12 Y/o Begging to Be in General Ed Classroom Now Refusing to Do Work

ETA - It might not be about him wanting to "go back," but it could easily be about him wanting to be "normal" and not feel so different from the other kids his age.

Are you sure you are not ignoring this possibility? Most kids his age just want to fit in. Why would your son be any different?

Also, just because you don't email his teachers regularly doesn't mean you can't email them now. It's great that you asked about bullying, but tell them what he's saying and what's going on. You're not even giving them a chance to help.

Original Answer:
My 8 year old is a bit like that. He actually goes to a different school, but it's a structured classroom. He tells us that he wants to go back to his old school, but I told him that that's not going to happen right now. He asks me when, and I try to tell him that it's something that will happen if my husband and I and his teachers agree that it's the right decision.

Our son did a similar thing - said he wasn't going to do any work. He thought if he was bad enough he could get kicked out and sent back to his old school. His teacher told him that kids can't get kicked out of that school, which he did not like hearing at all! But he gave up and got back to work.

I think my son just wants to be "normal." He sees other kids at church, Sunday school, Cub Scouts. They all go to the same school, and he just wants to fit in. He doesn't quite fit it, but we're working on it.

Talk to your son's teachers. He can't possibly be the first kid they've had who said he wanted to go back. See what they have to say about it.

Your son might not want to tell you why he wants to move. It's possible he doesn't really know. But it's very likely that he just wants to feel like he fits in, and not going to the same classes as the other kids his age makes him feel different.

I don't have a child with ASD but we had a child who didn't like school/his class at that age.

It was a phase. There was some peer pressure and our son saw a counsellor for a few sessions. We went too. He had lost interest in school.

We worked with a couple of teachers - and changed things up at the school too. It helped.

I would reach out to the school if you can. It doesn't have to be bullying.

It's hard for kids to put their feelings into words. My child found it easier to talk to the counsellor. She knew what to ask.

Gidget has good suggestions. Boundaries were important to our son - knowing he had to stick it out, and knowing it wasn't going to be a problem forever. He just needed to be understood.

We encouraged his outside activities and friendships outside of school too - so he had a break from school stuff.

He got through it - it's a tough age. The counsellor said it's a big adjustment/maturity jump for kids.

It's probably because he's embarrassed. Other kids at school all know he's in the special ed classroom. He's judged. He knows it.

Talk to his teachers. Schedule a conference. Tell them what is happening. Schedule your son to meet with the school counselor and with an outside therapist. He needs to learn that if he doesn't do his schoolwork he will most likely have to repeat the grade. Then he will be a year behind all his friends.

This is not the school's decision. By law your child is entitled to the least restrictive environment. I don't know your son's functional level, but if he is high functioning he should at least be mainstreamed part time. I mean think about it, he is in a classroom with kids who "aren't as smart" and realized it. You basically told him he shouldn't feel bad about being segregated into a classroom for his group and not allowed with the other kids.

Set up an IEP meeting and start talking about mainstreaming. Make sure your son is present and his voice is heard. Let him know his opinion is valued and taken seriously. It's not just the school's decision. He should be deciding what supports work for him and which don't.

Is it possible that the school could create a plan to introduce a little mainstreaming for him? Not full on, but some kind of graduated steps or plan? If he wants this so badly, maybe he would be motivated to reach certain goals. I obviously don't know your son and what level of assistance he needs, but it seems obvious that he just wants to have more of a typical school experience. I can't blame him for wanting that. I hear what you said about the school making the decisions, but I do think that it's important to give kids a voice in their education, especially as they get older. At least keep an open mind and ask to start a conversation about it with his school team to see what kind of options are possible. I think the most important thing is he needs to know his feelings are important, and that he is being heard and taken seriously.

What Gidget & 2kidmama said. He's a tween. He may just want to be "like every other kid". I have a 10 year old ASD kiddo. He is in general ed, and it can be challenging, but it's working.

One thing our school DOES do is have self-contained classes that mix partially so the kids are part of the student body - for lunch, assemblies, specials like music, art, etc., and parties (like valentines, Easter egg hunt, etc.). If your school doesn't do this, perhaps bring that up. IM me and I can dig into how our school makes it happen.

It's worth talking to the counselor, etc. Perhaps a mix might be good for him. But he does need to know that NOT doing his work isn't going to get him what he wants.

If he's a logical thinker, ask him how his not working shows that he's in any way ready for a general ed classroom? That's not proper behavior for school in ANY class.

What do his teachers say? I assume you speak with them somewhat regularly, at least by email. You should really be talking to them about what's going on with your son. No one here knows what is happening in his classroom so it's pretty much impossible to give advice.

That age is difficult. Even if kids don't come straight out and bully him directly most kids in special ed are teased to some extent. And they know they are looked at different. I speak from first hand experience. I was in some special ed classes for reading when I first moved to TX in 7th grade. People might ask who I had for reading and I would tell them. Then I would get an OHHHHHH and they would make funny faces. Not always come out and say anything else and it was not a great feeling. And I was just in there for one class. Eventually I was able to move out. I know where my kids went to school here they try to put the special ed kids in some mainstream classes now and they might have to have a para with them. But it helps them. Talk to the teacher and the councilor. See what they think. The worst the can say is no and you are no worse off than you are now and then your son can see you tried.

I have a lot of years in developmental disabilities. Here's what I think you're saying.

Your son is done with special ed. He wants to be in the normal classes with his peers.

Why not let him do it? What harm will happen to him? Is he developmentally far behind the others? Is he on the same academic level as the normal classes?

call a meeting with the teacher, the iep co-ordinater, principal social worker, and anyone else involved in your child's education. bring him to this meeting and talk about this. get the school people to explain things the child to explain things, and find a solution that works for all involved

Please listen to him with compassion, It's not about him going back. It's about him joining in. He is about to be a teenager and he has never been a part of it all. I am a teacher - kids who are not in gen ed are isolated. He wants to be with all of the other kids. You didn't mention where he is on the spectrum - not sure of functionality to give further advice. Your district may or may not be meeting his needs - some districts just shove ASD kids in a room because they don't want to take the time to learn the right approach for each student. Some districts are awesome and do their best to have all kids in gen ed, sometimes with an aid, to ensure inclusion. It sounds like you need to investigate further into the program at your child's school.