Hey S.,
Well I don't have a masters but my eldest is 13, plus i have a 3 and 4 year old.
What I find works, is NOT to engage her when she is being fresh.
Simply tell her in a gentle but FIRM voice to pick up her toys, or put her dish in the sink. Wait a moment remind her if necessary making sure she looks you in the eye when you say this.
finally if she gives you attitude, you simply explain the rules remaining calm
" LISA I want you to put your dish in the sink now, if you do not do so then you will go to sleep.
( then follow thru and send her to bed, no toys , no TV)
10 to 15 minutes should suffice. Set an eggtimer in her room or the hallway so that she can hear it ticking and go off.
During this time she will run you ragged either crying, kicking screeming, yelling, disobeying and leaving the room,
you remain calm and say nothing. returning her to her room if necessary.
eventually she will stop and calm down.
5 minutes after she calms down you into the room, and talk to her, explaining that from now on if she misbehaves, this will be the consequence.
That you expect her to listen to you, and do as you ask.
and that you expect her to talk nicely to you. Because you talk nicely to her.
ask her if she understands, and when she agrees hug her, kiss her and help her put her dish in the sink.
OK-- Attitude, kids give you attitude as a means of engaging you. making you feel as angry as they feel.
You can't take it personal. ( easier said than done right)
I firmly believe that a child does NOT have to LIKE the punishment,afterall it is a punishment not a reward, its unreasonable for you to expect her to be happy about it. the most important thing is that she listens and follows thru.
learning to reel in her attitude comes with time,
and example.
Basically you need to be overly polite with her and everyone else. As does your spouse.
ATTITUDE is learned.
Becareful what you and everyone else is saying around her.
and especially HOW they say it,
Pay attention to the TV shows she is watching.
you'd be surprised at how kids pick up on these things.
OK last thing, talking back is a means of NEGOTIATION.
your child needs to realize that you will not Negotiate.
your the boss, thats it.
Now is it unreasonable for your child to want a compromise?
NO way. she sees you and everyone else around her doing this everyday.
Mom there is no easy solution. she needs to know that there are consequences to her actions.
but I also believe that she needs to be recognized when she listens in a positive way. So be on the look out for good behaviors. and have a reward ready and waiting. as a surprise for being good.
My last little tid bit on the subject. She is 5 so she should be able to help out around the house, collecting laundry, and setting the table, putting the dishes in the dishwasher. ( use plastic )
Do not pay her an allowance, as in real life no one ever pays you for doing these things.
But you can pay her with your time.
Create an activity to do with her with the time saved.
each day. this is her reward.
This is what I do with my boys.
it works,
But don't expect and opvernight miracle, and don't expect that you won't have to repeat yourself atleast a million more times. And then just when you think you have it all together. your kid goes and changes LOL.
Good luck,hope it helps.
M