3 1/2 Yo an Now Miss Attitude?

I have to agree!! Everyone says about the Terrible Two's, but age three is WORSE!! I noticed that with my son as well. My daughter is 3 1/2 as well and she thinks she runs the house. It's just the age. They're learning their independence. It will pass though! Just keep trying to let her know that it's not acceptable behavior. Good luck!

Miss R.,

I just wanted to let you know that I am in the same boat. My darling little 3 yo (4 in late April) has become miss sass in the last few months, but most noticibly since Christmas time frame. She's also experimenting with a lot of new (not nice) words that I assume she's picked up at daycare. Just want to let you know that you're not alone... it must be a milestone for them. I'm trying to look at it as her trying to learn what is (and isn't) acceptable socially speaking. She's also been correcting me A LOT, issuing me "safety violations" (don't ask), talking back, and reverse punishing me. Keep in mind that she was super sweet and polite (and still is for the most part). I feel your pain!!! We keeping talking about using kind words and she's getting it, but I think one of the reasons she is so sassy is that she is confident in her knowledge, hence the issuing of safety violations and correcting me. I'm glad for her confidence and hope she stays confident (with a balance of humility and politeness of course). In the mean time, we're dealing with time outs in her room and the loss of privaleges to help curb the problem as needed. She really hates losing vsmile and Super Why privaleges, so that works pretty well.

Yep--the consensus seems to be that 2 was NOTHING compared to 3! My son started this type of thing in his 3rd year. I think they're getting more and more independant and like to push you to see what the limits are. O. thing that helped keep my son on track were sticker reward charts. Just make a grid of 20-25 blocks on the computer & print it out. You can use them for politeness, helping out, kind acts, manners, etc. Explain that when she does ABC (as you've decided for that particular chart), she gets a sticker and when it's all full, she gets a reward (trip to bookstore, small toy, etc.) It helped my son to decrease the specific "nightmare areas" du jour! And it puts the emphasis on positive behavior.
p.s. I think kids in their 3's love and thrive on routines!
Good luck!

Hi R.,
I don't know if my own experiences will help or not. I have 3 kids however the first two are alot older than my youngest. The youngest is my problem child. She was a 20 minit labor and delivery and she slept all night from day one. That was my blessing!

Then she slid through the terrible twos and hit 3. What a nightmare. She became snotty, said mean things to people and never accepted constructive criticizm. If the problem had just been temper tantrums I would have had the perfect solution but it went further. I tried to word my corrections by beginning with a compliment so she didn't feel everything she did was wrong. She began going to her room on her own when she was about 5 and she would stay there for hours. I would check on her and she was fine but she would refuse to talk to anyone after being corrected for the least little thing.

Now, she is 15. She still favors a good book and a room to herself. She is stubborn and still doesn't like to be told things. I am not to ask her about school, work, friends and I have told her it's my job as a parent to ask these things. She rolls her eyes and gives me one word answers.

My solution isn't perfect but I continue to ask questions, monitor her school work and give her rides to work. I have continued to be consistant so she knows that I will always be here for her. She does open up at times and I set everything aside and focus my full attention on her so she knows how important I think she is.

If you give me some examples of what you are going through, I might be able to help you with your 3 year old. There are a number of things that work well and each child is different.
Joanie

Something is probably bothering her. The only thing you can do is observe her, and talk to her, and try to figure it out. Watch and see when she gets mad. Maybe keeping a journal would help. Write down when she gets mad, what she had to eat who she interacted with, stuff like that. Then maybe you could figure out the cause. Sometimes food allergies or intolerance can effect their behavior.
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I don't have a child that old yet, but lately I have really been tested by my 2.5 year old. My friends with older children all swear by the book/dvd "123 Magic" targeted at children ages 2-12. I am just starting the book and am hoping for some "magic!" I have read the book "Kids are Worth It" and it is wonderful but geared more for older children. Thought I would pass these along as resources in your parenting arsenal! I like to think we are all just making our best guesses to see which tactic works for each child. Good luck and know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Your daughter must be a sweetie if she waited until 3 and a half for the "tude!" It is all about discipline, and you'll have to tighten it way up for a while so she gets over this phase. And she will, if you do. Time outs often don't work. She'll need extra love and firmness for a while to get through this. I have a training method that has been totally effective which my whole family uses-and most of them have at LEAST seven kids! It's from a Christian book. It does include spanking as training not angry punishment, so if you don't believe in that, you won't like it, but if you're interested, let me know! My kids are extremely happy and well behaved, including the 2 year old! Best wishes!

The book 1-2-3 Magic has really helped me with my son (3 1/2). It was recommended by therapists I used to work with at a children's behavioral health agency. It gives tips for counting to 3 and using timeouts. It also describes pitfalls parents run into such as giving a child too many opportunities to behave inappropriately.

Consistency, clear rules and expectations are important. After my son receives a consequence we talk about why he received one.

Did this transformation occur around the time you became a consultant? If so, maybe she feels she is getting less attention from you.

Good luck!

Hi,

I am new too! I am going through the same thing with my 3yr old. Thankfully I also have an 8yr old little girl who went through the same thing and through discipline (like what you have mentioned:time out, standing in the corner or losing a toy) she came out of it the most thoughtful, caring, wonderful little sweetheart imaginable. I think that this is a really tough stage especially for little girls who want to be mommy...we are there complete role models. The only problem is, is that they aren't quite emotionally there to keep up with what it is that they want to do. I think this age is just as frustrating for them as it is for us. I have been reminded this time around that 3 is far worse than 2 but 4 and 5 are the most wonderful times. I haven't particularly cared much for 7 and 8 either -- introduction of boys....again this stage is a stage where there emotions can't keep up with their minds. Hope I have given you inspiration....she will get better.

A.

Becky, my daughter just turned 5 and I have to say that "Miss Attitude" is exactly what I experienced with her at age 3 and it continues now. I do the time-out thing as well. Kids are going to push limits because that's just what they do. When my daughter gets attitude I talk to her about respect. She's older than your daughter, but I started EARLY. I also make her apologize to whomever she was disrespecting. We talk about hurting people's feelings and how SHE feels when people talk to her with attitude. I don't know if this is good advice, and maybe you are already doing it, but I use a lot of "How would YOU feel if..." questions. Granted, I am also a therapist and this is what I do with kids I work with. Can't guarantee it will work, but it's worth a shot. Let us know how things are going. Take care! C.

Hi. I'm new to this site too. I am 35 and work part time as a nurse and am the mother of a 5yr old little girl. I have been married 6yrs.
I know they say the terrible twos but I think it should be the even worse threes. My daughter has always been a very well behaved child. She is polite, has excellent manners and never gets in trouble at preschool. But....when she hit 3 it was like invasion of the body snatchers (only w/ us). She didn't listen, talked back(I didn't expect that for a few years), had screaming temper tantrums and spent a lot of time in time-out. I felt much like you but we just stayed very consistent. We also found that if we ignored some of the behavior like the screaming she quickly learned that it did not get her any attention and the tantrums became much shorter.
At this age kids are starting to test their limits and find some independence which is frustrating at times but also a good thing if you want your child to be an independent thinker and not just follow the crowd. I also learned to pick my battles and let her make some decisions for herself like 1/2 hour of TV or reading before bed but not both.
The biggest thing is be patient and don't be too hard on yourself, it's not you. It will pass and you will have your sweet girl back.
Hope this helps. Let me know how it goes.
T.

Hi Becky,
I also have a 3 1/2 year old girl and twin 10 month old girls. My daughter Angelina is also very mouthy all of a sudden and tests me every moment she can. I think it started a few months after the babies were born. I think she feels "left out" in a sense and is trying to get my attention. Which of couse when she does this, she does. Time outs have also worn off for her too. I actually started a sticker chart. I put on there listening to mommy and daddy, cleaning up toys, being good on school...etc. It works because she loves stickers. At the end of a week she gets a reward. It is working. If you have any advice for me, I would appreciate it!

R.

Take a deep breath and remember, this is only a test. Your daughter is developing her personality. I'm not saying this is how she's going to be for the rest of her life but it may take a little bit to get through the phase. Stay patient and even if it is bothering you don't let it show. That's how they get spoiled.

Becky...

Two things came to mind as I read your post. The first is that my beautiful, perfect, sweet, darling little boy woke up one morning when he was around 2 and it was as though someone had replaced him with another child in the middle of the night! His entire attitude changed - where he had always been sweet and loving - he was defiant and had a big attitude. So...in my experience, yes, they can undergo a complete change in what seems like overnight.

The second thing that comes to mind is that this change seems to line up pretty closely to the birth of your son. My daughter and son are 27 months apart. My daughter thought it was really cool to have a baby in the house until she realized that she had to share. My first two kids are almost 5 years apart - he started full day kindergarten the month before she was born - so they didn't have to share us much. This was not the case with the younger to. I cannot say that my daughter underwent a total transformation - but having the baby really rocked her world and it took a few months to sink in.

We have had great luck with the book 1-2-3 Magic with all three of our kids. Also, we found with our daughter that a little one-on-one big kid time went a long way.

Good luck!

Hi Becky most of what I read is normal but I'm not sure what you meant with abd a boy or girl; anyway... I'm getting into the Granma seen and don't know all the new lingo. Your daughter is testing her limits. What is important here is that she feels confident with her choices, did I say her choices -- oh yes I did... You see it is not you or what you do, your little girl is growing up at the ripe old age of 3. You will need to guide her and love her and be patient with her, she is next to your husband the most important person in your life. You do want her to grow up strong and confident, not rude so you will need to set limitations. Don't make it all about discipline and please don't make quick promises at the heat of the moment. Sometimes we say we'll do something to get our way if you know what I mean and then inviting all the friends over later becomes a very long day, ha! You're doing fine, just remember that you set the example and the world is tuff, she needs all the help she can get at a very young age. Enjoy your child. Sincerely Pep

Hi R.,
I have a 3 and 1/2 daughter as well.. and again, same thing happened. My daughter was always sweet, smiling, happy go lucky.. right around 3 ish, she's still sweet, but oh my God.. she can be quite a hand full. I have a 6 year old son, who went threw a similar stage. He grew out of it.. still has his moments every now and than.. But I've realized with a girl - Everything is Drama, Drama, Drama!!! She's definitely our little princess!!
Be patient, keep your cool, be consistent.
I also saw you have a 9mth year old as well.. Maybe she's acting out a little bit to get attention. For a big part of her life it was just her, mommy and daddy.
Hope this helps, Good luck - she'll be fine

I have to say that my 4 year old daughter has always been great. She went through a short period in her latter 2's when she would draw a line in the sand and take a stand. Amy is right in my opinion. Spanking may help but if it is done in a correct way. Loving guidance and backup from your spouse is a great help. Sometimes, my 4 year old will draw a line in the sand and then we go through one warning like "we will talk about this later" or "we need to go upstairs and have a talk now" but she and I talk it out and she realizes that handling her situation that way wasnt the best.