as his parents. Mine wanted to sit up and see what was going on from the time that we brought him home, so I gave him what was HIS need. I adjusted my routine to include him. There is no way that I would not consider this a basic need of his. At this age, wants and needs are the same, and helping them to meet those needs is built into the foundation of what makes them feel secure. Some babies can't wait to get out and stay on the other side of the room from their mothers. Some are different. It's our job to know and meet our children's individual needs. They are not all the same kid.

If you need to put her down, you should put her close to you--where she can see you and feel your energy. Talking to her while she is not on your person will help to transition her to self-soothing, not just putting her down and walking away. Put her down for a bit at a time; don't let her cry for too long. Talk to her pretty much the whole time. Let her know that you are still with her even if you are not holding her. You can't expect her to just figure it out.

I agree that you should tell the older kids that you used to hold them, too. While you're holding the baby, be engaged with your older kids so they don't feel neglected. Sorry to pile on, but having multiple children does not minimize their individual needs.

Also, if your holding her does not bother you fibromyalgically--?--then you should be able to find a sling that works. Maybe you were using the wrong one.

I recommend and ergo baby carrier. Worth every penny.

Our son spent his first 3 1/2 years in my arms or on my lap.
Daddy would do if I wasn't in the room but if I walked in child would lunge himself toward me,
One nice thing about having an only child is there are no other kids competing for your attention.
He did outgrow it eventually and is very outgoing now.
But back then I didn't think he'd ever leave my lap.

Paci and exersaucer gets me 10 minutes!

Can you do things like hold the baby while you snuggle the older kids and read a book? When the baby naps, make it a point to give each other child some attention, even if it is low-key because of your physical needs. Praise them when they are patient, understanding and kind. "Thank you for waiting. I really appreciate you giving me a few minutes to get your sister settled so I can help you with your homework."

Does baby like a swing or excersaucer?

She may be intensely curious about what's going on up where the bigger people are, AND she sounds like you're the one she most feel safe with at this stage of her development (that will change over time). You can meet both of these needs of hers and your older children's needs by wearing her. My daughter was like this, but was happy and learning when I wore her around the house. It left my hands free for other needs, improved my posture, and enriched her experience. I highly recommend it.

Okay you need to strike a balance.
Find what works for you.
Try using different things.
Try a swing.
Try a bouncy chair esp w/a little bar that attaches w/things hanging down
for her to play with.
Make sure she's not hungry or teething.
If she's teething, Hyland's teething tablets are good or Infant Orajel rubbed on her gums.
Have other ppl hold her esp when she is fussy.
You need a break so try different things.
You do have to put her down so you can get a break & get things done.
I used to put my baby in a bouncy chair & watch me get things done like folding laundry or dusting so he could see me & get things done.
Maybe see if your eldest can help entertain her in her chair while you sit
down nearby.
Also, make sure she isn't gassy.
The issue may not be that she wants you but that she's trying to tell you something else, like teething, hunger, wet diaper, rash, etc.
Hang in there, try everything under the sun & if someone offers help....take it.

My first born was like this and it was exhausting. Have you tried a baby carrier, that way you can tend to your others and free up your hands. Life got easier when my son was in the bjorn and could look around. Lots of toys in a pack and play that is right near you might work too. It usually is a short phase so hopefully it won't go on much longer. My son got better when he was more mobile.

Mine that age has 4 siblings those ages, so I hear you! I do carry the baby a lot.
But I also have a lot of toys for her and stuff she sits in. She likes the floor best with a teether. B/c I can't hold her all day she got used to knowing she gets a lot of floor time, I think. These days it's short bursts of being held. But baby goes to anyone so we're lucky.

No baby carriers for me; too hard on my back. If I hold her, I do it w/o fussing with straps.

I am so glad you addressed this, as this has been something I have dealt with since day one. My daughter just turned seven, and I have a five month old. It has gotten a little better but still I have trouble getting stuff done. I am really only able to get things done during her second, longer nap. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but just know you aren't alone! Blessings!!

oh my dear, you can't be held hostage by a 5 month old. put her down when you need to, and let her fuss.
you both need it.
khairete
S.

I completely hear you on this. Being a Fibro-Mom isn't easy. The challenges change as they get older. You do what you can. You do your best. And you ARE lucky that you have older children to be your baby's friends and companions... to love her and want to care for her. Let them without forcing them. Ask for help from friends and family when you need it. That makes the times you have to force through it better.

do you have a Baby Bjorn? My daughter carries her 5 month old in the BB less and less now-but after 96 hours straight a couple months ago, she had to begin to use the BB and still does sometimes-he is doing more tummy time and exersaucer(?) I carried my fourth child for the most part of one year, but she did sleep well at night-good luck! You're going to turn around and be driving her to college-I know it's impossible to imagine, but this goes by so fast.