Lynn,
I love the "Daddy bear" idea - what a great suggesstion! Also, I took a parenting class once at our church while my then 2 year old wasn't sleeping very well, wanted to get in my bed, etc. (Dad comes and goes alot due to his job.) The suggesstion was made to have mommy and daddy "couch time" every evening where the child/children had to do something else while the parents had their time (10-15 minutes). Make a point to tell them what you are doing. My husband and I would have our time right after dinner at the dinner table and the kids would go play in their room, try to sneak in on us, etc. This will show your daughter that the family is okay. Mommy and Daddy are okay and she won't want to see you guys together at night. When he is away you can have your time anyway via emailing or writing a letter talking on the phone, etc. I swear it worked wonders for our sleep issues at the time. Try it for a week or so while your husband is in town and see if it helps. Good luck!