5-Year-old Afraid to Fly

TF. is right....the firetrucks lined up are no fun in an emergency. Neither is the fact that I have had several friends die in plane crashes (those itty bitty small ones).

I won't let these facts keep me trapped near home and fortunately my daughter feels the same. I am actually more afraid on the Los Angeles freeways (everyday) than flying.

Good luck getting a non-stop from LAX these days- I'm heading there on Sunday and it was a PAIN!

What I tell my son:

Courage is being afraid, but doing the right thing anyways.

If you're not afraid, then you're not brave.

After all... how brave do you have to be to eat birthday cake? Or x, y, z? (other things that are fun). If it's fun, or easy... you're not afraid of it, so you don't have to be brave.

I tell myself the same thing over and over when *I'M* afraid.

If you do not make him go you will be caving to fear. Fear can run your life. If you allow fear to run his life he could in later years begin to use it as the reason he can't do things. He can't pass a class because he has to get up in front and give a report and speaking in public scares him--he can't try out for the team or a play because try-outs scare him -- he can't drive because he's afraid to drive in traffic. There are a lot of times in our lives when fear is a natural reaction to what is happening. But if we take a deep breath and just do it we often find that the fear was unfounded.
Continue to reassure him that he has flown many times and always landed safe and nothing happened. Even the turbulence turned out to be okay, no one got hurt and everyone landed safely. You can also reassure him by explaining that the pilots and other flight crew are well trained and really know what they are doing.
I don't know if you could call the airline and ask if he could talk to a pilot. Or if you know anyone with a pilot's license he could talk to. In our post 9-11 world I'm not sure if he could talk to a pilot at the airport.

When my husband was a child, he was afraid of flying. This was especially problematic since my husband's father was a pilot and they moved often.

My husband has a vivid imagination and is quite the story teller, so you can imagine how his young mind would become frightened by the loud sounds that we have become accustomed to during travel. To him, it sounded and felt like something was wrong because he couldn't understand the process behind it all.

This all changed when someone sat down with him and explained the noises: That's what it sounds like when the wheels lift off, those are the flaps retracting, those are the engines throttling back...this is why those things happen.

Once my husband understood how an airplane works and how it sounds when it's working, he lost his fear of flying.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!

This is a tough one. The turbulence was clearly terrifying for him, and that fear needs to be addressed and dealt with. But I don't know that you have the time to deal with his fears before this trip -- as this schedule sounds rushed and timed for your parents needs, not for yours.

A trip to Disney World is something a child should have the experience of looking forward to with excitement and not dread. Part of the joy of any trip is the anticipation -- and clearly that will not be the case here.

My instincts say, postpone this trip until you have had the time to really help him work through this issue. He was obviously traumatized by the turbulence he experienced -- and this may be mixed with other fears (and possibly some additional heightened sensory issues if the noise is also truly troubling for him).

Your parents will have the time share for a long time, he will be a kid that will enjoy Disney World for a long time.

I would do research on how people work through their fear of flying (visit airports, look into videos that help people deal with this phobia) , and also possibly get some additional help as this may be related to anxiety in general. But I would not rush him through this process.

I would also find out what he is afraid of happening -- I know as an adult what I'm afraid of on a plane -- but I wonder if a five year old has those same fears or if they are different. You might also try to find out if he has been exposed to any images from TV, or films that are heightening his anxiety .

Bottom line, your child is dealing with a real anxiety/fear -- I think your instincts are telling you that you need time to address this. I would go with that gut feeling and take the time to help him through. Your parents can plan this trip with you for another time when it works for everyone

Please, do NOT force him just to please your parents.
To me, this is about pleasing your parents, and for a last minute... request as well.

Your son, to me, is being very articulate about explaining this to you, for his age.

Me: I HATE BEING IN AN AIRPLANE. Why? I cannot stand.... long flights because I hate the feeling of being cooped up. Hate it. It is really miserable.
Sure, I fly and have gone on trips. But it is miserable. And, from Hawaii, ALL flights are a LONG flight to anywhere.

Next: is he just scared.... or deathly afraid of flying?
There is a difference.
Normal fears are normal.
But, extreme fears are different.

You kept mentioning not wanting to disappoint your parents. But
They only asked you yesterday and want an answer tomorrow.
Isn't that really last minute?

To me, the problem is, not wanting to tell your parents No.

You've given your SWH but thought I'd share.

I'm a big softy, except when it comes to fears. There is a history of anxiety and avoidance in my family so if my daughter is afraid of it, we keep doing it.

For example, once a month there is a fire drill at my daughter's school where she's been going since she was 18 months. She will go there until she in 8th and they will always have fire drills. The teachers know she hates loud noises so on the day of the drill, they let me know and I go do them with her. After, she says, "I did it!"

On her bike, she didn't want to ride down hills, I"m talking any slight decline, she would get off her bike and walk it down. When she did on a barely noticeable hill, I took her bike walked it up the incline and I walked down with her while she rode. At the end, she said, "I did it!"

I think its so important to show confidence in what your child think they can't do because it can manifest into true phobias. I really respect that you are taking his lead and I find it difficult to know when to instill confidence and when to honor my daughter where she is that day.

I also hate to fly, it started when I was on an ER landing and watching grown men on cell phones crying and calling their wives to tell them we were on ER landing. The HARDEST thing I ever did was get back on a plane after we sucessfully landed to get home. Several people opted to rent cars and drive from Vegas to Dallas.

I hate take off because that is when our ER happened and it was too late to abort the flight so, I still have white knuckles until I hear the little bell and announcement (it is now safe to use the approved devices)

I do refuse to let the fear keep me from travel. Our daughter was with us ( middle school aged at the time) and she has no issues with flying.

We fly a lot and it is something I just do. I have been on 4 ER flights with the one from Vegas the most serious. Watching the firetrucks chase you down the runway is not fun.

If I were you I would get books, videos, etc that easily explain safety, how to's, etc of flying. I found it very comfortable once to have a pilot happen to sit beside me on a flight home. He explained the bumps, noises, etc and I have done much better since.

I think your child needs to be able to face the fear, get on that plane and go because if he can't do it now, he will be setting himself up for years and missing out on good things!

Riley had an excellent answer!

From a practical standpoint, the only time I don't want to fly is when the pilot doesn't want to go. If the pilot doesn't want to go, I'm NOT going. I figure the pilot and co-pilot love their families and want to land safely.

Call the airline and see if he can speak to a pilot or co-pilot just before boarding. I've seen a pilot or co-pilot stop and take a couple of minutes, at the gate, to assure a white knuckle flier that everything will be ok.

ALSO, have him eat a turkey leg before you leave for the airport. Turkey has a naturally occuring chemical called serotonin (sp?). It makes people fall asleep. That's why so many people get sleepy after a big Thanksgiving dinner. I wouldn't give him anything else to eat but the turkey. Stop by subway and get a 12" turkey sub for on the airplane. Flying from CA to FL will make him want something to eat and a turkey sandwich would be ideal and probably have the desired effect.

Good luck to you and yours.