16 Months Old Seeks Constant Attention; Is It Normal?

Dear N.,

Well, for one thing, a 16 month old child does need to rest or nap, as the case may be. He might be clingy because his body needs more rest. No kidding ! At 16 months sometimes they get bossy and say that they don't want to take a nap, and that is normal, but they do need to lay on the bed, rest, don't have to go to sleep, but if they do, it is much better. Put him down right after lunch, then the food will help him feel sleepy. Be sure to get him up by 2:00 or 2:30 at the latest or it will ruin the rhythm of the rest of his day.

Be sure that you are spending time with him when he is eating meals. Sometimes children have to eat at a certain time and it is not the adult lunch, breakfast, or dinner just yet. Sit with him and give him your total attention just like he was a guest. He will love it and probably eat more food. You put a small amount of food on his plate, and the rest that you are hoping that he will eat on your 'plate', then you can offer him more and alternatives if he isn't into eating what you put before him.

After a meal tell him that it is play time for him, and set him up in a nest of a few toys, then say that it is work time for you. He will start to get the idea.

Then when the time is appropriate sit and play for a bit with him, and end the session with a book or a song. Then to bed or bath or whatever and your 'work time'. They just love schedules and get so that they enjoy them, keep telling him that this is your and his together time . It will help and maybe work. Who knows. But it is a try. Try is the most important word in the world, you know.

Be sure that he doesn't choose his own bed time at night also. This is where you let the baby know that you and Dad are the ones running his universe, and he has to obey. He may cry and get up from bed and stuff like that,but if you persevere, then the rest of your life will be a loooooot more pleasant. Cooperation and abiding the law is learned, and it can start at a very early age.

Had you ever thought about it that way before? I taught school in a Middle School 6,7,8th grades. I tried to tell the Principal and Counselor that the students needed to learn how to obey the rules in the school so that they can obey the rules of our society when they are older. Umhum, yes, that's right.

Sincerely, C. N.

Yup, I think this is pretty normal... except for the not taking a nap part. At this age they do not know how to play alone, and they sometimes are afraid of being alone. My best advice would be to leave him in his crib for awhile and tell him he's taking a nap. Maybe he won't sleep, maybe he will, but you'll get at least a short break (and you'll know he's safe, even if he's unhappy).

I agree with the others. If he won't sleep at naptime, then make him take a quiet time for a minimum of one hour. AT THE SAME TIME EVERY DAY...Put him in his crib and turn on some classical music and maybe some white noise, like a fan. If he freaks out, you can try giving him some books to look at for an hour in his room.

Another thing, I agree that you do need your time. Sometimes my son goes into clinging spider monkey mode, and it does drive me crazy. What works for me is to get him out and about first thing in the morning after breakfast. We go to the park or shopping or on a walk or bike ride. Anything to let him out. Your child may not dislike toys or be bored by himself. He just may have a higher than you think need for the physical. If you let him physically wear himself out, he may be more willing to nap!

Also, and many parents will shoot me for saying this, but I cannot live without certain DVD's (okay, I don't WANT to live without them)! My 2-year-old used to LOVE Baby Einstein at that age. Now he LOVES Curious Buddies and Baby Genius (check them out on eBay for good deals). He still doesn't watch TV or cartoons, but I feel these DVD's are educational. I do let him watch 2-3 over the course of the day if I really need to get some stuff done...make dinner, etc. My oldest boys are 11 and 13, and they grew up watching Barney and other shows while I studied for my college classes. They are brilliant kids with no negative side effects to this day!

Good luck!

N., His wanting constant attention: My first answer was, "Yes, it's normal." But then, I don't know, because you say he seems bored all the time. I have more questions about that: What are you doing with him? Are you letting him initiate and guide your play with him, or is he following at your heels while you do household chores and "Mom" things? If it's more of the latter, I think you have your answer to what he's asking for. He needs LOTS of hands-on, messy and sensory experiences right now. He also needs to run, climb and make a lot of noise, a good amount each day.

I'm going to tell you some things that a lot of books and second- and third-hand advisors got wrong: It is HEALTHY for your toddler to engage you in one-on-one attention; it is UNHEALTHY - and sad, really - for a toddler to concede to play by himself most of the time when you're there. What would that say, really? To me, it says, "Mommy would rather do (such-and-such) than play with me. She doesn't like me as much as I like her (I've actually HEARD this said by an exceptionally articulate 3 y.o.)" - because toddlers don't know "have-tos"; they believe your interaction (or lack thereof) with them is about THEIR lovability. Children bond through PLAY. One sure way to sever that bond early is to be too busy for them and have the "I can't get anything done with you around" worry. It's o.k.. Like I always say: Dust won't lower your quality of life. You'll never get this time back. This time is best given to your child than to meet other people's silly expectations.

The no-nap question: No, not normal. I'm wondering if he's getting enough stimulation - physically and mentally - to require a rest period. Or maybe he's not settling down enough to fall asleep, even though he could use it. Most children his age take a 2+hour nap and sleep 10-12 hours at night. I don't know anything about medical causes for not sleeping much, but I would also want to rule that out.

Take care,
J. Smithson
Loving Hands Learn 'n' Play
http://www.lhlearnandplay.com

I know a lot of moms who have faced this issue. The best idea I've heard (and the one I use with my four kids) is a block of "quiet time" during each day. You set aside time when they are required to be in their bed (or at least in their room) and quiet by themselves for about the same amount of time that a nap would last. Usually an hour. My 2 & 4 year old still fall asleep almost every day. My 6 year old sleeps many days and my 8 year old will fall asleep occaisionally. The older ones especially have books in their beds during these times. I still expect the younger two to sleep so I don't usually give them books/toys unless they really don't seem tired. If your son is still in a crib this should be easy. Just tell him it's quiet time for him and for mommy. Give him a few of his favorite things and walk out, shut the door and leave him to it. He will be perfectly safe in his crib (though I would make sure he'd still be safe if he escaped his crib). I would also say he may not like this new quiet time and decide to scream to get you to pick him up. If you don't give in he will give up, if you do you will never get the quiet time you need! Good luck!

Him not taking a nap may be making it worse. You might try just putting him in his bed for about an hour or so even if he doesn't sleep. Sometimes my son doesn't sleep either but he does need some quiet time to him self. Have you tried taking him on a playdate with some other kids? that might wear him out so he wants to take a nap! Hope things get easier! :)