3 Year Old Getting up in the Middle of the Night.

E., it's very tiring, wow, we've all been there! But unfortunately you may have to deal with it for some time to come, and it could improve for a while only to return. Ages three to five (younger or older in some kids) are very often typical years for periods of nightmares, unexplained waking and even "night terrors" (which it does not sound like your son has, and be glad--see an earlier posting recently about night terrors and you'll see why).

Having him cry it out or stand at a gate in the middle of the night only wakes everyone else and makes him much, much more awake, which probably makes him harder to get back to sleep. Asking him questions or trying to reason with him at 3 a.m. stimulates him too. I'd gently, quickly guide him right back to his bed as soon as he appears, with minimal talking or stimulation except quietly telling him you're there for him. Make sure he lies down and stay and rub his back or stroke his arm--whatever works for him--until he's back asleep. You might find he returns top sleep much faster. Yes, you'll have to get out of bed, but all of you may get more sleep overall.

Crying it out or keeping him in his room won't do much in the wee hours except make him believe he's done something wrong by trying to come to you, and you do want him to feel he can come to you when he's scared by day or by night.

I'd just return him to bed swiftly but keep things calm and quiet so he'll know his bed is a safe place to be and you and his dad are safe havens when he's scared or wakeful and doesn't know why. Good luck.

I have this problem and to this day I have one child waking up but it does come in spurts. When I spoke to my doctor he asked if we were using a nightlight in the room. When I said yes, he said we may want to turn it off at night after he falls asleep because some night lights cast shadows that may scare a little one in the middle of the night. One night after I put my son to sleep I sat in his room for a little while and looked at the shadows in the room and realized that they did appear to be like monsters. From that moment on we turned out the light and he slept for a while but like I said earlier it does come in spurts. We also take him back to bed immediately otherwise you are creating a habit that will need broken again in the future. My son will be 5 in January and I am hoping that it will change for the better.

L.

Ok after reading a few replies here is mine.
I too have a 3yr old that wakes at night and comes into our room. She has a sheet on the floor and most nights she comes in and lays down and goes back to sleep. If she happens to see one of us awake she puts up a huge fuss for US to put her blanket on. Something she is perfectly capable of doing. At first we'd take her back to her room, but now she is so quiet and I sleep right thru it. So it continues to happen.

IT is A TOTAL attention getter for her. She is not afraid of anything, there are no noises or lights to wake her and she gets quality attention before bedtime. She continues this behavior now because she knows she has a "permanent" spot in our room...which we need to remove. I think we will try the piggy bank thing, but I doubt it will work. I think what started the whole thing was my sons crying at night woke her. He doesnt sleep thru either and he is 2. Now he climbs out of his crib and joins us in our room as well. I always put him back in his crib but then he screams and disturbs the whole house. Then he climbs back out a couple hours later. Its now to the point that I dont even hear him climb out anymore, he is very quiet. I am normally a light sleeper but I am so exhausted now that I crash and dont hear anything. I know I need to put them back in their beds, but I am so wore out from the battle that I just dont have it in me. I cannot leave it up to my husband either, as he has NO patience at night and gets really angry that his sleep was disturbed that he causes way more drama than the kids.

One other thing I wanted to address was the post about co-sleeping. Thats what its called when you let your child share your bed. Not everyone is in to that. Children need to sleep in their own bed. And adults need their own private time and space at bedtime as well. For many reasons. Children have all day long to get the love and nurturing they need. NIghttime is for sleeping. And letting my child sleep w/ me would not allow me more sleep. First off the bed is large enough for ONLY TWO-2 people, not 3 or 4. Secondly, they wiggle, squirm and snore. All of which are disturbing and keep me and my husband awake. Not to mention having to sleep in one spot all night, no turning over or changing positions and you have to worry about one of them getting squished or falling off the bed. So no we would not get more rest. Aslo sending your child back to bed is not sending the message that you want him out but rather that he has his own bed that he is supposed to sleep in and that he needs to respect your privacy and space and time. Its about rules and boundaries, and whats necessary: sleeping in ones own bed.
You can also give your child assurance that he is loved when you take him back to his bed, tuck him in again and kiss him goodnight.

I wish you luck and me too. Hopefully they will outgrow it or maybe the piggy bank will work for me.

Wow- great question and great responses!
I have a little guy turning 3 next month and HE's now started waking up- acting scared - also clingy during the day. It's so reassuring to hear from the other moms that's a normal time for night-time fears to start. My guy cries for me in his room and I always get up to go to him to prevent him coming into us. I think I may try the sleeping bag on the floor if he starts bugging us. But he's also just potty trained, and wants to wear undies to bed ( no pull-up anymore, they're "too itchy"). So he woke up crying, talking nonsense. I told him to get up and go to the potty. He did, and went right back to bed happy!! I"ll also try anticipating his wake up (usually about midnight) and play with the nightlights if it continues. My motto: try until something works, and just when you figure it out, they'll change! (lol) Good luck and thanks for all the moms that also wrote.

My son is 2 1/2 and is doing the same thing!!!! I don't understnad it either. If you figure out a solution let me know please!
K.

My son went through a similar episode at 3 that started with a sudden fear of thunder and/or rain. We went through the same "solutions": from trying to be understanding and comforting to crying it out & gating the door. I was tired and very crabby!
I finally found a book that dealt with night fears that said that for true fears you had to take a gentler approach (Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, by Ferber). I actually slept on the floor of his room for a few nights to get us caught up on sleep and to reassure him that I would be there for him when he was really scared. Then we took small steps to wean him off that support until he was sleeping by himself again. I had to stay with him while he fell asleep for a very long time, but that ended when he was 4.
My son was truly & obviously terrified, so you may not have to resort to sleeping on the floor, but at least we got some sleep and cleared up our problem. It actually turned out to also be stress related to beginning PreK, and once he got started there it lessened considerably. He still sleeps with us during storms, but other than that we all sleep fine now!

Two of my children had the same problem. When I asked my pediatrician they said it could be bad dreams that wake them. They said if it is at the same time every night, then get up before they normally do. Go comfort the child, or rub their back, while they are sleeping. This may sooth the child so they do not wake that night. Repeat a few nights in a row and then see if the child still wakes up the next night.
Of course I did not like this idea, if I have to wake up anyway. The trade off is that this may only be for a few days, instead of getting up every day for a few weeks or more.
This did work. But after 6 months or so my child would start waking up again. Once my two older children turned 5 it never happened again. However, I had another baby when my second child was 4 & 1/2, so I was up at night again anyway
I hope this helps.

Why don't you just let him come in when he wants to and you snuggle up with him and let him sleep with you. You will all get more sleep that way. He is obviously needing some reassurance from you and all the things you have tried are sending him the message that you will not reassure him. He is getting the message you want him out. He needs to know he is accepted by you and then I bet in time it will stop. Children need love from their parents, not gates, crying and screaming. Consequences for a child expressing his needs to be reassured at night? Do you really want to punish him for expressing his needs? He is not being bad. He is a child who feels insecure at night for whatever reason.

I am sorry if my response seems harsh. I am just so saddened by the messed up way we have learned parenting skills in this country. Why can we just be loving to our children and meet their needs?

Dear E.,

Jo Frost, the SuperNanny, reccommends that you take your child back to bed without speaking or engaging with him. Don't let him get into bed with you, or get into an argument. Everytime he gets up, take him right back to bed. You may be sleep deprived for a few days (can you take a nap while you let him watch a movie? I don't advocate the electronic baby sitter, but sometimes you need it. Or ask your husband to come home from work early so you can nap or hire a babysitter?)

Also, is he getting up to go to the bathroom and turning up at your door? When my daughter finally learned to wake up and go to the bathroom during the night, she would come to my room telling me she had a bad dream. What it really happend was she woke up to go to the bathroom. I told her I expected her to go back to bed after she relieved herself, and she has stopped coming to me so often. Sometimes it helps letting your kids know what you expect of them.

Getting up at night is quite the attention getter.

Hi, we went through the same thing with my 3 year old son, first I thought it was night terrors but realized he just wanted to see us. Happened over a couple hours every night. So my husband and I started telling him if he stayed in bed he would get a coin for his piggy bank. But if he got out he couldn't get the coin. So the first night he stayed in bed we made a big deal and he loved putting the coin in his bank. And then after awhile we said he could put half in the bank (real bank) and the other half he could buy a toy to reinforce why he was getting the coins. It worked for us, good luck.

Hi,
I have been a nanny for 16 yrs and have a 7 yr old, 5 yr old, and 1 yr old of my own. Except for the one yr old, I think all of mine have had this "stage". Our best solution was to put a sleeping bag on the floor right next to our bed. We told our children, "you can come sleep in here if you need to, but please don't climb in our bed" When that little face appears at 3 am, we say "climb in the sleeping bag and go back to sleep", and they do and we roll over and go back too. this is least disruptive to everyones sleep. After a while, we even went to "you can sleep here if you need to, but don't wake us up, just get in the bag"
This lasted for a month or so, maybe a little less. But eventually they were back to sleeping in their own room, and the bag was put away. It is a comfort to children to be near us at night sometimes, but that doesn't mean we have to become zommie mamas in the process. Best of luck,
A.