3Yr Old Still Needs Mom to Go to Sleep

My three yr old needed me to go to sleep she'd twirl my hair around her finger and pass out. Well we finally got her off her paci and now she doesn't need me anymore =( its strange how it makes you feel like they are all grown up after that. If its buggin you I"d change it but if not enjoy the needing while it lasts because when it stops its heartbreaking!

I know how you feel. I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I also started laying with my 3 year old and thought this would never end. Just last night, I tucked him in with a few toys and said I would be right back and when I did, he was asleep! I was thinking he would crawl out and come find me but he didn't. This has been the last three nights. Soooo, like everything else, it will come with time. Now I just need to get my 6 month old to sleep through the night!

L.,
Do you want to stop so you can get more sleep or for your daughter? If you're worried about her not sleeping alone - ever, then don't. Kids do the things they are supposed to when they are supposed to do them, like roll over, walk, etc. So enjoy this time and know it WILL go away on its own. Eventually she'll need you only for a few minutes, then just to tuck her in, and finally only on occasion. All too soon she'll be asking to go to sleep-overs and peer pressure will break her of any "bad habit" you might think she has.

Note that Mommy and Daddy sleep together, why should she have to sleep alone.

Our 6+ daughter and 2 1/2 son share a room and one of us stays with them each night. They've shared a room since our son was 4 months old and our daughter slept right through the nightly feedings. Now that they are both in regular beds we stay with them to keep the younger one in his bed until he's asleep. Already we've had a few nights where I've stepped away before he was asleep, but he was ready to drop off. It's a process.

If your concern is for your sleep then ask Dad to lay down with her. She might protest at first, but when she realizes its Dad or no one she'll begin to request Daddy.

With much love and kindest thoughts to you and your family - Suzi

Since she is three I would talk to her first let her know that she is a big girl and night time is her time to show mommy how much of a big girl/big sister she really is. Point out that her little brother sleeps alone. (If he actually does, please tell me he sleeps in the crib and not with you lol)and then read her a bed story 15 minutes before she goes to bed and then leave the room. It is hard but it works. She will probably come out of her room which is expected but continue to put her back in to the bed. But the key is you have to leave the room do not stay. Let me know how it works.

When our daughter started wanting us to stay with her to go to sleep we put a quick stop to it. We setup a different nighttime routine for her. Let her know BEFORE it was even close to bedtime that the routine was going to change and explained to her what the new routine would be. She is also 3 and we did this to her several times when we feel like the bedtime routine is dragging on and on. We make sure that she feels safe and secure in her bed and that she has everything she needs to go to sleep comfortably. It usually takes a few nights to a week to make it really stick. During that time it was very important to be EXTREMELY calculated about the routine. Plan ahead exactly what you will do so that it doesn't come off to her that you are just wanting to get out of her room, making her feel like she isn't important.

Hope this helps. Good luck. I know it can be hard sometimes to make big changes but it really will benefit you both over time.

I have the exact same problem!!! If you find something that works please, please let me know!!!

My daughter had the same problem at 3... except I was pregnant with my now 5 month old. We finally convinced her that MY Dr. said that I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know how you'd get away with that, but I told my OB about it... because I couldn't sleep after laying her down at 8:30-9ish, then I'd have to get up and go to my bed...then I wouldn't fall back to sleep.
I think I took her to an appt. and the Dr. told her. Then my hubby and I just kept telling her every night. We eventually got her a "big girl" bed and a night light... we set up a special routine which I do with her, without the baby. She still struggles sometimes, but its so much better.

Good luck!

When it is bed time sit by her bed and read a bedtime story or two (hhopefully she'll get sleepy) and then say you have to go check on something & you'll be back. stay out of room for a bit and do check back so she'll trust you if still awake, but sometimes they go ahead and fall asleep. You could also play a night time lullaby on cassette, & have a night light. Good luck.

We had this trouble with my oldest. It started toward the end of my pregnancy. (I now a 7 month old) We started a ritual where I would sit by her for 1 song on her lullaby cd. Then I would leave the room with the promise that I would check on her in a little while. Sometimes she is still awake when I check on her, but often times she is asleep already. You might try your own variation on this idea. God bless!

She just wants her mommy with her have a little relax time with her just before bed she will get relaxed lay beside her tell her a story it won't be long she will be asleep before you know it. My son always wanted me to lay with him scratch his back and tell him a story the whole thing took about 15 mins he just wanted help relaxing.
My daughter was the same way.
It seems like they consume alot of your time but managed time properly it won't strees you out as much and everyone gets what they want.
My kids are 19 almost 20 and 17 about to be 18 looking back I wouldn't have changed a thing.
My son at 17 still wants me to scratch his back sometime before he goes to sleep all because he needs some help relaxing.
Enjoy them and spend as much time as you can they will be grown before you know it and it will all be a memory.
Hope this helps.
D.

I have the same problem with our little 31/2 son....he must have mommy next to him until he is asleep. I blame us..we never gave him the chance to cry himself to sleep as an infant and still to this day he has problems with self soothing as they call it. Daddy just couldn't stand to have him end his day crying. So now we pay....I am in the process of leaving before he is totally asleep...sometimes it works and sometimes it wakes him back up.I have also found a good wind down routine has helped (tubby, books, drink of water a few minutes to snuggle).
Would love to hear more advice on this!!
I keep thinking this too shall pass and I will miss that time with him...good luck to you!!!

I know what you mean!! I've compounded my situation by moving our 3-yr old into the room with our 5-yr old and not only do they both like me to stay, they fight over who I will lay with first! Some nights, I really envy my friends who have successfully instilled the "drop and run" method. Or I find myself dreading the 30-45 minutes bedtime routine once they;ve dried off from their baths. I love all of the responses you've gotten so far. However, I have to say, the gals who have told you how fast these years fly by ARE RIGHT! I babysit an 8-yr old and 11-yr old after school and it amazes me how independent they are. I keep putting myself in their mom's shoes and I get kind of sad! So, I am going to stick with my routine (tubby, books, snuggle with one first, then the other/swapping every night) and enjoy my few moments of quiet as I lay in their room, trying to figure out how asleep they really are before I go. It's amazing how much thinking & decompressing I get done as we are lying there!I've found I'm more ready for bed when I finally get downstairs! That makes my husband kind of happy! Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!

For my children, we did that in stages. First I would lay down with them just like you have been doing. Next I would bring a kitchen chair into their room and sit with them until they fall asleep. This was also when I added the routine of a bedtime story. If they were not asleep at the end of the story, I would sit and read a magazine until they were asleep. Now I put them in bed and turn on the lullaby CD and say goodnight and shut the door. Point is I did it in stages... just be strong... once you bring in the chair, there will be NO MORE laying in the bed with her. This is a big girl transistion...don't bring the baby into it, ie big SISTER, or now I have to go take care of the baby.
Good luck. This worked well for me and I have seven children.

Maybe you can try setting a time limit to your cuddle time in her bed. Possibly tell her you will lay with her for 10 minutes and set a timer or tell her you will lay with her while you sing 2 songs. However long or short the time is, she will still have her snuggle time with you. Just make sure you stick to the time limit EVERY time no matter how much she whines, soon she will stop whining and just enjoy you.

I think its pretty natural for a child to regress when a new sibling is brought into the picture. They are used to getting all your attention, and suddenly there is this little usurper taking attention away from them! Its natural to be jealous.

My suggestion would be to put a bedtime ritual in place and stay firm on it. I'm saying this with the assumption that you don't co-sleep with either child. If you put her down at night make sure you have a steady routine where she is getting your full attention; a story, hugs and cuddles, prayers, whatever your routine would normally be. Let hubby handle the baby while you do this, unless the baby is already down. Let her have you all to herself for that little bit of time. Then you kiss her goodnight and let her be.

I'm assuming you probably had some kind if routine in place before the second baby was born, its mostly a matter of going back to it.

Good luck!

We just went through the same thing with my 3 year old son who was having a hard time adjusting just to me being pregnant.

What I did was stick with normal routine: bath, story, etc. Then I tell him Mommy is going to lay with him for 5 minutes. Very firmly too. I really only stay with him about a minute and a half and we have a baby gate in his door so he can't come out. I lay with him and cuddle him and tell him a story that I made up. Then I give him a belly kiss and I kiss his stuffed animals good-nite. At first he cried when I left (not easy to hear, but necessary at first). This really only took us about 3 nites till he was satisfied to stay put. He does have toys in his room and is allowed to play with them quietly, but once he's "tucked in" he has to stay in his room. If he needs something I try to just call out "nite nite" or "shhhh". If he's really needy I will stand outside the gate and talk to him, but if I let him touch me he will cling and not let go which only makes it worse when I leave him again.

It's not easy, but be strong. She's a big girl and she needs to be able to self-soothe. This will help her her entire life. Just remember that when you are feeling bad. :-)

Good luck!

If you're not opposed to it...BRIBERY. My situation was a little different, but depending on your daughter this might work for you. Get a box or basket fill with little "treasures" (Dollar Tree is great for this), for each nite she goes to sleep without you laying down with her, give her a small gift from the "treasure box",(jewlery, toys, candy, books, hair stuff...whatever). Eventually weening to a little larger gift for an entire week, and so on. It worked to get my daughter to sleep in her own bed. It worked best to have a covered container, so she didn't always know what was in the box, as I picked up little things whenever I could, there was always a new thing for her to choose from. I didn't let her get into it unless she had "earned" it. The more you play it up, the better. Good Luck!

The Nanny 911 book has something about this... but I forget what. I got it at the Library, though.

Been there! It is a sticky place to be...

This is what I did, and it worked like a charm:

Talk to your daughter and tell her how things have to change (spruce it up a little though!)

Tell her of your plan - then DO IT!

From night one, read her a story, then sit in a chair right next to her bed.Now, read a book to yourself utnil she goes to sleep.

Every night, do the same thing, only move your chair slightly further away from her. Maybe 4 or 5 feet each time.

Finally, you will be sitting on the couch reading and your daughter will be comfortable with the whole situation.

Yes - this can take a couple of weeks - but it takes you a couple of weeks closer to your nightime freedom!!! :)

Good luck!
E.

All of my kids were like that. It is very hard to figure out what to do because each child is different.
We were told to put soothing music in their room when they were put to bed. I bought a CD called infant symphony. It worked like a charm. After a few months, they didn't even need it anymore, they just fell asleep on their own.
Hope this helps!

I would suggest each night take yourself a little further from the bed. Start out the first night laying with her as usual, then maybe the next night lay/sit at the foot of the bed, then move to a chair next to the bed, then move the chair a little further away each night until finally you can put her in bed and you don't need to be in there. It will probably take a night or 2 at each step of the way but if you stick to your guns than it will work whatever you choose. Be strong and remember she needs this as much as you do. Good Luck!