14 Month Old Still Sleeping in Mom and Dads Room in Pack-n-play?

IF you both are ready (and if not, it's OK!!!!), I would slowly, slowly move the pack-and-play out of the room. Maybe start by moving it a foot farther and farther away or something. Then, maybe outside the door, then to baby's room, but you could sleep in there too for a few nights. If you aren't ready, don't do it! You will know when it's right. My 17 month old is still in my room, and I love it!

You definately need to try to get her to sleep in her own bed more than one night! Now thats it's been so long it might take awhile. The greatest thing I ever bought was a video monitor so I'd always know what what going on and could not only hear breathing- I could see it and it really calmed me down.

Why do you want to detach? There is more and more evidence that mom (or parent figure) sleeping close to a child (esp under 5) creates more emotional health in the child. It builds trust (dependency on the adult) which is a critical step to becoming a n independent and interdependent adult LATER in life. Much later.
I just think...If you can't be dependent when you are a baby...gee when are you allowed to be dependent? After you have an emotional, psychological or physical breakdown? I am an anthro major...We have a cultural OBSESSION with independence...forcing tiny babies to be out there on their own as fast as possible. Awake and asleep.
Other cultures "spoil" their little ones with lots of contact and support while young...yet they do leave the nest, and they do learn to walk with out walkers (despite being carried a lot), and they do learn to go to sleep by themselves when adults (after sleeping by mommy or other family members during childhood).
Please do not fall into the trap of an idea that you are hurting your child or yourself or your relationship by being attached.
I am also going to draw attention to the safety issue of electronics near your baby...such as monitors of any kind. Other members have advised using these...I am not so sure putting something that can produce signals and a field near your child (or yourself for that matter) is such a safe idea. EMF pollution is growing...lots of it we can not avoid, but some we can, esp in our own homes.

Hi M.,

I had a similar problem with that as well. What I did was first put my child in her crib for naps only just to get used to her crib and because it is such a short time. I also would put her in there some while she was awake and let her play a little bit.

Next, I moved the pack N play into her bedroom and let her sleep in that for awhile. I had to get up several times the first few days of the transition to asure her I was close by. I also would play in her bedroom during the day with her so that she would be comfortable in her room.

Finally, after she started sleeping pretty well in her own room, which took a few weeks to a month for me, I changed her over into her crib and she went really easily.

I hope this helps. It is really hard to detach. You have started the first step by moving the pack n play away from the bed. We had to move our child because my husband works crazy hours and would wake her up when he would leave or come home from work at night. We all sleep a little better.

M., I had the same separation issue with my daughter and what we did was put the actual pack-n-play in her room and she slept in there. We actually found that she didn't like sleeping in her crib. It's worth a try! But yes, I would definitely hook up the monitor as well. We finally turned it off about four months ago. She'll be three in August and now we have another one that just turned one. He is SOOOOO much easier it is not even funny!

A.

I can't even remember when we moved our daughters pack-n-play into her bedroom, but it was pretty early one. We didn't get a crib for her until she a little over one (sort of her birthday gift) and she was part of putting it all together and choosing which stuffed animal got to sleep with her (she's had a duck from when she was just a few months old that is usually her pillow). She was excited to sleep in it.

I have always enforced the rule that bedtime is quiet time - she did not have to go to sleep, and I would rock her as long as she wanted, but we would not play and we would not leave the bedroom. There were nights I went in there every night around 1am and gave her a short rock - mostly now she just wants a quick check (and sometimes I am pretty sure it's me that wants the check and that if I waited long enough she would be quiet again) - and these occassions now are very rare!

She is 2 1/2 now, and we have a particular bedtime routine to help her get ready - mentally and physically - for bed - from brushing teeth to a good night kiss to Daddy.. she now runs to her bed, climbs in, and tells me which blanket to cover her with, I give her a quick kiss, she gets to choose if she wants music or not and off I go. Pretty much with no sound out of her until the morning - when I wake up to her smiling face next to the bed telling me, "Sun up Mommy, GET UP!" I do really dislike 6:30 am....ugh!

--I noticed comments about family sleeping together, I didn't want to do this as I am almost always up much later then everybody in our family; and I am known to injury others sleeping with me - I am the ultimate bed hog. Instead I made sure my daughter knew her room was her special place with a few toys, books, and her bed.

Are you asking because you're ready or are you asking because you feel some invisible cultural pressure to put your child in another room? If having her in a crib will truly bring you more peaceful sleep, then, by all means, continue to work toward that. However, if you're not really ready and have no personal reason to move her to a crib, then why would you?

Do you know that the Western culture is the only one that sleeps so bizarrely detached from others and in silence? We segregate and sleep in blocks and stay away from other people and any noise. The rest of the world does not do this. They sleep communally or with other family members in a pack, and they even sleep in the afternoon if they feel like it with the windows open to hear the life of the market streets just outside their window or stay up at night talking or working if that is what they want to do at the time. Sleep is a matter of cultural preference, and we just happen to do it for eight hours at night. That actually makes us quite different, but not necessarily right.

I am just suggesting that neither way is right or wrong, just a matter of culture, habit, and decision. You might really be feeling you need to move her because of the culture we live in and not what is natural for your family. Or, it just may be that you are ready to have some private rest again, and that's fine, too.

My point is just that you examine why you feel you need to move her, and, if it is for any reason other than to bring you both more peaceful rest, I say wait until you are truly ready for the move. Now, I want to also add that, if you are ready for the change, your child will not be, and, in that case, you need to decide this as the parent and be firm and consistent in your decision until your daughter complies.

I've kind of offered both sides of the equation to you, but I hope this helps anyway. Best wishes to you.

I was doing the exact same thing. He'd wake up in the middle of the night and end up in our bed. As a result, no one got a good night of sleep. I finally started to put him in his crib in his room. He's wake up screaming and we would let him cry it out. He would typically put himself back to sleep. We have a monitor so I would end up watching him the entire time but I would not go in his room unless I thought something was wrong. He ended up sleeping through the night for up to 12 hours after about 3 days. He started waking up again in the middle of the night when he got too big for the crib. At two we moved him into his own bed and sleeps through the night. It's tough but you have to think that your little one not only has to learn how to put herself back to sleep, but will also get a better night of rest by doing so...good luck. You'll get there!

Don't! Why would you want to 'detach' from your child?? Of course that is coming from someone who finds the attachment style of parenting very natural and normal. Really though, if you think she feels like she needs to be near you, she probably does, and what better way to establish a healthy and strong relationship than by respecting her needs rather than conforming to an American idea that babies should sleep in nurseries?

Maybe you could gradually sensitize her to sleeping in her room. You could start with the naps, but before her naps, take her into her bedroom for some quiet playtime. The more comforable they are in their bedroom, the less likey they will wake up scared. For our 15 month old daughter, her bedtime routine is key! We take her up to her room, change her diaper and put pjs on, read stories while we rock and she drinks her last bottle of milk. THen we brush her teeth and she is ready for bed. She rolls right over and falls asleep. When she was younger we had a "10 minute rule," if she woke up crying we would wait 10 minutes to see if she would fall back asleep. Sometimes we would wait longer if her cry was a sleepy cry, not a scared cry. Eventually she will get the hang of it, but the longer you wait the harder it will be.

You can start by spending time in her room. Put her in her crib around nap time, and you do stuff in her room so she gets comfy in there with you there. Make the times longer and longer until she is very comfortable. Play peek a boo from the door, but, make your hiding times a little longer and longer...You want to reasure that you are there, and will not be far away, but get them used to their own room. OR
You can try putting the crib in your room tempararily, get her used to the crib, and then move her out. You might have to re enforce in her when you finally move her that you will be back in a few minutes to check on her, and really do go back and check. If she is awake, tell her you will be back in a few minutes again, and check on her in a few min again. It reasures them that you will be back and have not left them. Then they can go to sleep and know that they are not abandoned at night. I was in the same boat, but my daughter was 2 1/2. We ended up going and buying BIG girl sheets, special pillow, and wall plaque, and "decorating" her "new" room and bed. She fell for it. SHe loved her big girl room. But, she was a wee bit older. I found with my son and her that the reasurance of my return is all they needed. So, I yoyo'd up and down the couch for the 1st week, and after that, I'd still tell them "I'll check on you in a few minutes" and by then they were comfortable enough and would be asleep by the time I came back to check. Oh, with my daughter, I did have to relinquish my pillow....She wanted the smell of me near her so I guess to her, the pillow represented me. Silly kids! good luck

Hi M.~

It is totally up to you, but it sounds like you think it would be best for you and your dear child to sleep in your own rooms, as most of us do at some point (obviously judging from the responses that "some point" has quite a range). When my son was 6 months old and his Pediatrician gave me the go-ahead - and let me know that nutritionally and otherwise he was ok to learn to sleep through the night I used the Feber Method. It is also known as the cry it out method (which sounds horrible) but I think it helps a baby learn to soothe his or herself and helps you maintain a parent roll in a sense.

I too have the monitor with a camera, though my son finds the camera and throws it these days! LOL

Anyway, if you want to research the Ferber Method, it is what another mother posted about increasing the time before you go back and soothe your baby without picking him/her up etc. until one night SURPRISE they sleep through the night! Here is a link to a pretty comprehensive website, there are also books but I think you probably get the jest of it.

http://www.wikiparenting.com/wiki/Ferber_Method_of_Sleep_...

Good luck!

T.

Hey M.,

Wow, so many different responses. I, for one, do not understand the currency vested in getting your child to sleep through the night at a certain age,or getting your child to sleep in his or her own room right off the bat, or any of the truly parent-centered strategies for "training" your child to respond to your needs when he or she is so small. Cliches are so, well, cliche before you have children, but they hold up when they are personalized. One that is definitely true is that your children grow up before you know it, and their precious infant and toddler years are gone before you blink. You have your whole life to catch up on sleep. Holding your baby, ROCKING THEM TO SLEEP, and HAVING THEM SLEEP WITH YOU creates an intimacy and a security between parent and child. It is a privilege, a luxury. I don't think you need to detach, rather,I think you need to embrace your desire to have your child near you and cherish it for the gift it truly is. Children do not need to be taught to sleep away from you-they will naturally gravitate away from you as time passes. Neither do they need to be taught to soothe themselves right out of the womb. Why should they be vested in a responsibility that so truly is a parent's? Both of my children co-slept. They are independent, happy, secure children because they know that their father and I are here to respond to their needs. My daughter went to her own bed when she was about 2, on her own. My son will go when he is ready. I have never allowed them to cry it out-why should they have to do that? What lesson am I teaching them, that I don't care to respond to their needs, and they are legitimate needs, when a certain hour of the day arrives? Follow your gut, girl. The answer lies inside you, trust that.

Cheers,

A.

It's good for you to realize what your issues are as well as what is best for them and your husband. Some kids need to be taught how to put themselves back to sleep. Our daughter did not like to sleep and miss out on anything. We would put her to sleep, literally laying her down and telling her to go to sleep in a quiet, gentle voice. Then she would scream and bang her head on the crib. We would go in after 5 min. and repeat the process - physically lying her down and very sweetly, telling her to go to sleep and that you will be in the next room or bedroom or wherever. Then wait 10 min. It is hard, but stick with it! She needs to learn that you have not abandoned her but you will not hold her, get her a drink, sing to her, or do anything that will encourage her to keep calling for you. Then wait 15 min. and do the same, monotonous, quiet drill, making sure she doesn't sense any anger or frustration. Just a sweet reminder that she needs to go to sleep. Keep adding 5 min. each time. Our daughter only needed a couple nights and she got the message. It is hard. Sometimes my husband had to hold me back from going in. Other times I had to hold him back, but it was so worth it. Good luck.

get her used to her room first. let her spend time in there looking at all the different things. put light music on in the background. if she's still using a swing set it up in there too. The more time she's in there the better. Afterall she got used to you, your room, etc. it's a learned

From where I'm standing (& sleeping) it doesn't sound as though you have separation issues. My first daughter slept with us until she was four, my second daughter slept with us until she was two and a half; they both transferred to their own beds when we were all ready with no tears, trauma, or loss. It was great. We kept our king size bed for nightmares or illness or the occasional family cuddle and it happens rarely enough that when we all still wake up in the same bed, it's fun and sweet, not an invasion of privacy. Worry less, enjoy more.

HI M., i can't help with this either, but hope other new moms or soon to be moms may read this. i have an 8.5 and 5.5 year old and both have slept in their cribs and beds from birth! they were never in my room at all. my 8 yo went thru a stage where she would come in and sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed and i just let her, she outgrew that after a few months. my son at age 5 started doing the same thing a few months ago and now just recently, has been sleeping all night in his bed. my advice to all new moms is DO NOT ROCK YOUR CHILD TO SLEEP and DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP WITH YOU!! both of my kids have slept 12 hours thru the night since birth! yahoo for me! but i think that advice i got when i was pregnant really helped! they need to learn right from the beginning to put themselves to sleep. i hope you get some good advice and good luck to you!

It doesn't sound to me like either one of you is ready to sleep separately and there is nothing wrong with that. If everyone is sleeping well together, you are not hurting anything by continuing. Once you do feel ready for some separation at bedtime, I agree you can try to sleep in her room with her. We never moved to a crib, though. We moved straight to her room on a mattress or futon on the floor so I could sleep/nurse there with her. Good luck. I say cherish this time together and don't rush it. It will end soon enough.

Try sleeping in her room with her for about the first week or so until she is comfortable sleeping in her crib and in her own room. Then start only staying with her in her room until she falls asleep. Then stay with her but leave the room before she is asleep. Then move out of her room completely and assure her that you are just outside her door (she may get up the first few nights to make sure you are really there). Slowly shorten the time you stay with her until she is comfortable by herself. This is what I have done with my youngest son and it has worked for us. Now I can lay him down in his own room and tell him good night with no problems :).

Its not easy! My husband begged me to move our baby into his room and I refused. It took the baby's doctor explaining to me that he is too close and its too easy for me to "comfort" him at night and thats why he wasnt sleep through. I hated her for saying that but knew it was the best thing for the baby. I moved him to his room, cried myself to sleep for a couple of days, and the baby started sleeping through the night.

I still refuse to let my husband go get him in the morning. I HAVE to be the one to see the first morning smile!

I wish I could help you on this one, as my four year old and three year old still sleep on a mattress in our room:) They still crawl in bed with us at some point during the night. Good luck!

For starters, don't do anything that you aren't comfortable with just because you feel some sort of societal "pressure" to do so. If you like having your little one so close, than that's all that matters. If, however, this is something that you truly want (for yourself and, quite possibly, your sex-life) than go for it!

The hardest part for your daughter will be the unfamiliarity of her new room, so do what you can to mitigate that by getting her used to one thing at a time. Assuming you have a full crib in her room that you're planning on putting her in, here's my suggestion. Put away the pack n' play and bring the full crib into your bedroom. I know this means disassembling it all and then putting it back together, but trust me, it's worth it. Start putting her in that to sleep at night. It might be a little strange for her but, as long as she still has the familiarity of YOUR bedroom, she'll be fine. If you haven't already, add a favorite blankie (same one every time) and maybe a stuffed animal...familiar sources of comfort. I even recommend adding a soft crib bumper as well. Basically anything that she can get used to looking at every night.

Once she grows accustomed to that (in a couple of weeks or whatever) than move the crib back to her room and make the transition. She might have a hard time falling asleep initially, but if she wakes up briefly at night and sees that same bumper/blankie/stuffed toy, she won't even realize she's not in your room. By the next night, there probably won't even be a problem.

This is what worked for me, anyway. Good luck!

____