18 Year Old's Curfew?

I am sorry your parents have this early curfew. I wish parents would be realistic about what it is like to be able to trust the good kids.

I feel like as a Senior in High School you deserve a later friday/saturday curfew.

My reasoning is that our daughter has always been an excellent student and very responsible.

Once she reached High School in general, there are just so many activities, school sponsored, that go later than 9:30, even on school nights. They had football games go into triple over time and not be over till almost midnight. That meant the players, Cheerleaders, drill team, and band members all stayed there till it was over.

Then they won the game, s every one went to the local hang out to celebrate.

I recall as they studied for their AP exams, they were out at Starbucks studying till 1:00 and 2:00 am.. Yes, they all passed!

Also since you will be attending college in the fall, this is a good time for you to learn about being out later at night. Our daughter would tell us what time she would be home. If she was running late, she would call. , But she also knew we did not sleep well till she got home, so this was not very often,

.. Our daughter studied at college all night long many times, and not in her room or her House (dorm).. They study in groups. They take breaks and go out for coffee or snacks.. It is all part of the experience. But because our daughter knew her limits from her experiences in High School, she knew to call it quits. To get enough sleep, to budget her time.

IF you speak calmly with your parents, maybe only ask for special events, Prom, Etc.. They will be willing to give it a try.

There is a rule of thumb, "Usually nothing good happens after midnight." But when a child is a good kid, of course there are exceptions. Act mature, responsible and grateful , and they are more likely to treat you that way.

Is there something going on that could be affecting your curfew? For example, my curfew was 10 o'clock until I broke up with a guy I was seeing (who my mother thought was creepy and possessive - which he was) then it magically became midnight after that ended. So take a look at things... is there anything that might be prompting this early curfew? Past incidents? Anything???

I think that if a person reaches the age of 18 then they should be given a lot more ability to do whatever they want. I believe that if you are not mature or responsible enough to make your own decisions by now that your parents haven't completed their task to teach you to be a responsible adult.

I'd remind them that you will make mistakes and it's often better to make them while you still have the cushion of living at home and have that support than when you're out on your own for the first time.

So just talk to them. Let them know that you'll be going off to college or moving out on your own in a few months and that you need to have freedom to make choices, mistakes and all, before that time comes.

I think that a 9:30 curfew is actually very early for an adult.

I had no curfew when I was in high school, because I worked 3 nights a week at a restaurant, played 3 sports, was a very good student, and was extremely trustworthy. I went to parties, but never any wild parties--no alcohol or drugs at any of the parties I went to. I was usually at one of 4 friends' houses, with their parents home, and just doing stuff like talking, playing board games, watching movies, shooting pool, cosmic bowling, Christmas caroling in the neighborhood, etc. I sure earned my freedom.

My older brother and sister, on the other hand, despite also working and being good students and athletes, got caught at underage drinking parties, so they both ended up with 10:30 pm curfews until they moved out.

Bottom line--if you are a trustworthy 18 year old, and make responsible choices, your parents should be willing to give you some more time out. I wouldn't push it too much, though. Perhaps ask them to start with 10 pm and see how it goes, and try to work up to 11.

That does seem like an early curfew to me, but you do have your whole life ahead of you to hang out with friends and go to parties. I'm afraid that if you do live at home, you must abide by their rules. That's just the way it goes. Enjoy the 'freedom' that you have now, living with your parents and not paying rent. Because it really IS a freedom. You are right on the cusp of becoming independent. Don't worry, it WILL come. And you sound like a good daughter. Good luck in school in the Fall!

M., you sound like an extremely responsible individual.

I have to assume that you are an only child and your parents are not experienced in setting normal curfew hours. Or as previously suggested they rise early and need to have you home safe and sound in order to retire early. Are they quite elderly? And this is the reason for such an early curfew?

Honestly, I can't imagine asking my kids to be home by 9:30pm, as that when most get togethers, parties are just starting up, after everyone as worked for the day, had dinner, gotten ready, then it's time to go out at your age. So to me there is a big disconnect between your age and your curfew.

I still have 2 kids at home, ages 11 & 14, and we are out most nights until 9:30pm ourselves with extra-curricular activities. One night we are home about 10pm, so we'd be breaking your curfew without having the added benefit of socializing.

Do they provide exceptions, perhaps for night school or church activities?

I think at 18 you should be able to approach your parents and ask for a more reasonable curfew. You are legally an adult, and it would be good experience for you to discuss the limitations of your curfew with your parents and figure out their perspective on why it's so early.

I understand the the quote 'under my roof, my rules' response. But that is normally reserved for kids who are not towing the line and living up to their responsibilities at home. You seem to be doing that, and therefore you have earned the privilege of more time with your friends if and when the opportunity arises.

GL negotiating with them, unless they are completely the non-negotiator types. And my gut tells me this is the problem, because I imagine most 18 year old curfews at closer to midnight.

What are your friends' curfews?

Are you in school right now?

I started working when I was 14 at a local banquet hall. When I was 16, I started working at a local store (like Target). I maintained a high grade point average and participated in many activities both in and out of school. I hung out with friends, but we didn't really "go to parties" and my parents knew that when I was out with my friends, I was usually bowling, at a movie, shopping, wherever I told them, is where I was!

Our senior year (most of us were 18), most of my friends had a WEEKEND curfew of midnight. Some even were 10/10:30. I, on the other hand, had the "cool" (aka SMART) parents who didn't give me a curfew. However, I say they were SMART because they knew all of my friends with stricter parents had a curfew, and figured I would be home around then anyways because there would be no one else to hang out with!

If you are in school, you should only be allowed to "go out" on the weekends. Weeknights are for homework, extracurriculars, sports, etc. If you are "going out" in a sense that it sounds like, I don't know if I would grant a much later curfew either. There is more to being responsible than just helping out around the house...

If you are NOT in school, still living at home, AND they are paying you an allowance, then they can give you whatever rules they want. You don't like it, you find a job and find your own place to live. Then you can stay out as late as you like!

We have all been there - given rules by our parents that we don't like. Someday, when you are a mom, you will understand WHY those rules were in place.

Hi M.,

I have an 18 yrold son in HS. He is a great student and pretty responsible.
He has allowance like yours. I am picky about anything during the week, knowing he has all AP classes and percussion, I know he needs rest.
I trust him but I don't know if I trust his friends all the time. So I understand where your parents are coming from.

Parties? What kind of parties? There are parties where the parents are home and the kids are hanging out, playing games, or watching movies.
There are parties where kids are out and up to questionable things. There are parties where parents are home and they are supplying kids with alcohol or worse. You parents need to know your friends and their parents.
You could have them meet. That might put them at ease.
I have a pretty good idea about my son (does anybody really know them).
His curfew is at midnight. He has his own car and I trust his driving.
He will be going to school in the fall. I have an older one in college. I know that all my control is gone then except for if grades go south, then they come home.
Look for a job at a movie theater or grocery store. When they see you being responsible at night and get used to you staying out late then maybe they will relent. Either way it's only a little longer!

let your parents read this forum.....& perhaps they'll be more open to changes for you!

My older son's curfew was ???. Oh, yeah, that's right....he never followed his curfew!

My younger son (now 16) has a curfew of 10pm on school nites, unless Band runs late. Weekends....we strive for midnite.

Hope this helps! & why are you waiting for fall for school? You could very easily be taking online courses now!

Your parents just have a hard time letting go.They love you.Maybe you should just talk to them and say how you feel.

Finish your senior year out. I understand the wanting to "do what my friends are doing" while at home. It is called finding yourself and breaking away from being the "little girl" that they knew.

Continue to seek your job and do go to school to better yourself. Also learn how to protect yourself against the world in self-defense and sex and bully bosses. Partying can be fun but it has its pitfalls which can lead you in the wrong direction. Please do not rebel and go wild as it will ruin your life which you are beginning.

Growing up is hard and so is parenting the in between teen young adult. Your parents want the best for you and you want to get away and fly free. Just remember when you launch out in the world have your armor in place to protect you. Going to school will become your new full time job and not parying. You party when all of the work for the semester is completed. Anytime you could go party think about who is paying for you to go to school and who is going to be paying that the loan(s). If you think it through smartly you will be able to complete your school in five years and have the rest of your life to party.

It seems like a long time now but it is such a short amount of time in your life of 80 something years. Some of what I have said will not sink in until it actually happens or you are put into situations you do not foresee. I, too, was young and wanted to get away from the family only to find out that once you left you left. So think things through and enjoy your life and don't be inpatient become the grasshopper and learn by example and not by experience.

the other S.

Do your parents have to be up early for work?
Do they like having the house locked down by a certain time in the evening?
It's tough when you feel you want to be out on your own.
But it's only 8 or so months till college begins and then you'll have all the freedom you can stand.
When you are living on your own, you'll make your own rules.
You might feel they are over protective (or inconsiderate of your feelings) but you should enjoy the last few months of living at home.
Once you are are your own you'll have all kinds of responsibilities and you'll miss your relatively care free days when they are over.

Ask them why the curfew is 9:30 on weekends and if there are any ways the three of you can come to a compromise. For example, occasionally my stepkids could stay out later for specific events. Party at someone's house where we know the parents and it's not going to be a kegger, yes. Random "I want to be out til 1AM just because", probably not. They may still not want you out very late and you will have to abide by their rules, but remember it is temporary.

I also agree with Beenthere that if you are still in HS, it is different than being a college student. My SS was 18 in HS and still had mostly "HS rules" until he graduated, nevermind that he was 18.

And FWIW, we still ask them to come in by a certain time when they are here or to let us know where they will be all night. Not because we hate them but because we want to know they are safe and we can't sleep til we are sure they are home or somewhere we don't have to worry.

When I was 18:
I was in college. I worked. I had an apartment.
I had no curfew therefore.

You sound responsible, as you partake in the household upkeep.
Which is expected. Not a choice.
It is their house, they see you as a "child" therefore, they control when you come home and what you do.
So a part of this is, you and them... and them not seeing you as an 18 year old. Who... is going to have her own life.
But, if you live under their roof, you will be constrained by their "rules."
Unless, they are unable to adapt to your becoming an adult and don't want to see you grow up. ie: will they even feel happy for you, if you move out?? Or will they try to keep you, in their house?
Some parents have a hard time letting go...

Why don't you have a mature adult like conversation with them?

At this age, parties really vary in degree and what is done there.
Depending on your friends and what kind of people they are too.

Do you have a car? Drive? Or is it their car you drive?
If it is their car, and you get in an accident, THEY will suffer and have to pay more on their insurance and depending who's fault it was etc. It can be, very complicated. A speeding ticket, for example, also.... increases car insurance penalties/costs.
Do you know, that?

Jobs: what about starting at a fast food place, like many young people? You can't expect executive type jobs. Just get a job. Maybe at a clothing store? That way also, you get employee discounts on clothing. And a paycheck.
Do you have a resume? If not, make one.

Sounds silly but I had a curfew on the weekends I came home from college....11:00. It's all because they know you are about to leave and they are in their mind they are spending more time with you before you leave. It gets better I promise! You'll be out soon and doing your own thing anyway.

Will you be moving out for college soon? If so, just bide your time. I know seems like ETERNITY but you'll make it.

My mom wasn't to bad with rules until I was 18 and suddenly she realized I was going to leave soon. Then she tried cracking down. I had been a well behaved kid up until that point, but we argued terribly in those last few months. Basically, she was being psycho because she loved me. I know it now, as a mom myself. But it probably would have been better if I had been able to tell my 18 year old self to chill.

Get a job and move out. Personally I think a curfew is ridiculous for a grown adult, but it is their house so I guess they can make any rules they want. Could you just stay overnight with a friend so you can stay out later? That might be your best bet.