20 Month Old Doesn't like Anybody!

Hi, My daughter was like that at that age. She could only be around one of my sisters,my mom sometimes grandpa and dad. She was afraid of everyone else and also all the mommies in the playgroup we went to once a week. She was fine with kids. We had a hard time and I was always nervous about taking her anywhere there were going to be a lot of people. She is now four and sooo much better. We always told her in advance who was going to be there, and told her that we will always keep her safe. As she got older, we started telling her that it was alright to feel the way she felt, but that she had to make feel people welcome if they came to the house by just waving at them. She was willing to do that. So she would wave at people when she first met them. Then slowly we started encouraging her to shake hands and smile and then eventually hugs. But we only encouraged this with people we met on a regular basis not people we were going to meet for the first time. She is so much better now and so friendly, what also helped was when her baby sister was born(18 mos now). Baby sister loves people. Total opposites. My first daughter now feels a lot more comfortable because she has someone who breaks the ice. So it will pass. Just be patient and realize she genuinely feels uncomfortable and needs to now that you understands how she feels but that your are 100% in her corner and ready to help her through it. My oldest daughter will probably always be shy but we have to equip her with the tools to feel confident no matter what. So that's our goal. Good luck.

my mother tells me I was deathly afraid of all males, teenage or older at about age 2. I would run screaming into the house if a teenage boy from next door walked by. The only men I wasn't scared of wre my father & grandfather. But even uncles frightened me.

This is a dvelopemental stage when they realize the difference between people they know, and people they don't. It won't last forever - and if given the choice wouldn't you rahter that she's timid with strangers instead of one of those kids who'll hug anybody?

It will pass - in the meantime prepare her in advance, tell her what you expect of her "there will be 3 moms and dads at Grandmas house - you met them when you were smaller and they remember you but you might not remember them. It will be fine - if you're shy you can sit on my lap fir a few minutes - but I know you'll get brave and will begin to play with other kids one day.

Don't put her in pre-school just because you think she needs to make friends more quickly. She will get there. In the meantime how nice for her to feel such safeness and security at home when she needs to move through this stage.

If it's strangers then that's a good thing, with family members the more time you all spend together the more she will probably bond with them. I was reading an article once saying that children and animals were great judge of characters. because they judge differently than adults do, and it went on to say if children and animals don't like you, then you are the one that has a problem. I just thought I would share that. When children are leary about someone don't force the the relationship, let id happen naturally. J.

My daughter was the same way. Up to the age of 7, she did not talk to her uncle at all, and she sees him every month at least. We finally talked to a therapist, because at first I was defending her and saying she was shy and uncomfortable around certain people, etc. Your daughter is a bit young, but for us, what we did was to set up a reward system. When we meet people or see people she does not "like", we have told her that we expect her to say hello, goodbye and answer any questions from these people. If she does this, she will get a sticker, 10 stickers = $1. See if you can "motivate" your daughter to show respect to the people she does not "like" by giving her some kind of reward. At 20 months, she is probably going through a separation kind of phase, so it might get better, but it never did with my daughter. I feel we let her be "shy" for too long before we did something about it, because her normal mode of meeting new adults is to not speak to them. Now we are trying to break her out of that habit with this reward system. Oh, by the way, she was fine in preschool and after the first week or so, interacted just fine with all of the teachers in school, but still used the same "shy" thing at home.

It is a phase, for sure, but it will continue to escalate unless you show her how to cope. I remember my daughter at about this age got that way with men. It didn't matter who(except dad and 1 grandpa)---if they looked at her or spoke to her, she crumpled in tears. I would hold her and her blanky, which she pulled over her face for a long time, and she'd get over that one. After quite a few times, she started taking less and less time to compose herself and want down. It doesn't have to make sense to us, but you don't want it to dictate your activities, so you can help her learn to soothe herself. If she's fine in her room, that's acceptable. If she walks into the living room and cries because company's still there, that's not acceptable.(Back to her room) If she doesn't want to look at someone or see them, she can cover her face and mommy will protect her. That's acceptable. Crying to make mommy leave the room or the party, not acceptable. This is about teaching her to manage her anxiety. She doesn't need daycare until 3-4 for social skills.

I would mention this to your pediatritian. The reason I say this is because my niece was the same way and she actually had a Shyness disorder. She would not talk to me look at me or my husband she would only talk to her mom dady and brother and g-ma. That is it.

Good luck I would not push her too hard but keep doing what you are doing. Keeping her exposed, but allowing her alone time if she insists.

Hello, I wouldn't force her to accept other people. I worried about our oldest grandson when he was young. He was way too friendly. I worried that if I turned my back when I was watching him, he would just walk away with a stranger. Our young granddaughter is also very friendly. She has Down's Syndrome and wants to hug and kiss everyone. She is just two and very small and very cute. People just love that she does this, but it worries me. We watch her very carefully (as with all of the grandchildren), but still it is a worry.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

My daughter was the exact same way. Up until she was about three it was very stressful for her to have people pay attention to her. I spent many a family gathering with her in my arms "sleeping". Eventually I would let her go play by herself, but I did always greet everyone and at least ask her to do the same (she more than often did not, but I thought at least she's being taught that these people care that she's there and that we say hi to people). I agree with the woman who says that the more the adult pushes, the more stressful it is for the child. It's not personal, though some people may take it that way. Be there for her, comfort her, and just know it is a phase. Forcing her into stressful situations will not help, but gently helping her see the fun she may be missing or facilitating conversation between her and others will help her gain confidence. My daughter is four now and I can not believe how gregarious and social she is.