2 Yr Old Who Won't Listen

re: spanking
It's simple logic to understand that you don't hit a child to teach them not to hit.
That said, I know it doesn't work, because I tried it. And then stopped when I saw it was useless and was just a way to exert power (not love).

If you are considering spanking, read this site first:
http://www.nospank.net/main.htm

Hi A.,

Ah, the terrible twos! It's the age where kids start testing the waters with limits, start learning to express themselves in fun ways like tantrums, really keeping Mom and Dad on their toes! Sounds like your daughter may have hit that mark in her life. It's a tough age to start with...and then adding a new little precious one, makes it even harder on Mom.

There's 23 months between my first two kids. My daughter,the oldest, didn't want to listen, definitely wanted to insert her independence. When I had my son just two weeks before her second birthday,she was not too thrilled. Because now she wasn't the center of attention any longer. It took a period of adjustment for her to get use to the shift in dynamics. What helped smooth the way is going out of my way to include her with things and the baby. I would ask her to "help" in small ways. I would talk to her about what it's like having a new baby in the house, talk about what is was like when she was a baby. Those kinds of things. But most important, I would see to it that she would have some one on one time with either Mommy or Daddy. Giving her that little bit of extra attention occasionally really helped her feel more secure. It let her know that our feelings/love didn't change for her just because their was another person in the house. What may help with nursing...try reading to your two year old while nursing her sister. Or even pretend play with her. I used to pretend to play house with my daughter while I nursed my son. I would get her little kitchen and play household items out and then let my imagination do the rest. It helped keep her entertained while I are trying to nurse. Plus, you may find you'll be less stressed because you're not worrying about what she's doing. It's the killing two birds with one stone kinda thing. Hope that helps a little! Best of Luck! Enjoy the time with your girls!

I hope I can give you some advice. I have 3 children 9,6, and 2. My 2 year old son does some of the same things. I watch my 9 month old nephew every day and sometimes he would get jealous and hit him. I got him to help with the baby and that took away some of the jealousy. I would have him get me a diaper, the binky,blankets just little things I needed and that was giving him attention at the same time as the baby. And with the toy picking up you are doing the right thing but keep the toys away longer. My son was a premi and he has a nurse that comes every couple of months to check up on him. She gave me the suggestion when he wont listen or throws a tantrum to put him in his room and tell him when he has "control" he can come out. TO make sure you use the word control and it has been helping. SO everytime they are bad you put them in the room tell them to get Control and then they can come out. I hope this helped. Good luck.

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Hi A.,

I had a similar problem with my 2 year old too. She would say things like "no give Alex the boob" and act out. Don't give up on breastfeeding just because of the acting out. It would matter if it is a bottle or the boob..the point is the baby is getting your undivided attention. You may want to tell you daughter to pick out a special book to read or toy to play with that you can do after you feed the baby(pick the toy out while your feeding). If she doesn't behave while you are feeding the baby then you dont play the game as long. I would still play alittle bit and keep reminding her that this is your special big girl time together. Tell her that babies need alot of attetion and love even from their big sisters. This may help her understand a little bit more and make her feel more apart of the whole thing. Plus the private time together will help her with the jealousy she is feeling. She suddenly has to share you with someone else.

Good Luck!

Hey A.
I wish i could be of more help to you because i am sorta going through the same thing with my duaghter. My best advice would be not to give her any negative attention when she acts up. Take her and put her in time out or on the couch or her room, ect. But do not let her see you get upset or yell because if you do than she is still getting attention. I am interested in seeing what everyone else has to say. Good luck.

Sounds like she's craving your attention. BTW- my 4 yo still doesn't pick up well. Give her lots of attention for doing well-- maybe ask her to pick up 3 thinkgs then praise her. Ignore borderline behavior and send her to a quiet place to rethink bad choices like hitting. This is a hard time for her too. About breastfeeding with an older child- you can make it a special quiet time by reading a book to her or even turning on some special music you can sing together- this can be relaxing for everyone. I know its a hard time, but things get easier.

Maybe use special music for clean-up, like Bear in the Big Blue House's "Come on everybody let's clean up the house, let's go!" Set a timer and make it a game. Maybe you can even wave a pompom at her. How do you organize her toys? Are they in bins? Maybe limit her to one bin at a time. Also check out flylady.net for free suggestions on flying with kids.

take them away longer for a week do it every day and the less and less toys she has should turn that around it worked for my son and use a trash bag like your going to threw them away or give them to some other little girl that would like to take care of them if this sounds hearsh i am so sorry but that what got my son to pick up his toys as for the way she acts towards her little sister i can't help there i only have one child

I think first, I would need to know where you stand on spanking, time outs, etc.
In our house, 2 is the age we start spanking. Nothing painful mind you, just a reminder that we are in charge.
I can tell you, it sometimes depends on what your child's personality is like. And that no matter what, consistency is the key. This is the age where they are learning, and testing, their limits and pushing for independence.
K.

Its hard for kids to cope with a new baby in the house my son when my daughter was born refused to eat a single meal best thing to do is if she dosent pick up her toys when you take them away wait a month before getting them back store them in the attic or someplace she dosent go in so she dosent see them what I did was I put everything in a big garbage bag and actually threw it in the trash can and told the kids the garbage man would be picking it up on trash collection then after they would go to bed after they fell asleep so they wouldnt here the door open I would go out and put the bags in the storage shed then a few weeks later they would get them back very the time that you give them back eventually she will fuss about picking up but she will do it I have actually left some toys in the trash and they were picked up on collection day but I would not recomend doing this unless you can afford new stuff or needed to get rid of some old stuff another good idea is to go threw the toys once every couple of months and get rid of broken or unused toys or put the unused ones in storage for the baby she may be morning the lose of your attentions and this is why she has become abusive towards the baby try to include her in as much as possible when it comes to the baby get her to get the diapers or throw the messy ones out since your breast feeding find somethng your daughter can do with you while your doing that so she dosent feel left out read a storie sit and whatch catoons sing songs or find a craft activity that she only gets to do when you feed the baby like choclate syrup finger painting you can also use ice cream toppings and sprinkles and such. good luck

I only have one child but I am a behavioral specialist for my second job. Great suggestions were already given. One thing I would add is look into Magic 1-2-3; some also call it 1-2-3 Magic. It worked for my son at 18 months for compliance issues. It works for the children with autism that I teach and numerous clients that I work in their homes.
I love some of the ideas about the dealing with a younger sister. I am not sure it was mentioned but one thing I tell my parents with children with autism and siblings is to make sure that sibling gets quality time alone and uninterrupted. Easier said then done I am sure!! But it may make a huge difference. Being a behavioral specialist I am also in huge favor of positive reinforcement- make sure to say something when you see your 2 yr old doing something positive and ignore any attention seeking behavior as long as nobody is in any danger. If anyone is then just remove the child from the environment without saying anything- therefore given as little attention as possible. I could go on and on... Sorry. I will stop now. :)

I got my daughter a baby doll to play with and treat it like its the new baby (who's on its way!). I also got her a matching sling to carry her new baby in so that when I wear mine with the new baby she feels like she's doing something too.

Children get upset when change comes into the house and a new baby is a big change. You're probably not spending as much time with her as you used to and she feels neglected. Take time out the day to do special mommy and big girl things with her. I know its hard becuase you're tired but that would help. Also let her help you with the baby. If you're changing a diaper, let her open the diaper or hand you the wipes and praise her for being such a big girl. Maybe the reason she hits the baby while you're nursing is becuase she feels left out. Try to find a way to include her in that or make it habit that when you are doing that she is occupied with some other project like reading a book.

As for the cleaninging thing, two year olds are pretty hit or miss when it comes to picking up. Are you expecting her to do it all by herself? Becuase that's a little unrealistic. You should help and remember to praise her when she does well.

Also give her lots of options during the day so she feels like she has some control and she'll be less likly to lash out.