15 Year Old Girl Failing School and Doesn't Care

C.
You sound like a very caring and concerned friend to this grandparent who like many others finds herself in the middle of parenting grandchildren today. She's lucky to have you in her life to support her. So much has changed since this woman parented her own child/children; the landscape which today's teens navigate is very difficult terrain full of lots of cliffs over which many fall.

From the brief description you've given, my immedicate response is to question whether or not this 15 y.o. has become involved in drugs or alcohol. The behavior seems classic. I'd recommend talking to the girl, her therapist and doing drug testing which can be done through the teen's physcian or there are many over the counter urine drug tests. In talking with the teen, she will likely deny any drug use. This is a "normal" response from most users. Test anyway. This young woman's life may be at stake and now is the time to take action while she's a minor and the grandmother can exercise control and get the treatment she may need. The sooner treatment is begun the better.

If treatment is needed, I'd recommend a family program so that the grandmother and any involved extended family members can attend so that they understand the nature of the problem and understand their role in supporting and not enabling this young woman who may be struggling to survive. If possible a program that focuses on attachment needs and uses or is familiar with Emotionally Focused Therapy would also be good.

I hope I'm wrong about my reaction; however, if I'm not, though this may be difficult to hear and to follow through with, it may make a real difference in their lives.

W.

My nephew did this exact thing. What's really scary is that the school/state wanted to come after my brother for not 'making' my nephew attend. But really our kids get to a certain age and there's nothing we can 'make' them do: obviously we can't beat them and it's not as if that would help and if we can't talk them into seeing it's the best thing for their future then we're all screwed. It got really bad and eventually my nephew left home. He got a job and started renting a room from some people, he turns 18 in November and is getting his diploma through night school. When I talked to him a couple weeks ago he said "school just wasn't his thing" but he understands now that he needs his diploma to ever be able to make anything of himself.

I have no real advice for your friend but I do know the situation can't be forced. Maybe she can tell her granddaughter if she doesn't go to school, she needs to go on independent studies and get a job...nobody get a free ride in life.

Tell her I would gladly meet her and buy her coffee and tell her my story of how I was the exact same but my parents were usually not there and if they were they really weren't in reality.

I was 15 did the EXACT same stuff. But I was to busy working at the place my "friends" hung out at. I dropped out age 17. I had repeated 9th grade 3 times. It wasn't because I was not smart, I was in AP honor roll classes my first part of 9th grade went to school for about a month then got into bad "friends" its probably the main reason I stopped showing up to busy hanging out. I also got into a lot of bad stuff I wouldn't have if I had someone who cared where I was when I was supposed to be at school. I also had an IQ test done they said I should just take a GED and go straight to college I was so smart. But I still have yet to take the test instead I worked for a few yrs got pregnant and was a single mom for over a yr & 1/2. (counting pregnancy) I also got an extra job when I found out I was pregnant. And worked 7 days a week. I wanted my daughter to have a good life. Also the saying it only takes once to get pregnant is so true even on a low hormone pill I got pregnant. I later met my now fiancee who has been the first person to truly love me and care about me. So my sad story got a happy ending. I also plan after kids are in school to get my GED and go to college to become a vet technician.

But she needs to drop her "friends" before they ruin her life as mine did tell I got smart at age 18 and learned quick whom my real friends were, one almost got me arrested by trying to blame me for their drugs. You may not think shes on the way to that but let me tell you she is. Most teens have their first drink by age 12 now, have sex by age 11! And try their first drug by I think 13. And their "friends" are usually why they do all of these things, parents (even good ones) usually don't even know until its too late. I would say take to her school and see if they have any programs I doubt it due to the way they fund money for schools now which is why kids keep getting worse over the yrs and the age gets younger and younger for when kids TRY things they shouldn't. I makes me worry for my girls and people wonder why we plan on moving to suburbs of NY next yr. She could also try and get a volunteer work some where, alot of places will gladly have her help they will need a paper from the school and she will need a C average to do so but it may help esp if its some where like oak ranch I think its called on sycamore for the homeless its run by vista city I think its a nice safe place for her to learn why she shouldn't keep on her road shes on. Also speak with the therapist she may be able to swing it where its court mandated so she will have to do it. Just for a week or something to try and show her why. Also tell grandma saint vinnies(downtown) has thanksgiving day and will need help it will help the girl to see the negative part of life and what can happen if you listen to your friends and don't graduate HS.

I hope this helps and tell the grandma I will gladly meet them both I live in san marcos and I am free after 7 pm usually. I just hope she doesn't have to wait 3 more yrs to learn her lesson.

I just learned about a counterculture of kids these days called EMO kids. Do a google about this topic. Of my limited research it seems that these kids are DEPRESSED and it is cool to be so. See if she fits the characteristics of EMO kids. She may need counseling!

To begin, it seems that there may be some issue that are under lying that may or may not have been addressed. The most famous issue for teenagers loosing interest in school is the inability to learn. Up until the point before she started failing, was she having any difficulties in her subjects? I would imagine she was. It was the responsibility of the teachers to notify the guardian of the changes and impending drop in her grades. She should have been tested to see if there was a problem. Most of the time kids will not say they "don't understand" and would rather take a poor grade. They don't want to look bad in front of their friends. Now, she is so deep in the whole she can't see a way out. She wants to do well, but because she is so far behind she feels hopeless and has chosen to do nothing about it. When they stop caring, we have to go the extra mile and make some tough choices. In my state it is against the law to not go to school. If you have a similar law, get the school involved. Make them do their part. Next, she needs a counselor. Your city should have clinics that have counselors who charge little or no money depending on income. Do some research with the help of the school guidance counselor and get all the help she needs. Bottom line, at this point you may also be dealing with a depressed child and that can only have detrimental effects in the long run. Please, feel free to contact me, as I have many ideas on how to get the ball rolling. It is not too late! My email address is: ____@____.com. I will do what I can.
~Crystal