3 Yr Old Not Understanding..

I am really very concerned (from this and other posts) that you do not seem to understand child development at all. Have you read any books about three yr olds?

My oldest (3 1/2 at the time) looked at me directly in the face after being at the birth of his little brother and was very upset with me. He said, "I thought it was coming out of your belly button, not DOWN THERE!" Even though we had prepared him well for the birth, and he wanted to be there, he held onto this idea of the baby coming out of my belly button no matter what we told him.

Kids are hilarious. Don't take any of this seriously, it'll just be a good story to tell later when she's older.

she's only 3. abstract concepts (which is what a baby in your belly is, she can't see it, right?) do not compute.
don't pound away at it. people have been bringing babies into families for millenia. the other kids figure it out.
khairete
S.

I have a 3 yr old with developmental delay ( mainly speech , we don't know what's going in with him). He doesn't speak at all & we're not sure sometimes what he understands. We now have a 3 mo. old. When I was pregnant , he would rub my belly & then his but I had no idea if he understood or not . I was really worried, because I was sure he didn't get that a baby was coming or the concept of what a " big brother" was. I was wrong. He is a great big brother! Obviously, we have normal tough moments where he is needy of attention but thAt's to be expected. He helps me get things for her, when she cries , he tries to console her , shows her off to people. You can tell he's really proud of his new role . Your daughter seems to have a MUCH better understanding of things. So, other than the normal conflicts that arise when having a newborn & 3 yr old, I don't think she will be taken off guard.

At 3 she should have a good grasp of whats being said, and be able to talk in fairly decent conversations. This doesn't seem to be the case?

I'm not one to push evaluations. Most kids catch up fine, but if I am reading this right, you may want to have her checked out.

The babies aren't 'real' until they're out. This is a *really* abstract idea for her, that a baby is growing inside.... she can't see it, touch it, NOTHING. And then, she's three, and being a three year old, she is all about the present moment, all about what she can use her senses to discern.

I don't think it will be a huge shock for her if you are sure to include her as much as you can, and ensure that she has good care while you are birthing and recovering. I was a nanny for several families who had second and third kids when the older sibs were 2 and 3. It is an adjustment, surely, however, it just happens. I think, as a culture, we often spend way too much time *talking* about things and thinking we can prepare our youngest for new experiences through talk and verbal instruction. At this age, kids do better learning through experience. So, let her enjoy the belly rubs and such, and don't expect her to be able to understand this transformation cognitively until she can actually SEE the baby on the outside. I think your expectations of your daughter are well-intentioned, but more than what most young threes are going to understand. They can parrot us, but when the baby comes, it is going to be a big adjustment for everyone. Second children usually are!

She is 3. Three year olds do not have the capacity to "get" anything. They think very concretely and do not develop the ability to think abstractly till much later. How exactly should she "figure it out?" She has never been given information about where babies come from, she has never had an experience with babies, birthing, or siblings. Please be careful about expectations. You are expecting her brain to function like a little adult brain. She has a toddler brain that is extremely different.

At three years old, she can't possibly understand the concept of having a baby in your body. She can't understand that women can grow a baby and men can't. If you tell her there's a baby in your uterus, she'll assume that everyone has a baby inside of them. This is a concept that a toddler/preschooler really can't grasp. I would simply focus on that there is a baby coming to live in your house. My daughter had just turned four when our son was born. She was somewhat familiar with pregnancy since I taught childbirth classes. She came to some of my midwife appointments and got to listen to the heartbeat and things like that. She asked me how the baby would come out so I showed her the most discreet birth video that I had. Go to the library and find books for her age group about welcoming a new baby and find out if your local hospital has a sibling prep class for preschool aged kids. Good luck!

I'm not concerned at all about your daughter not understanding the concept of you being pregnant. There's no point in being worried about that. She'll "get it" when the baby is born.

I'm concerned about the fact that her speech development appears to be so delayed. Please have her evaluated by Early Intervention. Your school system may call it Birth To Three. They should have a Speech Therapist and other professionals that can evaluate her and determine if she actually needs speech therapy or if she's just choosing to baby talk at three years old.

My son was two when I got pregnant with his brother. He didn't get it right away either, but as the months went by, and he saw my belly grow and watched all of the preparations he started to understand more and more. We talked about it lots. "The baby will sleep in the crib.", "The baby will wear these little diapers.", "The baby will wear these pj's." etc. When he could feel the baby move in my belly and I was able to tell him "Here are the baby's feet, here is baby's head." it became more real, then when he saw the ultrasound he understood, so he wasn't surprised when he actually saw his new brother!

She'll be fine. We were kind of the opposite. My now 5 year old was smart as a whip when we got pregnant / our youngest. He was just a bit over 2 when the baby was born. We were afraid he'd be jealous, and mean actually because he had horrible fits and tantrums, a counselor had attributed it to being very smart and needing control.
Anyways long story short I was afraid to come in the house the day we brought the baby home. But he has be been great. And now at 5 he is an awesome big brother. Kids adjust to new siblings. There may be bumps in the road, but it will be fine.