4 Year Old & Funerals

I recently had to deal with the same situation. My grandmother passed away and we had to go to Kentucky for the funeral. I have two boys, 4 1/2 and 2. When we got to the funeral home, we hung out in the waiting and kitchen area. Then my son asked to see Grammie. So I took him in the room to see her. He looked at her for about a minute or two. He asked a couple of questions (ie. Is she soft or hard if you touch her?) And then he said that he was done and he wanted to go back into the kitchen by the other kids.

He is still very confused about death and continuelly asks questions about it. I think that since he saw everything at the funeral home, it's easier for him to understand. When we were at the funeral home, my son kept asking me what we were doing there. I explained that we were there to have a celebration of life, kind of like a party. He liked that explaination.

Hope this helps a little.

My 3 year old has been asking a lot of questions about death lately. I got the Maria Shriver book. I think it's titled "What is Heaven " and that has helped me with questions that my daughter has asked. I recommend it.

Normally I wouldn't agree with taking her to the funeral but she seems to have taken the hospital and tubes in grandma alright. You must have a very special little one. Have a plan B in case it doesn't work out at the funeral. Explain that grandmas body is here but her heart is in heaven watching down over all of you. Also, point out that gram has no more pain or tubes. She should be o.k. mommy

Dear D.,
How fortunate you are that your daughter had a grandmother in her life that was so special and how wonderful of you to make sure your daughter had the opportunity to share her love and minister to her grandma while she was so sick and dying. I worked with children over 20 years in this field and I can assure you that bringing your daughter to the visitation and funeral would be far more healthy for her than trying to protect her from the next logical step. You are doing everything right. I would suggest that you just keep on doing what you are doing-loving your daughter and helping her get through a hard time. You are actually building confidence in her that she can handle tough situations that will come up all her life. I have written a few articles on how to talk to kids about death. They are publishe on the web. You can read them at http://www.scribd.com/doc/7631614/Children-and-Funerals
I also have some children and adult bereavement books to recommend. You can read my reviews at http://astore.amazon.com/grangrac-20?%5Fencoding=UTF8&amp...
May God bless you and yours in this time of bereavement. If I can be of further help, please let me know.

D., I work in a field where I prepare children for the death of a sibling. Many of the same principles apply. You have done a beautiful job of preparing your daughter already. And you are correct, children have a tendency to handle these things better than we do as long as we give the information they ask for in proper language which I am sure you have.

Regarding the funeral--I would let her decide. Explain the coffin as a beautiful soft place (not bed) and that her Grandmother (or yours?) won't look exactly the same. Children at this age have a tendency to view death with bodyily harm and blood. Let her know that Grandma is dressed in her favorite outfit, hair done whatever. Sometimes you can take a picture first and show that to her if she wants to see it and then let her decide if she wants to go. Let her know that it is her decision and whatever she decids is okay with you. She can dictate a letter to you to put in the coffin, draw a picture, put something of her own in there etc.

Let her know people may be crying because they will miss Grandma and that is okay. That is the way we feel when people die but she is in heaven in a happy place (which is the place where a family fills in their own belief)

If she goes, she may want to leave soon or she may end up with other children. Kids have a tendency to regulate themselves and what they can handle. Don't be surprised in a few days if she asks when will we see Grandma. Her developmental cognitive abilities don't quite grasp the permanence of death. This is natural and normal, it has noghting to do with intelligence.

Good luck. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful, sensitive mother. A.

Hello D.

My Mom passed away when my eldest son was 4 and we didn't have him at the funeral. I have been upset about this ever since! My son was VERY close with my Mother and I kept him from saying 'good-bye' to her for not letting him go to her funeral. I feel that that is sometimes the only way to help heal from a loss. I would say that your daughter should go to her great grandmothers funeral.

God's Blessings to you and your family
D.

Hi

I know you have many, many responses to your question, but I just wanted to add something that I experienced as a child.

I was 6 years old when my uncle died. I don't remember too much about how my parents explained it to me, but I do remember VIVIDLY seeing him in the casket.

To this day, unfortunately that is how I remember him.

My suggestion is to not let her see great-grandma in the casket.

L.

D., First let me say how sorry Iam for your families lose. It is very hard to loose a family member anytime, but especially around the holidays. My son was 2 1/2 when his great-grandfather past which he was very close to. My son also was very smart for his age as well and although we didnt take him for the visitation because it was just to long, we did take him for the funeral. When he went up to the casket he couldnt understand why Papa didnt look the same, which is one thing I didnt think about when we where talking to him about when Papa had past. So keep that in mind when you are talking to your daughter about it. Please explain to her if you decide to let her go and if you let her go up to the casket to say good-bye that her great grandmother wont look the same, for whatever reason you want to give. Again Iam so sorry for your families lose. K.

D. - I'm sorry for your family's loss of Grandma. My dad died 2 years ago when my oldest (Kayla) was 3. Like your family's situation, (1) Kayla and my dad were very close, (2) I had several months to prepare her for his death, and (3) she visited him a lot in the hospital and dealt with that very well, even though he didn't look like himself and was hooked up to every form of life support imaginable. Kayla was a little scared at first of the way he looked in the hospital, but she quickly got over that and enjoyed visiting him.

When my dad died, I was torn about taking Kayla to the open-casket visitation and funeral, followed by the burial. I didn't want to frighten/traumatize her, but I also figured that since she had seen him at his worst in the hospital, surely seeing him lying peacefully in the casket as if he were sleeping couldn't be worse.

After talking with some other families about how their kids at this age handled seeing a loved one in an open casket, I ultimately decided that I would not have Kayla attend the burial, because that would be just too long of a day for her, but that I would give her the choice about attending any part of the visitation and/or funeral, including whether she would want to look at Grandpa in the casket and even touch him. Of course, I explained everything to her in advance about how it was only Grandpa's body, and that his soul had gone to heaven to be with Jesus.

Kayla very much wanted to go with me to the funeral home, so I brought books for her to keep her occupied and lined up someone to take her home if she was uncomfortable being there. At first, various family members watched her in a far corner of the room, away from the casket, while I was up by the casket. However, over the course of the first 15-20 minutes, she gradually made her way over to the casket, moving closer and closer each time while talking with whoever was watching her. The entire time, I noticed that she was eyeing the casket with great curiosity.

When she was very close, I joined her and asked her if she wanted to see Grandpa, which she did. After staring at him for a short while, kind of in a curious way, and seeing me and my brother touching him, she then asked if she could touch him too, which she did. After that, she talked to him a little while to tell him goodbye, and then, she basically lost interest and went back to her books and talking to others. In light of how well that went, I feel like I made the right choice of letting her decide whether or not to go with me that day, as well as leaving it up to whatever she decided to do about seeing or not seeing Grandpa in the casket once she was there.

Good luck to you as you decide what is best for your daughter.

L.

Sorry to hear that-always a tough one! This is what I did with my 3.5 year old when my father passed away this summer. Grandpa was sick with cancer and my son saw him all the time. I always encouraged love and normal behavior when visiting my dad in hospice at home. I told my son that grandpa was sick and that angels were coming soon to take him to Jesus in Heaven (my own belief anyway). We were there when he was "taken," and then I said we had a chance to say goodbye. My son saw him in the casket and said good-bye a couple times. He was not scared or anxious in anyway. Then we buried him and we have gone to visit his body while he's in heaven with Jesus. And I like to encourage him to pray or talk to grandpa and tell him how much I miss him, and how hopefully we will see him again one day in Heaven.

Hope that helps. That seemed pretty good for my son.

Not sure if this will help, but here goes... I have been explaining death, wakes, funerals, cemetaries, etc to my 4 and 5 yr old lately for different reasons. I think I would take my 5 yr old daughter to a closed casket funeral since we have been talking about where our souls go versus where our bodies go, when we die and she has been to regular mass with me. I don't think she'd be ready for open casket or even a visitation/wake atmosphere, but having been to catholic church services, a funeral mass would make more sense to her. I am sorry for your loss.

D., I'm sorry for your family's loss. I think everyone has great responses. I took our daughter to our neighbor's wake (she was 4 at the time). I wasn't going to take her, just let my husband go and then I'd go when he came back. She really liked the neighbor and asked to go. I told her what it would be like and she might be able to see the body (though I told her the bones would still be there instead of body and she was expecting to see bones). Turns out, the casket was in a side room, so I could have kept her out but her curiosity wanted to see. The biggest thing was her trying to figure out how she could be in the casket and in heaven at the same time. I explained to her that God has her good stuff with Him in Heaven, and it never died, but her body stayed here so her family could say goodbye.

I think her attendance at the wake/visitation would be easier than the funeral because movements are less restricted. Funeral attendance would depend on her ability to sit still.

Whatever you decide, there will be lots of questions, either right away or later (or both). Hang in there.

My grandson who was 4 at the time - had to go with my daughter and me to my cousi's wake (we were close). We followed his cues and when he wanted to go up o the casket, we let him. He did not know my cousin but wanted to know why he was sleeping. We explained that he was not but that Chris was in heaven with Jesus. His response helped a couple of my other cousins. His eyes got wide and he got excited and asked "Chris is in heaven with Jesus?" I said yes - his response was priceless - "Chris is in heaven with Jesus -YEAH!" Chris's brother was listening and he thought for a minute and then said "He is right - Chris is in heaven with Jesus - YEAH!" 2 weeks later my cousins mom also died and it was a great help to them to remember that. Let her lead but be truthful. I remember at the age of 4 - my one of my grandfathers passed away. I was allowed at the wake but not allowed to go up to the casket and when I asked what happened I was told Grandpa was sleeping. Was not good and tok me a long time to get over it.

Hugs, love and prayers
L.

I was seven when my grandfather died, sudden death. In our family caskets are closed and pictures are out for everyone. I was seated off to the side with my family. It was very hard to have everyone stare at my family and me. I knew what death was and I accept it both then and now. When my father died my first son was three. He and my girl friend's children swang on the casket handles. I felt that he was playing with them for the last time. My second son has been to many furnerals in his life. I do not think it hurt either one of them. I keep them in the audience not to a side for viewing by adult eyes. They chose to view the body if they wish. We talk lovingly about the person we now miss. It is harder for adults to see a child there then to be the child there. What a wonderful to say good bye with her there.

D., I am so sorry for your loss and resonate with the uncertainty of how to manage through this with a child. My son was almost 3 when my mother unexpected passed away. He was very close with her and we had to handle the same questions, albeit for a child who was a bit younger. I talked with various sources on the best/most appropriate ways to handle this with and for him. Among those I spoke with were the director at his preschool, the school social worker, and a friend who was a child psychologist. Some of what was passed along to me was the following:

To explain what dying means I said it means that the person (in our case, Nana) was gone and couldn't come back. I repeated this same line often. I was told to stay away from trying to explain where she was going to be since it was a bit complex for children to understand. In addition, for me personally, I'm just not sure what happens once we pass from this life so I felt it wasn't honest in my case. That's a personal belief and varies among all of us.

I explained that Nana she was very very sick and very very old conveying the message that one had to meet both criteria for this to happen. I explained that very very sick is not a cold, flu, surgery or something like that. We all get sick with those things and we all get better from them - it's common. And since my dad is older thatn my mom was, it helped to underscore that age alone did not mean one was going to die.

Keep it simple & tell the truth. This doesn't mean full disclosure. We often think kids require more complete answers, like an adult, but they don't. I kept my answers brief and he asked further questions if he had any. Sometimes his questions would come hours or days after a conversation. It seemed he had to process things or ruminate over it for a while before the next question came. To this day I am still amazed at how simple a response it took to satisfy him, and he is a sensitive, bright and intuitive child who is very inquisitive. My lesson there is that I can talk too much, especially when I'm uncomfortable or have difficulty answering his question.

As far as going up to the casket, we were told this was not a good idea for our son and that it may create an undesired emotional response on that day as well as afterwards. Also, since I was so in shock and so sad and emotional, He did not go to the funeral. I was told it would be a very upsetting and confusing thing for him to see so many people, and me in particular, crying so hard and so upset. Again, our situation was different, my child was a bit younger and the passing was a complete shock, but thought I'd share this in case it's of any value.

I hope you and your family find the best and most appropriate ways to handle this for you all. I send you my heartfelt condolences and wish you peace.

I think my oldest attended her first funeral at 4. She was close to someone and she was like a grandmother to her. I would say, at least this is what I did, take her cues. If she needs to go to the coffin and say good-bye, then I would say okay. I explained that the funeral was a time for people to cry if they needed to because they would miss her, that some just needed to say good-bye for now and a reminder that they no longer, like her grandmother, had to be in a hospital the way she was and feeling really bad. I hope that helps. For us, we believe that there is a possibility that some day we may see the ones we loved, some children are not ready to understand that, mine was. Just love her and be prepared to answer questions from her and when I had taken my daughter, I actually had people thank me for bringing such life with me to the funeral.

My condolences to you and your family. I think it is important to include your little one in the greving process. Let her draw pics or do a balloon release for grandma.She might be too young to fully understand the concept of death.Grandma sleeping is what she might think.Let her go to the casket and say hi.DON'T force her she prob be curious.I also suggest that you don't make her kiss her unless she asks.Children have a few things to teach us mabe she will suprise you on how strong she is and you will realise what a strong woman you are.

It's important for your daughter to learn how the mourning processing works and to be able to say goodbye. Please remember that she is only 4 and couldn't fully understand what has happened. Telling her that grandma has gone to heaven is totally appropriate. Don't forget to tell her that is alright to cry and miss her grandma. Assure her that she can talk about her and remember the good times. Otherwise, you have done everything you can.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My son never got the opportunity to meet my grandma, so your daughter is fortunate she got to spend the time with her that she did. I would bring her to the funeral and if she wants to see Grandma in the casket I would let her do that as well. I'm sure she will look much better than she did at the hospital and your daughter will see she is finally at peace.

We had a very similar situation in that my MIL passed away just after my dd turned 5. Because we had prepared her and because she had visited the hospital lots, we took her to the funeral. She still mentions it often and it was very important for her closure. We did not view the body though as she was cremated. You may decide to have your daughter look at pictures of how she remember grandma.

Hi Dianne,
We went through this with my dad this past summer. My daughter was not quite 4 years old at the time. She was afraid of grandpa and wouldn't go near him in the hospital because he "didn't look like grandpa". When he died I did tell her that grandpa had passed away. She asked quite a few questions and I answered her as honestly as I could as to not scare her. She stayed clear of him at the wake on her own and played with her cousins. I didn't push her in any way and she was incredibly resiliant. Afterward I was stuggling a lot with what had transpired and what I saw my dad go through and I worried that she was traumatized. My husband opened my eyes a bit. He reminded me that I was the one that went through all that. That the emotional attachment and understanding of what had happened was much deeper for me. She will make art projects for grandpa still and talk about him but I see no sadness in her, only that she loved him.

I personally believe she should attend the funeral but I wouldn't force anything else on her like seeing grandma. Death is a part of life and I think it's ok to feel the sadness and celebration of those we love.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my sympathies.
J.

i would like to extend my deepest sympathies first...very difficult for everyone that loses someone that they love...i always took my kids to funerals and wakes, etc...exposure i think is so important because it just happens...the more you keep them away from it...the harder it will be when they get older & then have to deal with it..i remember one time my son was very young and his great grandpa passed away...we were very close going to visit him 3 times in the nursing home every week...my son said he wanted to touch him...i had never touched a dead person in my life...i got upset & called my husband over...my son touch him and that was it...no questions or anything...i was personally grossed out but when my grandmother died...which was 5 years ago...i touched her...it seemed natural because i held her in my arms after she passed away.

God bless and the best of luck with your decision.

sincerely,

K.

Very sorry to hear of your family's loss. I have not had to go through this with my own children as of yet, but when my husband's father passed away 8 years ago, his youngest sister was only nine...she also has dows syndrome, so her mind, especially at that point in time wass much more like a 4 or 5 year olds. Her mother told her that Daddy's body broke, and the doctor's couldn't fix it, and that he was in heaven now, and that she could talk to him when she prayed, and that we will all be together again when God calls us home. Honestly, there too, she probably dealt better with it initially than any of us. We kind of let her be our guide. At frst she didn't get why he wouldn't wake up, which of course was very heart breaking, but she pretty much acted like anyone else would at a wake, in her own way, sometimes laughing about something she remembered, sometimes crying, etc. The hard thing with her is that because she has downs it took her much longer to process things, and to understand that when she saw my husband, or her other sister, she was not she was not going to see Daddy. Now, I know this does not compare to the loss of human in any way, but my son was 4 when my parents' dog died. I guess my point is here, that it didn't exactly register initially, but it did in bits and pieces over the next couple of years (he just turned 6). Sometimes he would get sad, or have a light bulb moment so to speak. When Mugzy died, we liit a candle, and all said something nice about him that we remembered. My son also drew a picture for Mugzy, and brought it to my parents to put in their backyard for him (in my son's mind, he still lived there, but he was just invisible to us), it made him feel better. We also gave him a picture of him and Mugzy, that he keeps in his "special box", and told him he could look at it any time to feel close to him. I hope this helps, and once again, it certainly isn't to minimalize the death of a loved one, it was my only personal experience with death with a child the same age. You and yours are in my thoughts, take care.

I've taught preshool for about 20 years. I think four year olds are very interested in what is really happening in their world. I think you should take her to the funeral. I would just answer her questions. She will let you know what she needs to know. Also, most 4's understand death quite well. They seem to have a deep inborn faith that most of us learn to ignore. Everytime you are very proud of your daughter, I suggest you share that Grandma is up in heaven with a smile on her face too. The kids love to know their loved ones are still with them.

It's part of life and be as honest as possible about the whole thing. My brother died and it affected my 10 year old the most. I had a 7 year old, almost 3 year and one on the way (gave birth 3 days after he died). Anyway, I think that it sort of helps them get closure. I think the more you treat it as a natural thing they are less scared of it. Our faith is very strong and we live in the hope of God. So we know that this is just a temporary place before we move on to live with Jesus. It's a hard concept for an adult so the kids don't actually understand it anymore than an adult, but your attitude will definitely create the right reaction from her. If you are afraid of death and don't talk about it so will she. None of my kids had nightmares or anything after the wake. We talked a lot about it. I would cry a lot and they would ask why. I would be honest and tell them I'm sad and I miss my brother. I would even say I'm mad that he isn't with me anymore eventhough he's with Jesus I'm still mad about it. Bottom line she will be watching you and follow your reaction and how you handle it. The more you are honest and genuine the better she will get through it. My deepest sympathies to you and your family on your lose.

My opinion is that you defintly should not keep her home. A funeral is for the living to say goodbye. granted the funeral will upset her but it will show her that it is ok to cry and greive it is a healthy and normal part of the living process and it will help her understand that her grandma is gone. I do think that you need to tell her that people will cry and be upset and that she dosent have to look at the viewing if she dosent want to but that she can and warn her that grandma probably wont look the same as she used to. Also make sure and bring something quiet for her to do as she is four and will probably not need the whole ceremony to say her goodbye and will get bored( i know this from personal experince)
c
mom of three wonderful girls 10,6 and 4

D.
As you know death is a part of life and Grandma had a good life. Introducing death of a loved one at a young age can be tricky but knowing that it is a normal part of life can ease the pain for everyone.
We have always brought pur children to the wakes of dearly departed friends and relatives. This makes it less scary for them and us. If you are of the religious say a prayer with your child at the coffin with reminding them to be respectful and it is ok to be sad. Without sadness there can be no joy. I am sorry to hear of your loss and wifh you the best of luck during these tring times.

J. O

There's a great book out there by Maria Shriver called "What's Heaven?" or something like that. It's a wonderful book that really explains things for kids!

Fortunately, my son has been too young to ask too many questions (2 1/2 for a memorial service for my grandfather this spring - no body since he was creamated), but I love what ones of my friends did when her mother died. She had her daughter who was 5 draw some pictures and put them in grandma's coffin. She made sure she didn't use phrases like "sleeping" and talked about how grandma would always be in our hearts and our heads, we just wouldn't be able to see her.

Good luck - hope the book helps!

First of all, my condolences to your family. My baby died two days before my sons 4th birthday. He knew that she had been ill and we talked about the fact that she might not make it. He attended the funeral and we still celebrated his birthday. So, I think you can you the opportunity to show that while people do die, it doesn't stop our lives. Maybe after the all the funeral stuff is done you can have a special day with your daughter to help her(and you) turn the page. Go to lunch or a movie or something special. It will be good for the both of you. Children can surprise you. If we don't make death a horrible thing and we just explain that it the person has died and moved on then children tend to understand. It is the adults that have a greater fear sometimes. She will be fine. Just talk to her. Tell her that there will be some sad people there and that it is okay for her to be sad because someone you love is not there in the body anymore. But, encourage her to still think about her and talk to her even. Hope that helps.

You have some good and thoughtful responses but I have to add my own experience as a child. I saw my uncle in his casket and was haunted by it for a long time. I was a bit older then your daughter, but my little sister had a similar experience. To me he looked extremely artificial and creepy as heck. Of course I was told the whole heaven thing too, but for me the visual of this dead body in a coffin was far more, shall we say, impressive.
I think you've done a great job of dealing with it so far, and I'm sure all children will not react the same way. She may be fine with it, but if I were you I would err on the side of caution with the viewing business. My sympathies.

My mother had an Aneurysm in 1992 and had a lot of health problems until she passed away in 2006. My son was very close to my mom. We had lunch with her several times a week. My daughter who we adopted from China was almost 2 years old. Even though my Mom had been sick for a very long time she passed away suddenly. My mother in law came up to watch the children while my husband and I did the wake and funeral. She brought the children to the funeral home for part of the wake. Since Robert was in Kindergarten he had some close friends who came to the wake also. My friends took the kids out of the room and he was able to play with them in the basement and say his good-byes to his grandmother. You might want somebody to be able to take her home if it is too much for her and you need to stay.

I am so very sorry about your family's lost.

Take care
J.

Blessings and peace be yours in your time of loss.
I have been working in churches for the entirety of my 3 children's lives, so my children have had a disproportionately large number of opportunites to process death, attend funerals, and view caskets of friends, family members, casual aquaintences, and even strangers. As a mom, I am in agreement with the concensus. You have been doing great, and you can trust your daughter and yourself to decided as you go what is best.
As a minister for youth, I just want to further encourage you to trust your child is ready for this life expereince as it has pressented itself. Too often, I have been at the side of a family who has "protected" their children from such experiences and then at age 12 or 14 at Mom's or Dad's funeral they are beyond lost and unable to comprehend why.
Death is an unfortuante part of life. Follow your daughter's healthy cues and you may find that your whole family is better able to mourn and heal.

God bless.

D., I'm sorry for your family's loss. When my daughter was 3 my mom's uncle died, who our daughter was very fond of. We talked a lot about death and the body of Uncle Steve after he died before the funeral and we had no choice but to take her. We gave her the option to look at the body or not. She chose to see his body, asked a few questions, and that was it. She was not upset or confused. I would handle it similarly the next time.

ABSOLUTELY TAKE HER TO THE FUNERAL. My parents had me very late-- mom was 45 and dad was 52-- so since the family was really old, I went to tons of funerals as a kid-- 4 and younger and older! It gave me a clear idea of closure and an understanding of the circle of life. If you don't let a young kid see the dead body, and see it sent off to be buried, it's hard for the child to understand that the person's actually gone for good. What's more, I think children learn a lot about how to handle death by watching how other people, mainly adults, act at the funeral.

Hi. Let her decide to go up to the casket or not. Keep telling her there's nothing to be afraid of. If she asks questions tell her the truth. It shouldn't confuse her. I know it is a very difficult topic. My father died and my son was 3. He didin't understand and wanted to see grandpa when the casket was being wheeled out of the chapel. He hasn't mentioned grandpa since. I also worked in a funeral home for 7 yrs and am very comfortable around and helping grieving families. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sad to hear about your loss. This is a difficult time.

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and an 18-month-old son. My husband's grandfather (great-papa to my daughter), passed away November 4th. We thought it appropriate for her to go to the funeral as his family requested it.

We took a little mini-pink photo album and printed out clip art pictures of things you might see at a funeral: bouquets of flowers, people crying, a casket, a cemetery, a statue of the Virgin Mary (they are Catholic and we are Methodist, so my children have not seen these images before) and a priest.

We also wrote a small blurb about Great-Papa going to Heaven to be with Jesus (fill-in-the-blanks with whatever your faith may or may not be). We were careful to steer clear of saying that Great-Papa was "sleeping". We described the cemetery as a pretty garden for people who have gone to Heaven.

My daughter didn't seem to "get it" until we were at the funeral home, and then the images made a little sense to her. She was able to identify things that were unfamiliar, and I think this helped her to be less nervous.

Hope that helps. Again, so sad to hear about your family's loss.

D....I'm so sorry for your loss,but Praise God that your daughter had a close relationship with her Great Grandmother. Let your daughter lead the way,stay close to her ,answer her questions in a simple way as childern don't need or expect lengthy explanations. You were right in explaining Grandma's body wasn't working right,as that is the truth,that's what you must give her now is truth. Death is a part of life and you are in a place to help her understand that fact,but it doesn't have to be scary.You were also right in pointing out that Grandma will be in Heaven.I believe the biggest impact is how you and your husband handle the funeral.Let her know that you both will miss Grandma and allow her to see any tears that fall,she needs to see that you are hurting and God gave us emotions.I pray this will be a time for you to grow closer to God and one another as you process your grief.
I attend a wonderful church that would be happy to help you in any way possible as you process through you time of sadness and loss, Christ Community Church on Randall and Bolcum ###-###-#### May our heavenly Father surround your family in His comforting arms.
P.