3 Boys Don't Want to Do Anything

I'm going to be very blunt, not trying to be a b@#$%, just putting it straight. They don't want to do anything else because, they can...Meaning because you let them not do anything else, but this. The 7 yo especially should be trying new things, meaning sports, how does he know if he likes them if he doesn't try.

Kids sometimes need a "nudge" to get them going or motivated to do something else other than what they know. For example, I have twins who are 10 yo boy/girl. They are both very athletic, they both get one sport at a time and are in something pretty much year round, which we love. My daughter always did soccer in the fall, and these last couple of years you could tell she wasn't as into it as she always had been. Well, she reached the age she could do volleyball, well she didn't want to but we told her to try it for one season and if she didn't like it she could go back to soccer. Guess what, she loved it.

My point is, sign them up for things, don't let them quit once it's started, if they don't like it you'll know for next time, but get them out, get them active and get them away from the video games!!!!

I think I would make them do swim lessons, even if they dont want to, and even if your son was dunked under by swim instructor 4 years ago. They NEED to learn how to swim. Not just for the "fun" of it but also for safety.

I would also get rid of the computer time until your son can start showing a wider variety of interests. Ditto with TV. Either eliminate computer/tv or cut down to @ 30 minutes a day.

I am really not a fan, anyway, young kids using computer games - even "educational" ones. I think they are better off playing and reading.

This seems harsh, and they will not like it, but I think this is a really serious problem. Your boys are too young to be couch potatoes.

I would call a technology blackout at my house. Disconnect the cable and video games in the trunk of my car. Physical activity is a real self esteem booster. And sunshine is important in combating depression. If they are hestitant, dont give them a pass. ESPECIALLY the boy that got dunked. Remember that saying - get back on the horse! I would buy a set of family bikes and insist everyone ride bikes together down to the park. If you get to the park and your boys dont instinctively go play than insist on a family game of tag. RIde your bikes to the pool and go swim. Maybe get them a slip and slide to play in the yard. Everyone loves a slip and slide! BUy a bat and some gloves. You've got enough people for a game of softball in the yard. You and your husband enjoy these things and you are in charge, not them. Insist the boys come out and play with you. You can't make kids have fun, nbut you can make them be active for thier own good. If they happen to find something they like along the way, all the better.

My youngest loves video games and TV too. We have limits so she is forced to find other things to do. In fact, we are on a one week ban of Netflix in our home at the moment because it started to become an issue. She's not always wanting to get going someplace, as she is a little homebody, but once she IS out and there, she almost always has fun and doesn't miss the electronic stuff. Our job is to keep her busy, outside, going places and doing things, especially in the summer.

If I were you, I would plan the beach vacation you and your husband want to go on. There are plenty of things kids can do at the beach besides swim. They can build sand castles, collect rocks, shells, and artifacts. They can make streams, and play WITH the water, without going in swimming. They can play with frisbees, outdoor toys, water toys, etc. They can bring a book or an activity book. They can help plan and pack a picnic. Best of all, you can play and interact with them, and they will LOVE having your time and attention. You don't have to spend all day, every day at the beach, but there is no reason not to go at all. Pick your vacation destination and do a little research on what all there is for kids to do. Have each of the kids select something they would like to do, even if it's just a trip to a fun candy store or hotel arcade or game room. Show your kids how you will have a great attitude and have a lot of fun with their choices too. If they refuse to cooperate, plan a variety of vacation attractions and outings yourself or with DH anyway, and take them along. You are a family, and everyone in the family should be able to spend a little time going along with what the rest of you want to do cheerfully. Don't ask them if they WANT to go on vacation, tell them you ARE going on vacation. And seriously, if they are going to be all grumpy and complaining about it, THAT is when I'd take away the computer and video games for awhile all together as a consequence.

Personally, I love traveling, and I found it also helps to plan a few little vacations without the kids, if you can swing it.

It's altogether possible for children to become addicted to computers and games and lose interest in the rest of life. It happens to adults - why not to children?

Actually, it doesn't happen to me often, but once in a while I get involved in THIS site and suddenly half the day is gone, and I'm not quite connected to anything else enough to get busy at it. It's like coming outside after seeing to a movie I was really engrossed in; I look around me and go, "Huh?" And this site is mild compared to some other ones!

It may be time to eliminate the computer use and the video games. That sounds harsh, but sometimes you have to go off things completely. Restricting can be helpful, but one's mind may still stay inside the game instead of heading for the outside world. Please think about it seriously.

Then you will have to get busy as a family and play together, because your son may actually have forgotten how to play. (But it'll come back.)

Here's something else just to think about: swimming is not only something people do for fun, but it is also an essential skill. There are plenty of lakes and pools where you live (I lived in your area decades ago), and children need to know how to be safe around them. I don't know what your budget is like, but please contact a nearby pool or swim club and arrange for private, one-on-one lessons for your older son. He's not the first person ever to be frightened by a dunking, and a good instructor will know how to deal with it.

If I had a child that I truly would not do anything but video games. I would get rid of the video games.. AND I mean out of the house, not just packed away,.

My SIL made a deal with her sons, for every 20 min played outside or sitting down reading a book, they could earn 10 min of video games. That does not mean that particular day in case there are other things that needed to get done, but she kept the chart.

he should be riding his bike, skating, skateboarding, running around outside, begging to go to the park , at least wanting to be in the pool maybe not swimming.

You should not let him access the computer or video games until he has done other more important things. I personally wouldn't ever allow a video game in my house-my kids can buy their own when they're old enough to work for it, and even then they'll barely be allowed to touch them, but I understand not everyone is opposed.

You are in charge. They are reluctant. Just enforce. The video games and TV don't go on unless they have done x amount of chores, learning, and active play indoors or outdoors WITHOUT electronics during the day, and the electronics time should be minimal. Like 1/2 hr to 1 hr a day TOPS!

My 5 year old daughter gets one show or movie per day IF she has done her chores, her school work, her piano practice (wasn't initially her choice to sign up and practice every day at 4 yeas old, but we powered through the days she felt reluctant and she loves it now) and we've been in the yard or to the park, or she played with her toys for a couple of hours first. My younger two just play more, and also only watch the TV if it goes on for "her" TV time. Very often, the TV time gets skipped because not all those things were done, and it's never missed. Just break the cycle!

My kids were getting put in front of the TV way too much as of about 6 months-year ago. I had to discipline myself to cut off the channels and keep it off during the WHOLE day until evening IF it was earned. It was hard on ME to fill the day with more interactive things and battle their habit which i had formed, but we did it, and it's been SO GOOD for everyone.

your twins may like swimming once they start. they may see that your older son does not like it so they may just think they dont like it also. i think swimming is something every kid should take just to learn it. there will be a point in thier lives when they will need to know how to swim. i feel it is very important to learn to swim weather the kid wants to or not. they dont have to stay with it but at least learn it. Maybe just keep trying different things but dont push sports and outdoors on them. try fishing, tennis, running, bike riding, skate boarding, rollarblading, baseball, soccer, dance, kick ball, etc. maybe your oldest will like science or chess, etc more than sports and thats ok. just let them experience different activities and see where they excell at and go from there.

Did you ask why they don't like it? With the twins, it could be feeding off your older son's feelings. But with your older one, could it be that he doesn't like the feel of the water on his skin? Or that he doesn't like to get wet? Or that the grass feels like needles on his feet?

I'm learning more about sensory processing because my oldest has some issues. I thought he was just stubborn, but it turns out that some pleasurable (for me) experiences are pretty much torture for him.

I agree with the others. Lose the video games. I have two boys (7 and 13) that enjoy video games, but prefer playing outside. Sometimes, especially during the winter, they start to become too involved in playing video games and we will have a week without the video games, and sometimes without TV. It's amazing how creative they get, and they have a wonderful time! You said you monitor these things, and that's great, but if you take it away altogether for awhile, they're forced to explore other options. They might be surprised at how much fun they have without video games. :)

Oh yes. I have older boys. My recommendation to you is keep the TV, computer and video games to a minimum. It will get worse as they get older. Get them involved in activities outside. Go the metro parks hiking, biking or whatever. There is a book by Leonard Sax about boys that you have to read. It's at the library. I even took my youngest to the art museum to see real swords and guns. Not that I want my kids to use real ones. But I want them to understand things outside these imaginary games they play. Sometimes you have to do things whether they think they like to do it or not. My oldest hated doing anything and we signed him up for baseball and have to make him play every year. When he got to middle school he ended up loving it and played it in high school. He was a kid who had a fear of trying new things and I think he had social anxiety too. So it helped him with both.

There are soooo many physical activities to choose from. Maybe if they get involved in something else, they will later try the swimming again but to at least keep them from the video games, tv, etc, you could give them a list of activities and tell them they have to choose one but it can be any one they want. Maybe if it is their choice, they will want to do it more. Soccer, baseball, karate, basketball, hockey, etc....... I have had my boys say they don't want to go to things and once they do, have a great time. The more they do it and get involved in activities, the better they get.

Sorry, no. I can't keep my son inside most of the time.

Well, I am pretty much pro video games and computer but if that was all my sons wanted to do I would SEVERELY limit their time. An hour a day max.