4 Yo with Fear of Public Toilets

Get him to an audiologist or an ear nose & throat doctor. Sounds like this is a problem with his hearing and it sounds acute.

My kids were afraid of the auto-flush toilets because when they're so little the auto feature thinks they're off the toilet and it begins to flush while they're on it. But this doesn't sound like a problem with the toilet as much as a problem with the hearing.

When you're not anywhere near public toilets and he's in a comfy secure place ask him about what scares him or makes him feel yucky when you're at a public bathroom. Give him the last example - "remember when we were at ________ and you were upset while sister used the toilet? I want to figure out what we can do to make sure you don't get that feeling anymore." then ask, does it hurt your ears? does it scare you? does it make you remember a time when you were scared?

Kids are so funny, the conclusions that they draw can be so very different from what we expect. Once you know what's causing his strong reaction then you are halfway through the battle. Make sure he understands that you are going to do everything possible to protect him and make this better but you need to understand it and you need HIS help to understand.

try not to get frustrated with him. this is a visceral fear that he can't control. my little guy had lousy ears too, and i didn't realize how poorly he was hearing until he got tubes and suddenly the world didn't have that underwater feel for him any more.
i would not push him, just encourage him with gentle desensitization techniques at home with lots of praise and no scolding when he can't do it. it's difficult to deal with when you have to go out, but just remain calm and sympathetic but pragmatic 'i'm sorry it's uncomfortable for you. i hope we're able to get you to feel better about going to the bathroom soon' and tune out the crying. by next year he'll be okay.
my kid had the opposite problem, we couldn't go ANYWHERE without him wanting to use the restroom! to this day i have no clue what it was about public bathrooms that he found so intriguing.
:) khairete
S.

My son was scared of public toilets, held his ears, it started getting better when he turned five if it is the auto flush feature travel with some tape to cover the sensor, because he was so sensitive to noise I finally wised up and bought some child size earplugs and keep them in my purse, they came in a box of 10 or 12 and can be reused if kept clean, he wore them to his first fireworks and first movie (at age five- I didnt dare take him before!) we've also used earmuffs when he had to use the nebulizer for a bad respitory problem.

Both of my children have an aversion to public toilets flushing. My daughter had tubes, son has not. At 4, my daughter still covers her ears every time the toilet in a public bathroom flushes. My son (2) does too. I don't know if that is from watching sister do it or if he has issues with the noise too. My daughter has issues with loud noises anyways. (prime example last night trick or treating, there were 17 kids in our group. She is saying she didn't have as much fun because everyone was too noisy).

Don't let your son hear the hand dryers if he is scared of the toilets flushing. They sound like jets taking off.

As for getting over it, the best thing I can suggest, is just getting him used to them slowly. Every time you go out, go into the bathroom just to wash your hands to get used to the scene.

Is it that the sound of flushing scares him? Or it hurts his ears because he's not used to hearing well yet?

If it is the sound scaring him, maybe try baby steps. Have him stand outside the door of the bathroom at home to hear it flush and slowly move closer so then it wont seem so scary.

If it is hurting his ears to hear it flush then maybe his ears need to be re checked. Something may not have healed correctly.

Maybe not having you in there with him scares him, kinda like a seperation thing.
The doctor may have someone you can talk to like a specialist or a book to suggest answers.

Good luck and hope it gets resolved soon for you and him.

I would probably get his hearing tested and see what his sound threshold is now that he has these tubes. Maybe an audiologist can help you desensitize him to noise levels. Raise the matter with his pediatrician, and he'll probably give you a referral or do the test in his office. They might also send you to a sensory integration specialist. One of my favorite books is "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" by Carol Kranowicz. Available at public library. Offers games to help children with various sensory problems. Can't find my copy right now, but look through it and see if there are games suggested to help with sound sensitivities.

As an aside, my son had tubes placed in his ears at age 3. Still had ear infections. His hearing was affected for the first 5 years of his life. He's 12 and has trouble with spelling and writing. When you speak to your son, might I suggest you overpronounce words so that he can see your mouth move and hear every single sound of a word? I wish someone had shared that with me. I didn't know how important hearing was to spelling. He was learning phonics while in school, so I figured that if he learned the rules, he'd understand spelling. I later learned he needed both approaches to learning spelling. He's improving, but I hope another parent can learn from the experience.

He's probably just hearing things so much better that it scares him. He went from barely hearing to hearing really well. Earmuffs will make that adjustment easier. My granddaughter hated places that were too noisy, but it took us awhile to figure it out. She reacted badly to the skating rink, the theater, the gym at school, all by crying and refusing to go in. Finally, she said, "It's too loud!" We got her to wear Grandpa's earmuffs to a movie because she really wanted to see the movie. She wore them for a few movies after that, and then got over it.

He can be desensitized by a mental health professional.