17-Month Old Biting at Daycare & Daycare Insists on Giving Back Pacifier

I would look to other causes. My DD was both the biter and the bitten around that age (different circumstances). What else are they doing to try to curb that behavior? Does he get Tylenol or other pain reliever at daycare? Does he have any teething toys to chew on? Even at 18 months, when my DD bit another kid, she got told no and was put in a high chair for a minute while they assessed the other child.

If the reason you took away the pacifier was in part due to tooth problems, I wouldn't give it back. I would be firm with them that the dentist said it needed to go and it is gone. What ELSE can they work with you on?

If they are going to kick him out for biting, then start looking for a new place. My friend's DD was asked to leave a bigger daycare for biting, and they found a smaller in-home daycare for her where she stopped. Maybe she was just overwhelmed and overstimulated? Either way she's 2.5 now and a great kid - no more biting. Maybe the daycare is not right for him anymore.

Giving the pacifier back is NOT the answer!! Sounds like they just want the easy way out. Biting in daycare this not uncommon, however it is preventable if you are staffed accordingly. When you have a biter they need to be shadowed, meaning watch them interacting. When a child takes a toy and they go to bite then they need to intervene and reiterate no biting. Sort of catch them in the act. Most times during free play it can get crazy and if there isn't enough staff to watch, things happen. Children without language do bite, its a part (although unpleasant) of development and can be stopped. One thing I do at my center is center based play, and activities, it keeps very small groups together (2 or 3 children) all doing different activities, and switching after 15 minutes. This keeps order in the room, less running around, and it is soooo much easier to observe behaviors. I would NEVER suggest giving back a pacifier to a 17 month old, and yes it does hinder their progress, with speaking as well as causing dental issues. If you took it away now, do not let them give it back. First, ask them how much staff is in the room, ask them if they do center based play, ask them how they are handling the biting as it occurs, what are the consequences?? Do they get down on his level and speak eye to eye with him and explain how this hurts his friends. If they can't answer your questions to you liking then find another center who will. Good luck!!

Having worked quite extensively with this age group, if I were the teacher, here's what I would be doing:

First, I would NOT want to bring that pacifier back into my room. Then I have to explain to other parents why their kids can't have their pacifiers. I would work very hard to honor your request.

What AV suggested is great. Teethers, certainly, and Tylenol. Why make a teething child suffer? (I had wisdom teeth trying to emerge in my early 20s and it hurt like hell, so I have lot of empathy for teething kiddos.)

I would also be making sure I had a co-teacher or floater shadowing your little one. If we were at a time when we couldn't shadow him, I'd likely have a pack-n-play brought into the room so your son would have a special place to play, esp. if my co-teacher went out of the room. We would be watching for biting (open mouth, moving quickly toward another child). I would be positioning myself so that my body stayed between his and the other children's as much as I could, so that I could see when he was needing help-- and then I'd hand him a teether or give him a piece of bagel or other harder bread to gnaw on at the table.

I don't know about the situation at your daycare, how many children per teacher, etc. but it just seems counter-intuitive to insist a parent do something that they have good reason NOT to do. I hope the teachers can come up with a different solution, even placing him in the Pack-n -Play after a bite to play alone if need be. I don't suggest this casually... this is not ideal, but it's better than silencing a child who needs to learn how to 'use his words'.

Not sure what your question is... =) , but DO NOT give it back. I agree with everything you are saying. I think you need to talk to the daycare and say just what you wrote...he may need some extra help expressing himself; especially when he is frustrated. That is their job! Biting is very normal at this age. Great job giving up the pacifier. We took our son's away at 9 months and so glad that we did. He is now 2; with little friends the same age who still have it and those parents are having a very difficult time trying to take it away. They say the longer you wait the harder it is. Giving it back would be silly; to me it sounds like the daycare wants to take the easy way out; not necessarily what's best for your son.

I would give him a teether, but not the pacifier. Try it this weekend, especially if it is cold or frozen.

I was not pleased when a boy bit our daughter in daycare, I thought my husband was going to lose it. I wanted that kid placed in another room, even though I knew it was just a phase.

This is very serious, so try to come up with a solution.

FYI, our daughter began to try to bite us, when she was frustrated. We could hear those clicking teeth and boy, we would have to keep her at arms length to tell her ", no biting!, just hugs and kisses..!"

Distraction is great, but even at home, it is difficult to watch your child every moment.

Here's my thought. I understand both sides. They want to have uninjured children in this class. They want your child to be able to stay in their care. They may have every other parent in that class saying either that child stops biting or we are leaving.

I understand the issues of biting, I have over 13 years in child care.

If he is really doing okay without the binky then you may have to sit down and really talk/listen with the teacher. She may have valid reasons for the request but until you hear her side you may not see what her point is. If his mouth is busy doing something else he won't think of biting. He'll show his frustration in some other way.

Coming to a compromise and everyone feeling like they had a say in the results is a good result. She needs you to hear her and not just say "I'm the mom and "I" say so". That is basically saying you are insignificant and your opinion has no weight or value at all. That is like a slap in the face to a professional care giver. Her observations are very valid and do have a lot of value to you.

So I would make an appointment with her, the other teachers in the class as well, perhaps the director or assistant. Just to touch base and talk about what the next step is.

If you are adamant over the pacifier then tell them that he is over the pacifier and that you are not giving it back. But be prepared for him getting kicked out and you won't be able to find child care since you will have to be honest and not lie about the reason why. I would also say that even if they don't ask about why he left the old one you have an obligation to tell them so they can be prepared to openly decide if they want to deal with this.

I would not want a biter in my center and would have turned him down unless I was hurting for money. The other kids in the classroom don't get the attention they deserve when a person is basically hovering over a child to make sure they don't bite. I think that is unfair. It does happen but then there are the times when heads collide or someone falls down and needs a snuggle or bandaid. If they look away from your child, even if they are holding hands with him he may bite someone. He is going to continue biting until his mouth is busy or tired.

They are professionals and should have tried a lot of things to combat biting. Google chewy foods and what to do with a biter. You can have information for them if they don't know about it. Copy it off and have it in hand. Be sure you read it and try it at home too.

There are obviously some things a toddler cannot have. Their food should not be larger than 1/4" or 1/2" chunks. That way it is less of a choke hazard. No raisins or marshmallows, lots of foods can gum up in a toddlers mouth and make a huge clump of goo.

Now the other side of the discussion:

If your child is not asking for the binky or even noticing it is gone then I understand the desire to not give it back. It's backsliding. If he is missing it and wants it still then I would give it back. He is not ready to give it up.

This is why. He is going through too many things right now.

Teething hurts like heck. Chewing makes it feel better, so they associate chewing, or bearing down with their teeth, to less pain.

Talking at 17 months is NOT an emergency. He will talk when he has something to say. It is cute and nice to hear your child saying things but lots of kids don't talk in complete sentences until they are 2.

And now he's getting some attention for biting.

It won't be a reward for biting, he will have it in his mouth and won't bite. So no biting will happen.

Whatever you decide will have an effect on the next outcome. Either he will bite less or he will eventually be looking for new child care and not having good results. Working with the care giver and trying to find a good compromise is good for everyone.

pacifiers dont mess up kids teeth unless they have perm. teeth so just throw that idea out the window please. 17 months is really old to be teething has he been to the dentist yet? you wont be rewarding him by giving him a paci he wont make that connection. with all that being said if hes fine with out the paci dont give it to him which it sounds like it is. the daycare doesnt sound like they know what to do with a biting child. tell them to say no put him in a high chair and give him finger foods and tell him "dont bite friends just bite food"

if you were the mother of the kids he's biting, what would you want to see happen?
pacifiers don't prevent children from progressing. the only good reason i can see for taking it from him is the dental one, and i don't think giving it back to him for a month to see him past this phase is going to be terribly detrimental.
yes, biting is natural. he's not a bad baby. but natural doesn't mean okay. if there's a relatively easy fix while he becomes more verbal (and he will) why not use it?
khairete
S.

Say "no" to the pacifier.

Insist that your care givers actually act when they see your little one bite. Honestly, it's not that hard to take a child by the hand and tell then "No! You do not bite!" And move them to time out.

I recall my little brother having a biter in his day care class, my father told him to nip the little boy back and to tell him biting hurts. They became little buddies after that. I don't recommend this since you seem to be the parents of the biter and not the biteie. For us it was a language barrier, the little boy was Israeli and spoke little to no English, he was frustrated, just like yours.

I'm not sure what you can do after the fact once he's home, curbing biting is usually best done as it happens. Especially, since his language skills and memory of the events aren't that solid just yet. Maybe play dates? See if he does it during them?

I'm probably going to get hung for this.......My son when he first starting teething would be crawling around the kitchen floor after me and trying to bite my toes. My mum told me (with the experience of 5 kids, 9 grandkids, 1 great grandkid and numerous old-school experience) - "bite him back - it stopped you lot!" Now I'm not actually advocating this because it didn't work for me. The truth was, I wasn't brave enough to do it hard enough to scare him (terrified child protection would lock me up - which of course wasn't a problem several centuries ago in my mother's time) - and also because my son is a tough little tyke and thought it was a great new game so he bit me more! When he first bit my boob when nursing - I immediately pulled it away and said NO TEETH! On realising he wouldn't get it again if he bit it again - it stopped him quite quickly.
Training my dog to soft-bite was pretty much the same - a quick scold and scary eye contact - quickly stopped them both biting.
As for the teething (they may not cut the teeth, but I found from 5-6 months onwards the gums were 'aching' and preparing to cut) - the best thing I found were those little nets with handles that you put things in for them to suck/rub against their gums or knor. I would either put plain ice - which was always his favourite and seemed to sooth more than anything or would freeze things like watermelon. They enable them to hold them without getting sticky or cold hands but really soothe the gums/teeth. Found them in most pharmacies on both sides of the pond - from Duane Reade to Boots!

No way would I give a pacifier back after you had both a doctor and a dentist tell you that it was negatively affecting your son. I would tell the daycare NO and explain this as a reason why. Kids absolutely DO go through a biting phase sadly.... This is their job to know this and to distract them from doing it.

First of all, your son could easily still be teething (not that this is what is causing the biting)... one of the responders said that he is too old for teething, which is far from the truth. My 4 year old didn't cut his first tooth until he was one... he got 4 teeth around that time, and didn't get any more until about 18 mos. He has all his teethe now, just a little later and dentist said this was normal for some kids... He was also a biter and bit several times in his daycare where he went 2 days per week when he was 2 (would also bit his sister and me when frustrated). I attribute it mostly to not being able to express himself/ lack of impulse control and just a phase that many kids go through. It always happened quickly, out of the blue when he was frustrated ie. if a child took a toy from him.... most toddlers don't bite to be mean, it is just lack of being able to control their impulses/express themselves. I talked to his daycare provider and we both agreed with the same discipline... immediate time out for biting, then apologizing and re-enforcing the proper way to use nice touches/ask for help. After a couple of months, the behavior went away. Giving your son his pacifier back is not going to stop him from the behavior, and may just be reinforcing (and the older he gets, the harder it will be to take it away). Also, if he is angry and can't express himself through biting, he may just start hitting. The actaul cause of the behavior needs to be addressed and worked through. I understand that Daycare's are responsible for the safety of all the children, but they need to work with the parent to use consistant behavior management to stop the behavior, not just put a bandaid on it. Good Luck!

No, he should not get it back. Will it make it easier for daycare, yes. Just know that there could be some rough roads ahead. I teach preschool but at one point I taught in a daycare environment. We had a little girl, that was adopted from China, that bit constantly. Not because she was mad necessarily. Long story short, the parents of the kids that were being bitten became extremely mad. Let's face it when your child is the one coming home with bite marks, you don't give a hoot about what issues the other child that is doing the biting has. The parents of the biter paid to have a one on one teacher with her. That didn't work either. She bit the teacher and would be playing nice and all of a sudden grab a kids arm and bite down. Now, I know that your son is not to that extreme , but if the daycare center is getting complaints from parents because their kids are coming home with bite marks, they are obligated to do something. In the case of the little girl, her parents were told she couldn't come back anymore. There were too many kids being bitten and too many upset parents that said we weren't doing enough to stop it from happening.

My girls were not bitters so I don't have an answer as far as what to do to make it stop. The only thing I can tell you is that he will grow out of it. Not sure how long that might take. Daycare is grasping at straws to make it stop, and probably feel if that is in his mouth he will bite down on that and not on someone else. Maybe someone will give you good information on how they were able to stop it with there kids. The focus should not be on the pacifier and dental issues. Good luck!