2 Year Old with Anger for No Reason

Was this the first day this happened or has it been going on awhile? This may be something to consider. Has something changed at the daycare? It sounds like you're doing the right thing - a 'time out' kind of consequence with an apology. Does he have other kids his age at the daycare? Are there enough toys and activities or could he be acting out of boredom?
I am a director of a center based child care and a new mom myself. Feel free to e-mail me ____@____.com LUCK!

H., these are typical 2 year old behaivors, he is testing the waters, trying to see what he can get away with. At every stage of a child's life there are new challenges and most of them are the child acting out to see how far he/she can go and not get punished. You, as the mom needs to be VERY consistent when he does do something wrong and talk to your daycare provider and be on the same page, make sure you are both using the same method of discipline or your son will become confused. Most daycare providers will be very consistent with discipline because its hard to run a daycare with all the kids or even one going crazy, but this will help as long as you do it too. Don't worry about him acting out also when you pick him up from daycare, kids do this ALL the time here at my daycare. My rule is that if the parent is present they may take care of the discipline if the parents don't then I will, I will not let a child get away with doing something just because his/her parents are present. If this continues it may even be easier for you and the provider to have you step out while your son does time out. I would love to say you shouldn't worry about your son getting "kicked out" of daycare, because if you do have a truly good daycare provider she will know that this behavoir is normal and will pass. I hope this helps a little to put your mind at ease. Good luck, Staying consistent is the key, I swear!!! :)

First off Welcome to Mamasource H., I'm sure you will love it here.

I have a soon to be 2yr old as well (I also have a older child). I think what you described about your son is completely normal behavior. I would ask you, how long has be been in daycare? If it is a short time, maybe he is still adjusting. Also, How much does he speak? My daughter can say a zillion words, yet she cant put together words to say what she wants or what she is feeling. He may just be going through a frustration of being with other kids all day and maybe wanting to speak and feeling like he isnt heard or should I say understood. My children have stayed home with me, and I have experienced all kinds of behavior from them. All I can say is find a method of discipline that works for him, and you and the daycare. I think at 2yr old they dont understand time outs just yet, nor do they understand to stay put in a chair. I usually use a firm voice and look them in the eye and say "No throwing the drum", "NO hitting" and so on..... The only other thing I wonder, with a new baby on the way, could he possibly be acting out over that? Does he understand about the new baby coming?.... These are just my thoughts... Welcome to the world of terrible two's ....... three's are a challenge as well..... Best of Luck to you and Congrats a little early on your new baby!!

My only advice is my experience with my two year son. He has the same behaviors. I made a request to a Birth to 3 Program and found that his speech is abit delayed and he gets easily frustrated which causes him to act out. He is unable to say how he feels, so he acts out. Maybe your son didn't want to leave, or was trying to tell you something else. We now have a speech therapist to increase his speech and decrease his behavior.
Maybe something you could look into.
Good luck....

My two year old son has been acting out in a similar way. I think sometimes it's from being tired,tired of the situation, just being excited or also from a lack of full language development. I think sometimes children's thoughts get ahead of their language and it can be frustrating. I try to just remove my son from the destructive situation and find something else to focus on. Or have your child look at you in your eyes,slow down and try to explain what he's feeling. Hope this helps

Hi H.
I am a private daycare provider and I have children who always act up when their Mom and Dad come to pick them up. I try to remind the children about my rules in daycare, which is, no throwing of toys or anything for that matter. I also display sticker charts for each child and reward them according to what each child may have a problem with. Also M&Ms help quite a lot. I will tell the child if you do not give Mom or Dad any trouble when they pick you up you will get to have an M&M. This was a suggestion from one of my daycare parents and it seems to work great and it's just 1 M&M. The two year olds get very fustrated and don't always know how to express themselves. I'm sure if you talk to your provider that maybe the two of you might come up with something that works. Kids love their stickers and at the end of the month they get to bring their sticker charts home. I hope this helps.

Good Luck
C. M.

I noticed a marked change in behavior in my (then) 2 year old as the birth of his sister approached. We avoid feeding him refined sugar, or anything artificial, and water down his juice. Sugar and little boys are a bad mix. We have strict rules about hitting and throwing things-- one admonishment and warning of consequences "It hurts me/us when you hit/push me/Daddy/your sister. If you do it again, you will lose a toy until tomorrow. You must try harder to use your words." If he does it again, we take a toy away until the next day. Does he still act out sometimes? Of course he does, but we rarely get tantrums because he isn't sugared-up, and because he sees us as calm, consistent people whom he is comfortable sharing his feelings with. The hardest part is not being hurt by (or laughing out loud at) what he says when he is asked to express his feelings in words. It turns out he is pretty jealous of the new baby, and according to him "very disappointed" with us! We remain pleased with him (mostly) anyway. Whatever you decide to do, do it calmly and do it every time. Good luck!

Is he new to the day care or is there a new teacher? Has there been any recent changes for him? This is typical behavior for a two year old. The only thing I suggest is for the day care provider to be consistent with him. Also if they kick him out, it would be ridiculous. I'm sure they have dealt with this sort of behavior many times before and really doubt he's the only one "acting" up. I'm a toddler teacher myself and deal with this kind of stuff all the time and would never kick a child out because of it. I hope this helps.

Hi H.,
I have 4 children. Sometimes children have underlying unresolved anger that reflects in other areas. They just need to feel more loved and understood. Make sure you sit with him every night at bedtime and read to him. Make him feel important. Let him comment on what you have read. Then ask him what he liked best...either in the story or that day in daycare. Even at 2 yrs. old he will communicate to you. Make a vow to do this every day and don't stop when he gets to be a teenager. It becomes even more important. You will have other things to do, (like laundry, etc...) but put them off. You will wreak the benefits later in life.
Good Luck!!!
Sue G.

We had the same with our daughter who is 21 months. We tok any food with coloring in it Ex: colored goldfish also any fod with added surger. She has natural suger and she has stopped. it took time for it to leave her systam but it is a much better child at this point. Hope this helped
C. & Adeline ^i^

My thoughts seem to be the same as Kim T's.

New enviroments can influence their behavior both positively and negatively. Even if he has been in this day care for a long time, there could be a new child or baby "taking" up more attention and he is just reacting to it. Doesnt mean he is bad just that he cant express his feelings in a more appropriate manner. He will learn, they all do.

Also, he may be reacting to the changes at home. Although at his age - he probably doesnt quite understand everything that is going on .... but he is seeing the new crib, furniture toys, etc that are around now.

Given time and patience - I am sure it will be just a phase and he too will grow out of it. He will adjust as long as you work with him and show him how (Please remind me of this when my daughter turns 2! LOL).

PS Congrats on the new addition!

Hi H. - Sorry to say, but I'll bet a lot has to do with his age... You will find a power play from him every two years - that's what growing up is all about.

As far as his daycare - you may have to change it yourself if his teacher can't take control and keep it. DO NOT usurp her position as the authority on her turf. Instead, leave the room.

You can even tell him that you are leaving until his time out is over. And time out means SITTING QUIETLY, not screaming, yelling or jumping around. (At home too - be consistent.)

This is you first chance to show him who is boss... That he has the ability to make choices, but there are consequences for every one.

Sorry to add to the litany, but you have just discovered what parenting is all about!

Good luck. If this is handled right, it won't last forever! (Though if it isn't, it may!)

What did he eat that day?

I suspect that it has a lot to do with a new baby coming very soon. I'd continue to give him lots of love and attention, and when the baby comes I'd give him a present "from" the baby. Read him stories about becoming a big brother. Some hospitals offer a class for kids who are about to become siblings for the first time. He's very little still, so the changes will be hard for him to understand but he'll probably settle down when he sees that you love him just as much. Also, the daycare provider may have some ideas -- she or he has surely seen this type of behavior change before.

Hi H.!
My daughter is 2 and 3months. I know you are tired of people telling you he is a boy and he is only 2, but truth is this is VERY normal behavior. I'm going through the same thing with my girl. She loved to throw things, hit and now she is into kicking. She is not in daycare, but goes to her cousins house one day a week when I work. (He is an awesome and very active 3 and 1/2 yr old).
Kids at this age are testing the waters (i'm sure you have heard many of times) and you as a parent need to find the best disapline and stick with it. Every time my daughter is about to throw something inside or at anyone I find myself saying, "Remember we can only throw balloons inside, but we can throw balls outside!" She went through a time where she wanted to throw everything. It got to a point that I had to tell her over and over again if she can't play with her toys nicely then they are going to be taken away for a day. Let me tell you that my fire mantle was piled high with toys for about 2 days and she got over it.
The same with the kicking and hitting. If I'm about to catch her going to kick me (she thinks it's a game and fun), I let her no in a firm voice that kicking hurts, you don't want to hurt mommy or anyone and if you do kick me, you are going to time out for 2 minutes. I've said this right from the start and she now knows better and will stop. Don't get me wrong - 1 out of 20 she will still kick and then go to time out, but it's all about being consistant.
I'm sure you boy wont get kicked out of daycare and it is startling to see your loving baby throw something at another child, but hang in there. You must be a great parent and he is just wanting to see your reaction.
Good luck!

Hi H.,

You might be tired of hearing it, but it sound like he's just being two. Some kids just express their emotions by throwing things. This doesn't mean that when he's 16 he'll be throwing desks at school. It sounds like he's just testing his boundaries - and he'll do it often. I have two boys (ages 8 and 7).

What I've done, is very firmly say "NO!" and just re-direct his attention elsewhere. I don't think time out works that young, at least it didn't for me.

Another thing that works for me, but yours might be too young still, is counting - "1,2,3" and if you get to 3, you either take away a favorite toy for a period of time. You could introduce time out now - I do think it's a useful tool, but I think 2 is too young for it.

Good luck to you and don't sweat it!!

Hi H.-
I'd guess that he is angry because he is 2---not a lot of control over his environment, lots of limitations verbally, etc. Probably the only thing you and his daycare provider can do is respond compassionately and consistently. Easier said than done, I know. At our day care, they do not use time-out at all; they reserve (and encourage) that for home. They do use some practice---some sort of conflict resolution for young ones. They do not tolerate ill-behavior but they make sure that the kid knows that he could have hurt someone, they help the child verbalize the emotion, help them name the emotion---are you feeling frustrated? angry? Then they have them make a plan---what can I do to calm down? feel better? They teach them deep breathing, etc. This is a process that they continue through nursery school. It is way easier for them to do this as they are profesionals and it is not their child (not as much emotional attachment). There is a great handbook--I'll write back with the title,--can't remember it right now-- that I borrowed from the day care so that I could model this at home (very hard to do with a volatile, dramatic 3 yr old gal and we still use time outs at home). Processing emotions and dealing with behavior is a big thing for toddlers. Good luck supporting your son through it!