4 Is a Crowd!!

J., I too have the same problem. I have a two and a half year old son and a 12 month old son who both sleep with me. I have been getting advice about the same thing as well. This is what I was told and what I am going to try. My older son loves the movie "cars" so I am going to decorate his room totaly in Cars stuff on the walls, bedspread, pillows and anything else I can think of and get him to want to sleep in his "big boy room". We have bunk beds and I am hopful that both boys will want to sleep in there soon!! I wish you all of the luck in the world!! Wish me luck too!! ;)

It is an extremely hard habit to break, but better to do it now than to put it off.
You'll just have to gently but firmly allow them to know that Mommy and Daddy's bed is for Mommy and Daddy only. You'll be deprived of sleep for a while, but it will get better if you are firm, stick to it and are consistent. I was lucky, I had a sister that did this with her kids, so there was no way I was doing it with mine. You might want to put a couch or comfy chair or cot in the childrens' room, so that you have a place to lay down until they fall back to sleep. This is what I do and have done with all 5 of my children and the 33 foster children that I have had that were the age that needed supervision when they felt ill.
Please remember that it takes a while to form a habit, so it takes a while to break a habit.
Stick to it and be firm and you and hubby will have a happy bed again in a couple of weeks to a month.
Lotsa luck !!!
Reading them stories at bedtime might be able to keep them in their beds and get them to sleep at first. You might want to try having them in the same room for a while, until they get used to being in their own beds.

you should start now with both of them, you will have to listen to them cry probably for a couple of nights,just BE CONSISTANT and in 2 days you and your hubby will be sleeping like you did before the babies were born.....

Whenever you change what kids are used to they will resist, but there is a huge difference between letting your kids figure out how to fall asleep on their own while they cry and reassuring them that they *can* do this.

Make sure that they're not overtired when you put them to bed or it will be harder. Keep bedtime as positive as you can -- if they learn that they get put in a room and nothing they do will get your attention future bedtimes will be harder because they won't want you to leave.

There's more help here: http://www.babywhisperer.com/smf/ Check out the toddler and preschooler boards. What I've written is just off the top of my head. :)

Well, unfortunately you already know the answer. :) With the kids being the age they are, they are going to cry. You can try starting out letting them almost get to sleep in your room, then move them to their own room.

I saw an episode about this once on SuperNanny. It seemed like a very good technique. The following is from her site:
http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Health-and-Developme...

Sleep Separation

It seems harmless enough, lying down with your child while he goes to sleep, but it could be that sleeping by himself at night is one of his biggest steps towards independence. Also, getting time to yourself in the evening means you’ll be on top form when it all starts again tomorrow! An unbroken night’s sleep is crucial to your child’s development and staying tucked up in bed all night could make a clingy child less dependent in the daytime, too.

Steps to get a good night’s sleep
Follow a calming bedtime routine. Once you’ve put the little one to bed, don’t sit or lie down beside them. Sit on the floor instead, keeping your head down so they can see your profile but not your eyes, turn the light off and say “now it’s time to be quiet and go to sleep”. If your child carries on chatting to you, insist that “it’s sleep time now” in a gentle but firm voice and don’t get drawn into a discussion. If they get out of bed, put them back with a kiss and a cuddle the first time, just a kiss the second time, then with minimal physical contact after that. This part can be really hard, especially as the nights go on, but consistency and a kind tone will help your child feel secure in their bed without the anxiety of being left alone. Little by little, move further away from the bed each night. Eventually, you’ll be sitting with the door open, and finally you can say goodnight and go downstairs. This technique will help your child get used to sleeping alone in a bed. It will also make it easier for you to gain a period of blissful independence each evening before you, too, head for dreamland.

This is your site, so sign in, connect with other parents and share your story!

Supernanny TeamRelated Links
TV Clip - Sleep Separation Technique: Creating a relaxing bedtime routine, then having mom move gradually further from the crib meant Ryland was able to sleep by himself for the first time… eventually!
TV Clip - Stay in Bed Technique: Whilst this technique really tested these parents’ stamina, Ashlin eventually stops calling for mom to get into her bed and lets mom and dad have an evening alone.Bedtime Routine: The Bedtime Routine, as seen on the show, ensures your child gets enough sleep, while you get time to yourself… Getting Toddlers to Stay in Bed: Learning to stay in bed can take time, and even good sleepers can change their habits overnight. The Stay in Bed Technique is a method used in the Supernanny show to help families get an uninterrupted evening and a good night's sleep.

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/TV-Show/Clips/Clips/Sleep-Sep...

Hey J.,
Your totally not alone!! I let mu girls fall asleep with us and move them up to their rooms later when there good and asleep. We recently moved and before we did, the did sleep in their own rooms. The biggest thing is sad but true, you have to let them cry. It takes like two weeks and then they just get used to it, pretty awesome really but the 2 weeks SUCK! Good luck!

my three year old wants to sleep with us all the time. We let her fall asleep in our bed and then move her during the night when we're ready to go to bed. I read in Parents Magazine that giving them (maybe not your little one) one pass to get out of bed during the night and when they use it, they can't get up anymore. My three year old gets up in the middle of the night crying to see if we'll come running and coddle her. The last few nights, we let her stand in the hallway and cry and she decided to go back to her bed and go back to sleep. I can't believe it worked to ignore her. Don't make it traumatic though, I would ease it, don't make them stay in there the first night screaming like crazy (we tried that), they'll get hysterical and not able to calm down. And also, we start talking about what's going to happen at bed time several hours before it happens so it's not a surprise. Good luck, we're trying to deal with this too.
C.

I am shocked at how many moms say you have to let your children cry. Please stay away from Ferber. Yuck.

Instead, please read everything you can get your hands on by Dr. William Sears (he also has 2 or 3 sons that are doctors). You can start at www.drsears.com

My advise would be to start with getting your 3 year old to sleep on a mattress on your floor. After you work with him you can take on the baby. We transitioned our now 3 year old to his own bed without any crying. He now takes complete pride in himself for being such a big boy.

Dr. Sears talks about "attachment parenting", which is something else you can read up on for yourself. Please read up on this before making up your mind.

You don't have you break your heart, or your children's to get them to sleep in their own beds.

With mine, we had him start sleeping on the floor in our room, instead of in our bed. When that got to be uncomfortable, he decided to sleep in his own bed.

We had this problem with youngest daughter. What ended up working for us was putting one of daddys shirts on her pillow instead of the pillowcase. She stayed in bed because she 'smelled' her daddy and was comforted.

What you might also do is get a cassette tape and record yourself reading stories to them. If they feel they have to be with you to go to sleep, then it can be your voice reading the story while you sit or stand beside their bed, and when they start to doze you can quietly slip away while your voice continues to read to them.

This is also helpful on nights when you have a babysitter or on a day you have loads of stuff to do and/or will be in the car a lot.

These both worked for me, hope they help you! (And if not, I hope you find something that does!)

Have a great day!
~M

Basically put them in their own beds at night. If they cry let them. I know it sounds horrible to say but it's the truth. If you don't let them get the point that they have to sleep in their own bed or if you give in and let them sleep in your bed they will think it's ok every night. My brother's fiancee who used to live with us would run to my son's side if he even barely made a sound so after a while I told him to just leave my son alone and he said he couldn't listen to him cry but he eventually left him alone and he was fine by himself.

Hi, J.!
I wish I could give you some advice that would not involve crying but I can't. What worked for me was the Ferber Method. I am sure you could look it up online. It is difficult and there will be a lot of crying but the kids were sleeping on there own within a few days. I cried myself during the process but I had to get some sleep. I hope you find a method that works for you.
Good Luck.

Hi J. D,

What worked for me was quite simple...it worked with my daughter (now 27) and she used the same method with her babies.

All you need is an air mattress or couch cushions...lay it/them on the floor beside your babies, in their room not your own. Put them down for the night and you sleep on the floor next to the crib/bed. Gradualy move your 'bed' closer and closer to the door until you sleep outside the door...then you can sleep outside their bedroom door for a couple days and you have the problem licked. You might have to go back to the air mattress for a night or two if they get sick or something. But, you have to be firm with them. I don't remember how long I had to sleep in her room but it was worth it. My daughter says it took about a week with her babies and it is rare now for them to want to sleep with Dad and Mom.

One key note: by showing them who's the boss (you and your husband...lol) they will feel secure at night and it will also affect how they are during the day...with a good night's sleep for your entire family you'll be one step closer to being back in control and not have a sleep deprived family. Good luck.

W. Q

Ok one thing that worked great for us is I went out and got an air cleaner for each room. The white noise drowns out any other noises and helps everyone fall asleep and stay asleep. even if they wake during the night they will hear the same noise of the fan and go back to sleep of course this will take a week or so to get use too but it will work I even set the fan on the highest setting so it was kind of loud but now my children have a hard time sleeping without the white noise. You may have to deal with some crying but it is always harder on us then the child Be Strong! Take back your bed ! Remember who is in charge !
Don't let the child have the last say so if you let them have control now they will have control in bigger issues later and it will be harder to break that habit when they are older then now. Everyone needs to have their own space and time alone so it is wonderful for everyone to sleep in their own beds.
Good Luck and just think husband/wife time alone in your bed. yeah!!!

I would try having them on the floor on "nests" as in your bed is the mommy bird's bed and the floor nest is the baby bird nest. This is what I did with my son. You can use a little mattress or a sleeping bag or blankets. The older one might like the idea more but the younger one will go along I bet too. Then you can ease back but at least let them do is slowly...good luck, you gotta get sleep!
L.

Run...dont walk...to your library and check out a book called Solving Your Childs' Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. His suggestions were the only thing that worked for me when we were having problems with our youngest daughter not wanting to sleep in her own crib, many years ago. Now this isnt going to be an "easy transition"...but it WILL work...you and your husband just have to stick to it and be serious about it. This problem will NOT get any better on its own...and the sooner you handle it the better.
Good Luck!!!
R. Ann

J.:

My best advice for you would have been "don't start"!! However, since it is too late for that advice.. you have to realize that this habit was started a long time ago and therefore, it will take a long time to break. I would suggest sitting down and talking to your son, explaining that big boys sleep in their own bed (and make a big deal about his bed, maybe go out and buy a neat pillow case....). Are they at least taking naps in their own rooms? If not, start with nap times in their own rooms and move on to night time sleeping. Praise and reward them for staying in their room. Consider a sticker chart, placing a sticker for each night they stay in their own bed. It will be very hard at first (lots of resistance, crying,manipulations..). But keep in mind, they are not the ones who created this problem :0. Good luck and be consistent. I'm sure your relationship with your husband will also benefit.
A.