4 Year Old's Birthday Woes...

I agree with the previous posters. Just consider a party for just kids. Games, pizza, crafts etc. Then for the grandparents and close family have snacks and cake after dinner time on a different day. If they dont lime it they don't have to come. The only large party we have done was for my daughters first. Now it's kids party on her birthday weekend and cake with grandparents on her actual birthday. My family is cool about it though. Do what's easiest for you. There is no reason for adults to get out of joint over a childs birthday party. I wouldn't go to my MIL if she insisted on controlling the party. I cant stand that.

Hello!
At age 4 my daughter had definite ideas about her party and who she wanted to see. Personally, I would keep it small to her friends and their moms. If the less-than-thrilled family members want to see the kids. there will be other weekends or afternoons to catch up. Option 2 seems do-able, but it feels like option 3 is really not on the table.....
Hope it all works out!

Instead of all these huge parties. why can't the grandparents take her out for a day to the mall, movies, bowling, build a bear, dinner or whatever. Then any other relatives can make a day to take her out too(with you of course if that is more comfortable for you. )then just have an actual party for her and a few of her friends. Really she would probably enjoy it more and you would too.
If there is to big of a fuss then have your party for her friends at your apt. and let your mother in law,plan, invite and throw her own party her own way with her relatives.

I would say... 4) none of the above.

Have the grandparents come for dinner (if they can hold it together) and then celebrate her birthday at a park in the spring when the weather is nice. I would send a letter to the extended family explaining that you loved having them all, but your house simply isn't big enough to have everyone indoors. Let them know that you will have a party to celebrate her birthday in May when it's warm and the kids can run around.

My son is still very young, but do to other things that happened this spring, we celebrated his birthday on July 4th with his whole family, but had a special dinner with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend on the actual night of his birthday. It worked out well and we were able to have a BBQ outside and everyone could attend.

Keep it simple :) Have a family "pot luck" Birthday party at your apartment the day before or weekend before her b-day, where you just supply drinks and a small cake... they provide the food and snacks. (really works!)

Then, then day of her birthday, have a kid friendly party with just her friends and their parents... in which case you provide food, snacks,drinks etc.

It's not easy and she may not be entertained very much with the family, but it will keep the nit-picking down, and she will be excited to spend the next day with her friends : )

What works for us is to do what makes our family happy and ignore the whining adults. :) I would go with option 1 or 2 (whichever you guys would prefer. People will always find something to complain about.

I vote for ONLY having a kid party. I mean, a handful of friends of your daughter, only. Then have individual evenings or weekend days where others can bring over a gift if they want to - separately. Why do you need to host an army for your child's day? That seems way too complicated to me.

i wouldn't go for any one of those 4. why does a child this young need to have enormous parties with so many adults who don't like each other? 20 is a HUGE number for a child's party. i would have a party for her at your place with a few of HER friends (4 or 5) and maybe 1 or 2 nice family members. if your mother-in-law wants to have another party, then YOU have taken care of your child's birthday and your MIL can do whatever she wants. if you just want to see everyone, have a get-together when the weather improves. it doesn't need to revolve around your daughter.
no child needs all this drama OR all this hoopla about their birthday. fun should never be this much work.
khairete
S.

oh my goodness. how about nix the whole party except for a couple of her good friends from school, and do some kind of slumber party or something? when people start complaining be honest - IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH. parties are supposed to be fun. what a waste of time and energy. it's about HER not them- and not you, for that matter.

no offense but how you say that most of the grownups don't get along, how they let you hear about it if your party doesn't measure up to their expectations - forget it. it's not worth the stress. you will never please everyone - so just concentrate on pleasing the birthday girl.

i realize i am spoiled - my family genuinely cares about each other and gets along great. if we have irritations with one another we let it go. so i can't imagine bending over backwards to kiss people's butts who can't even be polite and respectful. just because they're family does not mean you have to cater to them.

Birthdays are about the person not the family. They the family wants to visit and give presents then they will come by your place even if you don't have a set party. Almost sounds like they are using you and her as a family reunion time.

Hugs.

I vote for having a kids party only. Keep it small, maybe invite only about 4-6 kids. Look in to what kind of local places do kids parties, zoos, playplaces, museums, etc. We are finally to the point where we do either a family party OR a kids party, but not both. We ask the kids which they prefer. Also on my daughters' actual birthdays, we go out to eat, birthday girl picks the restaurant, and make it just the 4 of us. I have a small house too, plus a lot of divorced parents, out of town relatives, etc. It just gets WAY too complicated, and I refuse to have multiple parties to accomodate relatives who always complain about everything when it's supposed to be about the birthday child, not them.

Why do you have to have everyone at her party? Do you have to have a party every year? We do birthday parties every once in a while, but mainly we pick a place to take the family and just enjoy the day. We have gone camping, to the zoo, to the movies, bowling, just to the park to play, children's museums- etc. If family is in town or lives close by, they are welcome to come over for cake and presents after dinner- but usually it is just us. It's a lot less stress, and a lot more fun just spending time with your child and not having to plan a big party. But, if you have to have a party- I would do the pizza place idea. don't stress- birthdays are supposed to be fun!
~C.

Does your apt have a club house you can rent out? Or if you go to church normally they will have an area to use? Sometimes you can use a church facility for a cheap rental rate. Maybe there is an indoor gym you can go to. Ive been to bday parties at Mcdonalds or CiCi's pizza. Try to find large places near you that don't cost an arm and a leg. If you live in a big city sometimes they will have civic centers or old gyms that they rent out cheap!

I know different families have different traditions, but you can do/or not do whatever you want for a young child's birthday. Maybe I've got it easy because my siblings had many children before I finally had my daughter at age 41. We've not done "family" birthday parties at all.

We've done something different every year, depending on age. But I've heard the recommendation that the number of kids at a Bday party should equal the child's age, and I think that helps to keep numbers reasonable. At 4, I think we had 4-6 of my friends that had kids that age over to the house for a couple of hours with kid games and kid food treats. Done.

The older my daughter gets, the more say she has in her party - we've done a community center's "play space/climbing structure" with room for having cake, we've had it at Chuckie Cheeses (fine, but never again), "Pump-it-Up" which is a blowup play structure place with a room for serving cake. Last year (age 8) she had a sleepover with 5 friends. This year's idea is laser tag.

The birthday is for you and your daughter to celebrate. So do what you want. Otherwise, no one has fun.

I think it's fun for the kiddos to have multiple parties. I say let her plan one, why do you have to be part of her party planning? Plan your own with who you like and let her plan her own version of it. Your child will remember grandma's birthday party along with the one at home.

Invite who you want at your house and let grandma/mil host everyone else. No cost to you and lots of love and hugs for your little kiddo.

Is there not a pizza place nearby that you could have the party at? Or does your church have a hall that you can rent out for cheap. We had my daughters birthday at the church hall one year. Invite them all and get it over with. Have hotdogs and chips and be done with it.

i have read all the resonses below and I understand your having an issue about family. Its not about whether to invite little friends etc. its about the space to fit in the whole family verses making 2 separate events. I would still go with the church or a big pizza place. order a few pizza's and some pitchers of pop and be done lol. good luck.