3Rd Degree Tear

With my first child, I had to have a episiotomy and with my second child, I had a 4th degree tear. I think to this day I am still dealing with the aftermath from it all. With the first, it took me almost 8 months to finally have any relations with my husband. It was so painful that I just couldn't bear it. The doctor finally told me to drink a glass of wine to calm myself and try. He said that it would help me to relax and not tense up. To this day, every time I have my menstrual cycle, I get so sore in my private area (almost as if it is bruised). I also think this is due to the episiotomy/tear. I have also experienced issues with my bowels. Not necessarily that it just comes out, but that I have a hard time pushing it out. (I know it sounds gross, but just honest). Another issue I have is that when I sit on the toilet too long, I get extremely swollen down there.

I have talked to my doctor on many occassions, but like with you, they say there is not much they can do about it. I am thinking about seeing another doctor for a second opinion.

Good luck!

I did have 4th degree tearing and I had fecal problems and random gas passing all the time. I could never pass gas if I tried prior to that!! I would go back to the doctor. At 7 weeks it still won't be totally healed - especially if there was a tear up to the rectal wall - but it is NOT normal to be incontinent of fecal matter after delivery - please see the doctor!!

Hi K.,

I am so sorry you are going through this!

I also had a bad tear (it seems like she said it was a 4) when I gave birth to my daughter 2 1/2 years ago. My doctor was meticulous about stitching me back up. I did not have the problems you are having. I did have discomfort and was instructed to sit in a little tub over the toilet with warm water and to irrigate the area with warm water. I also used Epifoam and tucks pads. Intimacy was difficult the first couple of times, but it got much better. But keep in mind that every woman and experience is different.

My recommendation is to see another OB/GYN for a second opinion now before you see the specialist. You can always go to the specialist afterwards if that is the correct next step. I love my OB/GYN. She is Dr. Katrina Walsh at Medical Center Plano - ###-###-####. You might call and see if she will give you a second opinion.

My heart goes out to you. This is a difficult time and it is so horrible to be in pain and to feel like you cannot leave the house.

Blessings,
J.

K.

YOU NEED TO SEE A SPECIALIST!!!!
First option is a Uro-gynecologist that specializes in pelvic reconstruction. There is one in Dallas named Muriel Boreham. She is awesome.

Second option would be a ColoRectal surgeon. There is a great one in Denton named Maria Provost.

Please go see a specialist because you don't have to live like this!

I had no tear - I had a c-section... and I still had issues with fecal incontinence. See the colorectal specialist.

I work with teen moms - I have one who delivered an 11#8oz baby vaginally - the poor girl tore everywhere, everything. She hurt badly for 2-3 weeks, but by 7 1/2 she was ready to go back to school.

((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) You read like you need them.

Absolutely see the specialist - and maybe a therapist - someone you can talk to... depression makes pain worse, pain makes depression worse. It's a vicious cycle.

S.

I am so, so sorry you are going through this K.! Birth is not supposed to be that traumatic. Your doctor sounds like an a$$! You need to change doctors immediately. I would go ahead and go to a colorectal doc. too. There is no need for you to have to sit around in this kind of misery and then to be treated like you just aren't being tough enough. If your ob had such a wound he would be a blubbering mess. You are so tough! This will get better and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself!

Your doctor is probably acting like it is no big deal because he knows he screwed up by doing this to you.

Ps. Congratulations on your sweet son! I hope you will be able to fully enjoy your life with your ds and dh soon.

BLESS YOUR HEART! I've had 3 kids, 2 daughter-in-laws that have had a total of 6, and tons of friends, and I've never heard of the symptoms that you are experiencing - absolutely NOT saying that it doesn't happen. I would think that your OB/GYN would be more sensitive to the situation. I had a terrible tear with my 10+ lb'r, but was repaired with absolutely no post-op issues. I hope that you decide to see the specialist because this obviously causing you a LOT of discomfort and affecting your lifestyle! Not to mention the infections that it could cause. My prayers are with you and I am believing God's BEST for you! D.

I have no idea what you are going through, s I have nothing to offer in that area . . . However, from what you said, I think you should see another OB for a second opinion. If your pain and suffering is being downplayed, get a second opinion and make sure this is "normal" before taking the dr's word for it. Good luck to you.

See the specialist - Pronto!!
You could have an internal infection, and it could leave your sweet husband and son alone. Do it - do not be embarrassed.
I would find another OB too - this attitude they have is dangerous!

Dr. Paitoon Tulanon at Baylor in Dallas reconstructed my entire rear end - he also took down the name of the offending Dr. who did the damage for the Medical Board. Turns out that same Dr. had been involved in a slew of 'bad' vaginal births, and at least 2 fatalities as a result. Supposedly 1/100 have these bad tears, and 1/100 of those do not heal right. What are the odds that the same Dr. would just 'happen' to have so many patients with them?

Yes, I am still bitter over the way all that was done and handled afterwards. 21 years, and I will never be the same.
I am grateful I lived, and that my son was OK. He was worth all of this and more, but it was so unnecessary!!

My salute to Dr. P - it is a beautiful functional and aesthetic job. You never know how important looking normal is - even if you are the only one who will ever see it.

This is my 4th attempt to respond so I hope it works...

My ob told me I was a level 3 tear, the post op nurse called it a 4. Regarding sex: it will hurt. a lot. After the first few times though it's good again. Just make sure he goes slow, is gentle, uses lots of lubrication and tries to stretch you a bit with his fingers first to loosen up the scar tissue. (I'm sorry to be so graphic).

Regarding the incontinence: Are you by any chance taking any medication? I had a brief problem with that & found out it was a side effect of my meds. I can't remember for sure which one, but I think it was Diflucan - which I was taking to treat my daughter's thrush. I was also on antibiotics and perhaps still the pain meds at that time, so I can't remember for sure. Believe me I understand what you're going through. If meds aren't an issue then I would definitely see a specialist just to make sure nothing else is going on and for peace of mind if nothing else.

God Bless you and your family!
M.

I second all the moms who have said, GO SEE ANOTHER PHYSICIAN!! It is a big deal because it is a big deal to you. It is effecting your life - not just your daily activities are being dictated by this situation, but your diet and your relationship with your husband. I would definitely make an appointment with another physician, and no it is not "normal," this is not something that you are going to have to just "deal with" the rest of your life, so don't accept that answer. I am praying God directs you to a caring, compassionate and understanding physician who is ready to help with your situation.

Call the specialist. If it still hurts get it looked at. You should not be in pain this long after having your baby. I am sorry to hear that your OB acts like you are not having the kind of pain you are. I would look for a new OB, one who listens.

Hi there! Not the exact same as you; here is my story. I had an episiotomy and still had a 4th degree tear with my 1st child. My tear was around my bottom. I believe that it was called a hockey stick. My doctor called a proctologist into my labor and delivery room to make sure that all was stitched back into place. I felt like an episode of Seinfeld and Wayne's World all rolled into one. I had the a$$ man checking me out to see if my sphincter was in it's proper place. Weird.

I too had gas problems that I could not control. Luckily, my bowels were OK. But if they weren't, I was going to have to go back to the proctologist for a correction. I think the gas may be just a post-pregnancy thing. I had a c-section 9 weeks ago with my 2nd child and I still have the gas thing. But that is lessening. I think that is just part of the internal organs getting back to normal. Since you also seem to have bowels problems, I would probably go see someone about that.

FYI... I had the c-section with my second pregnancy because the doctors didn't think that they could repair me a 2nd time if I tore again. Something to think about if you decide to have more kids. Good luck! I hope that you get this under control.

K.,
I had a 3rd degree tear too. I did not have as long a labor as you, but I took the epidural asap - I did not have sex again until almost 4 months after because it was painful - honestly I had her in December and I am just now feeling comfortable having sex regularly. I had the incontinence and gas problem, though not fecal. I think if you are that uncomfortable you should see the specialist. I think I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I was sore for a long time and took the stool softeners for probably two months after (that is just now feeling normal again), but it sounds like yours is a little worse. Good luck and you are not alone.

I cant help much on the tearing part, since I had a c-section with both my pregnancies, but with my sons (twins) I was in a lot more pain and it took alot longer to heal. If your OB isnt taking you seriously I would definitely talk to another doctor. Its bad enough being in pain, but having to deal with 'accidents', a new baby and not being able to be with your hubby too!
Do you have a primary care doctor that you see? Could you call him/her and maybe get an apt? They may not be able to fix the problem, but they can at least tell you if you need to see a specialist (and mine is always great for recommending other doctors).
Most doctors are great, but I would hate to find out yours didnt close the incision correctly or some other error and maybe he/she is not wanting to admit to the issue.
Good luck and I hope you start feeling better!!

I had a tear like that with my 1st son...I was 19 & pretty uneducated about everything that had to do with this....my doctor acted the same way & I now think he just didn't want to admit he shouldn't have cut me so bad (I actually didn't tear - he cut me BAD) I would see another doctor - just to make sure & if nothing else, if you really just need a little more time to heal, then you will know for sure.

K., I would like to say, after giving birth to my son, it took me 3 almost 4 mths to heal from my episiotomy. Sex was out of the question, and even now at times the area hurts. It was painful, but I was not having any accidents with poop, but pee.. even now sometimes and he is 2.. so I would have to say go see another OB/GYN.. and get a second opinion. If you feel your current Dr is down-playing your concerns, please seek out another.

K.-
Please go see a different doctor to get a second opinion. I had an episiotomy with my son and also a significant tear although I am not sure what degree because my doctor used the term "significant" instead. It was very painful for about 2 months - it hurt to sit down on the couch and the floor was VERY painful. It was also difficult to be comfortable on the toilet, or just in certain position. It felt raw and strung horribly. I understand that your tear was much worse than mine and what I suggest is going to see someone now. Do not put it off! This could be a serious issue and there is no shame in going and asking a doctor what you can do. I suggest Dr. David McAlpine on Oakmont in Fort Worth. He is WONDERFUL and will help you and tell you what is really going on instead of just acting like you need to wait it out. There may be a simple solution that would help you feel more comfortable and confident. As far as sex, don't rush it. Just take your time. Your husband will understand. There are other ways you can be intimate, such as a romantic shower together with candles, that don't involve sex. Once your son is a little older you will be more rested and sex will become fun again and not feel like something you should do. Right now focus on your baby, healing your body and loving your husband in his new role as dad. PLEASE do not feel lonely....lots of other women are dealing with similar issues and you are not alone. Good luck to you!

Hi K.:

The first thing you should do is GET A NEW OB! For goodness sake, I've never heard of such treatment. Mine is the best...Dr. Mark Bernstein @ Medical City Dallas...###-###-####. He and his partners are wonderful!

I had a tear similar to yours, but not as severe, and it took me six months to heal to the point of having sex again...I know how painful it is! My husband was very patient with the whole thing...it takes as long as it takes to heal, so don't beat yourself up over it. It will heal...and it will get better!

Good Luck,

S.

It sounds like you might have a mild rectal prolapse. It can help from all the months of the extra weight on the rectum. I would make an appt. with the specialist because if that's what it is most likely it's not going to get better. Also, unless you just adore your OB I would look for a new one. This one sound completely caring and cold. Just my opinion! Good luck!

Can you meet with another OB? I was told I had 3rd degree tearing with my first baby. My second was just born posterior and was 1 lb and 1 oz bigger than the first. My CNM called in an OB to do the stitching which took about an hour. Apparently the first time I was stitched up, my anus was not done up properly. I didn't have the incontinence issue last time, but intercourse was painful for 6-8 months after resuming. The previous doc just said it was scar tissue and would stretch. It took forever but was able to enjoy intercourse again after a long time.

If you are having problems it could be that you busted stitches (my friend did this and has incontinence issues) or you were not sewn up well. I was stitched up this time by Dr. Audrey Graham near Baylor Dallas. I have had no urinary or fecal incontinence. It is still too soon to see how intercourse will feel (DS is only 10 days old now.).

I'm hoping that you can get some good news about what can be done. If the second OB also pawns you off on colorectal specialist, you will feel better about what needs to be done. Really that is the main thing. If you feel like something is wrong and your doctor won't have a genuine chat with you, then you should speak with someone else... even if it is just for your peace of mind.

K.,
I did not experience this, but my tears were milder. However, my heart goes out to you. I would highly recommend either going to the specialist or going to a different ob/gyn. If you are still in pain and uncomfortable, there ought to be someone who can help you so you can live your life and enjoy your precious new baby. Good luck! I hope you find someone who can help you feel better. --H.

I think you should go to the specialist, sounds like something more serious could be going on. I had lots of stitches with my first child ,(they told me I didn't want to know how many) ,but they cut me instead of a tear, and they put a light on me (that part) to help in faster healing etc. I had a little trouble at first if I coughed I'd wet my pants, but not the other trouble, I just think you need another Dr. opinion, or the specialist. It is normal to be a little tendar etc for awhile, but you shouldn't still be in pain etc.

Oh K., please, try another Dr. and go asap. You don't have to live with this, especially if it's affecting your normal daily functions. Yes it takes time for this stuff to heal, but this is YOUR LIFE darn it, and that OB is being awfully non-chalant about this! I would also add that time will help with the pain, but I don't know that it will help with the incontinence issue. You probably will need a colorectal specialist for that, but I think another OB might be in order first and foremost.

I have never had this problem but it tugged at my heart so much to read your story and I just had to say something!

I just wish I could hug you, please know that I am rooting for you. And please keep us posted!

Congratulations on your baby boy!

I had the same thing with my son. I'll never forget the Ob dr. saying "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" as he stitched me up. I had no idea how bad it was at the time. What worked for the pain was a squirt bottle with warm water and numbing spray. I used them everytime I used the bathroom. If you don't have the numbing spray, ask your Dr. I don't think mine was as bad as yours but my new Ob dr. recommended that I see a specialist and recommended that I not have another vaginal birth because it could tear even more because the tissue is weak. (I had a c-section with our twins.)

Contact the specialist. Tell them your situation and they will be able to advise you on when you should come in for an appointment.

Change Dr's. That is ridiculous that he/she is so unconcerned about your situation.

Good luck!
Stephanie

K., I am a labor and delivery nurse of 5 yrs and 3rd degree tears are bad. i am so sorry you had this experience. I do think you need to give it more time to really heal. Tears like that can take a while to return to normal. I have never had one myself, so I can not really give you a time line. But, I am not surprised that you are still not feeling well. I am going to guess that your OB is a man. They tend to be very insenitive about things like this. I would go see the specialist, just b/c they may be able to offer you encouragment or advice that your OB is not. It can't hurt. I have seen Dr's call tears 3rd degree when they should have been 4th degree, just b/c they want to act like it's not as bad as it really is. So you could have a 4th degree. Sex should return to normal eventually, but it could take another 2-3 months of healing. Hope this helps some. 3rd degree tears are not something to be blown off.

I would go for that consult. I might also suggest another OBGYN for opinion. In Allen - Dr. Bruce Rajala. In Flower Mound - Dr. Amy Lungren. If either is a hike...TOTALLY worth it.

K.,
Wow, sounds like you are going through a lot right now. It's very discouraging having such a bad tear. I had a third degree tear also. The most painful thing ever was having a bowel movement. I was on the toilet for 45 minutes the first time I went. I was crying because it hurt so bad. I actually had to "help" it come out by reaching up in there. Disgusting!! But it hurt so bad i couldn't push it out. I'm not sure if yours is too hard to get out or if it's too running. But If it's too hard, I definitely recommend taking over the counter stool softners. I started those right after my first painful experience and it really made a difference. As far as sex goes, it's was pretty rough for the first month or two after the 6 weeks. But I have friends that tore the same and it took about 5 months to get back to normal. Don't beat yourself up. It's going to take some time. I hope your husband is being sensitive and supportive. When I went to the Dr at 6 weeks, I swore I wasn't healed enough. But he said I was. I think even though it's healed on the outside, it's still such sensitive skin that it takes longer. If you feel like it's really not improving, I'd go to the colorectal specialist and just see what he/she says.

Best of wishes to you!

you need to go to the colorectal doctor - you have what we call a fistula from you rectum to your vagina and possibly ond from you bladder to your vagina. This means a hole in the wall of your vagina to the bladder and to the rectum.
It could also be just muscles week and you are taking so many stoolsofteners (As prescurbed by your ob to prevent further damage by constipation).
Bladder and pelvic floor exercises can rebuild it again but I would get a second opinion as soon as poss with the other doctor mentioned above.
ja

Of course your OB is going to act like it's no big deal because if he admitted it was he would have to admit he was responsible. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this! I am glad that you have spoken out about it. I had a 51 hour natural labor, 8 hours of pushing, an eppesiotomy, internal and external tearing. My recovery was long and painful but I didn't have any of the issues you are dealing with. It sounds to me like you were damaged from the forceps and then were not repaired correctly. You had muscle damage and not just tissue damage. This does happen but you will NEED to see someone else besides your OB regarding this issue. This is not something that time or Kegals will fix. I would be inclined to request a copy of my birth records as well to see how they recorded the damage and repair. You should not be embarrassed or ashamed because what happened to you was not your fault and I am appalled at how insensitive your doctor has been regarding this issue. I hope you are able to find Physical as well as emotional healing & support. Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to about this.
B.

K.,
So sorry to hear about all of the trouble caused by the birth of your son. The arrival of a newborn is hard enough without the complications of prolonged pain and embarrasment. My husband is not a doctor, but he works with colorectal surgeons and his advice is to see one as soon as possible. It is not normal to have this problem and especially for this amount of time. The cut could have been wrong or the muscles could have torn in such a way that it is impossible for them to heal without attention. Do not accept this as okay or normal. You deserve and you should demand a healthy, normal functioning body. Good luck, J.

I had an episiotomy and I still tore and had lots of pain afterwards. I used Tucks medicated pads and Solarcaine for WEEKS. I was afraid of pain, so I used them long after they were necessary! Intercourse hurt for a LONG time. Like someone else posted, it took about a year for the pain to stop. Even now, 5 years later, there are still positions that will cause pain because of scar tissue, I assume. Talk to a dr. If you don't feel like you're getting enough response from your current dr., find another one.

I can't say that I have dealt with this - I had two c-sections - but my best friend had the same thing happen to her. Hers did not heal properly and finally she had to see a specialist and have surgery to repair it. She was also having incontinence issues and sex was simply UNBEARABLE for her. I would see a specialist. And then I would find a new OB - yours sounds like a real gem!

I had a fourth degree tear with my first two. The first healed with no problems, but the second felt like there was something different. When I complained about my second being uncomfortable, my ob treated me as if I were overreacting and used a very painful silver nitrate stick to burn the area. I was very upset because it had been like 10 weeks since I had had my son, and that ob told me just not to have sex for a couple more weeks. We moved so I have a very good ob now, but I would have changed doctors anyway. He explained to me that the area looked good, and when he delivered my third child, I only had a small tear. He was wonderful, and I voiced my concerns with him on my fourth pregnancy. He actually said that if I were having the same fecal leakage symptoms that you are having than that would indicate a problem. It sounds to me that your doctor is not taking you seriously enough. You sound like you are having to adjust your life way too much to this. You are the patient, and you know your body. Doctors get paid to take care of us, and if your doctor isn't willing to do that, then he doesn't sound like a very good doctor. This is a really sensitive area and subject, and you should have someone you can trust to treat you. If I were you, I would get another opinion from a doctor that you may have heard good things about, or at least tell your doctor that if he's not going to take care of you, at least he could recommend someone else who will. Good luck, and I hope you will find someone who will really help you heal.

I had a very bad tear with the birth of my son last year. He weighed almost 10 lbs. I didn't have incontinence, but was in a lot of pain. If I had your symptoms, I wouldn't wait. I would make an appointment immediately with a specialist. They are professionals and have heard it all, so don't be embarrassed about your concerns. I think most obgyn's deal with all these types of problems on a daily basis and become desensitized to how frightening it is to have your body change so drastically and not know what to do or how long it will last. I'm sure you'll find the answers you are looking for when you talk to a specialist. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!!

The worst part of recovery after the birth of my first child was soreness from the cut and stitches (and hemorrhoids!) Intercourse was painful and would make the area sore again every time. Incontinence and gas are normal/common. It takes time for all your muscles to get back in shape for you to have full control again. It was almost a full year later before I felt normal physically and emotionally.

Find a new doctor. I believe one of the reasons your current doctor is acting this way is because he is RESPONSIBLE for your injury. See a specialist, the sooner, the better.

Blessings!
L.

Hi. I had a 3rd degree tear with my first child, but no complications after. Maybe you should see a different OB.

Everyone else has already said to go to another doctor and I wholeheartedly agree. I had mild problems compared to yours . . . my regular ob didn't deliver my first but the on-call doctor did (I delivered too fast for him to arrive) and I also had "significant" tearing and severe pain and discomfort for the first six weeks. It never eased up. When I went in for my 6 week follow-up my doctor looked very uncomfortable, fussed at me for not coming in sooner (I didn't know the pain wasn't normal) and fixed me up so the pain went away in just a few more days. He didn't say much about the job the other doctor did and I didn't push but his body language said there were problems with the other doctor's stitches. You've got to see someone who doesn't have a stake in saying that something needs to be fixed. This is NOT normal. I had bad tearing with my 2nd as well and healed much quicker with much less pain. Good luck, keep us posted!

You poor thing! I know you got lots of responses, so I'll get down to the advice. I had the exact same thing! It was horrible. It hurt for a long time, at least 4 months. I didn't feel like myself for almost a year.
I couldn't even consider sex until 5 months after the baby. As my friend put it, lubrication & inebriation. I'm not a big drinker, but I highly recommend it before trying to have sex again. Start slow, touching etc. if that doesn't hurt, move on. Talk to your husband before, so he knows the plan.
As for the bowel problem, I had it. I stayed home a lot, so that helped. If it hurts to go, try stool softeners. Don't take too many though, I had a huge problem because I took a lot and my colon filled with water. Good luck, it did get better, but not until 4 months or so.
I'm not sure just how bad you still feel, but the best advice I got was to crawl in bed like a cat, face first on hands & knees. It really helps not to drag your torn self across the bed.
Get a new OB. I did have another baby, loved my new OB. I insisted on a C-Section. No way would I ever go through the pain of a tear like that again!
Best of luck to you!

I agree with the previous poster. Go get it checked out, and find yourself a new OB/GYN. If it is a big enough problem that you are still in pain and can't really leave the house, then you should have it checked out as soon as possible.

I tore with my son, but it was not very bad at all. Very tender for a while, and sorry to say, sex hurt for months. We would have to take things very, very slow, and there were times I would say no just because I was scared it would hurt too bad. I did not have an incontinence issues though (well, some bladder issues the first 2-3 weeks or so).

Good luck to you, and I hope you get better quickly! And congrats on your new baby!

Hi K., I agree with the other posters, find another OB, preferably a woman. My doctor is great and I'm about to move, she said since I have quite a few female probs that it would be best if I found another woman. Unfortunately men just don't get it. I would see what they say first or maybe go see a specialist. You shouldn't be embarrassed! Everyone has something and the doctors have seen it all. I hope you find some answers soon. Congratulations on your new baby! T.

Hey K.,

I am so, so sorry you are having to deal with this! I had a 3rd degree tear with my 1st vaginal birth and experienced quite a bit of pain afterwards for about 6 weeks. I didn't, however, have problems with the other issues you mentioned... It sounds to me like you did have more than a 3rd degree tear! I would suggest finding another OB who takes you seriously now and NOT waiting ~ or going to the colorectal specialist that your Dr refered you to. I know that I wouldn't want to talk with anyone if I was having these problems ~ Dr. or not ~ but really, this is something you want to get taken care of as soon as possible so you can really start with the healing process! Take care, L.

I had a 3rd degree tear with #2 and unfortunately it hurt for about 10 weeks-sorry to say. I also dealt and sometimes still do, with gas incontinence. Honestly, you just have to give it time and take "things" slow. I would def. do as the other posters say and find a new doc-it is so rude to be uncaring as yours seems to be. Also, if the pain is so much, I would see the specialist, what could it hurt? If you need nothing but time-they will tell you and it will put your mind at ease. If you need more, they can go ahead and help you with that as well. HTH.

I agree with Lauren about Dr. David McAlpine! He's my doc. and I LOVE him! I've had a tubal pregnancy, in which he performed the surgery to correct, he helped with our fertility issues, and was our OB through my last pregnancy with my daughter.
He's awesome!
I'm so sorry that you're going through this! I can't imagine! Get well soon! And make sure to update us on what happened.
Congats on the new bundle of joy! Motherhood is a blast!

I had some of the same problems you are having. It does get better - it just takes time. Give it 3 months and then go to a specialist if not better. Mine cleared up!

Oh Dear K.!

I haven't read the other responses so I don't know if this is a repeat or not.

I know that it is an embarassing situation. One I've not had BUT I know someone who has. She ended up having surgery on her rectal sphincter and all is fine now. People just don't understand how hard birthing a child can be and how much damage it can do to your body. If you've torn that badly, there's not much you can do. Your sphincter could be seriously damaged. I would take your OB's referral and see if there's someone who can help you.
The lady I know was in Portland, Oregon. If you can't find someone around here, send me a personal message and I'll get the details on the doc out there.

Good luck. It's not your fault. You're doing a great job...even just asking for help.

Go to a different doctor. Period.

I am so sorry you are experiencing this and that your obgyn isn't taking your problem more seriously. I would consult the specialist he/she referred you to and just "see" if this is normal at 7 1/2 weeks post-partum or is something needs to be done to correct it. What if the specialist could do something to help you? Better to find out sooner than later! I wouldn't want you to have to put up with these side effects any longer than necessary. My sister had a 3/4 degree tear and didn't have those side effects. BUT, with that said, every individual is different and that may be a common side effect. I am not an obgyn or nurse. Again, I am so very sorry you are having to deal with that!

I had a 4th degree tear with my daughter. Although she is 10 now, I can remember it clearly! I sat on the inflatable donut for 4 weeks. At 8 weeks I was still uncomfortable. It was 4 months before my husband and I could be intimate and even then it was sometimes uncomfortable. The good news is that it does get better with time. I didn't have any fecal incontinence, but my doctor did tell me that if my repair opened or I ripped a stitch that would happen. If it happened I would have to wait 6 months and have it repaired. If I were you I would go to another OB/GYN and get a second opinion. I know you are not thinking this far, but I did have a second child with no tearing. My doctor was great and I told her of my fear or retearing. I had a small episiotomy, but recovered so quickly. I wish you a quick recovery.

Hi K.,

I experienced a tear during the delivery of my son in January. I don't know what degree it was considered, but it did require several stitches. I too experienced gas incontinence (got better as time passed). The tear was very painful and even after it had “technically” healed, it was VERY tender and sensitive.

My husband and I didn't have intercourse until 3-4 months after my son was born due to how sensitive the area of the tear still was and how nervous I was about it. And even after that long, it was VERY painful the first couple times. My ob gave me some Premarin vaginal cream to help “thicken” the tissue that had torn. My son is now 7 months and the area that had torn is still a little sensitive and I MUST use a lubricant during intercourse, or the area will have a “burning sensation”. It’s been 7 months now and my gas incontinence is gone, even though at the time I was convinced I would always have to worry about it.

I consider my labor to have been relatively short and easy....only had about 4-5 good pushes. Sounds like your labor was much more intense. Your body went through a lot and needs time to heal. It sounds like this is weighing on your mind heavily and you don’t need anymore stress and anxiety than the everyday challenges of having a brand new bundle of joy. I would make an appointment with the colorectal specialist to ensure things are healing properly and to ease your mind of any other fears you might have about your overall recovery from this. I would also suggest that you give your body more time to heal before attempting intercourse again. I know my body needed much more time than the recommended 6 weeks for things to feel “back to normal” or even somewhat comfortable.

Just know you’re not alone, there are many women who have gone through something similar. Feel free to email me if you have anymore questions ____@____.com
I know how lonely you can feel being a new mother even though you have a great husband to support you.

Congratulations on your baby boy!!

I agree with everyone about seeing a new ob/gyn and also the colorectal specialist. Better to be safe than sorry and if they have something that helps you recover faster than I'd try it. I also had a 3rd degree tear and it took my ob 45 minutes to suture everything. It healed really well and I have no issues now (15 months later) but I had a really hard time sitting for at least 3 months. And the gas and urinary incontinence took about 6 months before I was mostly back to normal.

Good luck with everything and I hope you get some relief soon!

I have had 3 children and have torn or had an episotomy with each. I was back to normal in 5 weeks each time and my children were BIG babies. If your OB is not taking you seriously then you need to speak with another doctor. See the colorectal specialist or a different OB. Different people do take different amounts of time to heal but 7 1/2 weeks is enough that you should be seeing improvements. Don't be afraid to express your condition to your doctor or those close to you. You can't fix the problem if those who can help you don't know it exists.

Good luck.

Hi K.. Just to let you know...I have a 24 yr. old daughter, and when I gave birth to her I had 3rd degree tearing. I had pain from that for 19 yrs, then had a surprise pregnancy after the 19 yrs. My son, who is now 5, also gave me 3rd degree tearing. I still have a little pain from that, especially right after my husband and I have intercourse.
Also, my daughter had a baby boy (my first grandchild) =) 1 yr ago this month, and she had 4th degree tearing. She still has a little pain from that from time to time. It took her about 3 months before she could sit and walk comfortably. But as far as the other issue, no problems there.
I wish you luck w/ your issues, and congratulations on your bundle of joy.
God Bless.
T.

After the high forceps delivery of my first daughter I had tearing of my anal sphincter. I had surgery to repair that. I have had no problems since then. I also had a perineoplasty because I had pain with intercourse that lasted approximately 7 months after the birth of my daughter. The problem was solved.
I would suggest that you not wait any longer to see the colorectal specialist. Fecal incontinence is not normal. As for pain with intercourse, I'd give that a little while longer. Fatique, soreness, scarring, lack of lubrication (and you did just give birth!!!) can definitely contribute to pain during intercourse. And I'd also suggest that you are an individual and you know how you feel. Do not let any physician minimize the problems you are experiencing. If your doctor is not responsive to your unique situation, find one that is.

I like many who have responded, had this same thing happen with my first, who is now 11 years. I went on to have a second vaginal with no problems, she is now 8 yrs old.

I am a month past your original post. Hopefully things have gotten a little better.

I'm going to respond to the IBS you are experiencing. I lived off imodium AD for two years. What I found is to make sure you control your diet, stay away from spicey foods, caffeine, and fast food. Drinking LOTS of water helped me a great deal. I do not eat anything with onions or peppers in it. One piece of advice I got from my regular doctor was to make sure not to get constipated, which is why I started drinking lots of water.
I did not have IBS before my pregancy. I also do not have to rely on drugs to help me the intestinal issues. If I choose to eat a food off the list, I make sure I take a pill first.

For the swelling I had from the scar tissue that developed, I used a herb called comfry. I boiled them like tea leaves and soaked surgical pads. Let them cool a bit before placing the pads between your legs. I altered these with ice packs. This really helped me.

Hope you can find some of this useful. If not, just know there are others who have been where you are, you are not alone.

JC