O.k. now this is the third time in a year that my son now three has made the move himself to use the potty more often. He has now twice before been completely trained for over three weeks in a row and then just stops letting us know that he needs to go and stops taking the initiative to take himself. He is capable of going all by himself except for wiping # 2 obviously. He has never fully stopped going on the toilet, usually does in the morning and at night at least. I am not into pushing as from experience it doesn't work. We have tried the rewards, even treats, with no success....o.k. well it gets us to the "he will go everyday really well" but then it is like he gets board of it. I have been told to try and not give him options and just tell him to go but that just backfires. We know he can physically be "trained' as he has proven it over and over but I can't keep doing these short lived periods of it, it stresses me out so much. And to top it all off we have baby #3 in a week or so. My hardest thing about doing the just tell him to go every hour is that there is a lot going on and really he doesn't need it; if he can go three weeks with taking himself without any prompts then I don't feel he needs it.
Part of me wants to just say no this time but it is obviously a not-so-smart thing to do. How do you say no when the child initiates the training. I fear that this will just keep going. Now I know that eventually he will be trained forever but these little teases are taking a toll on myself and my husband.
I would let him know that there are rewards for being dry all day by himself (you choose) and the other option is that if he has accidents he must help clean up( change clothes, put in washer, help clean up any mess etc) then say "isn't it so much easier to just flush it all away?" He will figure it out! M. in Wisconsin (29 years in day care!)
He can obviously use the toilet, so if he wets himself, make him clean it up, make him get himself new clothes and rinse out the wet ones, and make him wipe up the mess. A few times of this he will realize mom won't cave, he isn't getting any special attention, and he 'lost the battle', and he will realize its easier to just use the toilet than to take 20mins to clean himself up.
Ugh! I feel for you! My daughter sort of did the same thing, although her issue was with BM's. She would pee in the potty with no problem and was going #2 in the potty also, but then one day just decided not to anymore. She had been going on the potty and was out of diapers for several months and then one day, just didnt' want to stop playing to go. We tried the punishment, begging, pleading, crying, rewards, bribes, etc. and nothing worked. She eventually started going in the potty again, but it was really tough to know what to do until she decided to do it on her own.
I guess my advice would be to let your son go on the potty when he asks to, but don't make any big transitions out of diapers or pull ups yet if he's still in them. The reason I say this is because of the new baby. He is likely to regress (again) once the baby arrives and with a newborn in the house, that is a recipe for major stress for you! I would suggest encouraging him as much as you can and giving him lots of praise when he goes on his own, but wait at least 6 weeks or so to make any big moves to underwear or anything like that. Give your family time to adjust to the new baby before you make any big potty changes. I would not discourage him from wanting to use the potty (in other words, always take him if he asks), but as far as having to clean up his messes over the next couple of months, I would avoid that if you can for now.
I will say that at some point, you're just going to have to put him in underwear and not look back, but I don't think that timing is right now with baby's impending arrival. Give your family a little adjustment time and then let him have underwear if that's what he wants. At his age, if he has an accident, let him clean himself up and change his clothes. If he has to take care of his own accidents, he may stop because he won't want to give up playtime to clean himself up. Also, make him rinse his clothes out. Don't make it seem like punishment, just be very matter of fact. Tell him that if he chooses not to use the potty, then he will have to clean up the mess. That's it, no yelling, no getting upset, just let him do it. He will eventually get there and believe me when I say that I know how frustrating the stopping and starting is, but they do eventually get it! I'm so not looking forward to training #2 here pretty soon! Good luck to you.
Patience.. this is a hard time. Your son sounds a lot like my youngest. While it may seem that "forcing" the issue backfires it really isn't. He is trying to test you and see how he can work you. Set a schedule if you are a SAHM. Set the timer for ever 2 hours and when the timer goes off say.. it is time to go potty, take him by the hand to the bathroom and let nature takes it course. He may fight..scream.. yell and even have accidents but once he realizes that you are serious it won't be long before you have a totally trained child. It is a very frustrating time in a parents life when your child is very strong willed. This method worked for me. Also... take away the pull-up, diapers or whatever 'safe" method you are using and strictly use big boy pants during the day. If he is having accidents at night then of course use a diaper or whatever so you aren't overwhelmed with cleaning a mess in the morning.
You are stressed by the potty situation because you have a new baby about to arrive. I can guarantee you that your son is stressed by exactly the same dynamic, and stress often comes out as potty-training failure. It might be less difficult for all of you if you just allow him to use the potty when he wants (fewer diaper changes), and appreciate his efforts without laying expectations on him. He'll be facing his own emotional challenges when the new sibling comes.
Which prompts me to recommend that you read the books Siblings Without Rivalry, and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can read part of this really practical guide to communicating with your kids here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081....
My best to your growing family.
H., Just let him go when he wants to, but don't make a big deal out of it. I wouldn't NOT let him, because that might back fire.
The way I do it is if they want to great, if they can prove it to me by not having any accidents for a whole day they get to try the next day with the training underwear with plastic cover or Gerber "all in ones". if they have an accident then we put the diaper or pull ups back on. If they can go one week without any accident then they get to wear the thick big kid training underwear. When they can go three weeks they get to pick out their new big underwear (thin, normal kind). Anywhere in the process if they do have an accident, we go back one step. he will do it when he wants to. Reinforce his role as big brother and how important he is to you and the baby. Refer to your baby as just that "your family's baby" not yours individually. you want him to have possession so he will be protective and loving. Say things like, "your baby sister/brother" or "Our baby" Try not to use "My baby" encourage him to be big, and remind him of all the things that big boys do and baby's can't and hopefully he wont regress again:)
Good luck
E.
you have a new baby coming.. not a good time to potty train.
wait til things settle down a bit.
being dry for 3 weeks does not make one trained.. I told my duaghter to go potty every hour for a long time .. like a month.. then we went to every 1.5 hours. then every 2 hours...
then we went to potty am. before nap, after nap and bedtime.. those times I tell her to go.. other times she goes if she has to.
I would put him on a potty schedule for a while when you do decide it is time to train.. and have him go at whatever interval works for him.. you shouldnt be in teh every hour pottyfor long hie is older and should be able to hold it.. my son is on week 2of training and he goes about every 2 hours..
