16-Month Old Afraid of His Poop?

This is normal. There is a great book out there called, 'everyone poops'. You can find it at most book stores.
D.

I think it is fairly common. My son isn't that age yet, but my sisters 18 month old was starting to use the potty a little. They were so excited that they were reaching the end of diapers when she used it about 5 times to go pee. She was always very excited, and they gave high fives and some kind of victory dance. Then one day she said she needed to use the potty. My sister put her on it, and she went poop. After she was done she saw the poop in the potty and started screaming hysterically. She wouldn't go back in the bathroom, and was totally traumatized. Needless to say my sister hasn't been able to get her to use the potty again, even to go pee. She is a little concerned at how long it is going to take her to get beyond this.

Good Luck, but I wouldn't worry right away. It could be just the age.

K.:

I would not be too concerned but also follow your own instincts. Most children go thru this whether they make you aware of it or not. At this age, children believe that Poop is a real part of them and not just something that the body disposes of. They are just now really becoming aware of themselves and seeing something from them detached, in a way that they have never thought of before, scares them very much. My daughter went thru the same thing, just she saw it in the potty and freaked out. So much so that she stopped using the Potty seat and had to go back to diapers. Just make sure you reassure him and also you might try showing him yours and his Dad's. Sounds funny but it does sometimes help. This along with the new daycare is enough to get any child freaked out. Hang in there Mom.

Good luck to you.

Two things come to mind:

First, maybe he honestly never payed any attention to his poop until now and he just doesn't understand what's going on. No matter what, I would explain to him what poop is (not when he has pooped, however). You can get that book "Everybody Poops" and also show him your poop in the toilet. This will also help him transition to potty training when the time comes. Also, don't use "negative" words right now, such as: phew, stinky, dirty, messy, etc.

Second, I would be worried about what might be happening at his new daycare and I would definitely talk to the daycare person immediately (away from the kids). The few things kids can control is eating, sleeping and pooping, and they are usually the things affected when they are feeling out of control or stressed. It might be something that wouldn't even phase us (seeing another child having a poop accident for the first time, being told negative things about poop, getting in trouble for having an accident, etc.). However it could be something worse (God forbid). Either way, you need to find out what it going on and follow your gut-instincts. Something in your gut already thought it might be something with his transition to daycare or you wouldn't have mentioned it. Follow your gut and don't be worried about "not being nice."

I will say that fears start a little at that age. I remember them really ramping up around 18-22 months. Our little girl will be 3 next week and this last month has been REALLY hard for us because her imagination is in overdrive (much more than the other kids her age) and her fears got out of control (crazy panic attacks and her climbing up us trying to get away from the imaginary things after her). I'm sure a lot of it was tied into my crazy month of working 16 hour days (I'm a WAHM) and it's calmed down a lot since I finished that project. My point being, that what they seem to be afraid of is usually just a symptom of bigger things they are stressed or fearful of. Good luck, I hope he's doing better soon. :-)

I agree with others that someboddy may have said or done something at the new daycare that alarmed your son. I'd go first thing in the morning, quietly ask for a private conference wiith the caregiver or supervisor, and just calmly say you need to know what happened over the last day or two related to pooping. If there is a person who would specifically have been pottying your son, ask to talk to her/him.

Don't be blaming, because whatever happened could have been accidental or at least not intentionally harmful, and if you come across as angry or accusing, you are less likely to get the real story. Just stress your legitimate need to know what might have been the cause of the upset, so you have a better sense of how to help your son.

If you have an opportunity to connect with any of the other parents, you might ask whether they've noticed any odd behavior in their children. Again, don't assume that harm was intended, because if it wasn't, reputations can be quickly ruined.

If your son seems considerably more upset to be left there than the previous days, you might wish to not leave him, at least until you get enough information to work with.

As far as helping him feel calmer about poop, check out this link for "Everybody Poops," a charming little book that helps kids understand how natural it is.

http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/0...

Good luck, you'll be in my thoughts. I hope you'll post later "what happened."

K.- I was reading your request and thinking to myself, how odd...and then you said he was in a new daycare.
I am not usually the one that will try and freak another person out, but his reaction is so outside the norm that I think something has already happened at his daycare.
I would go to the daycare director tomorrow morning and talk with them as soon as you get there. Let them know how you are concerned and ask to be able to stay with him for the next couple of days. THat really may be impossible with your work schedule, but if you can, I would REALLY try and be there.
DO you notice him acting strange when you need to leave him in the morning?
If, for some god awful reason, someone is making him feel so horrible about having a BM (bowel movement) then he needs to be taken out of that daycare immediately. It will not help him to potty train now or in the future. On the contrary, it will make it a million times worse.
I don't know mama, warning bells just went off when I read that.
Good luck to you, L.

Hi K. -

I would be as concerned as you are about this situation with your son. Some kids have fears that come and go as they develop, but he's pretty young for that sort of fear, I think. If he's seen you empty his diaper in the toilet before and now all of a sudden is upset to even look at it, then I would say something traumatic has happened to make him feel like this. You should definitely bring it up with the day care and see if they'll come clean about it, but I have a couple of friends who worked for years in some of the top day cares and they said that some of the supervisers would conceal certain things about the kids from the parents in order to protect the wellfare of the center. :( This may not be the case with your day care, and I hope they will be honest and open when you talk with them, but my gut would tell me to pull my child out of there even if the day care workers told me everything was fine (this would probably make me even more concerned, as it's pretty obvious that something has happened). As other moms have said, your son is way too little to be able to tell you what was happening while you're gone, and unless you have a close personal relationship with one or more of the workers there, you have no way of knowing if they're being truthful with you or not or what level of character they have.

I know it's sometimes hard work to find care for your child, but don't let that inconvenience stop you from finding someone trustworthy to care for your child. His life-long happiness and well-being is worth the effort! Things that happen to him now will definitely shape him for the future, for better or worse.

It'a quite possible that the fear of poop and the new day care are connected. The tough part is finding out in what way they're connected. At 16 months he's not going to know the reason for some actions. For example my grandson was seriously constipated when he began preschool. During the first week of school she refused to take him after a particularly painful bowel movement because he was crying and screaming. She didn't know what to do and became very emotional. She called both his mother and me and angrily insisted that one of us come get him right now. By the time she was off the phone the feces had passed and my grandson was only softly crying. His mother explained the situation again. We told the preschool director (it had only one full time adult with another one added part time to deal with my grandson's issues) that he was constipated and would cry when having a bowel movement and that he was being treated by a doctor. My daughter told her that if the feces had passed and my grandson was calm tho still quietly crying that he would be fine. My daughter could not leave work. I am the designated crisis handler.

The director called me and insisted that I come get him. She said he was fine now but that she was too upset to have him there. Her voice was shaky and she was angry. Because I was across town it took me 30 minutes to get there. When I arrived all of the kids were napping including my grandson. I suggested that I would pick him up in a couple of hours; earlier if he became upset again. She refused and in anger told me that he could never return.

My grandson was calm and easy going even tho he'd been awoken from a nap. What does seem like a "bid deal" to people not used to this sort of event, it really was no big deal for him. He never withheld and he grew out of the constipation. The subsequent day care provider, who was also the only adult with the children had no difficulty with his bowel movements. Both sites were in home and had fewer than 6 children.

I wondered how the other kids had felt about what had happened. This teacher, with many years of experience became hysterical and unable to stay with my grandson or deal with anyone's emotions but her own.

Since your son is new to the center, something upsetting could have happened with another kid and since he didn't understand it believes it could happen to him. Unfortunately a staff member could have been inappropriate while changing his diaper or another child's diaper. One of the children could be a feces spreader and that situation frightened him.

I strongly recommend that you do check out what is happening with the sites director. And if you are able to spend time with your son at the center. Watching the various personalities, including the childrens, and how they behave may answer the question for you. I have always spent time with my daughter's and grandson's caretakers, getting to know them as people. My daughter is fortunate that I am retired and have the time to do that. :)

I wold definitely check into it at the center. My gut, like your is that he was punished or something bad happened when he pooped there. Especially since he has seen you empty his poop into the toilet in the past and been fine. I'd get to the bottom of this immediately!!!

I use to work in a daycare, and sometime it could be reactions of other children. I would notice if i left our son in the daycare in church if one baby cries he would start crying also. Missing your child could bring more attention to the problem then you want. But there is nothing wrong with looking into it. If it is the daycare you bringing it up might keep them on their toes knowing their faults may make them rethink their action. Stay prayful it might just the change being in daycare, rememeber he in a place with more chldren, he is seeing more than what he see at home.....not just his poop, but now see other poop and smell other too...lol...stay cool momma it will work out.

Is it possible that you are very anxious and upset about having to leave the boy. Are there new pressures because of this life change. Does he say words at this point in his life? Could poop represent to him that he must now leave to go to the child care. This may all about your anxiety AND his.

Ask the daycare provider if anything happened. It may also be part of separation anxiety manifestation. It could also be the beginning of toilet training. All are things that need to be considered and explored.

Solutions could be, next time you or your husband have a bm take your son in with you to show that it is normal. This is going to take time. He will be freaking out at first. I think there are some children's books that deal with this matter. Ask your librarian. Don't rush him and expect him to fall back and forth. Boys for some reason have difficulty in toilet training. Show him every time you clean his bm diapers. Let him scream. Don't force him to stay in the room.

I do think something happened. I don't know, but I have a feeling. It is just that it is so sudden.

your concern is a good one -- I'd be sure to at least tell the day-care what is going on- and perhaps have someone --- a friend- a relative- drop in on the day-care and just scope it out.

Blessings,
J.

Yea I would definately be looking at the Day care center. I have never seen this in any of my children, or in any children I have taken care of over the years. If hes never done this before, and hes seen you do this, then I would think there was a connection between his reaction and that day care center. I would have a talk with them to find out what they have been doing when he does poop his pants. They may not tell the truth, but watch your sons behaviour, he may be too young to tell you whats going on, but his behaviour will be indication enough. If he starts acting out then there is something going on.

K.,

If the daycare has one of those mirrors that is mirror in the room your little one is in, but you can stand in a dark room and see your son I'd utilize that. Something has begun to terrify him, and it may be his new environment, or someone in it. If there is a way for you to observe unseen I'd start there.

My other thought would be to keep his routine as normal as possible at home. He may be feeling a little discombobulated at this new daycare and only feels safe enough to totally lose his mind at home. Give him love, support and encouragement when he freaks out. Also, try not to make a big deal out of his freaking out. More often than we know our kids take their cues from the adults closest to them.

I used to work in a daycare and sometimes there are just certain teachers the kids bond to, and others that the kids won't give the time of day to. My favorite room was the infant room, which was sometimes a misnomer. It's the youngest kids, usually 3 months to 1 year AND walking steady. Sometimes we had 14 months in there or older. When I was there there were a couple of kids that didn't do strangers well at all. It got to the point where a couple of these kids would cling to me crying because we had bonded. Give him time to settle into his new daycare and see if things settle.

I'm rambling now, I should stop and go to bed. Hope I was a little help at least.

Melissa

Hi K.,

It's possible that something happened at day care to get such a strong reaction. I don't to alarm you, but it may be possible that someone inadvertantly toched him in a way that made him uncomfortable. Just as a thought, if you want to run this by a professional, feel free to call the Children's Respones Center in Bellevue. They can talk this through with you and tell you if you need to be worried about it. Here's their contact info:

Children's Response Center
1120 112th Ave NE, Suite 130
Bellevue, WA 98004
###-###-####
###-###-#### (TDD)
###-###-#### (FAX)

http://childrensresponsecenter.org/index.html

They're a great resource, and serve people in your part of the county.

Good luck.

my daughter freaks out when she sees her poop too. she has taken off her diaper and freaked when she pooped in her crib and also freaks if she poops in the tub. it happens. my daughter has been this way since before her 1st bday and the last incident she was around 18 mo. i'm sure it will pass, but if you really feel daycare could be an issue go with your gut always.