15-Month-old SCREAMS Before Nap and Bed

I resisted and resisted "crying it out" until my daughter hit the point where she was crying in my arms rather than fall asleep. (This happened at more like 9 months for me, I think.) I agree with the poster down below. Pick the time you would like nap to start... hopefully a little earlier than when she seems really tired. Use the same time every day. Then put her in the crib, close the door, and go do a chore somewhere else in the house. I found my daughter screamed less if she couldn't see me... maybe it will work for you, too. If nothing else, it means you're not there suffering with her.

My daughter doesn't always scream now, but sometimes she will for 5 minutes or less. It seems like that's just what she needs to do in order to get herself to quiet down sometimes.

Put her down for her nap BEFORE she's showing signs of being really tired. That means she's overly tired and will fight you even more. Make it fun to go down for a nap - sing her a song, or read her a book. Let her take her favorite toy to bed. Make it a bit dark in there, and maybe even lay down with her for a few minutes with the rule that she's got to lay still - no talking or playing. I know you want to hold her and love her when she's tired, but it really will be better for both of you to have her nap before she's to that really tired stage. Good luck.

R.

You may want to try reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It helped us a lot with sleep, and it has chapters for each age group, so you can skip right to the part that you need. It also has lots of background information on sleep and development if you are interested, but don't feel like you have to read it cover to cover to get a lot of good information. His basic idea is that if you wait until they are too tired, then the sleep battle gets worse. He even suggests that once they rub their eyes, they are already getting into the over-tired stage. Maybe try catching your daughter a little bit earlier and see if she fights as much. Hope that this helps!

K.

ouch! i totally feel for you. i had probs with the nighttime sleeing until i solidified a pattern for my toddler. sounds like your little girl has a consistant bed time, wake-up time & nap time. she might be the kind of kid who needs a consistant reliable schedule... i quickly found out that's how my son responds the best! some kiddies however, seem a little more flexable & differ from day to day based on their activity level.

i have to agree that getting away from the car for sleep is a great idea... i speak from experience on that one, too.

maybe, if she has a special activity she favors, or a fruit or dessert... you might suggest to her that's the after nap reward. or maybe if she has a snuggle toy or pacifier, you allow it only at nap or night time for sleeping.

maybe she's afraid of missing out on something. does your 3 yr old still nap or is his playing while she's fighting to stay up? maybe she's afraid of something else. seems like a long time for her to scream & scream like that. the idea of just putting her down with a kiss & hug then walking out of the room might be best... if you have the energy to keep putting her back in there. of course, if she keeps getting up it will soon wear her out too. :)

best of luck. hope any of this helps!

I couldn't stand the screaming and the fighting either and I also was terrible at putting them in their crib and walking out and letting them scream so I took a different approach...maybe not the best, but it did work at the time! I told my child that it was Mommy's quiet time and I was tired. They could stay with me, but they had to bring their blanket and pillow out in the family room and lay down and they were not allowed to talk to me or get up since it was my naptime and I needed my rest. I would turn on the most absolutely boring tv show I could find and read a book. I would totally ignore them, they would be asleep in 15 minutes and then I could get up and finish my work. It really wasn't important to me where they took a nap, just that they took it! For nights, I told them they could stay up as late as they wanted but they had to get up with me in the morning : ). They only lasted a couple of days until 10 pm and got up at 5:00 am (I also woke them up early from their naps) before they were telling me they wanted to go to bed at 8:00 pm : ). It eliminated all the fighting because it was totally their decision on when to go to bed and totally my decision on when they had to get up. Hang in there, you can outlast them : )

If she is overly tired it will backfire on you, don't wait until you see signs of being tired. That will esculate the emotions big time. Put her to bed, walk out of the room, don't hold her or coddle her, just kiss/hug and walk away. Let her scream, it will pass and she will figure it out when she lays down it is time to sleep. Don't dread naptime as she will feel your stress, just keep it routine, don't wait for her to be too tired and do it at the same time. Hang in there!! :) If she knows you will hold her she will make it worse!!

My 15 month old would scream for hours when put down for bed/nap. I read in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, that you need to put them down BEFORE they show all their sleepy signs. So figure out what point of the day they get really sleepy, and put them to bed just before that.(I know that it sounds crazy, but it works!) My son still screams but only for 5-10 mintues. But he screams in his bed. I stopped holding him. Now he screams for a bit, then lays down and goes to sleep. Let me know if you have more questions. We've been through a lot with sleeping!

A lot of kids go through this cycle, often they seem to be afraid of missing something. There is so much going on in the world! Have you tried, before they get too worn out, very excitedly building up nap time? It's great, snuggle up read some books, then we lay down and close our eyes and rest. Try laying down with them, you could use a rest too. While laying down, talk about dreaming and all the wonderful things you want to see in your nap dream. Ask them to close their eyes and rest and share your dream. Encourage them to use their "resting" breathing, close their eyes while you weave a story in a quiet voice of all the wonderful things to be seen in your dream. My kids always loved storytellers and we had a collection of cds of traditional Native American story tellers, the cadence of the story tellers voice is very soothing and even if they don't actually sleep they are having some down time and hearing a teaching story.

I would refer to it as "quiet time" instead of "nap time". I would also do it at the exact same time each day. Try reading her stories or singing to her and if she doesn't fall asleep after about 30 minutes, then she has at least had some down time. I had this problem with my son and 9 times out of 10 he would fall asleep after the third book (about 10 minutes) and sometimes I would even fall asleep with him! I know that's not the best idea with an older child though, but he was my first and I could! Maybe you could have your 3 year old come listen too, of course that might be a distraction for your daughter. Anyway, I hope you get something out of my advice! I always like to hear as many ideas as possible and then try the ones that seem like they would work for me. Good luck!

Hi,
I can relate to your frustration. What I did was tell my child that they no longer had to take a nap. They would fall asleep in any number of places. On the floor, in the toy box and in a chair on the couch. I let them sleep where ever they were. It's worked out well because now they can sleep anywhere and when we go somewhere they have no problem sleeping in strange places. Biggest plus was the no screaming and yet they always fell asleep and got their rest.
when I mellowed out they did too.

Hello, I have two little one's as well...I have a little girl who is 3 and another little girl that is 14 months...With regards to naptime are you putting you daugher to bed (naptime) at the same time every day??? The best trick that I have found with both my girls is a routine. For my youngest, she get up between 7:30 to 8:00 every morining and she takes her nap every day between 12:00 and 12:30, she also sleeps a solid 4 to 4 1/2 hours at naptime. She knows it is coming and she expects to go asleep everyday at the same time. Really consisticy is the key. Also try to creat an inviting atmosphere in her crib/bed for her helps as well...Dont know if this helps or not...hope you do not have too many more tears at bedtime!

She sounds overtired to me. When we stay up too late (too late of a naptime or bedtime for kids) our bodies build up adrenalin, which makes it more difficult to fall asleep. Our bodies begin to fight sleep. Eye rubbing, yawning, and the other signs that you are waiting for are actually a sign of overtiredness, as well. There is a period of tiredness to look for where your child just kind of slows down and seems more relaxed, that's the time for nap or bed. It may be hard to see that, so, you may just try moving naptime and/or bedtime fifteen minutes earlier until it seems a better time. It will take time to overcome the overtiredness, as well. You may try a much earlier bedtime for a week or so just to get your little one better rested. If you're interested in my favorite book on sleep, it is called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth.

Hang in there she is really throwing you for a loop! Remember if you are consistent she will eventually out grow this 'habit.'

Maybe consider having "special" nap/sleep toys and books she can play with only at nap time/bed time. (take them away after she is sound asleep).

Oh and you might try putting your son "down for a nap" with your daughter in tow....That way she doesn't think she is the only one being sent to bed.

Good luck,
R.

I agree about her being overtired. Once kids show signs, they are really tired and will fight you. Try putting your daughter down earlier and that should help.

M.,

I went through the same thing. Actually, my little 22 month old still does the screaming routine. It got to the point only I could put him down which did not allow me to leave the house or leave him with grandma. (And we moms need breaks). My husband finally intervened and although at the time I resented him, it was the best thing for all of us. He made me leave the house at nap time one long weekend. He let our then 9 month old cry it out in his crib. The fist day it took an hour, the next 30 mins and down to 20. At night my husband held my hand or hugged me or took me on a walk around our property. I know a lot of moms on here are against the CIO routine. On a personal note, I was in counseling for an unrelated issue and shared my heart ache during the crying sessions. My counselor said my husband did the best thing. My rocking and consoling was only creating a co-dependant relationship.

The following weeks, I took a shower at nap time. The screaming only lasted 10 or so minutes and he actually started sleeping longer than 45 mins. Up until then he would sleep 45 minutes, wake, I would rock, and maybe get another 45 mins. Today, he still screams once or twice a week for about 10 minutes. After some reading, I learned it is just how he unwinds. I have also learned the cries are different for dirty diapers and illness coming on. So, I know how hard it is, I would cry while he cried that first week. Now, when he stays with grandma, he goes down with no fuss and sleeps through the night. We can take him anywhere and he goes right to sleep. Also, one of my biggest allies in the sleep battle is strict schedule. (which is not in my nature.) When his scheduled is varied the screaming starts, which is okay he needs to learn flexibility, but I try to build in that flexibility in a controlled environment.

Anyway, I have prattled on enough. I hope everything works our for you. I know how exhausting it all can be.

Blessings,
M.