Dear Mommas,
I have a tough question: Our 2 YO LO does not like spending time with his daddy unless I am there. He is so happy to spend time with one of his two sitters, to the point that he waves bye bye to me when they come :) So I know it is not that he cannot attach to another caregiver.
I have my hunches:
1. My husband has issues with mood and anger control. When he is angry or in a bad mood, we all know it. It is more controlled, but he can walk around brooding and then put on a smile just for our son.
2. When he does spend time, he often does things even tho my son says "no." If he starts to kiss or tickle, my son says no, but my husband continues. I have explained to him that our son needs to know if he says no, that we need to respect it, and to respect his growing independence. He agreed with me, but went back to doing what he wants.
3. When my husband does go to the park or play with our son, , he is almost always with a phone in hand....
OK> MOmmas. Your advice. Truthful. HOnest. I want my son to have a good relationship with his daddy.
*** Addendum: I have tried to talk gently about my above "hunches" with my husband...it has not helped. Thus, I am also sad, as I do not know what is best for my family, for me, for our son....
I STRONGLY agree with the point you made in number 2. How would your husband like it if someone wouldn't stop tickling him if he asked? Your husband is bigger and stronger and that is almost an abusive type thing. It also doesn't allow your son to trust him. Stop should mean stop. Keep on him about that.
Bravo to you for noticing this relationship strain and trying to fix it. I hope you are able to get to the bottom of it.
It sounds like daddy's play style doesn't match his son's! The phone in the park thing doesn't sound like fun at all for a little one.
Spend time playing as a family so that you can model what your son enjoys. Invite daddy to join you in something that you know your son will love. If they get started, then fade back. Grab a magazine and move a little away so they can play together.
As for the mood issue- when he's calm... address it directly with your husband. Let him know that you think that your son may be picking-up on his frustration.
I feel for you... I couldn't imagine that situations since my 2.5yr old adores his daddy. My only suggestion... is to start slow. Be in the room when he watches/plays with him, then be out of the room, then downstairs/upstairs, then out of the house. Maybe the ease in transition will be easier for both of them. Also - discuss this with your husband and your 'hunches'. Does he realize his little boy doesn't really like to spend time with him?? Maybe if it sinks in... he will put more of an effort in to 'making it work' and start developing that special bond between son and father. Good luck and I hope the best for you and your family.
he's forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do...that alone would be enough to make me turn the other cheek, maybe give your son permission to say DADDY! STOP! so that dad knows he's serious, not necessarily screaming, but louder, sterner more serious voice. as far as park, maybe tell husband that he needs to leave his phone home or turn it off and leave it off...so he can give son undivided attn
My 9 year old daughter doesn't like to spend time witih her daddy because of him being grumpy, trying to force her to hug him, and tickling her and teasing her(both of which she hates). Also, he spends time on the computer and watching football telling us to be quiet. He feels he doesn't get to spend fun time with her, but when we go places he doesn't join us.
It is heartbreaking and he is working on changing with the help of a counselor with over 30 years experience. Don't let it get this bad. Make him listen to you now.
My husband used to do that to our daughters. It had to do with his upbringing and lack of maturity at the time. You need to take your son out of the situation and then go back and tell your husband "the child said NO". Your patience will be tried, to be sure, but it works. Another idea, find out from the child WHY he doesn't like spending time alone with daddy. Might be time for counseling. A good relationship comes from the maturity of the dad and his respecting his child as well as loving him. If he can't do both, I'm sorry, it's either counseling or out of the picture when you aren't there to monitor the situation.
Good Luck.
