2.5 Year Old Behavior

Make it as fun as possible. Teach her about germs and bubbles, sing a song, get fun soap, fun toys just for when she rides in the car (an example if she wont get in her carseat), etc. My daughter and I sing "Happy Birthday" while she washes her hands to help her scrub long enough." We will name someone who's birthday is close, or, if not, sing "Happy Birthday to Bubbles." Challenging authority is her way of learning what her boundaries and limits are and she will both feel safer and be less oppositional over time if you are consistent. Easy for me to say - I raise my voice to my 3 y/o much more often than I care to!

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oooor, books like 'the happiest toddler on the block' or 'adventures in gentle discipline'....... i swear by the happiest toddler! :D

I also have a 2.5 year old and I don't really have advice.
But, just wanted to remind you to praise her profusely whenever she does something you want her to do. I keep on reading that praise goes a long way.
Good luck!

We had an issue geting our son (Who was 3 at the time) to wash his hands after using the bathroom too. So, I read about a made up song in a parenting magazine. The words to the song are: Wash, wash, wash our hands, wash the germs away. Use the water, use the soap, wash the germs away. (It is sung to the melody of row, row, row your boat.) I know it worked for us and he even went to daycare and taught the other kids the song!! A friend of mine told me about a song to buckle her child into his car seat that goes-Buckle up, Buckle up, give your self a hug (click). You keep repeating it until your child is buckled in safely. This has worked wonders in buckling in our 10 months old daughter who hates to be confined to anything!! I hope these two suggestions help a little bit and don't worry all kids go through the stages of testing limits. Just keep being consistent!

2.5 is a hard age! You've gotten some great advice already, but I just wanted to add a couple of things we discussed in my ECFE class. If the same thing seems to be a problem day after day, it might be helpful to make up a chart with pictures showing the routine -- i.e. use potty, wash hands, etc. Not too many steps, but maybe 3-4. We did this with bedtime and it worked great. Also, then you can ask your daughter what the next step is, and she'll be more likely to do it if she's telling you vs. you telling her. Good luck!
Sara

All the advice you've gotten is great, but when all else fails you have to threaten. Threaten to take something away, or threaten to put her in her room. Counting to 3 works great too. I try all the loving ways with my 2 year old daughter and the only thing that gets her attention is when I say "OK, you're going in your bed then." She immediately stops crying and does what she's told. She's just testing to see what I'll let her get away with. It also works when I threaten to put her favorite toy or baby doll in "time out" (which is out of her reach). It works because she knows that I will do it - not just say I will.

Have you thought of using reverse psychology. In other words, telling her that she can't do something or that you don't want her to do it. It worked great with my son when he was that age or a little younger and didn't want to pick up his toys or the mess he had made. I just told him not to do it. I said, "Don't you dare pick up your toys. I don't want you to pick them up, leave them alone." Things like that and it worked great. Maybe you could tell her that she isn't big enough to wash her hands by herself or that you don't want her to and it may make her defy you to the point that she is going to do it if you don't want her to.
Good Luck.

The best way according to Parenting With Love and Logic (which I highly recommend every parent take a class or read the book) is to give them two options, so they feel they have control of the situation, even though they really don't. Be sure to give two choices that both you and they can be happy with. You might say, "Would you prefer to wash your hands in this sink, or the sink in the kitchen?" Don't say something like, "Do you want to wash your hands or go to your room?" Those aren't two good choices. Also, make sure they understand the unspoken choice is that you will decide if they don't within 10 seconds. And wrap any consequence in a healthy dose of empathy.

I either:
1. Ignore the fit and keep doing the task (i.e. wash the hands through the fit).
2. Sit my toddler down on the floor right where he is and tell him "that is enough" and that I won't tolerate that behavior.
OR
3. Bribe him with a sticker---as a last resort if I am in a hurry. But I only give it to him after he has calmed down and still completed the task.

I learned this from a love and logic class, and it has really helped me; when you want your child to do something, for example, ask them "would you like to brush your teeth now, or in 2 minutes?" The choice gives them a sense of power, and the task you want done will get done. Usually, when I do this, there is no problem when I say, "okay, it's been two minutes; time to_____"

We are having the EXACT same issues. We don't talk a lot or count anymore -- we just say you have two options 1) Do X or 2) go to time out. And time out doesn't end until he is ready to follow through.

Although there are still "difficult" days, we have brought down our frustrations and our son now seems to be getting that we really mean business.

My daughter was the same way at that age. I discovered that reverse psychology worked very well with her. If I asked her to do something and she said "no", I said "that's ok, you don't have to do it" or "That's ok, Mommy will do it". She couldn't stand that, so decided that she did, in fact, want to do whatever it was. It seems like once she realized that it didn't really matter to me, and that she had a choice, she usually chose to do what I wanted her to do.

I play dumb with my son I'll say "I need to wash my hands but I forgot how? or I need to wash my hands but I can't find them" then I will point to different body parts and ask him if they are my hands, when he finally points out my hands I'll ask him if he can show me how to wash them. This usually works about 3-4 times, then I have to come up with a new game.