So I normally don't post things on here bc I feel like my daughter is possibly the easiest child when it comes to sleeping and eating so not much else is left. I love to read what other moms experiences have been!! Here goes nothing
My only child is pushing 2 and just forces my husband and I to repeat, repeat, repeat, and repeat things. "Don't get into the cabinet, go play in your kitchen." "No standing on the couch, sit on your bottom." "Stay in your seat and eat." These are petty things but after saying them 15 times they aren't so petty anymore!! It starts to get real hard to put a positive spin on these requests. She is very capable of doing and not doing the things we ask. Says please, thank you, your welcome, loves to help, but sometimes seems very defiant. OK so I know....welcome to the terrible twos!! There has got to be some "superstar" mom whose twos weren't so bad because she had a plan, tips, maybe some kind of reward deal that is appropriate for a 2 year old?? I just have a funny feeling my daughter's two could be an interesting ride!!! I'm gonna buckle up and put a helment and hope to get some good tips ahead of time??
Get an extra helmet for dad. LOL I think it's a stage all kids go through. You'll feel like a broken record.
One of the tips I got from a much wiser person was instead of saying "no" ask why. Jane, why are you getting in the cabinet? Why are you bouncing on the sofa?
Get the answers and then tell her no in a way she understands. "I know it is fun to fly in the air, but if you fall and hurt your head we may have to go to the doctor. . . can you show me how high you can bounce on the floor?" Don't get me wrong, you'll be saying it over and over and over again. It is a variation on the "why" questions to soon follow.
But this way your child starts to comprehend it isn't just to be mean or say no, but for a reason. It also starts to foster open lines of communication and gets you all prepared for how to interact as she continues to mature and push boundries.
Best of luck!
Welcome to the site, I love it!!! Congrats for posting a question!
Well I think yr 2 wasn't as bad as yr 3. My daughters just SPUN us the HOLE YEAR non stop. Needless to say WE were exhauted ALL the time. But It does get better.
I know it is hard to stay calm threw this! But somtimes you have to think like them.Once in a while I had to stop and think WHY am I so MAD when she is SO HAPPY. It didn't make sense to me. I NOT saying let her have the run of the house or control the situration. But sometime you can join her (Jump on the bed and build something with the pans and take them outside and march to your own tune.) We did this all the time I tought them how to count and there ABC's this way IT WAS FUN AND NAP TIME CAME EAZIER!! For all of us!
Well I hope this help you out.
C. C
Two is a great age to begin exploring his/her world with new and developing abilities and tastes! I would try to change things as you desire with such kindly spoken positive reminders, such as: "Are you supposed to be standing on the couch or do we stand on the floor and SIT on the couch?" and when she gets up repeatedly from the table at meal times, ask if she is done with her food, or meal, whatever it is. If she says no, then remind her that "in this family we stay in our seat until we are finished eating, sweetie." Perhaps try instilling the age-old idea of having her begin to ask to be excused when she is done eating, then she gets up after permission is given, brushes off her crumbs in a designated spot, and then you can then offer praise for a job well done, listening and obeying, etc. Two-year olds are beginning to learn limits and traditions and family rules now too, so trying to be consistent in any endeavor to create good manners and habits while still having fun will reward your efforts in many pleasant ways. Enjoy this time of life, it passes quickly!
She's testing her independence, and making sure you really mean the rule. So really mean it and keep repeating it! Praise her: "Look how nicely you're sitting on the couch." Give her a hug or read her a story so she knows how to get positive attention. Teach her that it's polite to sit until everyone is finished eating, but don't make her sit too long. 2 year-olds just have short attention spans! I'm sure you'll do fine!
Two was a piece of cake for us, 3 is when she really tested us... Good Luck!!
It is a phase, but when my son was 2 I would only repeat myself 3 times and then I would ask him "what did mommy say". Normally he would repeat it back and I knew he was hearing me just fine. Also if she is doing something you know she knows not too then try time out, one minute for every year old. We set a timer and pick a specific spot and stick to that. We started this at 17 months with our son and he is nearly 4 and it still works great. Good Luck.
She's not even two years old!!!!! Stop expecting so much!!!!!
you are right - terrrible twos are terrible, but you will live through it! The reason your daughter does not obey is that she has learned nothing will happen - you just keep repeating yourself. As a family and child therapist, and in my own home, I teach the two chances rule - plan in advance with your husband a set of rules you both agree on and what should happen if she disobeys - turn off tv,, take away her toy, etc. I recommend timeout only be used for the most serious behaviors - hitting, biting, throwing toys, breaking things, etc. Then you tell her that she will have 2 chances to do whatever it is and if she does not, tell her what will happen. For example, she has to clean up her toys. You tell her, "this is your first chance. If you clean up you may watch TV. If you do not clean up, there will be no TV. so Please clean up"
then you wait a short time - maybe 3 or 4 minutes - and if she is working on cleaning up, praise her and remind her she'll get to watch TV when she is done (or whatever reward you want to give her). If she is not cleaning up, tell her, "This is your second chance. If you don't clean up now, I will turn off the TV." Then again wait a few minutes and if she does not comply, tell her that she will not have TV, or pudding, or her stuffed bear (whatever you choose). Then stick to it, despite her protests, crying or other negative behavior - don't give in no matter how bad it gets. It will take a while of the two of you being very very consistent in applying the two chances rule before she gets the message and learns to obey. different kids respond differently - some get better right away, a honeymoon period, and then fight you later when you stop being so consistent, some get worse, sometimes much worse, trying to outlast you and go back to the old rules - You guys are the adults and you can outwait a 22 month old!
I do promise this approach works really well, but you must stick to it for the long-term - at least a couple of months. It teaches kids how to take responsiblity for themselves - they learn they can choose a positive path or a negative one, and they learn that their choices affect the outcomes, not a mean mom or dad!
good luck. sorry this was so long!!
Have you tried giving her natural and positive consequences. When she gets up from the table, put away her food. You can say, "sorry, you left the table which means you're thru eating in our house." When she stands on the couch, tell her she'll have to go to her room until she knows she has to stay off the couch. For the cabinet, cud you child proof it with a device purchased in the baby department of stores. Or if it has 2 knobs put rubber bands over both knobs. If her kitchen is close to the cabinet, I'd move it so that the cabinet is out of site from her when she's at her kitchen.
I am surprised about you not wanting her to stand on the couch because of your other post about having a child proof house and wanting your mother to put things up. Standing on the couch is one of the things that I would consider to be allowed. IF you're concerned about her falling off keep tables and other hard objects away from the couch. My friends who are very child centered in their lives, put away the coffee table until their children were older. In fact they removed a lot of things so that their children could do nearly anything in the house, to include somersaults and standing on their heads.
My grandchildren were older when My daughter and I started sending them to their room when they didn't follow the rules. I don't know if any of my suggestions would work with a nearly 2 yo except for putting the food away. That worked.
Your daughter is testing limits. She'll be doing this the rest of her childhood with you. The way that we learn to respect boundaries is to have a consequence when we don't. It works best when the consequence fits the deed because it's logical in the kid's mind. Or when the consequence is always the same, such as going to their room. In their mind they are able to say "if I do this, this will happen."
It does take longer to teach a 2 yo than an older child who has had the consistent experience that enables them to develop an understanding. You will have to consistently stop her when she tries to do what you've told her to do or not to do. It's so easy to be hit and miss with noticing and stopping and giving a consequence because we have so many other things to also do. What might work is to spend a week, focusing on the few things she does everyday, such as the ones you mention and consistently stop her and give her a consequence.
Redirecting her is a great way to manage her behavior. If it doesn't work, tho, you want to try something else. If she does leave the cabinet and go to play with her kitchen then you've succeeded. But if she sneaks back in a few minutes or argues about it then she needs a consequence.
I found with my grandchildren that just telling them to stop doing something didn't always work. I went to where they were and just stood there until they complied. This way the learned to recognize "that" look, too.
I like sending/taking them to their room because it separates them from whatever activity I'm wanting to stop and it tells them I don't want them in the room where they are tempted.
As one mother said, she's just 2 and you can't expect her to always remember what is expected. You do have to repeat yourself over and over until she "gets it" And if you let her do it sometimes, then she'll keep testing.
