My 2 1/2 year old daughter has decided she will not eat anything at daycare. She eats a good breakfast at home, skips lunch and snack time completely at school, then eats a good dinner at home. Her provider and I have tried everything from punishment, removal from the table, time-out, rewards at home if she ate at school, etc. The pediatrician suggested removing food from the equation: offer the lunch and snack to her and if she refuses, then remove the food from the table and allow her to sit alone in another part of the room until her friends have finished their food. We are not to make a big deal of it, keep it light, let her decide, etc. This also means she is not allowed anything else to eat throughout the day outside of mealtimes. If she is hungry, she has to learn to eat at meal times and can not graze throughout the day. She is not a picky eater, loves all veggies, fruits, and grains. Not a huge meat eater but neither am I. I only offer her healthy foods at home; no juice, candy, empty sugars and calories. Everything she eats counts toward a good diet. She has not lost weight, actually gained 2 pounds from the last pediatrician visit. Should I just brush this off as a "phase" she is going through? She is so head strong and I think she just wants control. Mealtime at school has been a fight with her since she turned 2, not eating at school started about 2 weeks ago. Any ideas you fabulous Moms? Thank you!
Thank you for all of your help! I appreciate it!
Definately take the pediatricians advice. Every child goes through these phases. It sounds like she is getting plenty to eat at home. This too shall pass.
J.
The first day of Head Start k's bread had butter on it, she cried and didn't eat food there for a couple of days. They figured out her quirks and she eventually started trying new foods and would tell us as soon as we picked her up that she had tried something new.
As long as she doesn't get to choose not to drink fluids/water throughout the day she will eventually eat again.
M.,
I had this same problem with my daughter when she started day care. The daycare provider tried to get her to eat, but what we decided on doing was flip the script a little bit. I started to send things like vienna sausage and fruit cups for her daily or enough to last the week(s). At the same time she still was expected to at least try the providers food in order to get one of the two. Eventually, she began eating at daycare. Now she tries other things in Elementary/Middle, when she wouldn't try it before. I hope this helps. My grandmother always says, "As long as she's eating something and not starving.
From what I understand, Twos are confronted with realizing they do not control the world and also that other people are separate from themselves. Both inspire assertiveness - they assert their will to see what happens. Sometimes, if parents let it, it devolves into power struggles. And, it's hard not to want to say, "I'm the parent, I know best, I say so, end of discussion," especially when you care about your child's diet (and other things). Our son turns two tomorrow. He used to eat lots and lots of food, and he used to eat pretty much anything we put in front of him. then a few months ago, he became rather picky and stopped trying new things, and even stopped eating things he previously loved. We're calling this his "cracker" phase. He'll still eat some fruits and veggies, and loves cheese and granola, but otherwise he'll often not touch dinner and say he's done. So what we've done is say, "Okay, but we're not done eating, so you'll have to play by yourself until we are done." And he doesn't care for that much, but we hold to it, so he knows that there's a time to eat. (Unfortunately, we have limited cabinet space, so he's able to get into the snack drawers; but they're healthy snacks [dried fruits, whole grain crackers, etc.], so if he gets most of his food from his snacks, well, at least they're healthier...) Anyway - we figure if we don't make it a big deal, he'll get through it sooner. But just like I don't want to read a book that someone else intensely wants me to read, I imagine my son doesn't want to eat anything I intensely want him to eat. So I think your ped. is right. :)
Sounds like you have a good pediatrician. I would end the struggle, too. I don't think you want eating to be something that is rewarded or punished--that can cause problems down the road. Let her know that it is a non-issue for you. I'm sure she'll be eating soon.
If she's gaining weight, she's gettting enough to eat, so I wouldn't worry about her not eating at daycare.
The last thing you want to do is start a power struggle over food - that's a great way to set the stage for an eating disorder down the road. Been there - my ex made a big deal out of trying to make my daughter eat foods she just didn't like, and after the divorce, I had a 5'8" tall, 97-lb teenage girl in therapy.
Listen to your pediatrician he is correct. Meal time is meal time and if she doesn't eat don't make a fuss. Take the food away and don't offer anything till next meal time.
We have a rule at my house, you eat what is front of you or you go hungry. My two have learned this, the hard way.
I have noticed that when my children go off their feed it is usually because they are not growing, and when they eat everything in sight, and ask for 2nds and even 3rds they are going thru a growth spurt.
Its definitely a phase and a control thing for your child - do what the ped says and don't make a big deal out of it. I know it is so annoying when they won't do what they are suppose to. I have a 4 year old that did this to us awhile back and our ped said as long as he was getting in a least one good meal a day he would be fine and that it was a control issue for him and to try to ignore it so we did and he survived and now eats just fine. We also went through this with him with potty training where he refused to do it until 3 years and 3 months but like the ped said one day he would decide to use the potty and don't make a big deal out of it and one day he decided to start using the potty and hasn't had an accident since. So sounds like you may have a very smart head strong child like I do! Good luck!
Hi M.,
I have a 2 year old son, and he doesn't always eat well at every meal. I was doing some reading on 2 year olds to see how he was doing in relation to milestones, etc, and one thing I read was that 2 year olds do not eat much because they are not growing as fast as they were before. I would assume if she is getting 2 good meals a day, she is probably fine. Especially since she is gaining and your pediatrician is fine with it. Hopefully this phase will pass soon.
M.
