2 Year Old Whining and Screaming

Two years old think they are the center of the universe, so yes I do think he's jealous of his new sibling and has no other way to tell you. What you need to do is be consistent with him when he acts out inappropriately. When he whines, tell him you cannot understand him and they he should use his words or show you what he wants of you. If he continues to whine, tell him you do not like it and that if he continues, he will have to play in his room until he can tell or show you what he needs. Tell him you know it's hard for him to share you with the baby, but because he is a big boy now, the baby needs you to help it grow and that you need his help also with the baby. Give him little helpful chores to do - get a toy, pacifier, rag, diaper...whatever. Tantrums - he goes immediately to his room or time-out area and you tell him when he can calm down and tell or show you what he beeds, he can come out. Ignore his screaming while you are in his presence - give him no attention - even negative attention will feed his tantrum. The important thing is to be consistent with this for a week or more and you should see a change. Blessings!

K.,
You have already received some great advice. I would only like to add two things. Labelling screams the outside voice and not parenting in a mirror.
I care for a 23 month old from time to time and she is identical to your son in her behavior and while her vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds, sometimes, I have no idea what she wants. When I don't figure it out........the voice starts and could shatter glass. And sometimes she screams because she can. That is when she gets put outside. "That is an outside voice you can scream here. Tell me when you are finished and we can go back in".
You will definitely have to pick him up and carry him out.
That ended the screaming for that day.
The other thing is to ignore the strangers. You will most likely never see them again. the son is yours forever. I don't know why that is easy for us grandmas to do and so hard for the young moms, but I will be dealing with her screams tomorrow and I will not be raising her in a mirror worrying about "what the neighbors think". She will catch on to that and make my life a living hell. The last time I removed her from a place, it was a library where I had taken her with her older siblings. She was shocked to find herself outside so fast, but it ended the screams for that day for which I am sure the patrons were grateful. We have all been there.
My SIL had that fear of "what will people think" when travelling with her son and it really handicapped her and lengthened his learning curve so you need to decide what is appropriate for his age and enforce it consistently. You may have to just frequent places where you and he know what to expect and where he can handle the frustration. Dad may need to do the shopping for awhile as grocery stores are hardest for kids to handle.
The extra time "big boy" time is also very important. Remind him of all the things he can do and have (ice cream) that the baby can't. Also, catch him doing something right and praise, praise, praise.
This too will pass.
K.

Children this age usually become very frustrated because they cannot express what they fell or need. You need to watch and then help him find the words for his feelings and the things he needs. "You seem frustrated." "you seem disappointed." "You seem confused." "Do you need a hug." "Do you need one of my minutes?" "Did you want to tell me something". "I know you wanted to play a little longer, how about 5 more minutes?" "We are leaving in 10 minutes. Play for a few more minutes and then get ready to leave."

Kids like to feel like they are in control. They need a moment, just like the rest of us to get their act together for the next event. Keep him involved and informed. Give him simple choices. Do you want to wear your red or blue shirt? Do you think baby brother should where this hat or this cap? Milk or juice? Cheerios or toast?

With both of these behaviors you will need to be very consistent. Even a 2 year old can see a weakness in a parent. The other thing is tackle one behavior at a time.
I know it seems easier to knock them both out at the same time, but he is still just 2 so he really can only change one bad habit at a time with success.

The whining is so frustrating. The best way to handle this one is to say "I can not hear a whining voice." "Speak with your regular voice." "I will not answer to a whining voice." "Go to your room till you can find your regular voice".. When all else fails.. Use these responses in his same whining tone.. he will see how silly it is and will stop.. He will not want his mom speaking in a whiny voice.

The tantrums.. ignore him when he is having a tantrum. Go to another room. Or place him in time out. Time out needs to be a chair placed in a boring place with nothing around him for entertainment or within reach. It can be in a hallway. 1 minute per year. Time begins when he stops crying. If he gets out of his chair, place him back in the chair and start over. If you are out in public, he can be placed in timeout on the ground right next to your feet. Tell him to calm himself down until you tell him he can get up. If it is really bad, pick him up and leave. Tell him, "we are leaving because YOU are having a tantrum". And then really leave. Every time.

Hang in there.. And do not pull out your hair...

your answer is correct, you need to give him some one on one time. I know that will be hard to do with a second child also, but possible, been there. Have husband do something special at least one to two times a week, movie night at home, with snacks. Out to eat, etc. even if just for a few hours. He will know that he is still important. You do the same for him. With the one on one time. It works. This is one of the things that both of my children remember most with us, and talk about now.

Hello K.,

I'm going through the same thing with my 2 1/2 yr old. Screaming at the top of his lungs when he does not get his way. I let him know that I don't want to hear him whining and tell him to go to his room if he's going to keep whining. The best thing that works for me are time outs. I explain to him that when he stops screaming or whining then he can come out of his time out, but not until then. Then when he stops, I give him a hug and tell him that I love him and that we don't like to hear screaming or whining. I tell him he's a big boy and he should not be doing that. Of course the walking away and ignoring works at times also, but you have a 5 month old to consider also.

I think it's a phase that kids go through just like all the other stages of life. We just have to be patient/understanding. Keep praying about it all.

God Bless,
E.

He may not have the words to communicate his frustrations, and/or he may be sleepy or hungry. Two is a frustrating age for both of you...more snacks? More quiet time? Hold him in your lap while little guy is asleep & read...good luck!

There could be many different reasons which you'll have to figure out, so hopefully the ideas in the responses can help a little bit. At least you'll know that we're rooting for you and understand how upsetting it can be! And how a mere 20 minutes can sometimes make you feel like you're losing your mind, but you're really not! It's hard! You need to figure out what the causes are for the behavior. Make yourself write down a quick journal kept up on the fridge so you remember to do it if you don't know exactly why his behavior is challenging (it sounds like you don't know what to do, so I'd say if you can figure out the cause then you'll much more easily learn what to do): Write down what he eats and when. Write down behavior issues and when. Is the link food/low blood sugar level (hunger)/high sugar reaction? Just an idea. You can do ajournal for anything and it might help you to figure out what the cause is if you see it on front of you in paper. The cause could be attention (maybe you're spending too much time online?) because toddlers really, really need a lot of facetime with you, especially because he's capable of doing a ton more things than he used to do. The cause could be too much t.v. viewing (it effects everyone, and small kids especially). Cause could be related to health issues you don't know about (I'm not one to believe in worst-case scenarios because they're very rare, but several people I know had kids whose behaviors changed after some hardcore shots at 18 mos. and the only way the kids could release was by screaming, so just pay attention if his verbalization decreases; this is rare so don't worry about it, just pay attention so if you need to get an eval. you can do it early). Or the cause could just be needing to adjust parenting discipline skills to a "big boy" if he's using screaming to get his way (I like James Dobson's books). It sounds like a very typical behavior for a child that age who's unhappy, but I know you can figure out what the cause is and help him to feel happy and empowered. While you're figuring things out, constantly engage him in being Mommy's Helper and that might be all he needs to feel good again. Best wishes!

i cant wait to see the answers cause i have a 2 1/2 year old girl that has meltdowns and would love to see what other moms say.her favorite word is NO

My 2 1/2 year old son sometimes whines about who-knows-what and occasionally will have a melt down. I always try to redirect him to do something else. It usually works for me. When it doesn't, I let him have his moment, then I will soothe him by picking him up and embracing him in a hug with soothing words. Then it is easier for me to redirect him to another fun activity. I know this doesn't work for all kids, but thank goodness, it has worked for us (so far!).

I have a 2 yr old girl. She is the same way. It has gotten better, but I am mortified everytime we go out to eat! She is VERY loud when she has her meltdowns. =} My son wasn't like this. I am learning to ignore the fits & laying in the floor. Sending her to her room seems to help also. I do tell her to stop crying or whining & use your words to tell me what you want. Of course this doesn't help when I have to tell her to no about something. I find the most difficult thing is when strangers make some rude comment about her behavior. I have exchanged words on more than one occassion.
Anyway, I know I am not much help...just letting you know it does get better, if you are consistant & that you are not alone! Somedays when my hubby gets home I am the one in tears! LOL

Because of the age difference it is very possible your 2yo is jealous of the time mom spends with the baby. You might want to think about finding some time to spend with just the 2yo - make a special "date" for Mom and Son.

Can you leave the baby with a sitter, neighbor or in a MDO program for a few hours a week? Spend the afternoon having lunch someplace, go to the park, the library, etc. with your 2yo.

If you explain to him about your special time together and stick to it, I would bet you will start to see a change in his behavior.