11 Yr. Old Wanted to Play Guitar, but After 1 Month Wants to Quite.

It isn't unusual for kids to want to quit something they don't feel they are good at right away. They have no patience and are unable to understand that with practice you can do great things. When my kids wanted to do something we would let them with one rule... you have to finish out the season or year. This worked for everything from sports to scouts and as far as the piano lessons and swimming lessons, they had to do it for a couple years to learn to read the music and see if they have a talent for it. My oldest was one who couldn't get a song down and he was ready to quit over it. It was horrible with having to fight him to practice and such. He was about 8 or so. I suggested breaking it up and learning part of it then when he has that down to work on the next part. Soon, he had the song memorized and every place we went that had a piano, he would play that song. Once they were in band in school and had different instraments to learn and practice, I let them drop the piano lessons.

After you put money into a guitar I would insist he put in at least two years of lessons. Chances are he will pick it and want to stay with it.

S.,

When our children want to try something like that, we agree ahead of time what the expectations are and how long they are committed for. I never expect them to keep with something forever, just a reasonable amount of time - one season for a sport, one school year for an instrument. When my daughter started violin this year, we talked about the expense of the lessons and the instrument and agreed she had to stick with it for the school year before making any decisions whether to quit or continue. She knows not to come to me and ask to quit sooner because I would expect her to reimburse me for the cost of the violin and she doesn't want to work to earn that much money.

In kindergarten, she wanted to take piano. A few months into it, she decided she didn't like to practice. I made her finish her commitment until spring like we had originally agreed and she was free to quit after that and never bothered her about it again.

11 years old is old enough to be expected to stick with something for more than a month. If it was me, I would tell my son I should have set the expectations ahead of time but didn't realize. Then I would sit down with him and talk about how anything worth doing takes time and practice and doesn't come easy - that's just life and it's always going to be that way. We would agree to a realistic commitment time (maybe just another month or two since no expectations were set ahead of time) and when the commitment is over, he could decide if he wanted to continue at that point. The important thing is from here on out, when he comes to you wanting to try something, he needs to be aware of the cost to you and the length of commitment he is making before he starts.

Good luck,
S.

S.,

Our daughter was the same way! Got her all the stuff for playing soccer, she tried out and quit the first day! Than her friend joined track and we got all the uniforms for that, she lasted one day, wasn't for her.

She finally found something that keeps her interest!
It was photography of all things and she actually starts college this coming Feb!

Your son will find his...if you bought a guitar already...perhaps your daughter might pick it up!

There's a reason for everything! Be patient! It's wonderful that he's "trying" different things!

He's young! ;-} Hang in there!

J.

Explain to him that not everything he is going to be good at is going to come easy. Make a deal with him that he sticks with it for say 6 months in exchange for something *big*, maybe something he wouldn't normally get. God gave everyone talents, and it's our duty to figure them out. It's not always easy to find them, but it's our duty to try them. Maybe after 6 months, he's still struggling with a regular acoustic. Maybe let him try a bass. Maybe his gift is playing some instrument, just not necessarily the guitar. Good luck!

I know the feeling. I have delt with these types of things myself with my 8 year old son. For him it was a matter of finding something he really enjoyed and then holding him accountable no matter what. It's a process to learn that's for sure. I got alot of great techniques and helpful hints from a program called Grooming the Next Generation for Success by Dani Johnson. You can get it off her website at www.danijohnson.com. AWESOME stuff. I can't praise it enough. It really helps to understand each of your children's personalities and how to encourage and equip them in a way that's tailored to them. I have seen such an improvement in my kids' attitudes and performance after applying these methods its unreal.

GOOD LUCK!!

Hi S.! I am a piano teacher and I have seen this a few times. Kids start lessons and are disappointed when they don't sound amazing in the first week.
I am a firm believer in not forcing a child to do something that makes them miserable. BUT in this case, I think you should have your son continue. It's good discipline to practice and go to lessons and to try your best at something.

You invested in a guitar and lessons and he needs to give it more time. Good for you for wanting him to be motivated and see things through even though they don't come easily! He will be thankful for that one day! :)

Good luck!

I think part of it is the age, he is trying to figure out who he is and that will change every minute. Unless he has a really good reason for quitting, I would say he has to stick it out. If he signs up for a sport, he has to finish the season...if he still doesn't like it by the end, then he won't have to sign up again next season. If he really wants to quit guitar and if you pay him an alowance...I would tell him that after he pays you back for the guitar and the lessons, then he can quit. Until then, he has to keep going.

Try reading the book "Boys Adrift" by Leonard Sax. He has some good insights into keeping boys motivated, and also addresses some very real concerns about the "failure to launch" syndrome. I'm not saying your son is in trouble - but this is good reading for anyone with sons.

How have you responded in the past? Have you let him quit other things?

My sons have wanted to quit things every once in a while since they were four and my response has been very firm, and very calm, that we are going to see this through. So they know that once we're signed up, we're going to follow through. If you have been backing down all along, you're going to have a tough time changing the pattern now.

I think you need to have a family meeting and come up with a plan that you can all agree with. Good luck.

Make him stick with the lessons. Guitars and lessons are expensive! Tell him that maybe he's not as good as he thought he'd be, but you want him to continue so he at least learns the basics and be good enough to pick up where he left off if he ever wants to continue when he's older.