My 12 year old son sometimes hides things of ours when he is in trouble with us. He has been doing this offand on for years. Worry that this will escalate to bigger things.
Start hiding his stuff. Play the game back see how he likes it.
Looks like he is seeking attention.
What do you mean by being "in trouble" with you? What kinds of things does he hide?
Your question needs some more info.
He's been doing it for years? What have you done so far to address it? What has worked a little, what has not worked at all? I'm asking about your style of discipline and consequences, and what you have already done to talk to a counselor or child psychologist.
But yes, if you let something go on for years, it's a big red flag. He's looking for something - whether it's attention or a chance to penalize you, I don't know. You need to get to the bottom of it. Call his pediatrician today and ask for a referral to a qualified counselor who is experienced with adolescents and who takes your medical insurance.
What are you waiting for?
It would be worth talking to a child psychologist about this.
So basically, he retaliates out of spite. That is not a good trait. And it's been going on for years so it's pretty ingrained. This most likely means that as an adult when he's in an argument with someone/his spouse, he will retaliate out of spite. Definitely find a good therapist and start seeing him/her. Your son AND you parents both see the therapist separately.
this is not a healthy reaction. i have no clue whether it means your child has a mental illness, or is reacting in an unhealthy fashion because your reactions to him make him feel unsafe.
your worry, at least, is appropriate.
since this has been going on for years, you don't know how to address it and you should not be seeking advice for something this big from strangers on the internet. you need a professional to help you parent this troubled young fellow better, and he doubtless needs a safe space to express his own worries.
khairete
S.
ETA:
So his reaction when he's in trouble, is to hide things of yours? He's acting out and being defiant.
We have one who felt the rules did not apply to him, and was somewhat difficult. He went to counseling, as did we (separately) so I could learn how to better parent and he could talk. It was really helpful at this age.
Ours was more 'naughty' than our others, but this was more around age 8 and we were told it had to do with maturity. He did eventually outgrow it.
If yours is doing it at 12, then counseling for sure.
Is this the same kid whom you asked whether you should invite a friend of his to accompany the family on a vacation/cruise? If so, it now makes sense why you are concerned about him. Yes, it seems that something is definitely going wrong. You and your spouse need to get him into counseling, as well as yourselves, to identify the family dynamics and how to fix them.
Can you give more information? What does "in trouble" mean? What sorts of things does he do to get "in trouble?" How have you responded in the past?
He sounds angry, but in a sneaky sort of way, the question is "why?" Can he express negative feelings openly? I would strongly suggest family counseling so that you all can address together these issues.
I kind of get the feeling from your vacation posts that there are larger issues that are not being addressed. When he tells you he doesn't want to bring a friend on vacation, and you still think he should, is that because you are worried he will be bored based on other times he has been bored? Does he have difficulties making new friends? Is it because you have things you want to do without him and are worried he will always want to be with you? A cruise seems like a fun opportunity for you to have fun together and apart, but the constant presence of a friend would certainly change the "family vacation" dynamic. Do you enjoy spending time together?
