2 Questions

I liked my sling but it was hot in the summer, but with your fall baby that should be fine. I liked my Moby wrap. Btw I don't know anyone who has skipped doing the infant carrier! It might be tough.

Lindsey, Best wishes on the upcoming birth of your baby. Regarding your first question, I would strongly encourage you to find a trusted caretaker for your daughter prior to your delivery. I've had 2 children and I can tell you labor and delivery is difficult enough without worrying about the care and safety of your children. What usually happens when a couple has no one else to care for older siblings is that the father will care for the children in the waiting areas and the mother goes through labor with only the support of nursing staff. Young children have a very difficult time seeing a parent in pain and a very poor concept of time (therefore the labor/delivery may seem like forever to them and can be pretty traumatic). Stress and worry about your other child may actually make your labor longer because you are unable to relax and let your body do it's work. Please consider flying a family or friend to your home near your due date if no one else is available to care for your child in the area where you live.
As for your second question, having a sling/wrap may be very comfortable for you (I love them!), but your husband will likely find them a bother and just not quite manly enough. My husband loves to wear the Baby Bjorn, wouldn't wear a sling. If you have a Baby Bjorn carrier and your husband is willing, a convertible carseat might be the way to go. Otherwise, I'd stick with the infant carrier and base. It is bulky, but pretty convenient especially when you have an older child to look after. Every extra step getting in and out of the car matters when you have more than one child. R., certified nurse-miwife mom of 2. SAHM since 2005.

OK, truth be told I have no advice for your first request. Just a side note though, my brother was about a year old when my neice was born and he was present during most of the labor. My sister had a natural birth, but nothing seemed to concern him too much. He did leave before the birth, but seemed to do fine with what he did see. (As you might have discerned, there is quite a large age gap between myself and my brother)
As far as the second, we ditched the carrier after we had our first child and used a snuggly for our second almost exclusively. My husband, once he knew how to put it on, preferred it to carrying around the car seat thing. It made trips into the store a lot easier and my son would transfer really well from his car seat to the snuggly during naps. I always wanted to try the sling, but the snuggly was a gift, so what do you do.

Do you really want your daughter in the delivery room? If not, I suggest she not be there. It sounded like you are a bit apprehensive about it, that's why I ask. You should have a nanny service in your area where the nannies are certified and background checked. Lots of nanny services have emergency nannies. Ours in Tucson cost $9/hour for regular and I think $11/hour for emergencies. That was for 2 kids.
Also, with the car seat, it depends how often you will be in the car and needing to take baby out. I don't go too many places with 3 kids, but I'll tell you this: I would hate to have to take baby out and put him in a sling! Especially when he's asleep. I don't want to interrupt that. If it is a money issue, you can buy really good used car seats for next to nothing. In fact, I have an infant car seat that I can give you for free. If you have a way of getting it or paying for shipping, you are more than welcome to have it. Just write me! :)

I am curious about your first question, as I am looking for some answers along these lines myself. I am delivering my 2nd in Flagstaff, and was just told my 3 yr. old will be restricted to the first floor due to swine flu restrictions. I am pretty upset that he will not be able to even meet his new brother until we leave the hospital!! Trying to go with the flow, accept, and know we and all will be fine, I am thankful he will have family with him that he adores. But was wondering if you or anyone knows of any legal rights we may have in regards to the whole visitation/family thing? I am about 2 wks from the possibility of labor, best of luck to you & yours!

I have a love/hate relationship with those removeable infant car seats. Don't forget when they fall asleep in the car on the way to the grocery store, they can STAY asleep in the seat while you shop.

I have tried two slings this go around. The baby k'tan, which I loved for infant stage. I could even nurse in it! It says it goes to 40 pounds, but I thought he out grew it by 6 months. I have it for sale at a good used price if you're interested. $20. I bought it for $65.

I also bought the Ergo Baby. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It can be worn as a back pack, side pack or front pack. I have only used it as a front pack so far. It can't be used for the infant stage unless you buy the infant insert. Otherwise, they have to hold their head up. My baby is 14 mos and 24 pounds and I can see that we'll be able to use it for quite some time. It's unisex looking so if you can get YOUR husband to go somewhere with the baby and carry her in a sling, more power to you!
Look on craigslist or somewhere else used for your ergo baby.
Good luck,
B.

Check to see if there is childcare available at the hospital. I was in a similar situation to yours when I had my 4th. My kids have never been in daycare and we don't use a babysitter and I really didn't like the idea of hospital childcare, but I didn't have many options. Taking the 3 kids with me was a last resort. I made up backpacks for each of them with their personal information, a few snacks and a comfort toy for each of them just in case I had to go that route. For me it was either put them in the child care or have my husband miss the delivery to care for the kids. It would be too difficult for me to focus on the birth if I was worring about them being in the room. It all worked out in the end and a friend of mine stayed with them. My labor was only 3 1/2 hours from start to finish. My husband left and got the kids right after the delivery. Somehow things just all work out in the end.

The carseat is totally a personal choice, and partly the baby's choice too - the baby may or may not like the sling. The only downside to using the convertable and the sling is that moving the baby from one to the other may wake her. Lugging the carrier around is no fun, but at least they usually remain sleeping if they happen to dose off in the car.

I'd get involved with a church and find someone to help watch your daughter in case. I planned on natural birth for all my babies, but it wasn't meant to be. Had to have a C-section with the last one, very much an emergency so I would try to have a plan for everything.

As to the sling, I've used a sling for my last 2 children and really loved it. I've been seeing a lot of guys wearing them as well so hopefully it won't be a problem. The one thing I didn't like was that it stressed one shoulder. For my next baby, I want to try the podegi or a chunei, both are korean. They say that it is better for your shoulders and back and doesn't cut off baby's circulation like the snuggly. My friends recommend a Mei Tai, but haven't looked into that.

Lugging around a car seat can be tiresome, but I've found that at least I could put it in a cart. Lugging around a 20 lb baby while shopping long periods isn't much fun. But this is only my opinion.

With regards to your first question... I had natural childbirth with my #2 and #3 kids... NOT by choice. Your birthing process may be different, but with mine it would NOT have been good for my child/ren to be there. Even though I have quick births, with the blood and the screaming from me (I don't handle pain well) I know that my kids would have been very, very scared. Just as a PP suggested, I think it would do you well to go to a church or get involved with a moms group and make some friends. Besides, I bet your DD#1 would love to make some new friends! If we lived closer, I'd suggest we meet and let your 3 YO meet my 3YO DD (Apr 2006)... but you're WAY up there and that wouldn't help you when you go into labor in a few months!

And with regards to a sling, I had one with my #3 child and just couldn't figure it out well! LOL Everytime I used it, I couldn't get it tight enough or positioned correctly, I wish I had it with my #1 child, then maybe I would have been able to use it correctly! LOL My husband would not wear it. And truthfully, I preferred the infant carrier when my child was small enough to be in it. I especially liked that if my child was asleep, I wouldn't have to pick up the baby, I could just pick up the carrier. Unfortunately for me, all 3 of my kids outgrew the carrier by the time they were 3-4 months old... I have big babies! Even after they couldn't safely ride in the vehicle safely in the carrier, I still carried it in the back so I could use it at the store.
But an important thing to know about me/my lifestyle... I am out everyday... 6-7 days a week for about 6-8 hours a day, and I make many, many stops. So that means I would have to take the baby out A LOT... it's a lot of jostling and manuevering. Depending on your comfort level with the sling and your day activities, the sling may be perfect for you!

Good luck and congratulations on the upcoming birth of your newest daughter!

I see you already have lots of good responses, so I'll be brief. We had an infant seat with the carrier thing, but we very rarely removed the seat from the car. We just thought that car seats are for cars. We used a sling for our boy and sometimes a baby bjorn, but then he got heavy and I discovered the ergo. Best carrier ever for both parents. My husband loves the ergo also. We used slings and carriers so much that we have barely used the stroller we bought. We had to switch to a convertable pretty earlier (7-8 months) because our boy was so tall. It would probably be ok to start with the convertable. I think the Britax ones have some special insert (maybe) for infants.

Good luck!
C.

Lindsey,

We used the removable carrier for both though we had a larger carseat we could have used. It's so nice to be able to bring it in if your infant is sleeping rather than waking them. Also, in this summer heat, it's nice to not put them into a steaming hot carseat after you've been inside shopping for a while. Remember, in the summer, the inside of the car reaches well over 100 degrees within a few minutes of closing it...

As for slings...I've used Baby Bjorn, a ring sling and finally a wrap. I LOVE my wrap sling. It's the most versatile one I've found yet and I can wrap my baby so she's sitting up or I can snuggle her up like a little kangaroo so she can sleep. It's also the most comfortable for my back.

I found a great one on www.etsy.com at lilpeeperkeepers (good prices). It's gauze so it's perfect for summer. I also have a gypsy mama sling from www.wildflowerdiapers.com (store front in Scottsdale).

My husband was a little resistant at first to the sling but after he tried it, he loved how supportive it was for his back.

Congrats on your new baby! Get as much sleep as you can now!! :)

M.

About the carseat idea... I would strongly recommend getting the convertiable one and getting a sling. I loved the bigger carseat because money is tight and I didn't have to buy a second one. Be sure you pick a comfortable sling though, that can make or break your decision. It actually made me feel more comfortable and safe to have them in the sling. I think they liked it because after being in me for 10 months they enjoyed being close again. You can also use it when your cooking, walking around the house, to clam them down or what ever...they love it. I like the one where they can lay down.
Here are a few ideas that worked really well for me. When you go to a restraunt make sure you ask for a booth... bring some blankets and just lay the baby next to you. If you go shopping they usually have a basket that looks like it has a infant seat attached you can lay them in (I always brought something to go under my baby though). Any other time just lay them in the stroller. Keep in mind after just a few months (like 3) she will be able to hold her head up and then you can put her in a high chair, basket or whatever. Just make sure you being extra blankets to prop her up. I think they actually enjoy being able to see more. Good luck, you sound like a good mom to be considering all this.

My advice is for your sling question. I own several types of slings. I have stoppped using them for the summer out of fear of my daughter overheating. It's so hot outside, and then sticking her in heavy fabric next to my body is uncomfortable for both of us. The thought of standing out in a parking lot a few extra minutes to put her in a sling seems unbearable right now. Of course, most places are air conditioned, but it seems like a better choice to use the carrier until cooler weather hits.

In answer to your first question about having your kids in the room when you deliver... I'm not sure what hospital you are going to but I delivered at Scottsdale North at Scottsdale and Shea and they actually have a childcare service on the bottom floor of the hospital that is available to parents. I'd bet most hospitals have a similar program in place by now. I'm not sure about the times but it's worth checking into. Your kids could go down there and play until you deliver and then come up and visit the baby...trauma free!

Regarding your second question about using the sling...I used one for my last two kids and found them absolutely indespensible! My favorite has been the "Over the Shoulder Baby Holder". My husband even used it and loved it! It's wonderful because the baby is comfortably cuddled against you and you are completely hands free! I have even been walking around the mall shopping while my baby is nursing in the sling and not one person is the wiser! It is truly my absolute favorite baby-carrying contraption (and trust me, after four, I've tried about everything!). I've even used it to sling my toddlers on my back while walking around (up to 3yrs old!). It's one of the only baby-carriers I've ever found that can be used for newborns and older toddlers alike. It's also the easiest carrier to haul around with you...it can fold down to slip into your diaper bag!

A word of advice though, this is a baby item I would not recommend trying to learn on your own. You really need to have someone who's used one before show you the ropes. It's well worth the small amount of time it takes to get the "hang" of it! My advice would be to go to a local store that sells them and have a quick lesson. There's a great place on Gilbert and Southern called Baby Mother and More Breastfeeding Supplies and Accessories. The guy working there is EXCEPTIONALLY knowledgeable and can help you pick out a sling that will fit you and then show you how to use it.

Good luck!

If she is in there for the birth, be sure to explain everything to her so she will know what to expect. Reassure her... I like the idea of getting involved with a church or something and meet someone that way.... Good luck and Congratulations!!

For the car seat question:
I am a FTM, my daughter is almost 7 months. We bought a convertible car seat and love it. I drive a coupe so taking a car seat in and out was out of the question. My husband bought a sling for him and loved it until our daughter did not want to use it anymore (about 2 months). Then we moved her to a front pack and she is very happy to be there. I like the convenience of it, it makes you compact and you get the use of your hands. We have an eddie bauer carseat and the two front packs we use are Jeep - used from 8-15lbs - then we just got an ergo baby carrier that i LOVE.

Good luck with your second!

1) As an adult who was forced to be in the delivery room as a child & as a mother of 3, I would advise against having your daughter in the room. I say this because I was 8 and my sister was 3 when our mother had us in the delivery room during her 3rd natural childbirth. It was terrible!
While the experience may be beautiful for the parents it is scary for a child. Let your daughter see her sister when she's pretty and clean and mom is the same.

I would definitely speak to the hospital about childcare options.

2) Using a sling is definitely a personal preference. I never cared for them; very hot and uncomfortable. I have always liked Graco soft front carriers where the baby faces you. I never used it in the facing out stage though, seems rather impersonal to have a baby dangling from you with legs and arms flailing everywhere.

Lindsey,

I had a completely natural birth and was on pitocin (my daughter has spina bifida and I had to deliver early). My son (23 months at the time) was there for much of the laboring. He went home to take a nap and missed all the action, but I would have been ok with him being there. Conner is the kind of kid where you can explain stuff to him and he's fine with it. If you tell him what to expect, he does good. I would have had someone there for him if he was there, to watch him, but I think he would have been ok. He could have sat up by my head with my hubby and been fine. I was actually going to have a home birth, which people do all the time, and most of the time the kids are around. You could also have a doula so your husband can come and go with her and the doula can be there for you.

I use a wrap and love it. I've used it with both my kids. You can shop, play, etc... while your little one sleeps contently close to mom. I like the gypsymama. A stretchy wrap is great when they are itty bitty, but the gauze wraps are better when they are older. I have both and you are welcome to try them out. Just message me if you want. You can also buy used wraps at www.diapertraders.com and www.thebabywearer.com or even make one yourself http://wearyourbaby.com/Default.aspx?tabid=121. I have lots of different types of baby carriers, so feel free to ask me any questions you have.

Hi Lindsey-
I think whether you have your daughter in the delivery room with you is dependant on your daughter's personality. If she scares easily or would be so worried about yuo that she freaks out...maybe you should try to meet somebody and get to know a person you can trust (I know how hard that is). If your daughter is easy going and will understand that you may be in pain, but will be OK later....she should be fine. I hope you can figure out something that you will be comfortable with.

As for the sling....I had a SNUGGLIE and LOVED it. It was something that both my husband and I both used. I tried 3 different slings and have decided that they are smarter than me. I could not figure them out. I also used the infant carrier because my kiddos would wake up if we tried to move them. When they got a little bigger, I used the sugglie all the time.

Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out!

Our 2 sons were almost five and 3 1/2 when their sister was born and they were both present at her birth. I too had a natural birth, so I prepared them in advance, reading stories about birth and talking about what was going to happen; they both did really well and even got to help cut the cord. I had my mom there to take care of them so that my husband was able to just focus on helping me. I highly recommend having someone there to take care of her, you feel better and be able to focus on your job better. I know it's difficult being new and not having family nearby, I've experienced that. Our 4th was born 6 weeks after we moved to Phoenix, but my mom was able to fly in and be there to help with the other kids, we planned on her flying in a few days before my due date and staying for 2 weeks and hoping the baby would be born when she was there; I did have a back-up plan in case he came early or late. Maybe someone from your church could be there to help.
About the car seats, I found that the removable seat was too hard on my back and my kids grew out of it really quickly, so we bought a convertible seat that goes from 5 lbs to 40lbs. It worked really well and I would put the baby in the sling or the front carrier, there were less than 6 times that I wished I had the removable seat. My husband loves being able to sling the baby, we bought him his own sling that was bigger than mine and very comfortable and easy for him to use.
I hope this helps and if there is anything you'd like to talk about more please feel free to contact me.

I did not personally have one of my younger children in when I gave birth but my sister did when she had her daughter. I was also in the delivery room with them and her son seemed okay with things. She had a hard delivery and of course when it started getting rough we took him out but again we had other family there that was able to help. They do have tv's and games in delivery rooms now a days to help occupy smaller children so maybe it won't be as difficult as you think. If you plan on taking your younger child with you just make sure you let her know what is happening ahead of time and kind of prepare her for what to expect. She may be only 3 1/2 but I am sure she can grasp what is going on.

Your other question, I did not use a sling but I used the baby carrier where you strap on the same way but the baby is sitting up. For me it worked out real good. I had my children close in age and having to not carry aroung a carrier all the time helped tremendously. Your husband, he can try the sling or just carrying the baby but if he is not liking it then he can go thru the trouble of taking the carseat in and out or find another solution that fits him.

Check with your hospital and see if they offer any kind of "helper" (candy-striper?) who would be available for your daughter.

Hi Lindsey,

We were in the same situation when my second one was due in March. I did not want my 3 year old in the delivery room, period. I knew that she would be scared and even if she did not, she would need mine and my husband's attention all the time. So we just dropped her off with some friends of ours. She was a little upset, but did fine. My labor only lasted for a few hours, so she went home to sleep with her daddy the very same afternoon. And if my labor happened at night, it would have been even better. We would have invited a friend to stay over, and she would not even have noticed it.

As for a carsit and the sling. When my baby hit 1 month old, she did not want to sleep in a carsit when the car was not moving. But if I picked her up into a sling once we stop, she would drift back to sleep right away. So for me the combination of convertible/sling works pretty well. I use a regular BabyBjorn.

Jen.

Hi, there!

I am currently 34 weeks with our second, and our first just turned three. We are planning on having our son at our birth, with the full support of our midwife. Here is what we are doing:

- We have arranged for a caregiver for our son - someone whose full attention and time will be devoted to him. She will be playing with him, getting him food and drinks, making sure he's comfortable and taking him out if he's not, reassuring him, etc. This is our midwife's one requirement, and I think it's an awesome idea.

Since you don't know anyone in the area yet, I would suggest a student doula. They are usually free or inexpensive, and you could just explain what you wanted. If you contact any of the local doulas, they should be able to refer you to student doulas or give you advice or direction.

Another option would be to register with the Arizona Birth Network Yahoo! group and then ask if there is anyone who would like to volunteer to doula/babysit for you. There are lots of women there who I'm sure would love an opportunity to get birth experience and help out (and it's a great resource for you for information too!!).

- We are showing him tons of birth videos to get him ready. We watch them together and give lots of reassurance - i.e. "The mommy has to make lots of noise to get the baby out," and "Look, there's the new baby! Hurray!!" So he is totally used to natural birth scenes and also knows a bit about birth terminology (umbilical cord, placenta, etc.).

I really recommend the book/video set "I watched my brother being born" - it was tremendously helpful for our son.

Good luck!! Feel free to email me with any questions!!

D.

if you are a SAHM, join a local moms club (http://www.momsclub.org/links.html#Anchor--Arizo-8787) to find new friends for you and your daughter. I'm sure you will become great friends with someone by October who can watch your daughter while you are in labor.

Hey Lindsey! Congrats on baby number 2!
Is there any way that a family member could fly in, and be in charge of your daughter while in the hospital room?
That way you don't feel like you have to watch her whil you are trying to have a baby?!!?!
Or if the baby is born in the middle of the night I doubt your little one will be in a good mood about being woken up to go to the hospital. so I would make arangements to have a babysitter backup for October.
Tell me your area of town and I will find you a sitter!