Hi Moms!
I am hoping you all can help me out! I have a precious 19 month old who has never slept through the night. This is causing a huge problem in our house. It's putting a wedge between my husband and I. I dread night times as I never know what it's going to be like or how much sleep I will be missing that particular night. Here's whats going on.
My son is on a night time schedule and is in bed by 8pm. Going to bed is never a problem. He does down like a champ. I rock him for a few minutes and we sing songs. I lay him down and he's out within minutes. 1 to 2 hrs later he is up screaming. I go in and console him. Rock him back to sleep. 1/2 the time this works. The other 1/2 he wakes up when I lay him down. At this point I let him cry it out. Husband is frustrated because son is crying and won't go to sleep and interupting husbands sleep. Son cries from oh 15 mins to 1 hr. Finally goes to sleep. Then between 2 & 3 am he wakes up screaming again. I go and console him. But this usually ends up with Son crying it out as he won't go back to sleep. Husband is again frustrated with me and son. Goes up and yells at son to stop screaming which seems to make matters worse. Son will scream for 30 mins to an hr. Finally around 4am the house is quiet again. Son sleeps til 6 or 7 am. We have tried ignoring him when he wakes up and just letting him cry but he'll cry for an hour.
We've brought him to bed with us to see if that will help but I dont' want this to become a habit. And husband gets sleep, son gets sleep but I am miserable and cant' sleep. Son can be fearful of his dad at this point during the night so he clings to me. I cant' sleep when with a child laying on my chest and holding on to me for dear life. There have been nights where I just stay up all night and rock my son to keep the house quiet and no drama. But I am a working mom and I can't function without sleep. My son is a great napper. He takes 1-2 hr naps each day at day care on the weekends he takes 3 hr naps. Naps are never an issue. We've tried pushing back when he goes to be to see if this will help. It doesnt' make a difference. He'll still get up 1 to 2 hrs after he initially goes to bed reguardless of the time he went to bed. I often travel to CA with him to see my parents. Even when we travel he still keeps with his sleep pattern. I am at my whits end and just dont' know what to do about this.
So, please any suggestions would be greatly appreciate.
I feel for ya. I have only gone 5 months with no sleep, I can't imagine 18 months. WIth my 1st I used the baby whisperer method. She has tips for older children as well. You could google her for ideas. Good luck. Maybe take all suger, red dye ect out of his diet?
T.,
Sounds like you have it bad! It also sounds like you've trained your son to need your help to get back to sleep.
If I were you I would definitely check with the doctor to make sure there are no health issues. I would also check with a nutritionist or an allergist or something. If it is not a health issue, then it really sounds like a control issue. He may need to learn that he is not in charge, you are. Again, if it is not a health issue, then you need to train him to sleep on his own. This may need to involve letting him cry it out for several nights. You can ease into it or go hard core, but what he needs to learn is how to self-calm and self-comfort. He needs to become independent. There are books out there that will help you. Choose the one you with the approach you like and are comfortable with. And you might want to see if your husband could stay with friends. Conquer this quickly before your child is out of his crib in a big boy bed and can crawl out of bed and find his way to your bedroom door and scream there!
My husband insisted our children learn to sleep through the night early (by 6 months old). We went to the library, found a book, and adopted the recommended routine and it worked. Every time our babies got sick and got used to waking up in the middle of the night we had to retrain them! They got used to the attention and thought it was pretty nice to see Mom in the middle of the night.
Best of luck to you!
I have seen people recommend the book/cd series called Love and Logic on this site. I don't know if they have a section on going to bed/sleeping issues, but if they do I'm sure the advice will be helpful.
T....I understand what you are feeling...my daughter just started sleeping through the night and she is 13 months (my first daughter started sleeping at 8 months). I just wanted to say that it brought tears to my eyes when you said that your husband yells at your son. That is not needed and WONT help anything. Your son is learning each day where he stands in your family and how he fits in your family...when your husband yells at your son...it totally changes how your son is and how he acts! You as his mom needs to keep your husband from doing that...I know it can be frustrating not getting sleep, but welcome to motherhood ;) Its the best job you will ever have, but the hardest by far!
Have you talked to your dr...maybe he is having night-terrors. Or he could just be missing you from being in daycare all day. My daughter just wanted to nurse all night and once I stopped nursing she stopped getting up. Maybe your husband could go stay with family or friends for a few nights and that way you can let your son cry it out without having to worry about how your husband will react.
Best of luck!
Not sure what to say, as my 32 month old has only recently been sleeping through the night. It might be worth talking to your pediatrician, as the screaming seems a little worrisome. They do start to have their imaginations kick in, which makes things interesting in terms of sleep - they dream and of course, don't know what that is. I know your husband is upset when he's woken up, but scaring your son doesn't help anyone. Part of the problem may be he's awake, but not "really" awake - this happens with my son - he's upset, but can't really get out of it. The only thing I do is comfort him till he falls back to sleep. I've made it easier on myself with his sleeping arrangements. His mattress is on the floor, and a crib mattress is next to it. That way, I can cuddle with him till he calms and sleeps, but if I fall asleep in his room, I'm relatively comfortable. Hope that helps a little.
My one-year-old-today daughter never slept through the night until two weeks ago when I put a small space heater with a fan in her room. For two nights, she needed me to go comfort her but not nurse her (we are still breastfeeding), and by the third night, she slept through the night. The white noise of the fan and the warm room seemed to really do the trick! We didn't think it would work, but it sure does. I think all of the sounds were waking her up (the heater unit is outside her window, for example). One warning, her room gets too warm so I have to leave her door open about a foot (or you could crack the window). Don't overdress them for sleeping, either. Good luck!
He's old enough to be in a big boy bed. Buy a full sized bed and when he cries go to him and lay in the bed with him. It will be big enough for you both and then he's still in his room. If you wake up again you can slide out and leave the bedroom and go back to yours.
My daughter went through this when she was right around 2. First, I think you need to shorten his nap or eliminate it altogether. Second, I wonder if he is afraid in the night. My daughter was a fearful child and had bad dreams and would wake up in the middle of the night crying and often seemed like she was seeing things that weren't there. A lot of child suffer from night terrors and the fact that he settles down in bed with you makes me wonder about that. Children are often frustrated with us at that age because they can't articulate what is happening, but things are happening in their little minds. We eliminated some sesame street monsters, and during the day we talked about sleeping at night in her room and put a little night light in her room and hallway. It may take a while for him to grow out of that, but they do get better. Best wishes.
Bless your heart! You're probably so tired you don't know which way is up anymore. My daughter was similar to that when she was that age. Not quite as bad; but, enough to be a problem. You said that the little guy would cry for up to an hour before stopping. After that time, does he go to sleep? I understand the disruption his waking is causing everyone.
Is there a time period where you could allow him to "cry it out" for several nights, ie a weekend, holiday, etc? At 19 months, he's gotten used to using you as a self-soothing item. Now, when he wakes, that's how he gets himself back to sleep. Works for him, sucks for you! What needs to happen is for him to find another substitute for you for his self-soothing himself back to sleep. That process might take several nights of misery for all.
Basically, he needs help readjusting his sleep pattern and that's a trial for any parent. The only way you will get "to the other side" is to tough it out consistently (God, I hated that word when my kids were small) until he readjusts. You could also try introducing a "lovey" during naptime that he might bond with at night, as well.
Good luck to you all,
R. F.
You poor thing! I know this must be hard. I have been fortunate with my son now 27 mths. who has always been a great sleeper and I still feel tired.
I remember around 6-12 months him waking a time or two in the middle of the night and we would walk in quickly, give him a lovey small blanket to comfort him and walk out. You may try this and a night light and see if this helps. I do think your son is now to the point where you are the comfort to him and he will continue to rely on you every night. You may try the blanket and a nightlight and try to let him cry it out for 2-3 nights. If this doesn't work I think the suggestion of putting him in a big boy bed so you can lay beside him may be a good solution. I hope things improve soon! Hang in there.
